Tag: Ageing

Hi, all:

This is a non-fiction book by a well-known, although new to me, writer. I had to check it out when I read the title.

Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old: A Highly Judgmental, Unapologetically Honest Accounting of All the Things Our Elders Are Doing Wrong by Steven Petrow

For fans of David Sedaris and Nora Ephron, here is a humorous, irreverent, and poignant look at the gifts, stereotypes, and inevitable challenges of aging, based on the wildly popular New York Times essay from award-winning journalist Steven Petrow.

Soon after his 50th birthday, Steven Petrow began assembling a list of “things I won’t do when I get old”—mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something year old parents were doing wrong. That list, which included “You won’t have to shout at me that I’m deaf,” and “I won’t blame the family dog for my incontinence,” became the basis of this rousing collection of do’s and don’ts, wills and won’ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical.

The fact is, we don’t want to age the way previous generations did. “Old people” hoard. They bore relatives—and strangers—with tales of their aches and pains. They insist on driving long after they’ve become a danger to others (and themselves). They eat dinner at 4pm. They swear they don’t need a cane or walker (and guess what happens next). They never, ever apologize. But there is another way . . .

In Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old, Petrow candidly addresses the fears, frustrations, and stereotypes that accompany aging. He offers a blueprint for the new old age, and an understanding that aging and illness are not the same. As he writes, “I meant the list to serve as a pointed reminder—to me—to make different choices when I eventually cross the threshold to ‘old.’”

Getting older is a privilege. This essential guide reveals how to do it with grace, wisdom, humor, and hope. And without hoarding.

About the author:

Steven Petrow is an award-winning journalist and book author who is best known for his Washington Post and New York Times essays on aging, health, and civility. He’s also an opinion columnist for USA Today, where he writes about civil discourse and manners. Steven’s 2019 TED Talk, “3 Ways to Practice Civility” has been viewed more than 1.8 million times and translated into 13 languages.The most recent of his five books is Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners. His next book, Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I’m Old, will be published in 2021. You’re likely to hear Steven when you turn on NPR’s “All Things Considered Weekend,” or one of your favorite — or least favorite — TV networks. Steven also served as the host and executive producer of “The Civilist,” a podcast from Public Radio International and North Carolina Public Radio WUNC.

My review:

I was attracted to this book by its title (I’ve just crossed the threshold of 60, and I live with and look after my mother, in her mid-eighties), as I thought I would easily identify with many of the topics discussed, and, as tends to be the case, I also realised that I was not the only one to notice some of the behaviours of the older generation and to worry about what I’d become like when I got there.

I tried a brief sample of the book and found it funny, and as I’ve been trying to read books on similar topics that might also bring a smile to my face, I thought this was a good book to try.

First, I wanted to let possible readers know that if they are followers of the author and have read many of his articles, they might be familiar with some of the content, as the book includes several edited and expanded versions of some articles Petrow has published in the past, so I’d recommend checking the content in detail to avoid disappointment.

Second, this volume was not exactly what I expected. Yes, there are chapters that made me nod, smile, and chuckle a bit, but it is not a funny book from cover to cover. In a chapter, there might be experiences or anecdotes that are funny, but also content that is fairly serious and even some pretty emotional and moving. People reading it to take their minds off worries or the concerning aspects of ageing might find that they have bitten more than they can chew.

But, third, that does not mean I am disappointed. Although I can’t recall reading anything by Petrow before, so he is not somebody whose life experience I was familiar with before reading this book, I particularly enjoyed his candid reflections about his life, his family, his friends, his circumstances, and the people, advice, and readings that had made an impact on his view of life. I don’t have a lot in common with the author (I love reading and writing, have an elderly parent with her own ideas about things, very different to mine, and have no spouse or children who might be around when my time comes. That is all), but, in spite of that, I connected with many of his concerns, observations, and goals. And some of the chapters made me think in more depth about some issues that have crossed my mind more than once, even if most people don’t want to face them (not only one’s own mortality, but also practical arrangements, like what to do with your stuff, where would you live if you cannot do so with full independence, and what legacy you want to leave behind). I felt that the book started on lighter topics and moved towards more serious and personal ones, and I felt moved by much of what the author shared (especially about his relationship with his parents and friends) towards the end. That is not surprising, as the book is divided into three self-explanatory parts: Stupid Things I Won’t Do Today, Stupid Things I Won’t Do Tomorrow, and Stupid Things I Won’t Do at “The End”.

The writing is excellent, and, although some of the details he shares (when talking about specific services available or locations, to name only two) might not be directly comparable to the readers’ own, the concepts and the questions it raises are easy to adapt to each individual’s personal circumstances.

To give you an idea of some of what you might find in the book, I include the title of some of the chapters:

I Won’t Limit Myself to Friends My Own Age

I Won’t Join the “Organ Recital” (As you might suspect, the author refers to exchanging complaints about physical ailments and shortcomings with friends and acquaintances you meet)

I Won’t Become a Miserable Malcontent, a Cranky Curmudgeon, or a Surly Sourpuss

I Won’t Tell My Life Story When Someone Asks, “How Are You?”

I Won’t Wait Until I’m Dead to Get a Hearing Aid (or, “What? What Did You Say?”)

I Won’t Forget to Plan My Own Funeral

This volume also includes an introduction that explains how the book came to be (why he started keeping a list of things not to do like his parents, and how he later realised what this list was really about), an afterword, a section of acknowledgments, and also a few words by Roseann Foley Henry (who is listed as co-author on the cover and explains what she feels she has contributed to the book).

This is a non-fiction book that deals with many topics people of a certain age start thinking about (even if they’d much rather avoid them) and does so sensitively, with touches of light humour and plenty of self-deprecation. It is divided into chapters, although sometimes the content strays off topic, and there is some repetition of ideas and concepts, because many of these subjects are interconnected. The chapters can be read in any order one chooses, although I felt there was a logical progression when read as published, and the collection worked well for me as a single read. I am sure I will come back to revisit some of the chapters and the parts I have highlighted in the future.

Recommended to anybody interested in these types of topics and to fans of the writer (with the warning I included earlier).

Thanks to the author for writing about such important and often overlooked topics. Thanks to all of you for reading, clicking, liking, commenting, and, above all, for visiting and always being supportive. Keep reading and smiling!