In the first two weeks of Wes' life we had lots of other things going on in addition to a newborn.
*Two days after we got home from the hospital with Wes, he had a breathing episode. I had to call 911 and he and I had an ambulance ride to the hospital while CP rushed from work. We aren't quite sure what happened as by the time we got to the hospital he was doing better, but it was quite a scare. Thankfully he has yet to give us another scare since then.
*Izzy got a stomach bug which included blood in her stool and loose stool for TWO weeks. Thankfully Wes didn't get it but I had to collect her poop three different days for testing and that was....interesting.
*CP got a sty on the lower eyelid on his left eye. It is actually still there (slowly going away) which is making CP very self concious because he has been traveling the past three weeks.
*About a week after getting out of the hospital I got hit in the uterus by one of Izzy's toddler friends- basically running into me to give me a big hug. I had stopped bleeding but that impact made me bleed for a few days. I also had some pain inbetween my ribs which picking up Izzy, sneezing, or coughing. During my 6 week follow up appointment with my OB, she said that my upper abs haven't completely come back together so if I am not careful I could get a hernia that comes through the fascia. Let's just say that I haven't been doing any ab workouts recently...
*I know that I have referenced the fact that we are expanding our house next year. Well in order to do so, we needed to refinance our mortgage. We had the "closing" only a week after Wes was born- thankfully they came to our house for the signing.
*We also bought a new car only a few days after the refinance signing. We ended up going with the Mazda CX5 and so far CP loves it. I was really sad to see the Prius go but now CP can have both kids AND Buster in the car which is necessary for pickups after work once I am done with maternity leave.
*Eight days after Wes was born we had a photographer come to our house to take newborn photos. I shared those with you last week.
*To top it off, CP noticed that the sump pump in our basement kept working despite no rain. He realized that there was mud in the water which meant that we likely had a broken pipe outside. CP had to dig out two of the large plants in our front yard so that the plumber could come the next day to figure out what was going on. The plumber ended up replacing a few feet of pipe from the house towards the street which was expensive. (About a month later we suddenly had a water leak from our only full bathroom upstairs onto the stairs on the first floor (the only room in the house that we didn't fully update). The plumber also had to come out for that and replace some pipes....so now we have two large holes in our ceiling in our entry way that will just stay open until next spring when we start to renovate. Awesome.)
*My MIL ended up staying for two weeks which was nice, but way too long of a stay when you are homebound due to a c-section surgery. However, she did help me make black out curtains for Izzy's room which was awesome (and gave us something to do).
FYI: I'm slowly getting through posts that should have been written and posted a while ago but I'm just getting to them. Things will get a little more regular around here when I am back at work in a little more than two weeks. (gulp!)
9.28.2016
Almost Wordless Wednesday
Izzy was so excited to wearing matching pajamas with Wes today! She loves pajama day at school.
9.25.2016
Izzy at 2 and 3/4
Izzy has changed a lot in the past few months
Height: unofficial 38"
Weight: ~38 lbs
New Tricks: Pedaling her tricycle and doing well with balancing on her balance bike.
Language: Still chooses not to pronounce "s" so she has some funny words. Most of the time she just repeats what we say with a couple exceptions. She will say "I'm hiccing up" instead of hiccups and "patterwen" instead of pattern. She is constantly making up songs. She knows both of our names and thinks that it is funny to use them. She also knows what street she lives on and the name of our town. She has started to use some of the same phrases that we use ("three seconds to do x"), constantly asks why, and thinks that saying "booty butt" is the most hilarious thing in the world (example: "Baby brother come out of my booty butt!")
Personality: Izzy really wants to be a big kid. Most of her friends at daycare have moved up to the preschool room (once you turn 3) and she is so sad that she can't move up yet. Today she asked if she turned 3 yet as we walked by the preschool room. She loves to bark out directions (especially at me and CP). She is quite fearless- when we were at a bouncy house party she went up a ladder and was the first kid to jump down about 10 feet. The other parents were quite impressed!
Weight: ~38 lbs
New Tricks: Pedaling her tricycle and doing well with balancing on her balance bike.
Language: Still chooses not to pronounce "s" so she has some funny words. Most of the time she just repeats what we say with a couple exceptions. She will say "I'm hiccing up" instead of hiccups and "patterwen" instead of pattern. She is constantly making up songs. She knows both of our names and thinks that it is funny to use them. She also knows what street she lives on and the name of our town. She has started to use some of the same phrases that we use ("three seconds to do x"), constantly asks why, and thinks that saying "booty butt" is the most hilarious thing in the world (example: "Baby brother come out of my booty butt!")
