(Randyjw; January 8, 2022)
Am I really mixed up, or were you here?
the cut, style, and color of your hair
Oh, I had another dream
this one, at least, better than the first
Full of symbolism, but not the worst
Oh, G-d! I’m still running around this world
as the same jerk I never realized I was
though I really was once a good kid
Now, I’m just some kind of
confused old lady
my fickle heart torn
reflecting on old loves and new
Starting way back, from the time I was young
Embarrassed as hell, having had more than one
and that I can’t even fully remember
everything that always transpired
between the two
And how I ran roughshod around
people growing up
just trying to be popular and cool
and, you know, I kind of really don’t get the movie
Goodwill Hunting
I only saw it recently
and, like Ben, I went around thinking
I was supposed to try to move on
and up and forward and out
but, like Matt, kind of felt like the
whole point was the small-town way of a “townie”
community, friends and family
and I didn’t do it and it’s wrecked my life
That movie sneaks up on you
like years, and life
I wasn’t thinking it was all it was cracked up to be
until the end; when it hit me
(like years, and life)
and then I sat in the library
my body wracked with sobbing tears
I had to silently (as best I could) cry
(like I used to do so often as a kid)
I don’t know; maybe it’s strange,
but that’s why I get the whole “martyrdom” thing
I’m sorry to you
and to several of my friends
who’ve gone along by the wayside
To my family — heartache, love, and sorrow
all around
Maybe sometimes we should just let
communities grow organically
and not impose ways they don’t know
upon them
Maybe just let them be
On the other hand, it’s so confusing…
if knowledge is supposed to mean
freedom or power
blissful ignorance or craziness
can sometimes be a relief
So, I’m kind of stuck in a hellish limbo
Wanting to break out, but not knowing how
because I have no end goal in sight
and I seem to be so way behind my time.
Temporary amnesia is frightening enough
but half a life stuck on auto
is frankly a life wasted away, too much
Can you ever have compassion on me
I think you do, but myself, not so
Wishing I’d learned this from the very beginning
instead of quite late at the other end
(aw, figures… in writing the
last line, the ink ran out from my favorite pen)
News Notes 1 