U.S war on Iran

The U.S. war with Iran is seen by many as a serious mistake. Many people around the world believed this from the very beginning, and now there are signs that even the U.S. is becoming aware of the consequences.

Some people feel that electing Donald Trump as President was a mistake. Today, there is significant global criticism of his leadership, especially regarding the Iran conflict.There is also a widespread public perception among some groups that he shows traits associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, although such claims are debated and require professional evaluation.

Now, you can asses Mr.Trump based on diagnostic criteria for Narcisstic personality disorder.SCID-5-PD Questions:

1. Grandiosity.

Do you often feel that you are more important or special than others?.Do others recognize your abilities as much as you think they should?.

2. Need for Admiration.

Do you often seek praise or recognition from others?.How do you feel when people don’t appreciate you?.

3. Fantasies of Success or Power.

Do you frequently imagine being highly successful, powerful, or admired?.How often do these thoughts occupy your mind?.

4. Sense of Uniqueness.

Do you feel that you are different from or superior to most people?.Do you believe only certain “high-status” people can truly understand you?.

5. Entitlement.

Do you expect special treatment from others?.How do you react if things don’t go your way?.

6. Interpersonal Exploitation.

Have you ever used others to achieve your goals?.Do you feel comfortable asking for favors without returning them?.

7. Lack of Empathy

Do you find it difficult to understand other people’s feelings?.How do you respond when someone shares emotional pain with you?.

8. EnvyDo you often feel envious of others?.

Do you think others are jealous of you?.

9. Arrogant Behaviors.

Do people describe you as arrogant or proud?.How do you usually behave in social or group settings?.

Survival

“I Don’t Mind What Happens”: Krishnamurti on Livelihood and Psychological Freedom

In a public talk delivered in 1977 in , made a striking statement:

“I have no problem because I don’t demand anything from anybody or from life.”

The audience had raised a deeply practical concern:
How can one live without anxiety about earning a livelihood? After all, most people must work, earn money, support families, and secure their future. If one abandons ambition and the psychological drive for security, wouldn’t survival itself be threatened?.

Krishnamurti’s response was unexpected. He did not offer financial advice, nor did he dismiss the need for food, clothing, and shelter. Instead, he questioned the psychological structure behind the fear of livelihood.

The Real Question Behind the Question:

The concern about earning a living often carries a hidden layer:

  • What if I fail?.
  • What if I lose status?.
  • What if I am insecure?.
  • What if I become “nobody”?.

Krishnamurti suggested that what we call a “livelihood problem” is frequently not about physical survival but about psychological demand — the demand for certainty, recognition, continuity, and identity.

When he said, “I don’t mind what happens,” he was not advocating passivity. He was pointing to a state of mind free from inward insistence on outcomes. Success or failure, wealth or poverty — these did not define his sense of self.

Practical Necessity vs. Psychological Demand.

Krishnamurti made a clear distinction:

Practical necessity:
Human beings need food, clothing, shelter, and work. These are facts of life.

Psychological demand:
We attach identity and security to these necessities. We equate money with worth, success with meaning, and stability with inner safety.

For most people, livelihood becomes heavy not because work is inherently unbearable, but because self-image is tied to it.

According to Krishnamurti, when there is no inward demand — no insistence that life must conform to our expectations — fear loses much of its grip.

Why His Position Appears Radical

His statement can sound unrealistic. After all, he himself was supported by friends and foundations and did not live as an isolated ascetic. Yet his point was not about external arrangements. It was about the internal posture of the mind.

He claimed he had no problem about livelihood because he did not psychologically cling to security. If food was provided, fine. If not, he would adapt. The absence of resistance was the key.

This challenges a deeply ingrained assumption: that anxiety is necessary for responsibility. We often believe that without fear of failure, we would become careless or inactive.

Krishnamurti questioned this entirely. He suggested that intelligence — not fear — can guide practical action.

Livelihood as an Existential Issue.

For many, earning money is not merely functional; it becomes existential. It determines self-worth and belonging. That is why losing a job can feel like losing oneself.

