1521 – Battle of Mactan: Explorer Ferdinand Magellan is killed by natives in the Philippines led by chief Lapu-Lapu. Magellan STILL gets credit for circumnavigating the world.

1749 – First performance of Handel’s Music for the Royal Fireworks in Green Park, London. Handel and fireworks? There’s only one thing better, this side of heaven.

1810 – Beethoven composes his famous piano piece, Für Elise. Who “Elise” was is uncertain, but we forever associate her with a delightful bit of music.

1813 – War of 1812: United States troops capture the capital of Ontario, York (present day Toronto, Canada). We gave it back. Shoulda kept it and let the Brits have New Orleans.

1865 – The steamboat Sultana, carrying 2,400 passengers, explodes and sinks in the Mississippi River, killing 1,700, most of whom were Union survivors of the Andersonville and Cahaba Prisons. More lives lost than the Titanic, but a boatload of millionaires is oh so much more photogenic than a boatload of smelly old soldiers.

1945 – World War II: Benito Mussolini is arrested by Italian partisans in Dongo, while attempting escape disguised as a German soldier.

1965 – RC Duncan patents “Pampers” disposable diaper. If you’ve never popped the lid on a container of yesterday’s dirty cloth diapers, you may never realize how big a step forward this product is…

1981 – Xerox PARC introduces the computer mouse. As one of my computer nut buddies tried to tell me back in the mid-1980’s, “That “mouse” thing and those little 3.5 disks are what makes the Macintosh a toy. REAL computers use DOS.” Today knowledge of a command line interface makes you either an ubergeek or a dinosaur (or both).

1987 – The U.S. Department of Justice bars Austrian President Kurt Waldheim from entering the United States, saying he had aided in the deportation and execution of thousands of Jews and others as a German Army officer during World War II. Now the entire Arab bloc of the UN actively supports the immolation of every Jew in Israel and that’s perfectly fine.

1994 – South African general election: The first democratic general election in South Africa, in which black citizens could vote. The Interim Constitution comes into force. This will make South Africa’s slide into the toilet like Zimbabwe all the more acceptable.

2018 – The Panmunjom Declaration is signed between North and South Korea, officially declaring their intentions to end the Korean conflict. And exactly how much do we trust a piece of paper signed by a whackadoodle commie dictator? Hmmm?!?