He'll Flip Ya Flynn Will Flip Ya For Real

So this was kinda how I was on Twitter this morning when they announced Mike Flynn had plead out to Mueller's Russian investigation and was cooperating with Mueller's further probing into trump's actions subverting our national elections:

While the early arrests into the trump-Russia scandal were nice, they weren't direct links to trump himself. Mike Flynn is a bigger deal: He has ties to trump going back years, was picked to serve as his National Security Adviser, and had so many illegal acts linked to him - including an insane plan to kidnap a Turkish national off American soil, an act of espionage that defies any legal excuse - that getting him to flip wasn't a question of if but when.

What's interesting to note is that Flynn is pleading out to one charge - lying to federal investigators - while there were so many greater charges facing him. Any amateur who's watched every season of Law & Order can tell you, the ones who get the early plea deals tend to get the better lighter deals because the prosecutors want the higher-ups in any criminal conspiracy. You have to consider that for every major tidbit Flynn turned over to Mueller, that Mueller took a more serious charge off the table in exchange.

Whatever got Flynn off on that kidnapping charge had to be a doozy involving trump. HAS to be.

Thing is, Mueller doesn't have to go straight at trump with the next arrest. He's likely to go after the rest of the outer circle of trump handlers - Chris Christie, Jeff Sessions, and VP Pence (!) are on that list - and then go after members of the inner circle - there's already reports that Flynn can give up Kushner on Russian collusion - to where trump has nowhere to run, noone else to blame when Mueller finally lines up to charge him.

It's all a question of how trump reacts to this. When everyone else tried to warn him about Flynn - like Sally Yates - they got fired. When Comey got canned it was because trump worried Flynn was in danger of the investigation under Comey's direction. Trump knows how Flynn is tied to the people closest to him (Kushner can't take a piss without an okay from his father-in-law) and like all mob boss wannabes trump isn't going to figure a subtler way out of this mess.

This isn't over. But it's getting close. And it's a beautiful thing to know this Shitgibbon is quaking in fear of the oncoming storm.

Even Dinsdale Was Frightened of Doug

Apparently this was what Trump was aiming for when he accused President Obama of being a founder of a major terrorist organization:

Oh, we all get sarcasm Donald. Do you get the fact that you were repeatedly asked about your accusation and for a whole day you said you were "literal," which is kind of the opposite of "sarcasm".

I get the feeling Trump would totally pussy out if he ever met Doug Piranha.

Palin: Doug. (shaking, takes a drink) I was terrified of him. Everyone was terrified of Doug. I've seen grown men pull their own heads off rather than see Doug. Even... Dinsdale was frightened of Doug.

Jones: What did he do?

Palin (eyes go wide for a second in horror): He used sarcasm. He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes... and satire.

You see, Trump, Doug is a MASTER of sarcasm. You barely rank out of kindergarten, you con artist.

It doesn't help Trump's cause that every joke he tries is based on insult and degradation. Neither of those bits work with sarcasm at all.

How bad does Trump have to be at his stand-up routine before the judges hit that damn gong?

This Is What the Constant BernieBro Backlash Has Brought Me To

(Update: Big hello again to the Crooks & Liars audience visiting via the Mike's Blog Round-Up link! Thank you again, Infidel753 for the promotion!)

What I'm seeing in the Twitter feeds and on Salon.com - that site has gone so far in for Bernie and so against Hillary that when Hillary wins I'm afeared they'll go full Trump on us - that "we" need to blow up the Democratic Party to save it has driven me to break out the trout and perform the most epic of put-downs:

Breaking out poorly edited Monty Python snark.

Overheard at a Bernie Sanders Support Meeting

Bernie: All right, Shaun King. Don't labor the point. And what have the Democratic Party ever given us in return?

X-Man fan: Civil rights legislation in the 1960s.

Bernie: Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.

Guy Fawkes Mask Guy: And the unionized sanitation workers!

Shaun: Oh yes... sanitation unions, Bernie, you remember what the city used to be like whenever they'd go on strike.

Bernie: All right, I'll grant you that the civil rights and the sanitation unions are two things that the Democrats have done...

Jeff: And the roads bills they keep pushing so we can fix our aging highways and bridges...

Bernie: (angry) Well yes obviously the roads and bridges... the roads and bridges go without saying. But apart from the civil rights, the sanitation unions, and the roads...

Another Activist dressed like a Ghostbuster: Climate change activism...

Other Cosplay Voices: Cheaper Medicine... Public Education... Frank-Dodd regulations... Obamacare getting 90 percent of the population covered...

Bernie: Yes... all right, fair enough...

Anime Fan near the front: And Obama does his own crafted brewing! I've shared some recipes with him!

All of the Mob: Oh yes! True!

Pope Francis: Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if the Democrats broke up, Bernie.

Stan Lee (cameo): And the crime rate's dropped during the last eight years.

Pope Francis: Yes, they certainly know how to keep order... (The crowd nods)... let's face it, they're the only ones who could in a nation like this.

Bernie (frustrated): All right... all right... but apart from the civil rights and the sanitation unions and Obamacare and education and climate change issues and microbreweries and roads and a regulated financial system and public order... what have the Democratic Party done for us?

Jeff: Nobel peace prizes?

Bernie: (angry) What!? (scornfully) Peace... shut it!

(The previous has been ripped shamelessly from Life of Brian)

I have a little too much MegaCon conventioning on my mind right now. Apologies for that.

Just to note, this is post No.999 on this blog. So the next one I do has got to be a biggie. Keep alert.

As Fox-Not-News' War On Saturnalia Continues Unabated

...I mean, seriously, I can't find any Greco-Roman pagans who even know what Saturnalia is, for Athena's sake...

I just wanted to make this observation about the ongoing disaster that is the GOP 2012 Primary race.  All the insane debates, the rise and fall of various wingnut candidates all because Mitt Romney is a flavor most primary voters didn't like the last time he ran in 2008...  I mean, we've gone from Trump to Bachmann to Perry to Cain and now Gingrich of all people is in the lead in Iowa and even now Gingrich's lead may be slipping to where Ron Paul is surging...  All of this, all of the crazy going on, it made me realize this:

Doesn't the 2012 Republican primary race look and feel EXACTLY like Monty Python's Upper Class Twit of the Year decathlon?

 
I know, I know.  This is awfully Classist of me to wage such bitter, savage rage against a select group of idiots who can't realize their grandstanding on the debate stages highlight exactly how elitist, out-of-touch, and flat-out insane they really are.

And I honestly do not encourage this year's grouping of Upper Class Twits uh Republican Presidential candidates from shooting themselves in order to win the Upper Class Twit award uh the Republican nomination.  Mostly because it would be a waste of bullets when a humiliating Electoral College result (I mean, at this rate the Republican candidate will get only South Carolina, Texas, and Idaho this November) would be more satisfying.

Now I understand why Huckabee and Christie and Daniels refused to sign up this round.

Having typed this, I just want to say to all Greco-Roman pagans out there Io Saturnalia!