Krishnamurti’s inquiry cuts at the root of this identification. If one’s identity is not built on achievement, then work remains important — but it no longer defines the core of one’s being.

In that sense, the problem of livelihood is transformed from an existential crisis into a practical matter requiring clarity and action.

Is This Possible?

Whether one agrees with him or not, the challenge remains powerful:

  • Can we work without being psychologically owned by work?
  • Can we plan without fear dominating the mind?
  • Can we act responsibly without inward demand for security?.

Krishnamurti did not provide a method. He invited observation — to see directly how fear, ambition, and comparison operate within us.

The question he leaves us with is subtle yet profound:

Is our anxiety about survival truly about survival — or about the image we have built of ourselves?

In examining that, the issue of livelihood may reveal itself in an entirely new light.

Germany.part2

During my time here in Germany , I have come to see Germans as people with quietly beautiful souls. They are open and honest, yet often carry a certain seriousness. At first, they may seem reserved when meeting someone new, but with a little time and conversation, that reserve gently softens into warmth.

As a foreigner, I have felt welcomed. People have been receptive, friendly, and ready to help whenever I needed support. This has given me a deep appreciation for them — especially in the small village where I am staying. The kindness here feels genuine and unforced.

One of my favorite moments each day is hearing the greeting “Moin” as people pass by. It simply means “hello” or “good day,” but to me it feels like a small gift of connection. I sometimes walk just to receive that friendly word from strangers.

Another thing that impressed me is their driving culture. Most drivers carefully obey traffic rules and show great respect for pedestrians. In village areas, cars slow down not only for people, but even for animals crossing the road — or for someone walking with a dog. There is patience in these small actions.

I’ve also noticed their strong sense of responsibility toward their surroundings. Many residents take care of the canal in front of their homes, cut the grass along the roadside, and keep their spaces clean. Streets and waterways are treated with respect. Cleanliness here is not just a rule — it feels like a shared value.

Something else that stands out is that people tend to mind their own business. There is only little gossip. Instead of interfering in others’ lives, they focus on their own paths. I find that both respectful and refreshing.

Many of the Germans I met are deeply interested in world politics. They follow the news closely and speak proudly of their country. When the topic of Trump came up, most expressed critical opinions, often with thoughtful reasoning behind their views.

One day at the supermarket, I discovered something that fascinated me: a large community notice board. It was filled with small stories of daily life — missing cats with photos and phone numbers, so that customers could help reunite them with their owners.

There was also a notice from a woman named Sarah offering companionship to elderly people — visiting them, walking with them, sharing meals, or helping with groceries. I found this deeply compassionate.

Another announcement in the notice board invited people to join a small music group in the evenings. They had an organ, and anyone could come at 7 p.m. to sing together — free of charge. There were also vacation programs for children over nine years old, offering activities and picnics without parents, safely organized and supervised.

Others advertised practical services — roof repairs and various forms of help. It felt like a simple but powerful network of community support.

In the supermarket, I also noticed a small area offering free fruit for children — blueberries, bananas, and more. The idea was to encourage healthy choices instead of fast food. Such a thoughtful and creative gesture speaks volumes about care for the next generation.

A German once proudly shared some of their traditions with me. There is a saying that means, “What takes a long time will turn out well in the end.” It reflects patience and trust in the process.

Another custom is knocking three times on wood when expressing hope — like saying, “Hopefully I will stay healthy,” and then tapping wood as a small ritual for good luck.

In East Frisia, there is also a beautiful tea culture. Tea is served in small cups with a tiny spoon. First, a piece of rock sugar called Kluntje is placed in the cup. When hot tea is poured over it, you hear a gentle cracking sound. Then a little cream — not milk — is added, creating soft cloud-like patterns. The tea is not stirred. With the final sip, you taste the sweetness waiting at the bottom.

Each cup is refilled up to three times, but only after everyone has finished. And when you are done, you place your teaspoon inside the cup — a quiet sign that you do not wish for more.