Personality: Izzy really wants to be a big kid. Most of her friends at daycare have moved up to the preschool room (once you turn 3) and she is so sad that she can't move up yet. Today she asked if she turned 3 yet as we walked by the preschool room. She loves to bark out directions (especially at me and CP). She is quite fearless- when we were at a bouncy house party she went up a ladder and was the first kid to jump down about 10 feet. The other parents were quite impressed!
She really does try to mimic me. When I was still pregnant she would hike up her pants over her belly like my maternity pants. When I complained that my belly hurt, then she would complain about her belly hurting.
Teeth: All in. Now we just wait for them to fall out in a few years!
Favorite Toy: Recently she has been excited to play matching games and it turns out that she is pretty good at the game! She is still obsessed with stickers- especially handing them out to people.
Favorite Book: She is all over the place in what she wants to read these days. Sometimes it is board books that I have already moved to Wes' room, other times it is longer books. After we read her the 2-3 books before bed, she wants to keep them in her bed so that she can continue "reading" them after we turn the light off.
Sleeping Habits: These days she goes to bed around 8-8:30 and wakes up around 6:30-7. I have been able to preserve her weekend nap but sometimes it takes her almost an hour to put herself down during the day. Before she sleeps she will sing to herself, "read" books, give orders to her stuffed animals, etc. She seriously loves her big girl bed and hasn't tried to get out once. She often doesn't nap at school which makes for an interesting evening...
Eating: Sadly, she has started to become picky. She still loves fruits and veggies so at least we know that she is getting some nutritious food in her. She isn't a big meat eater unless it is a hot dog or meatball. Izzy is still quite obsessed with milk, wanting it in the morning when she wakes up and with every meal. Otherwise she drinks water.
Potty: Pullups for naps and at night and I don't think that they are going anywhere any time soon because she pees a lot in them. However, she is very good about telling us that she needs to go potty so she rarely has accidents any more.
Clothes: 4T clothing and size 10 (!) shoes. If she could wear pajamas ("jamas") everywhere she would. She likes to wear the color pink way too much for my liking.
Media: Once Wes arrived Izzy has been watching more tv on the weekend. CP usually comes downstairs with her while I continue sleeping with Wes and he gets a bit lazy and allows her to generally watch at least an hour of tv. I would think that when Wes is a little more consistent with his sleeping we will cut back on the tv again.
Teeth: All in. Now we just wait for them to fall out in a few years!
Favorite Toy: Recently she has been excited to play matching games and it turns out that she is pretty good at the game! She is still obsessed with stickers- especially handing them out to people.
Favorite Book: She is all over the place in what she wants to read these days. Sometimes it is board books that I have already moved to Wes' room, other times it is longer books. After we read her the 2-3 books before bed, she wants to keep them in her bed so that she can continue "reading" them after we turn the light off.
Sleeping Habits: These days she goes to bed around 8-8:30 and wakes up around 6:30-7. I have been able to preserve her weekend nap but sometimes it takes her almost an hour to put herself down during the day. Before she sleeps she will sing to herself, "read" books, give orders to her stuffed animals, etc. She seriously loves her big girl bed and hasn't tried to get out once. She often doesn't nap at school which makes for an interesting evening...
Eating: Sadly, she has started to become picky. She still loves fruits and veggies so at least we know that she is getting some nutritious food in her. She isn't a big meat eater unless it is a hot dog or meatball. Izzy is still quite obsessed with milk, wanting it in the morning when she wakes up and with every meal. Otherwise she drinks water.
Potty: Pullups for naps and at night and I don't think that they are going anywhere any time soon because she pees a lot in them. However, she is very good about telling us that she needs to go potty so she rarely has accidents any more.
Clothes: 4T clothing and size 10 (!) shoes. If she could wear pajamas ("jamas") everywhere she would. She likes to wear the color pink way too much for my liking.
Media: Once Wes arrived Izzy has been watching more tv on the weekend. CP usually comes downstairs with her while I continue sleeping with Wes and he gets a bit lazy and allows her to generally watch at least an hour of tv. I would think that when Wes is a little more consistent with his sleeping we will cut back on the tv again.
Overall: I find myself using "I will give you three seconds to do x" quite a bit these days. Luckily she is receptive to it and listens. Otherwise, she is great with Wes but I'm sure she will be happier when he is a bit older and can do more (she is excited to teach him things). She has been complaining for the past month that she doesn't want to go to school when she wakes up, but once she is there she is happy (I think she is jealous Wes gets to stay home with me).
This is hard
I'd like to think that I was doing well parenting two kids but to be honest, I feel like I am barely scraping by.
Mornings are not too bad. Sure I'm tired when either Wes or Izzy gets me up for the day, but there is always the hope or prospect of a nap later in the day (even if the opportunity never happens). Sometimes I need to feed Wes in the middle of getting Izzy dressed and off to school but a lot of times he is sleeping which is really helpful. Thank goodness she is patient and will do something ("read" a book, have me read her a book, play with a toy, etc) while I am nursing.
