Carers – Just Olga

Hi, all:

I bring you a book from BooksGoSocial on NetGalley, with an interesting story, not only inside its pages but also behind its creation.

The Nuse: Love Shines Bright Even When Memory Fades by Joyce Kostakis

What if the person you love most is slowly slipping away, their memories fading into oblivion, and you are powerless to stop it?

Jill Bish has built a beautiful life with her husband, Jim. When he is diagnosed with dementia, their world shatters. As Jim’s memories fade, Jill becomes his caregiver, pouring all her love and strength into cherishing every precious moment they have left together.

Determined to care for Jim at home, Jill faces the overwhelming challenges of caregiving head-on. The simplest tasks become monumental efforts, and the weight of Jim’s condition threatens to crush her spirit. Jill refuses to give up on the man she loves. With the support of a unique memory care group, she embarks on a journey of resilience, hope, and unwavering devotion.

As Jim’s condition progresses, he forgets Jill is his wife. Yet in a heartwarming twist of fate, Jim falls in love with Jill all over again. Their love story takes on a new meaning as they rediscover the depth of their connection. Simultaneously heartwarming and heartbreaking, “The Nurse” is a powerful exploration of the enduring nature of love in the face of a devastating illness.

Author Joyce Kostakis has crafted a memorable story that evokes deep emotions. This extraordinary novel is a testament to the unbreakable bonds of love, the resilience of the human spirit, and the profound truth that even when memories fade, the heart never forgets.

About the author:

Award-winning author and screenwriter Joyce Kostakis weaves compelling stories across genres, creating emotionally resonant tales that keep readers turning pages late into the night.

Joyce Kostakis spent her childhood exploring storybook castles and wandering charming German villages while moving between military bases with her family. Those early adventures sparked a lifelong love of storytelling that followed her from the sun-soaked beaches of Florida to the misty mountains of Oregon, before she finally found her home in Ohio.

Now she balances her days as a project manager with moonlit writing sessions, creating worlds of mystery and romance with her faithful companions – an amazingly patient husband, a playful pup named Max, and a cat named Sissy who firmly believes she should be the true main character of every story.

Her rich tapestry of life experiences – from being raised an Army brat and serving in the Air Force to working as a legal assistant – weaves through her writing, bringing authenticity to every page.

In 2023, Joyce’s creative journey took an exciting turn when “The Nurse,” her debut as both writer and director, captivated film festival audiences and garnered multiple awards. The success of this short film inspired her to expand it into a novel, proving that powerful stories can find their way to readers’ hearts through multiple paths.

Whether she’s crafting upmarket commercial romance that makes hearts melt or paranormal mysteries that keep readers guessing until dawn, Joyce brings emotional depth and relatable characters to every story. Her first novel, “Streaming Sarah,” is now being adapted for the screen, with filming set to begin in early 2025 – a testament to her ability to tell stories that resonate across mediums.

When she’s not writing or managing projects, you might find Joyce curled up with a good book, plotting her next story over a cup of coffee, or sharing writing tips with aspiring authors. Her graduate degree in project management might help her plot the perfect novel, but it’s her passion for authentic storytelling that truly brings her characters to life.

Notable Achievements

Screenwriting Success

“The Nurse” (2023) – Award-winning short script, writer and director. Now expanded into a novel.

Upcoming Projects

“Streaming Sarah” adaptation into feature-length script, filming to begin in early 2025.

Professional Background

– Project Manager – Air Force Veteran – Legal Assistant – Graduate Degree in Project Management

My review:

I thank NetGalley and BooksGoSocial for providing me with an ARC copy of this book, which I freely chose to review.

I was in two minds about reading this novel because my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s over a year ago. Although I’ve been reading nonfiction books about it, I wasn’t sure I was ready for a novel. But the focus seemed interesting, very different from my personal situation, and I was intrigued by it.

Also, the story of how the novel came to be is quite interesting in its own right. The author had to write a script as part of a course; the script won a contest, and the prize was getting it produced. The short was so well received that the author decided to turn it into a novel. And this is it.