These small rituals, greetings, and gestures have shown me a side of Germany that feels thoughtful, structured, and deeply human. Through everyday moments, I have come to admire not just the country — but the character of its people.

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to perceive, understand, and resonate with the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another person, and to respond with appropriate emotional concern, without losing one’s own identity or emotional boundaries.

It involves both:

Cognitive understanding of another person’s mental state

Emotional responsiveness to another person’s feelings.

Key Components of Empathy

  1. Cognitive Empathy

Understanding what another person is thinking or feeling

Recognizing emotional states accurately

Example: Understanding that a person feels hopeless due to trauma or depression

  1. Affective (Emotional) Empathy

Emotionally sharing or resonating with another person’s feelings

Example: Feeling sadness when hearing about a person’s loss or grief

  1. Self–Other Differentiation

Maintaining awareness that the emotions belong to the other person

Prevents emotional over-involvement or confusion

Important for remaining helpful, therapeutic, and objective toward the person in distress.

Empathy vs Related Concepts

Empathy: Understanding and emotionally resonating with another person’s feelings

Sympathy: Feeling concern or pity without fully understanding the emotional state

Compassion: Empathy combined with a motivation to help

Identification: Blurring self–other boundaries

Projection: Attributing one’s own feelings to others.

Empathy in the Modern World

In today’s world, empathy seems to be diminishing. People are becoming over-sensitized to the traumas and suffering of others, yet their ability to respond emotionally is weakening. Both children and adults spend more time interacting in virtual environments, where real emotions are experienced in an artificial or muted way. Real-life interactions in natural spaces are declining.

Another factor is selective bias: we feel deep empathy for individual cases but much less for large-scale suffering. For example:

Many people were deeply affected by the story of Alex Pretti, a U.S. citizen killed by federal immigration agents in Minneapolis in January 2026.

Yet, comparatively, fewer people feel the same intensity of sorrow upon learning that UNICEF reported over 17,000 children killed in Gaza during the ongoing Israel-Palestine war.

Is this a double standard?

The Core Weakness of Human Empathy

This illustrates a key limitation: humans respond strongly to individual, vivid, emotional stories, but much less to large, abstract suffering, even when the scale of harm is far greater. Our compassion is emotion-driven, not number-driven.

In simple terms:One person’s pain feels real; a million people’s pain feels like a statistic.

Many modern evils persist because people do not emotionally feel harm when it is distant, abstract, or impersonal.And Our political beliefs, ideologies, and affiliations—such as nationalism,religion or race—can shape and sometimes bias the way we experience empathy.

Dr. Nelson Kattikat
IMindTheMind

To join us. Contact me.+919495045230(WhatsApp only)

Desired life

Why Many People Struggle to Live the Life They Truly Want?

Many people find it difficult to live the life they truly desire for several interconnected reasons.

  1. Lack of Clarity About Their Ideal Life

First, people often do not have a clear vision of what their ideal or desired life actually looks like. If we cannot clearly define our goals, values, or the kind of life we want, it becomes difficult to make decisions that align with them. Clarity is essential for meaningful progress.

This lack of clarity is often shaped by social conditioning—moral expectations, cultural norms, family influence, education, and authority figures. Over time, these external pressures can blur our authentic desires.

  1. Fear of Leaving the Comfort Zone

Even when people know what they want, they often remain within their comfort zone. Change can feel risky, and many fear failure, uncertainty, judgment, or making the wrong choice. These fears lead to hesitation, self-doubt, overthinking, and procrastination.

Fear does not arise suddenly; it develops from past experiences. From childhood onward, we seek approval from parents, teachers, and other influential figures. The mind learns to avoid rejection, pain, or risk by forming protective psychological patterns. While these patterns are intended to keep us safe, they can also limit growth and block personal fulfillment.

  1. The Power of Psychological Patterns

Once established, patterns become difficult to break. Humans develop cognitive patterns (how we think), emotional patterns (how we feel and react), and behavioral patterns (how we act). These patterns are unique to each individual and shaped by personal experiences, beliefs, identity, culture, religion, and values. Many of them operate unconsciously.