How competent I feel as a mother during the day really depends on the day. Last weekend I went up to MI with my mom on a Thursday night because CP was out of town for work and it was nice to get some help on Friday. My dad stopped by my home earlier in the day and reported back to my mom that I seemed "overwhelmed." (This was with just Wes home.) After a disastrous drive down to the city to pick up my mom (Wes screamed the entire time before crying himself to sleep 10 minutes before getting to their house), we stopped to nurse, then he cried most of the way to MI despite my mom's best efforts to put a pacifier in his mouth or calm him down. On Friday Wes had a crying fit during the day and my mom agreed that Izzy was never this difficult. I was actually happy because at least someone else understood what I have been going through.
Another day Wes essentially nursed from 10am to 5pm. I barely got lunch in (he cried the entire time while I ate) and barely peed. Needless to say I got nothing done that day. But then the past two days have been more pleasant and I feel more competent. So maybe we are turning a corner?
Nighttime is always difficult. Especially with CP being gone the past three weeks (during the work week), I never feel like I do a good job of balancing the attention Izzy needs while balancing a hungry Wes. I tend to rush Izzy through the bedtime routine and I think she knows it. On days that he is more calm I can read an extra book or spend a little more time with her, but there are some nights where I am bouncing a crying Wes on me, singing Izzy her songs, just counting down the seconds until I can go downstairs and only deal with one child.
I know that this is just a phase- and a tough one at that while we try to get into a routine as a family of four (or three if CP is gone). How competent I feel really depends on how sleep deprived I am. If I was ever being tortured and was also sleep deprived I would give up state secrets in a second!
But man that guilt is tough. Guilt for not wanting to be on maternity leave anymore. Guilt from wanting to get away from your son (even for a few minutes) to get a break. Seeing other new moms on FB isn't helping because they seem to have their shit together way more than me. I know that what people post isn't always an indication of what is really gong on at home, but still.
In other words, this shit is hard. I haven't be able to post as much as I would like here because getting onto a computer is hard these days when you are needed so often for nursing. I'm crossing my fingers that the worst is behind us but I think that the transition to working mom with two kids will be tough in two weeks as well. I hate that I feel less bonded to Wes than I did to Izzy at this point. I know I shouldn't compare the two kids but it is hard not to. I hate that I am wishing that time would speed up past this hard part. I hate that I am not sad that this is my last newborn. I should be soaking up all of the last "firsts" but instead I am doing the opposite.
I'm not sure how else to wrap up this post other than it may look like I have my shit together these days but it is actually the complete opposite.
9.23.2016
Newborn photo shoot
Eight days after Wes was born we had a photographer come in to take some shots. Here are some of my favorites with the kids....
9.15.2016
Two months
Two months old
Height- Will find out next week
Weight- unofficially almost 15 pounds!!
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| An easy way to determine that Wes is gaining weight- his ridonkulous CHEEKS! |
Nicknames- Chunkmasterflex, Baby Monkey Butt (Izzy's nickname for Wes)
Diapers- Moved up to size 2 about halfway through the month. Possibly ready for size 3 soon?
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| Checking out big sis |
Milestones- starting to pay more attention to toys (rattles). Likes checking out lights. Cooed at me right around 6 weeks. Starting to give social smiles.
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| Baby smiles! |
Sleep- Two nights ago I moved him into his own room in the hopes that he would sleep a bit more and he ended up sleeping 7 hours that night! (We moved Izzy into her own room at two months as well) Pretty please keep it up Wes (last night was a disaster).
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| First sleep in his crib |
Clothes- Moved to 3 mo clothing at 1 mo old but I think he is going to be ready for 6 mo clothing soon. He certainly earns the name "Chunkers."
Eating- Still a great breastfeeder but can get "angry" on the boob if he is in the middle of a feeding and needs to burp/fart/poop. Then he throws his hand at me and comes off and on my boob a lot with an open mouth. Still on demand nursing so somedays it seems like it is literally all day, others he takes a nap and I get an hour or two break. Right around 6 or 7pm every night he is a voracious eater, basically nursing the entire time until I can get him to sleep around 10 or 11pm (this makes putting Izzy to bed tough when CP is out of town as he has been for the past two weeks).
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| I love eating! |
Likes- Snuggling in our arms, nursing, walks in the stroller, bumps in the road or while in the stroller (this seems to calm him down but I fear we will bend the rims on our car soon!), activity bar, vibrating chair
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| Siblings |
Dislikes- Diaper changes, baths (although this is getting better), car rides are often iffy
Other firsts- First sit down meal as a family was breakfast at one of our usual places. Wes slept the entire time!
