The A Word

James is autistic. I don't know how long it is going to take before saying that won't cause my stomach to tighten and my lungs feel like they no longer know how to expand. We thought we were prepared, but the reality of what his and our life will be has crashed down on us since his formal diagnosis on Thursday. When I start thinking about how much is unknown about autism, and how much I don't know, and the fact that I have no idea how to best help James, the future seems overwhelming. Fear not though. It says in my patriarchal blessing that I have been blessed with the capacity to have much faith, and never before have I felt the full capacity of my faith. I know Heavenly Father has a plan. I know He loves James and me, and I know that if I do my best He will show me the way. Not to say I haven't lost five pounds already. But, I am not hiding from my life in my bed either. James is a happy, loving, wonderful child. When I think of what his autism could be like, or what it would be like to lose him altogether, I am so grateful that we get to experience whatever life James has been given. I have always felt the hand of God in the organization of my family, and I can tell you now that they have kept me sane. They have circled the wagons around us and I don't know what I would do without them. I am beyond grateful for a husband who is kind and strong and devoted to our family. I can't imagine what life would be like without family. So, together, we will learn as much as we can and take things a day at a time.