In addition to personal patterns, there are also universal human mental patterns that influence how we think, feel, dream, and behave.

People often repeat the same life patterns without realizing it, such as:

Repeating unhealthy relationship dynamics

Engaging in self-sabotaging behavior

Reacting emotionally in similar ways across different situations.

These patterns usually stem from unconscious fears, emotional wounds, and unmet needs. Because they operate below the level of awareness, people may interpret them as fate, coincidence, or destiny rather than recognizing them as psychological scripts guiding their choices.

  1. Living in Defensive Mode

Much of human behavior operates in a defensive mode. Our minds use various defense mechanisms to protect us from emotional discomfort—often without our awareness.

For example:

Some people use humour to diffuse tension during crises. This is considered a healthy and mature defense mechanism.

Others may respond with physical symptoms (such as fainting or dizziness), unconsciously shifting attention away from the emotional issue. This response can be less adaptive and burdensome to others.

Some people deny or avoid difficult realities altogether.

Often, we become victims of our own unconscious defense mechanisms, which prevents honest self-reflection and personal growth.

  1. Self-Awareness and the Johari Window

Our ability to understand ourselves and others—including our communication patterns and emotional awareness—depends on our position within the four quadrants of the Johari Window, a model that explains self-awareness.

The Four Quadrants of the Johari Window

  1. Open Area (Arena)
    Known to you and known to others
    Examples: your name, profession, voice.
  2. Blind Area (Blind Spot)
    Unknown to you but known to others
    Examples: interrupting habits, appearing rude unintentionally, nervous body language.
  3. Hidden Area (Façade)
    Known to you but hidden from others
    Examples: private fears, personal struggles, secrets.
  4. Unknown Area
    Unknown to you and unknown to others
    Examples: hidden talents, deep fears, unexplored potential.

If a person primarily operates within the Blind or Unknown areas, it becomes difficult to create a realistic life plan or make conscious, aligned decisions.

We are slaves of our own belief system, our own unconscious patterns, defense mechanisms, our own conditioning…dogma, fears, habits… We are in our own mental prisons…And mental prisons can be more powerful than physical ones — because they travel with us everywhere.

Conclusion

Many people feel stuck not because they lack ability or intelligence, but because of cognitive conditioning, unconscious patterns, fear, defense mechanisms, and limited self-awareness. Without understanding these inner forces, it becomes difficult to design and live a meaningful, authentic life.

Greater self-awareness, emotional insight, and conscious reflection are essential to breaking unhealthy patterns and moving toward the life one truly wants.

With gratitude to Imke Tenhaeff.

Paraphilia

Poor Humans!

Frotteurism is a type of paraphilia or sexual deviation in which a person seeks sexual arousal or pleasure by rubbing against someone without their consent.

This behavior typically occurs in crowded public places such as buses, trains, elevators, and other densely populated settings.

It is a criminal offense. In many countries and legal systems, it is considered a punishable violation.

In countries where sex is considered as sin and suppressed,where even dating is probhibited, sexual perversion appears to be more prevalent, along with a significant number of sexually frustrated individuals.

Here is the situation being discussed:

A man rubs against a woman on a crowded bus. The woman interprets this as a violation of her personal rights. It is possible that she may have experienced similar violations before. In response, she records his behavior on camera and posts it on social media. The man becomes publicly shamed. Overwhelmed by guilt and social humiliation, he dies by suicide.

Following his death, sympathy for the man leads even some women to speak against the victim. Many men do the same. At the same time, some women strongly defend the victim, arguing that arresting her is equivalent to giving free rein to perverts. They also accuse all men who oppose the victim of being perverts or secretly harboring perversion — which is an example of overgeneralization.

If sexual perverts represent one extreme of sexual frustration, certain feminists stand at the opposite extreme. Some in this group reject sex entirely and believe that sex inherently weakens women. There are women in society who accuse men of stalking simply for looking at them or waving, and others who believe their virginity is lost even from accidental touch in a crowded bus. These individuals can be seen as victims of sexual suppression — a mindset that can be described as moral absolutism. In psychological defense mechanisms, this may be understood as reaction formation, where unconscious impulses are expressed through their opposite.