In general Wes is fairly laid back unless he is hungry. He basically goes from fine to HANGRY MUST EAT RIGHT NOW crying in less than two minutes. If I don't feed him fast enough (especially if we are in the car) he cries so furiously that his face turns red and his back gets all sweaty. Definitely a change from Izzy. I do probably run more errands and we are out and about more because it is not the middle of winter, but he is seeming like a more difficult/demanding baby. But it could be much worse so I am trying not to complain.
9.14.2016
Birth Story/Hospital Stay Part II
Part I can be found here.
Day 2- Saturday 7/16
CP goes down at 6am to check on Wes who is on 4 liters of oxygen at 35%. For me, pumping is not going well. But I was finally able to eat real food for breakfast which was nice. At 8am I head down to the NICU with CP wheeling me in a wheelchair and hold him for an hour of kangaroo care. We also meet with his doctors who explain that they are seeing something in his lungs on the x-rays. They equate lungs to many many balloons and how during a vaginal birth, the amniotic fluid gets squeezed out of the baby's lungs. During a c-section, that doesn't always happen so because Wes still had some fluid in his lungs after birth, they "popped." So the cannula that he was currently using was helping, but it was also hurting his lungs because it was forcing oxygen into his lungs. To get away from pressurized oxygen the doctors thought that he should instead be a bubble in 100% oxygen so Wes turns into a bubble boy.
Later that day Izzy visits with my parents, pulls up my gown and asks "what's that Mommy?" when checking out my staples and incision. I'm sure it looked pretty gross.
Because Wes is in the bubble we can't take him out to cuddle so I do my best to nap and recover while CP spends some time talking to Wes. That night I had a really rough night crying because Wes is not in the room with us and because I can't hold him. I was worried about not bonding with him and about my lack of milk production. So basically I was hormonal.
I also felt terrible because I knew that we were fake-NICUers. Wes was born at 38 weeks and was larger than any other baby in the NICU room. The doctors were never worried about him not making it out of the NICU, but didn't know if it would take days or a few weeks. The baby behind Wes in the NICU room was born at just two pounds two months ago and still didn't weigh as much as Wes. There is really no comparison. So I felt terrible crying in the NICU and in my room about Wes being in the NICU because I know that what we were going through was peanuts compared to most other NICU babies. However, I figured at 38 weeks he wouldn't have any issues and we could have a "normal" time in the hospital so I had to acknowledge that while this was not what I thought would happen.
This day I start to get annoyed with the nurses and people parading into my room that keep congratulating us when there is clearly no baby in the room with us. You would think that they would tell the next nurse during the shift change that Wes is down in the NICU. It was also really hard to hear the other babies crying in their rooms with their parents. :-(
That night my parents Facetimed us because Izzy was complaining about her belly hurting her and of needing medicine for it (we have no medicine for it). We told her that she probably just needed to poop, however, the next day we found out that my parents took her in the car to pick up dinner and she threw up all over the car seat and car. Greeaaaat.
That night my two pumps yielded no milk to bring down to Wes. :-(
Day 3- Sunday 7/17
This morning when CP heads down to the NICU at 6am he received good news. The 100% oxygen level in the plastic bubble environment has been lowered to 48% which means Wes is tolerating less oxygen! When I head down to join CP during doctor rounds, I start crying again. Damn these hormones. Surprisingly there is not a lot of Kleenex hanging around in the NICU. I also notice just how many plugs are in the room for all of the various machines.
Sometime during the day Wes is moved from the plastic bubble back to a cannula again and afterwards I got to hold him for a blissful hour and a half (his x-rays at this point showed no more spots so the fluid was gone).
Unfortunately after we left he started to distress so the nurses moved him to a bigger cannula.
During Izzy's visit with my parents she asked to see my owie. I showed her and the staples obviously didn't scare her because immediately she wanted to see my owie again.
This day I finally started to make some milk starting with 10ml in the morning. When we brought it down for the nurses to put in Wes' feeding tube, one of the other mothers said "way to go momma!" Made me feel good, but as a fake NICUer, I also felt terrible taking the praise. On the last pump of the day I was able to pump 20ml or more than half of Wes' feed that night so I was starting to feel a bit better about my milk production.
CP went down for the rounds that night but didn't tell me until the next day how much Wes was struggling on the bigger cannula.
Day 4- Monday 7/18
At 1am a phone call woke us up. It was the NICU calling to tell us that Wes was struggling too much with the cannula so they were moving him to a CPAP machine to force more air into his lungs. He was only needing between 30-40% oxygen (our regular air has about 21% oxygen in it) but needed the pressure into his lungs.
