Annoying Autobiographical Pause #650

3 08 2008

We played darts everyday.

I find some significance of our actions, our need to do things together during a summer filled with unexpected obstacles. As the old saying goes, “This too shall pass.”

And it did.

For the past few days, we had our staycation (or as Wage called it, Slaycation) which amused me to no end.

Finding a decent dart board is not easy. Amusement operators don’t take care of the machines like they should (trust me, I know this to be true.) So we decided to spend some time in Jackson. We found some things we didn’t know before. It may not sound as exciting as going to Vegas. Been to Vegas. I saw Fat Elvis who was just as good as the real one. Been there, done that.

We needed two days so Jackson it is. I’m typing from the hotel room, preparing to drive home in about an hour. We ate sushi, drank some beer, watched a man in a DHL uniform talk to two women, one who had a tattoo on her back that was off-center.

I asked SQ if this woman knew it was off-center. SQ said she wasn’t sure. We were distracted by it and we watched if this woman and the uniform man were going to get drunk as they were drinking tequila shots. They didn’t. She left with her friend.

A woman asked us to come and see her sister sing karaoke. We said we might although we knew we wouldn’t.

I played hard tip darts at a place called the Downtown Tavern, which reminded me of some places in Asheville. I was more than surprised to play darts the old fashioned way. I loved it. And I was surprised by the tavern as it was set in an old building and had lovingly been restored.

Nice.

It’s the last week before football season starts, before the August rush. SQ and I talked about how we didn’t want to be in the print business anymore. How new things were challenging us and that the 20 hour work days that she’ll start on Monday are becoming harder. She loves sports but sometimes the grind is insane. I worry about her knees and that last year during football season she worked and slept and that was about it.

I worry for me because I love news but I’m not crazy about being in administration. It’s taken the fun out of pursuing news. Stew told me once he’d never met anyone more enthusiastic about breaking a story and of putting the pieces back together. That was in 1992. It was the greatest compliment he ever gave me. Maybe I passed the torch without even knowing it to someone younger. I admit I loved radio news more than I do print. There was such an urgency. I think the blogosphere/Internet has the potential to have a radio feel when it comes to news.

I think about that.

I miss that desire that overtook me in the early days of my career. I want it back. I want that passion to wrap around me again. I hope it’s not gone forever.

SQ doesn’t complain but it wears on her. She has no staff other than Scout, who freelances on the side. She needs help. She won’t get it although I’ll try to help but there are something I can’t do. It makes me feel impotent.

We talked about that this fall, we were going to reevaluate some things. Either move if the opportunity arises where we can financially make it or try to get a job with 401K where the hours are set, blog about juke joints and the way we see the world.

We found that the darts are a connection for us now. We compete, sometimes I win, sometimes she does and we laugh.

Ain’t nothing wrong with that.





Life Is Like A Dart Game

29 07 2008

The air is chewy these days.

Within moments of stepping outside, I find myself covered in sweat and breathing is amazing and labored. The sky is thick with the humidity of the South. As Squirrel Queen and I were headed out to enjoy the Monday of our staycation, the tire on the truck was flat. We changed it, SQ rather as I fetched things as is my role in situations like this, and we were wet, our skin clammy from the heat.

We were headed to play darts. It’s become a special thing between us in the last couple of weeks. We keep seeking the best place to play, away from the issues of the day. We aren’t good but we are getting better. We’ve also found in our dartplay that it creates a bubble where we don’t have to talk to other people. If that sounds rude, I’m sorry, but it’s true. We play the game and we don’t have to answer questions. We laugh. We encourage each other.

Life is about transformation. I’ve been spending more time with Homer which is wonderful. In the mornings, we are watching Angel although I’ve seen it. It’s a quiet bond where we can lose ourselves for a little while.

When I was younger, I used to collect things. Now I wish to unburden myself with the things that I thought I had to have. My life is simpler now. I realized in a moment of epiphany over the weekend that I haven’t lived in the moment for awhile. Always living in “what would happen next.”

I’m sure a lot of this has to do with Stew’s death. Sometimes I miss him so much that I choke back tears.

What a waste of living in events that might happen and not seeing the world around you at the moment. The dart games have taught me this. One throw of the dart, then another. Some games you win. Some games your strategy works. Other times you are just slinging darts hoping for the best, relying on luck that you might come out ahead.

Life is like a dart game.

I was hot last night and I’m starting to hit the numbers I’m aiming at. It feels good seeing I’m getting better. I came home and made a salad made with what we bought at the Farmer’s Market and heated up some corn. I ate the salad with my fingers, the balsamic vinegar making my fingers oily. My niece talked about playing basketball while I cut the vegetables.

In the moment. We forget in the moment.

I don’t want to wish my life away.

I watched sharks biting people. It was graphic.

Random thoughts swirl through my mind.

I ask Squirrel Queen if we can play darts again. She smiled before she fell asleep.








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