When evaluating the incident described above, the victim’s actions — knowingly or unknowingly — amount to character assassination. It is like killing someone with a sword for a minor offense.

Another issue is that a person’s photo or video should not be taken without consent. The victim seems to have overlooked this.

I watched the video related to the incident. There was perversion. The victim’s claim is true. At the same time, she could have reported the matter to the police instead.She posted the video to social media. She may have believed that public exposure was the only way to obtain justice.

However, when the accused asks, “Even if I made a mistake, did I deserve to be destroyed completely in front of public?” or “Was my mistake unforgivable?” — there is truth on his side as well.

We are standing between two truths. Which truth should we choose? Perhaps we should align ourselves with the truth that is closer to compassion and justice — the truth that deserves more empathy.

Poor humans.

On this occasion, it is also useful to understand another cognitive error.

Selective bias refers to a tendency where a person notices and accepts only the information, data, or experiences that support their existing beliefs or viewpoints, while unconsciously ignoring information that contradicts them.

Example: After a public controversy, many people focus only on facts that support their emotional reaction. Legal, ethical, or contextual details that make the issue more complex are often ignored.Most people were supporting the deceased one. Later police arrested the lady in the event.

Disclaimer: Nothing here is presented as fact. This is just an opinion. Just imagination. There is no intention to hurt anyone. 🙏

Neuronal Plasticity

Neuroplasticity: Power, Promise, and Potential Pitfalls

Neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to change and adapt through experience — has transformed modern neuroscience. It explains how we learn new skills, recover from injury, and reshape thoughts and behaviors over time. Many articles on neuronal plasticity highlight its role in lifelong learning, mental health, and cognitive growth. While these perspectives are motivating and scientifically grounded, they often present an overly optimistic and one-sided view, overlooking the limitations, risks, and ethical concerns associated with brain plasticity.

Strengths of the Positive Perspective

Many articles on neuronal plasticity successfully explain how the brain changes at a cellular level, including synaptic strengthening, pruning, and neural adaptation. They often link neuroscience to real-world applications such as education, rehabilitation after brain injury, psychotherapy, exercise, and sleep. This practical framing makes complex science more accessible and encourages individuals to adopt a growth mindset and engage in behaviors that support brain health.

The hopeful tone common in these writings can be empowering, particularly for people facing aging, neurological challenges, or recovery from trauma, reinforcing the idea that meaningful change remains possible throughout life.

Where Common Narratives Fall Short

Despite their value, many articles on neuronal plasticity lack scientific nuance and critical balance. They often fail to emphasize that neuroplasticity is not always beneficial. While brain adaptability can support healing and learning, it can also reinforce harmful habits, strengthen addictions, deepen trauma responses, and entrench negative thought patterns.

By underrepresenting biological constraints, genetic influences, and individual differences, these narratives risk creating unrealistic expectations. Brain change is possible, but it is neither unlimited nor effortless — and recovery from injury or psychological distress is not always complete, especially as plasticity tends to decline with age.

The Potential Risks of Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity is fundamentally a neutral mechanism — it strengthens whatever patterns are repeatedly activated, whether constructive or harmful.

It can reinforce addictive behaviors, including substance use, gambling, or compulsive social media consumption. Repeated exposure to rewarding stimuli strengthens neural reward circuits, making habits more persistent and potentially reducing attention span.

It can also amplify trauma, fear, and anxiety, as seen in conditions such as PTSD and chronic stress. The brain may become hypersensitive to perceived threats even when danger is no longer present.

Similarly, negative cognitive patterns can become neurologically entrenched. Persistent self-criticism and rumination may strengthen neural pathways linked to depression, low self-worth, and emotional dysregulation.

Neuroplasticity can also increase vulnerability to external influence. Repeated exposure to advertising, propaganda, misinformation, and digital overexposure can gradually reshape beliefs, biases, and behaviors, raising ethical concerns about psychological manipulation in modern media environments.