That morning we went down to see him and talk to the doctors during rounds.
At this point we finally get a confident diagnosis from the foctors- respiratory distress syndrome. Basically, Wes' lungs were not ready for primetime despite the fact that he was born at 38 weeks. (Fact that I learned later on- boy lungs take longer to develop than girls.) This is usually a problem in premies but we were lucky enough to have it happen to Wes. Doctors were confident that Wes would be home by his due date.
While I am happy that we had a diagnosis and that it was treatable with no long term effects, I started bawling in the NICU because I felt responsible. Even though I pished back on delivering at 37 weeks and got the c-section moved to 38 weeks, I thought that was safe. I could have waited another week. I could have pushed harder for a steroid injection to help develop his lungs faster before 34 weeks (my doctor said it wouldn't be necessary).
Poor Wes looked terrible on the CPAP machine. Every hour or so the nurses had to clear water that had collected from condensation from the machine. He just looked uncomfortable and I felt responsible. As the doctors were leaving rounds, a younger one came up to me as I was crying and said "he's going to be just fine." I know she was trying to comfort me but it was obvious that she didn't have any kids and had no idea what a post-birth hormone crash felt like. I told her that I knew that and that I was very hormonal.
After rounds CP did some kangaroo care with Wes for over an hour while we talked and I took pictures. My boobs started to get harder as the day wore on- I knew what that meant- my milk was coming in! I finally started to pump more than what Wes was eating (35 ml).
That afternoon we decided to have Chris take Izzy swimming for some special one-on-one time while my mom and I hung out with Wes.
That night CP admitted that he saw how much Wes was struggling the night before but didn't want to tell me. He said that he didn't want to worry me while I was trying to recover from my surgery. My job was to get better; his job was to take care of me and worry about Wes (awww).
Day 5- Tues 7/19
That night, I was super uncomfortable all night long. I was really bloated and seriously needed to poop but I really only saw blood.
The good news this morning was that Wes was able to get off the CPAP and was back on the big cannula. At that point he was still needing oxygen but it was at 21%. Because of this, we were allowed to see how a feeding went (breastmilk from a bottle). He sucked it down quickly and had no respiratory distress- great job buddy!
For Wes' next feeding I was allowed to try breastfeeding. I was so worried that we would have issues because Izzy had so many but he had a nice open mouth and a good latch. Yay Wes!!
Sadly later that day I am discharged without Wes. Walking out of the hospital without my baby was seriously tough. Quite a different car ride than the one where we came home from the hospital with Izzy.
Later that night CP headed back to the hospital for the 9pm feeding and found out that to the surprise of the doctors and nurses, Wes could handle being off the cannula. Now instead of a vague going home date of "soon", there is talk of possible discharge on Thursday!
Day 6- Weds 7/20
Most of the day is spent at the hospital nursing and holding Wes. He isn't requiring any oxygen at this point but the hospital needs to see that he is gaining weight before he can be discharged. The NICU nurse goes through discharge training which for Wes is just normal baby stuff. Today Wes also gets his first vaccine and is circumcised so it was a slightly traumatic day for him.
CP goes to the 9pm feeding while I stay home with Izzy. The doctors are still talking discharge tomorrow but I'm doing my best to not get my hopes up.
Day 7- Thur 7/21
CP and I arrive at the hospital this morning cautiously hopeful for Wes to be discharged. He gained a few ounces since yesterday so the doctors make it official- he can come home! The process takes a few hours so CP and I grab lunch in the cafeteria. There is a crazy storm happening outside and just as we are heading back into the NICU the power goes out! One of Wes' doctors jokes that we should get out while we can. It's a bit chaotic because alarms are going off but as we walk out of the NICU everyone- nurses and other parents applaud. It was a great feeling. I can only imagine how big the applause must be for babies that spend much more time in the NICU!
The rest of the day we cuddle Wes on the couch. :-)
Day 2- Saturday 7/16
CP goes down at 6am to check on Wes who is on 4 liters of oxygen at 35%. For me, pumping is not going well. But I was finally able to eat real food for breakfast which was nice. At 8am I head down to the NICU with CP wheeling me in a wheelchair and hold him for an hour of kangaroo care. We also meet with his doctors who explain that they are seeing something in his lungs on the x-rays. They equate lungs to many many balloons and how during a vaginal birth, the amniotic fluid gets squeezed out of the baby's lungs. During a c-section, that doesn't always happen so because Wes still had some fluid in his lungs after birth, they "popped." So the cannula that he was currently using was helping, but it was also hurting his lungs because it was forcing oxygen into his lungs. To get away from pressurized oxygen the doctors thought that he should instead be a bubble in 100% oxygen so Wes turns into a bubble boy.
