People are just annoying. If I never had to deal with the public ever I would be thriled.I have to say the car accident that took me out of my life-long career of hairdressing -was a blessing in disguise. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my clients, and I love doing hair.

That’s really not the public I am talking about.

I am talking about just your regular, day-to-day jerk-off(s), that lack  any sort of social consideration.

When labeling these rude, crude and socially unacceptable people; I have come to find that some terms are deemed more effeminate and some more masculine.Usually you hear someone called a “Dick” to be male and “Bitch” to be, assuming, female.

Well I have heard many men say to other men “ Stop being a Bitch” which may or may not be degrading to females. 

I have to admit I have referred to a guy as being a “big ol’ vagina”;yet there are some terms that I use regularly that seem to have their place in their respective male/female categories.

Let me be more defining of some more commonly recognized terms:

Jerk-off (m) : A guys who publically talks way too loud in comparison to their surroundings. According to EngineeringToolBox.com in social situations people often talk with normal voice levels at distances of 1 to 4 meters. In such cases the noise level should not exceed 55to 60 dB(A).

Talking with a normal voice approximate to a sound pressure level of70 dB, a raised voice to76 dB, a very loud voice to 82 dB and a shouting voice to 88 dB (1 ft distance). At a cafe or coffee shop, at least the one I am in, the area between me and the next table is approximately about 2-3 feet. The regular considerate person, usually is talking at a level of- oh, for fucks sake, including background music, let’s say; 72dB.

This is close enough so you can hear them, but if you have headphones or are more focused on background music you can pretty much drown them out. Now the jerk-off sitting next to me is clearly talking at a solid 82dB.  That’s freaking loud. Who does that? It’s just plain rude.

I have no desire to hear your talk in terms of a bunch of “alphabet soup” in any sort of public-based call.Not only is it annoying- but just plain obnoxious

.e.g. “.. So this weekend Joel’s internship ends and he will then transfer to BFK then onto another aspect of IDP and then to IQQ”

Or let alone they are trying to have a conversation with Siri….“Siri, find “GARBAGE COLLECTION” Garbage SIRI!!!… Stupid Siri.”I am begging you, Please stop arguing with your technology. It isn’t that advanced to care.  Yet, as I am human –I am advanced to care.

People, CEASE arguing with Siri… PLEASE! Unless you are Katie Holmes, and you are disciplining your daughter: Shaaaadup. NO ONE CARES. ( and even then no one cares…)

In addition, if you are in doubt about if you are encountering the  typical jerk-off ; some good word indicators would be the use the words: “party” “drink” “cock” “fuckin’” “dude” and “yeah”  more than once- in the same sentence. Probability= High. Unless he is a chicken farmer, a caterer, or quoting someone else. He’s a certified jerk-off.

The etymology of said terminology comes from the word “jerk” which was coined in the 1540’s as “to lash, strike or whip”. I can safely assume this then mutated into the slang “jerk off”– which means to masturbate or just plain ol’ waste time.

There is nothing I can find that brings the term to modern day into this possibly fraternity-based, derogatory adjective; except for maybe Andrew Dice Clay in the film “Ford Fairlane” 

Lo, women are not exempt here. When haters, hate-they gotta hate equally. Because on the flip side, we have the “Lady Asshole.”

Note:  I can’t believe I actually said the term” Haters  hate”- Really?

Lady Assholes (f): This is a term me and my friend Sam coined about a crazy “buck-toofed” acquaintance of ours. We use the word “lady” solely because she is a bit older and isn’t a horrible person per se; yet she is just really full of herself and thinks that her shit don’t stink. She’s an asshole – a LADY asshole.

She doesn’t return phone calls, she never gives credit where credit is due and doesn’t keep her word. Not to mention she posts insane close ups of her yellowing crooked teeth poking out of her gaping pie-hole…. it is just frightening. The only way I can describe the horror that is her mouth is Sloth from ”The Goonies” and that is insulting poor Sloth

She posts on her Social Network every-time she goes to the hairdresser, a before and after picture. Only the”after picture” has a lens-flare on it and she has squeezed her sausage-like physique into some “shmata” that is gratuitously glittery, her arms f-stopped in all their rippled “Bingo Wings”  in all their glory; and her hair LOOKS THE FUCKING SAME!

The decision for her to go get her hair done, is as good as the decision to buy a good pair of sunglasses. You may as well go to a bar, throw $80 on the table and leave. She should do the same to her hairdresser. Throw him a check, he should throw that dog a bone and send her on her way. She is just scary.

Once me and Sam get on a text thread about her, there is no stopping us. But, as with any Lady Asshole, you can usually go on tearing her apart for days. It’s comforting.

Blog Music Pairing: Jerk it Out– The Caesars