Additionally, plasticity can contribute to maladaptive outcomes such as obsessive behaviors, chronic pain sensitization, cognitive overload, and overtraining injuries. In these cases, more neural change does not necessarily lead to healthier or more functional outcomes.

A Balanced Perspective

Neuroplasticity is a powerful biological capacity — but it is not inherently positive or negative. It is a mechanism that shapes the brain for better or worse, depending on environment, habits, trauma, and social context.

A more responsible and scientifically grounded discussion of neuroplasticity should balance optimism with realism by acknowledging risks, limitations, maladaptive plasticity, and ethical implications. Understanding both the promise and the potential dangers of neuroplasticity allows individuals, educators, clinicians, and policymakers to approach brain change not as a simplistic “brain-hacking” solution, but as a complex and powerful process requiring care, awareness, and responsibility.

courtesy: Debbi

IMTM (I Mind The Mind)

Emotional Development

Emotional development is recognized by the United Nations’ 4th Sustainable Development Goal as essential for improving human life.
The World Health Organization includes it in early childhood development goals, aiming to allow every child to reach their potential.

Evidence links healthy emotional development to:

Academic success

Prosocial behavior.

Ability to build friendships

Locally, the UK government incorporates emotional development into the early years national curriculum and research priorities, highlighting its importance in education.

British early years curricula emphasize three areas:

Self-regulation

Managing oneself

Building relationships

Teachers focus on emotional competence and executive functions to measure progress.

  1. Emotional Competence

Definition:
Emotional competence is the ability to understand, express, and manage emotions effectively in oneself and in interactions with others.
It’s a cornerstone of emotional development because it enables children to navigate social situations and cope with challenges.

Key Components of Emotional Competence:

  1. Emotion recognition – Identifying one’s own emotions and the emotions of others.

Example: A child notices they are feeling frustrated because a puzzle is hard. They also notice a classmate is sad after dropping their blocks.

  1. Emotion expression – Expressing emotions appropriately for the context.

Example: Saying, “I’m upset because my tower fell” instead of hitting or yelling.

  1. Emotion regulation – Managing emotional reactions to respond appropriately rather than impulsively.

Example: Taking deep breaths when angry instead of pushing a friend.

  1. Empathy and social understanding – Recognizing others’ feelings and responding sensitively.

Example: Comforting a friend who is crying or sharing a toy when someone is sad.

  1. Problem-solving in emotional situations – Using emotions as a guide to make decisions.

Example: Negotiating turns when two children want the same toy.

How Teachers Measure Emotional Competence:

Observation: Teachers watch children during play and interactions. They note how children handle conflicts, express feelings, or respond to others’ emotions.

Checklists & Rating Scales:
Tools like the Devereux Early Childhood Assessment (DECA) or Social Emotional Learning (SEL) rubrics can track skills such as self-awareness, self-regulation, and social problem-solving.

Stories or Role-Play: Teachers might ask children to respond to scenarios (“What would you do if someone took your toy?”) and evaluate their emotional reasoning.

Self-Reports: For older children, simple questions or mood charts can help assess how they recognize and manage their emotions.

  1. Executive Functions

Definition:

Executive functions are mental skills that help individuals plan, focus, remember instructions, and manage multiple tasks successfully. They are closely linked to cognitive and emotional self-regulation.

Key Components of Executive Function:

  1. Working memory – Holding information in mind and using it.

Example: Remembering the steps of a painting project while following instructions.

  1. Cognitive flexibility (or set-shifting) – Adjusting thinking or behavior when circumstances change.

Example: Switching from one activity to another without getting frustrated.

  1. Inhibitory control (self-control).
    – Resisting impulses and staying focused.

Example: Waiting for your turn during a game instead of interrupting.

  1. Planning and organization – Thinking ahead and structuring actions to reach a goal.

Example: Lining up all materials before starting a craft project.

  1. Task initiation and monitoring. – Starting tasks independently and checking progress.

Example: Beginning a drawing without prompts and noticing if a color is missing.