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| Inside the bubble |
Later that day Izzy visits with my parents, pulls up my gown and asks "what's that Mommy?" when checking out my staples and incision. I'm sure it looked pretty gross.
Because Wes is in the bubble we can't take him out to cuddle so I do my best to nap and recover while CP spends some time talking to Wes. That night I had a really rough night crying because Wes is not in the room with us and because I can't hold him. I was worried about not bonding with him and about my lack of milk production. So basically I was hormonal.
I also felt terrible because I knew that we were fake-NICUers. Wes was born at 38 weeks and was larger than any other baby in the NICU room. The doctors were never worried about him not making it out of the NICU, but didn't know if it would take days or a few weeks. The baby behind Wes in the NICU room was born at just two pounds two months ago and still didn't weigh as much as Wes. There is really no comparison. So I felt terrible crying in the NICU and in my room about Wes being in the NICU because I know that what we were going through was peanuts compared to most other NICU babies. However, I figured at 38 weeks he wouldn't have any issues and we could have a "normal" time in the hospital so I had to acknowledge that while this was not what I thought would happen.
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| An Admin person in the NICU makes Wesley a sign (adorable!) and the nurses start to track his weight on it. |
This day I start to get annoyed with the nurses and people parading into my room that keep congratulating us when there is clearly no baby in the room with us. You would think that they would tell the next nurse during the shift change that Wes is down in the NICU. It was also really hard to hear the other babies crying in their rooms with their parents. :-(
That night my parents Facetimed us because Izzy was complaining about her belly hurting her and of needing medicine for it (we have no medicine for it). We told her that she probably just needed to poop, however, the next day we found out that my parents took her in the car to pick up dinner and she threw up all over the car seat and car. Greeaaaat.
That night my two pumps yielded no milk to bring down to Wes. :-(
Day 3- Sunday 7/17
This morning when CP heads down to the NICU at 6am he received good news. The 100% oxygen level in the plastic bubble environment has been lowered to 48% which means Wes is tolerating less oxygen! When I head down to join CP during doctor rounds, I start crying again. Damn these hormones. Surprisingly there is not a lot of Kleenex hanging around in the NICU. I also notice just how many plugs are in the room for all of the various machines.
Sometime during the day Wes is moved from the plastic bubble back to a cannula again and afterwards I got to hold him for a blissful hour and a half (his x-rays at this point showed no more spots so the fluid was gone).
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| Holding my sweet baby |
Unfortunately after we left he started to distress so the nurses moved him to a bigger cannula.
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| Back to the bigger cannula |
During Izzy's visit with my parents she asked to see my owie. I showed her and the staples obviously didn't scare her because immediately she wanted to see my owie again.
This day I finally started to make some milk starting with 10ml in the morning. When we brought it down for the nurses to put in Wes' feeding tube, one of the other mothers said "way to go momma!" Made me feel good, but as a fake NICUer, I also felt terrible taking the praise. On the last pump of the day I was able to pump 20ml or more than half of Wes' feed that night so I was starting to feel a bit better about my milk production.
CP went down for the rounds that night but didn't tell me until the next day how much Wes was struggling on the bigger cannula.
Day 4- Monday 7/18
At 1am a phone call woke us up. It was the NICU calling to tell us that Wes was struggling too much with the cannula so they were moving him to a CPAP machine to force more air into his lungs. He was only needing between 30-40% oxygen (our regular air has about 21% oxygen in it) but needed the pressure into his lungs.
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| On the CPAP machine |
That morning we went down to see him and talk to the doctors during rounds.
At this point we finally get a confident diagnosis from the foctors- respiratory distress syndrome. Basically, Wes' lungs were not ready for primetime despite the fact that he was born at 38 weeks. (Fact that I learned later on- boy lungs take longer to develop than girls.) This is usually a problem in premies but we were lucky enough to have it happen to Wes. Doctors were confident that Wes would be home by his due date.
While I am happy that we had a diagnosis and that it was treatable with no long term effects, I started bawling in the NICU because I felt responsible. Even though I pished back on delivering at 37 weeks and got the c-section moved to 38 weeks, I thought that was safe. I could have waited another week. I could have pushed harder for a steroid injection to help develop his lungs faster before 34 weeks (my doctor said it wouldn't be necessary).
Poor Wes looked terrible on the CPAP machine. Every hour or so the nurses had to clear water that had collected from condensation from the machine. He just looked uncomfortable and I felt responsible. As the doctors were leaving rounds, a younger one came up to me as I was crying and said "he's going to be just fine." I know she was trying to comfort me but it was obvious that she didn't have any kids and had no idea what a post-birth hormone crash felt like. I told her that I knew that and that I was very hormonal.
