Random Thoughts 2022

Stephanie Meyer published a book called ‘Midnight Sun’. It is a retelling of her famous Twilight novel from the perspective of the male love interest, a vampire named Edward. In 2009, when the Twilight series was all the rage, I was fourteen years old. I was enamoured, to be honest. My parents forbade me from reading vampire romance so reading in the dark, in secret, made it all the more glorious. Oh I savoured every word. Anyway. All this is to say that hearing about Midnight Sun sparked some curiousity so I read some reviews and watched some ‘booktubers’ talking about it and have come to the conclusion that my 27 year old self really doesn’t have the time to read about the inner thinkings of a hundred and something year old vampire who decides, with the gift of immortality, to spend time in a highschool with sixteen year olds, and falls in love with one of them. I mean. I am 27. If I was immortal, highschool would be the last place I would spend my time, my goodness.

I realised this week, when my 2 year old had his first ever tummy bug, that I have to put my own tummy bug on hold in order to deal with his. I had to still rush up and down stairs, cleaning out vomit from sheets and floors and buckets, disinfecting everything. I had to make sure he was hydrated, and lie next to him ready with the bucket at his slightest stir. It’s amazing how the human body works. One minute I was so exhausted I couldn’t get off the sofa, and the next I was hurtling across the room to catch my child, who was shivering and hot and had vomit in his hair. Lovely.

There is also a ‘petrol shortage’ in the UK. I think it’s just a combination of panic-buying and a shortage of lorry drivers due to Brexit. Funny that, isn’t it. Leavers were worried ‘foreigners’ were taking all their jobs… now not enough ‘foreigners’ are taking the jobs. Funny funny irony. Thankfully we do not use our car much, so we are alright. But I have heard tales of ambulances not being able to fuel up due to the ‘shortage’ and have seen plenty of memes about ‘loo roll wankers’ being the same douchebags who are filling up plastic water bottles with petrol because this is apparently the end of times and what do we need most in an apocalypse? Petrol. Oh. Humanity.

I spend a lot of time thinking but my thoughts are to-do lists.

2026: Why I am publishing this list of 2022 thoughts now, I have no idea. I came across it in my drafts folder and sentiments sure have changed in 4 years. My 2 year old is now almost 7, and I have a nearly 5 year old, and my thoughts are occupied by far more complex things! But why not publish this, why ever not.

That Golden Brown Butter

Today I fried samosas in ghee. I didn’t know I could do that, but given my newfound knowledge about the inflammatory effects of refined oils and seed oils, and the fact we only ever use olive oil, butter or ghee for cooking – I was so averse to frying samosas in the only way I ever knew we could fry them; in sunflower oil.

So I avoided ChatGPT, and went straight to Google, to ask if I could fry samosas in ghee. Google gave me the AI answer, but I bypassed it and scrolled down to an article written by a Pakistani lady who said frying samosas in ghee was better because it results in a deliciously nutty flavour.

So we did it. We made a spicy potato filling, just like my mum makes – all my samosa-making skills come from my mum, who is the queen of homemade samosas, and has had us trained from childhood in the art of wrapping them to form perfect triangles. We fried them till golden brown and crispy. We dipped them in ketchup (because I am not skilled enough to make a chutney of any kind, and my mum always gave us ketchup). We ate them together, me and my two munchkins, who are on a two-week holiday from school, so it really did feel like our old home-schooling days.

Did you know you could fry things in ghee?

The Wind in My Willows

Daily writing prompt
If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?

Why, it would say, look for the beauty in nature to ground yourself. That is what it would say.

I find myself yearning for cold winds over rugged plains and hills, scraggly rocks, hours of exploration through misty woods and amid raging shores. I find myself yearning for the silence of the hills, interrupted by the occasional moo of a forlorn cow or the caw of an impudent crow just alighting in a tree above. I find myself yearning for trees that live as though they are governed by no man, thick woody trunks and roots weaving over each other, knobbled with age and a wisdom only hundreds of years can bestow upon them.

I find myself missing this simple thing that I used to do all the time, which I took for granted at the time, but which truly held all the treasures in life:

Waking up of a morning, in whatever season you please, and seeing sunshine. Deciding in that moment to pack a bag with sandwiches, boiled eggs, carrots sliced into thick sticks, cucumbers cut in the same way. Perhaps some apples left in the pantry and some digestives found shoved in the back of a cupboard. A sandwich bag filled with nuts, another with dates. Or raisins. Or nothing. Bottles of water filled at the cold kitchen tap. Children up, changed, breakfasted on toast, and bundled up if it was winter or prepared with wellies and raincoats if it was summer – because you cannot trust the British sunshine always – and then, mercy of mercies, all packed into a car. A blessed thing, is a car.

And then, because we lived in a town in the Cheshire countryside, a 30-40 minute drive into the country. Through windey little lanes and in amongst ancient oaks and horse chestnuts. Soon we come somewhere. A hill to climb or a forest to meander through – we park in a lay-by or a little stoney car park that is empty and you don’t need to pay because people rarely come here. Everybody is at school you see. My kids are not. We do school everywhere.

Did.

Did school everywhere.

And we would walk all day. Sometimes through rose gardens and manor kitchen gardens and along well-kept lawns fringed with espalier apple and pear trees perfectly formed against brick walls. Sometimes trek up a stoney path until we reached a derelict castle on top of a hill, from which we would be able to see the whole of Cheshire – Jodrell Bank there in the distance, Mow Cop in a different direction. Wind in our faces, heavy clouds chasing bright sunshine, biscuits and apples as our relished fuel after a long (and whiny!!) climb. Little legs and little voices and little hands slipping into mine. Then screams of laughter and playing and me lying back on the grass and staring at the vast vast sky and feeling… so free and happy.

We would get home at sunset – be that 4pm or 8pm, exhausted but happy, bone-tired in the way that would let you sleep sound and heavy. I would bathe the kids, wash them of the mud and dirt they would inevitably accumulate in their free exploration, and we would have a small dinner together. Sometimes we would watch Somebody Feed Phill with our bedtime warm milk and biscuit (tea for me, thanks) – Phill with his friendly eyes and his love of humanity (and food!). Then a story, then bed. I would fall deliciously asleep with the children, fully aware of how privileged I was in my freedom and safety.

I was a lucky girl. I was so lucky for those two years of my life. I was tired and sore and complained but my oh my, with all the glorious countryside at my fingertips – why I could walk half an hour from my home and be in the middle of nowhere – I was on top of the world.

And I miss that now, stuck here in a metropolis. We’ll find our nature but it will be short lived because you can’t make a habit of going out in 50C heat.

My billboard would say, look for the beauty in nature to ground yourself.

Because it always, always, always grounded me. I have never felt such happiness or contentment as in the times I have spent in nature. And I hope to do plenty more of it in my lifetime.

John Constable (1816) – countryside painting of Wivenhoe Park, Essex.