How Teachers Measure Executive Functions:

Observation of behavior: Watching how children manage tasks, transitions, and challenges.

Structured games:
Activities like “Simon Says” or memory games measure inhibitory control and working memory.

Problem-solving tasks:
Puzzles or sorting tasks assess planning, flexibility, and monitoring.

Checklists & rating scales:

Tools like the Behavior Rating Inventory of Executive Function – Preschool Version (BRIEF-P) help teachers systematically evaluate these skills.

Examples from Real-Life Classroom Situations

Following are summary of Skill Example/
Situation Observed Behavior / Assessment.

Emotional Competence.

Eg.Two children want the same toy. One child says, “You can have it first, I’ll wait.”

Teacher notes empathy and self-regulation.

Working Memory (Exec Function).

Eg. Following multi-step art project instructions.
Child remembers steps in order; teacher marks success.

Inhibitory Control.
Circle time sharing. Child waits quietly until it’s their turn to speak.

Cognitive Flexibility .
Game rules change suddenly Child adjusts and continues playing without getting upset.

Planning & Organization.
Eg.Cleaning up play area. Child gathers toys systematically instead of randomly, shows self-initiation.

Key Points

Emotional competence = handling and understanding emotions in oneself and others.

Executive function = cognitive “control center” skills that support focus, planning, and flexible thinking.

Teachers measure progress through observation, structured tasks, checklists, and role-play exercises.

Both sets of skills are interconnected: strong executive function helps a child regulate emotions, and emotional competence supports social interactions.

IMTM, I Mind The Mind

Korean Fan

When Fandom Becomes a Refuge: Understanding a Tragic Wake-Up Call from Kerala

A deeply tragic incident in Kerala, where a 16-year-old girl reportedly died following the death of a South Korean celebrity she admired intensely, has shaken many people into asking difficult questions. The girl was said to be a devoted follower of the celebrity’s videos and public appearances, and her emotional attachment appeared far deeper than ordinary admiration.

This is not a story that should be reduced to “obsession” or dismissed as teenage infatuation. It is, instead, a mirror reflecting a quieter crisis unfolding among many young people—especially girls—who are growing up emotionally unheard.

Beyond Trend: Korean Culture as Emotional Shelter

The growing affection many young girls in Kerala and elsewhere feel toward Korean dramas and celebrities is often mocked as a passing trend. But this tragedy reminds us of an uncomfortable truth: for some, Korean popular culture functions as an emotional shelter, not entertainment alone.

In Korean dramas, love is portrayed slowly and attentively. Women’s emotions are centered. Male characters are shown as gentle, emotionally expressive, respectful, and unashamed of vulnerability. They cry, wait, apologize, and care. For girls who experience neglect, emotional invalidation, loneliness, or rigid gender expectations in real life, these narratives can awaken a powerful thought:

“What if someone loved me like that?”

This longing is not shallow. It is profoundly human.

Parasocial Bonds and Fragile Minds

When emotional needs remain unmet in real life, some young minds begin forming parasocial attachments—one-sided emotional bonds with media figures who feel safe, ideal, and emotionally available. These relationships feel real, even though they are not reciprocal.

In psychology, extreme forms of such attachment are sometimes discussed under conditions like erotomanic delusions (Clérambault’s syndrome), but it is crucial to be clear: most fans do not suffer from mental illness, and it would be unethical to label this girl posthumously. What matters more is recognizing emotional vulnerability.

When a young person’s inner world becomes anchored to a fantasy figure, the collapse of that fantasy—through scandal, withdrawal, or death—can feel like the collapse of meaning itself. For a fragile mind, reality may suddenly feel unbearable.

What This Tragedy Is Really Telling Us

This incident should not be framed as “Korean obsession gone wrong.” That narrative misses the point entirely.

What it actually exposes is:

  • Growing emotional loneliness among adolescents
  • A lack of safe spaces to express vulnerability
  • Poor mental-health literacy in families and schools
  • Blurred boundaries between fantasy and reality
  • Social environments where girls’ emotional needs are minimized or dismissed

When a society does not listen, young people look elsewhere—to screens, stories, and distant faces—for understanding.