After rounds CP did some kangaroo care with Wes for over an hour while we talked and I took pictures. My boobs started to get harder as the day wore on- I knew what that meant- my milk was coming in! I finally started to pump more than what Wes was eating (35 ml).
That afternoon we decided to have Chris take Izzy swimming for some special one-on-one time while my mom and I hung out with Wes.
That night CP admitted that he saw how much Wes was struggling the night before but didn't want to tell me. He said that he didn't want to worry me while I was trying to recover from my surgery. My job was to get better; his job was to take care of me and worry about Wes (awww).
Day 5- Tues 7/19
That night, I was super uncomfortable all night long. I was really bloated and seriously needed to poop but I really only saw blood.
The good news this morning was that Wes was able to get off the CPAP and was back on the big cannula. At that point he was still needing oxygen but it was at 21%. Because of this, we were allowed to see how a feeding went (breastmilk from a bottle). He sucked it down quickly and had no respiratory distress- great job buddy!
For Wes' next feeding I was allowed to try breastfeeding. I was so worried that we would have issues because Izzy had so many but he had a nice open mouth and a good latch. Yay Wes!!
Sadly later that day I am discharged without Wes. Walking out of the hospital without my baby was seriously tough. Quite a different car ride than the one where we came home from the hospital with Izzy.
Later that night CP headed back to the hospital for the 9pm feeding and found out that to the surprise of the doctors and nurses, Wes could handle being off the cannula. Now instead of a vague going home date of "soon", there is talk of possible discharge on Thursday!
Day 6- Weds 7/20
Most of the day is spent at the hospital nursing and holding Wes. He isn't requiring any oxygen at this point but the hospital needs to see that he is gaining weight before he can be discharged. The NICU nurse goes through discharge training which for Wes is just normal baby stuff. Today Wes also gets his first vaccine and is circumcised so it was a slightly traumatic day for him.
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| I can finally see both of his eyes! |
CP goes to the 9pm feeding while I stay home with Izzy. The doctors are still talking discharge tomorrow but I'm doing my best to not get my hopes up.
Day 7- Thur 7/21
CP and I arrive at the hospital this morning cautiously hopeful for Wes to be discharged. He gained a few ounces since yesterday so the doctors make it official- he can come home! The process takes a few hours so CP and I grab lunch in the cafeteria. There is a crazy storm happening outside and just as we are heading back into the NICU the power goes out! One of Wes' doctors jokes that we should get out while we can. It's a bit chaotic because alarms are going off but as we walk out of the NICU everyone- nurses and other parents applaud. It was a great feeling. I can only imagine how big the applause must be for babies that spend much more time in the NICU!
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| Heading home! |
The rest of the day we cuddle Wes on the couch. :-)
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| Wesley is also officially entered into the family with a kiss from Buster |
9.07.2016
Bullet updates
News from the NSC household:
-A few weeks after Wesley was born I scheduled a truck to come pick up some furniture that I tried to sell on an online garage sale site but failed AND all of my maternity clothes. It felt great to get them out of the house.
-More recently I was able to get rid of all of my used sharps and sharps containers at a monthly drop-off site. The lady behind the table asked if I needed a new sharps container and I excitedly was able to say "nope! I'm all done!" Now the only stuff I have left from IVF cycles are a bunch of supplements. Hopefully I can get them to a needy home soon.
-To add to the excitement this year, CP got a promotion to a manager position. I'm so jealous that he didn't have to apply or interview but hey we'll definitely take the raise!
-The past couple weeks CP and I have taken Wes to a design showroom to pick out tile, flooring, knobs, paint colors, etc for our remodel (Izzy has been at daycare). We have all of the trades coming to our house on Friday to check everything out and submit their bids to the general contractor. Then we should have a cost estimate from the gc by the end of the month. From there we will bid out everything to a few other gcs to make sure pricing is right and hopefully start construction in the spring!
-Of course as we get excited for that we had a ceiling leak from our second floor full bathroom...through the ceiling and onto the stairs on the first floor. We were all set to redo the bathroom anyways but the ceiling on the first floor wasn't going to be touched. Now we have two large holes in the ceiling for the next few months PLUS the tub is cracked because the seller or his plumber did something very stupid. Hopefully the cheap fix our plumber came up with holds until spring!
-Izzy really has been good about Wes' arrival but every morning she says she doesn't want to go to school. I think it is because she knows that i am home with Wes all day and she is jealous.
-Poor Buster got attacked by another dog while I was taking him (and Wes) on a walk this weekend. Generally Buster is the jerk barking at other dogs but we were just walking when from the other side of the road a dog took off from its house, ran across the street and started to bite Buster while I held the leash, screamed at the dog, and tried to get the dog off Buster while not getting bit myself. The owner ran out and finally corralled the dog but seriously? Another neighbor (whom I know) also came out and said that the dog is super nice to her kid, etc. Well Buster is super nice to kids but barks ferociously at other dogs- that doesn't mean a thing. Poor guy.