A Collective Responsibility

This tragedy is a warning, not an anomaly. It urges parents, educators, and communities to ask harder questions:

  • Do our children feel emotionally seen?
  • Do they have safe adults to talk to without fear or shame?
  • Are we teaching them how to separate fantasy from life without mocking their feelings?

Most importantly, are we listening—before silence becomes irreversible?

Moving Forward with Care

No single culture, celebrity, or fandom is to blame here. What deserves scrutiny is the emotional climate in which young people are growing up.

If we respond with ridicule or moral panic, we will fail them again. If we respond with empathy, conversation, and support, we may prevent the next tragedy.

Because when a young person disappears into fantasy, it is often because reality has offered them too little warmth.

If you or someone you know is struggling

In India, confidential mental-health support is available:
imtm + 91 9495045230
( WhatsApp message only)

I Mind “The Mind”

In the year 2020, I was working as the Chief Psychiatrist at the Mental Health Centre, Peroorkada, Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala. It was my 23rd year in the Kerala Government Health Service.

While I was taking a class for psychology students, one student asked, ‘Sir, why can’t we start an online platform to discuss psychological topics?’ At that time, the class consisted of a small group of about ten students.

After the class, we gathered in the conference hall to discuss the idea and to decide on a name for the platform. Some postgraduate students of psychiatry, from medical college trivandrum were present in the hall also joined the discussion. One of them suggested the name “I Mind The Mind.”
Thus was born our WhatsApp group, I Mind The Mind on 26/02/2020. In the beginning, it consisted of just 20–30 psychology students. The intention was simple—to create a space for psychological awareness among students. Gradually, a thought emerged: why limit this only to students? Why not extend awareness to the wider public as well?

We began inviting people from all walks of life. Soon, discussions expanded to include real-life psychological concerns faced by society—faulty parenting, child abuse, substance addiction, suicide, and many other deeply troubling issues. At that time, Kerala stood as the state with the highest suicide rate, a reality that weighed heavily on all of us.

One day, a member asked a question that changed everything: “Why can’t we do something to prevent suicide?” That question became the turning point.

From there, we launched a free online counselling platform, driven purely by compassion. Around 60 psychologists volunteered their services—day and night, without expectation or reward. These volunteers came not only from India, but also from abroad. Anyone who could communicate in Malayalam, Tamil, Hindi, or English could reach out to us through WhatsApp.

When a person in need contacted us, the message was shared in our sub-group, “I Am Here for You.”A psychologist who was available at that moment would step forward, and the client would be gently allotted for counselling. So far, more than 325 individuals from different parts of the world have received counselling through this initiative.

Confidentiality was always sacred. Psychologists discussed cases with me or with senior psychologist Mrs. Vrinda Sankar only for guidance, never revealing the identity of the client. Case details were submitted through a Google Form to our office, recorded only with a number to protect anonymity. Even clients were never required to disclose their name or personal identity.

Many who received counselling later sent voice messages expressing their gratitude. Hearing their joyful voices—knowing that they found hope again, that they chose life—has been the greatest reward for me and for the entire team.

The true backbone of this free counselling programme, “I Am Here for You,” is those 60 psychologists—who offered their time, energy, and compassion unconditionally to emotionally distressed souls who had nowhere else to turn.

That spirit of selfless service is, and always will be, the heart of I Mind The Mind.
Dr. Nelson Kattikat Joseph

Founder of I Mind The Mind Trust

Registered, charitable trust

Registration number : 493/IV/25

Trivandrum, Kerala, India.

( IM International Foundation)


Contact:
Email.
imtm4u@gmail.com

web: http://www.imtm.org.in

Phone.+919495045230( WhatsApp message only)

IMTM (I Mind The Mind)
A free online counselling service
Contact us via WhatsApp message:
Adv. Vrinda Sankar
Senior Psychologist & Advocate, IMTM
+91 62354 89007
Dr. Nelson Kattikat
Psychiatrist, Hypnotherapist
+91 94950 4530