-I can't believe that I only have a month left of maternity leave. Wah!!!
-A few weeks after Wesley was born I scheduled a truck to come pick up some furniture that I tried to sell on an online garage sale site but failed AND all of my maternity clothes. It felt great to get them out of the house.
-More recently I was able to get rid of all of my used sharps and sharps containers at a monthly drop-off site. The lady behind the table asked if I needed a new sharps container and I excitedly was able to say "nope! I'm all done!" Now the only stuff I have left from IVF cycles are a bunch of supplements. Hopefully I can get them to a needy home soon.
-To add to the excitement this year, CP got a promotion to a manager position. I'm so jealous that he didn't have to apply or interview but hey we'll definitely take the raise!
-The past couple weeks CP and I have taken Wes to a design showroom to pick out tile, flooring, knobs, paint colors, etc for our remodel (Izzy has been at daycare). We have all of the trades coming to our house on Friday to check everything out and submit their bids to the general contractor. Then we should have a cost estimate from the gc by the end of the month. From there we will bid out everything to a few other gcs to make sure pricing is right and hopefully start construction in the spring!
-Of course as we get excited for that we had a ceiling leak from our second floor full bathroom...through the ceiling and onto the stairs on the first floor. We were all set to redo the bathroom anyways but the ceiling on the first floor wasn't going to be touched. Now we have two large holes in the ceiling for the next few months PLUS the tub is cracked because the seller or his plumber did something very stupid. Hopefully the cheap fix our plumber came up with holds until spring!
-Izzy really has been good about Wes' arrival but every morning she says she doesn't want to go to school. I think it is because she knows that i am home with Wes all day and she is jealous.
-Poor Buster got attacked by another dog while I was taking him (and Wes) on a walk this weekend. Generally Buster is the jerk barking at other dogs but we were just walking when from the other side of the road a dog took off from its house, ran across the street and started to bite Buster while I held the leash, screamed at the dog, and tried to get the dog off Buster while not getting bit myself. The owner ran out and finally corralled the dog but seriously? Another neighbor (whom I know) also came out and said that the dog is super nice to her kid, etc. Well Buster is super nice to kids but barks ferociously at other dogs- that doesn't mean a thing. Poor guy.
-I can't believe that I only have a month left of maternity leave. Wah!!!
9.05.2016
First post-Wes run
Yesterday I went on my first post-Wes run and it felt great! It sort of happened on a whim- I was going to take Buster for a walk while CP took sleeping Wes in the stroller and Izzy to a nearby park to play. I realized that I had the opportunity to at least TRY to run so I changed into my running shoes and switched out running bras for one that held the girls in tighter.
It was a slow run, but most of it was running as opposed to walking. Buster was super excited when I started to jog instead of just walking. He made it almost 2 miles before I dropped him off at the house. Since there was no sign of CP yet I quickly drank some water and headed out again, figuring I would do one more mile for an even 3.
When I got back to the house a second time I really had to pee but otherwise felt great! Busting out a 3 mile run after a year of walking had me on a high the rest of the day. By the end of the day, my legs were tired (almost 16,000 steps taken!), I had started to bleed (hmmm...did I do too much?), and I wish I had been able to nap but it was worth it. Of course this morning my legs are super sore, but again totally worth it. Next time I need to make sure I get a stretching session in after the run. Wes must have known that I had a tiring day- when he started fussing after about five hours of sleep, I went up to go to the bathroom and by the time I got back, he was quiet enough that I thought I could get back in bed and see if he could sleep longer. Sure enough, he slept another hour. Go Wes!
It was a slow run, but most of it was running as opposed to walking. Buster was super excited when I started to jog instead of just walking. He made it almost 2 miles before I dropped him off at the house. Since there was no sign of CP yet I quickly drank some water and headed out again, figuring I would do one more mile for an even 3.
When I got back to the house a second time I really had to pee but otherwise felt great! Busting out a 3 mile run after a year of walking had me on a high the rest of the day. By the end of the day, my legs were tired (almost 16,000 steps taken!), I had started to bleed (hmmm...did I do too much?), and I wish I had been able to nap but it was worth it. Of course this morning my legs are super sore, but again totally worth it. Next time I need to make sure I get a stretching session in after the run. Wes must have known that I had a tiring day- when he started fussing after about five hours of sleep, I went up to go to the bathroom and by the time I got back, he was quiet enough that I thought I could get back in bed and see if he could sleep longer. Sure enough, he slept another hour. Go Wes!
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