The book centres on a couple, Jim and Jill. They met through work (as they were both working in the same school), fell in love and got married. Although Jim had been married before, they seemed to have been made for each other, and everybody who knew them thought they were the perfect couple. Unfortunately, fate decided to put them to the test, and by the time the story starts, Jim suffers from dementia and Jill is his full-time carer. She accepts it, tries her hardest to make things easy and to keep the house running smoothly, but Jim’s memory takes a turn for the worse, and, as the description explains, Jill suddenly becomes a stranger that he doesn’t want in the house any longer.

How she goes about getting back into his life is what makes up most of the novel, that is full of beautiful and inspiring moments, many of them involving a unique Memory Group that offers practical and emotional support to people with Alzheimer’s and their carers. Many of the activities involve both of them, and they are creative, imaginative, inspiring, and positive. In many ways, the novel is a breath of fresh air and a different take on this cruel illness. We see people struggle and face heartbreak and difficulties, but there are also moments of enjoyment, fulfilment, and discovery.

The novel combines the love story of the two characters, a love that survives challenges and tough trials, with the experience of people with Alzheimer’s and their carers, as there are chapters from Jill’s point of view and others from Jim’s, both in the first person, and they give readers some sense of what the experience might be like.

I missed knowing a bit more about both characters’ lives before the events we read about, and before they were a couple. We learn some things about Jim later on (I won’t reveal anything about it. You’ll have to read the novel to find out more), but not much about Jill, and although there are brief mentions of her interest in her work, she doesn’t seem to have anybody she has any kind of relationship with, friends or family, and other than a visit to one of Jim’s relatives, the story centres almost exclusively on the two of them (with brief appearances from staff and users of the Memory Group) and the way they deal with Jim’s condition. And I guess that, in itself, is quite telling when it comes to dementia and caring full-time for somebody who suffers it, as sustaining a semblance of ‘life as usual’ gets increasingly hard as the illness progresses.

In my opinion, the view the book provides is slightly idyllic and idealised. There are some issues and problems reflected in the novel, but Jill is almost saintly: she never (she gets close to it, but the issue that brings it about is not related to dementia) loses her patience, is always ready to do anything necessary to make Jim’s life better, and is selfless, never putting herself first. There are a couple of moments of crisis, and she gets support at those points. Still, I suspect most carers struggle and have a harder time than what is reflected in the novel. However, some other carers and secondary characters in the novel do mention some difficulties that will sound familiar to many in similar circumstances. Of course, the Memory Group described (based on a real group, as the author mentions in her note at the end of the novel) sounds wonderful, but, sadly, not everybody will be lucky enough to have something similar available where they live. Having said all that, it is unfair to expect a fictional book to be totally realistic and to reflect everybody’s experiences. That wouldn’t be possible, and it wasn’t the intention of the author, who talks about her inspiration and the guidance she got when writing the book in her author’s note, which I recommend paying attention to, as it includes links to extra materials.

This is a wonderful romantic novel in which the “in illness and in health” promise is put to the test, and the relationship is reinvented and strengthened by the trials and tribulations the protagonists endure. Its positive outlook on dementia is bound to inspire and give hope to readers who might face a similar challenge at some point in the future.

I recommend checking the short movie as well. It is beautiful.

And I wanted to share a quote from the author’s note I particularly liked:

Remember to reach out for support when you need it and prioritize self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

If you’d like to learn more about the project, you can check the book trailer here:

And you can watch the short film (it is 16 minutes long) and well-worth a watch:

Thanks to the author, to NetGalley, and to BooksGoSocial for this opportunity, and special thanks to all of you for reading, sharing, liking, commenting, and clicking. Have a wonderful week and keep smiling!

Hi, all:

I mentioned recently that I had started to read books about being a carer, and when I saw the title of this book and checked the contents, I had to have it. Oh, and there are drawings (in the same line as the one on the cover), as well…

The Selfish Pig’s Guide To Caring: How to cope with the emotional and practical aspects of caring for someone by Hugh Marriott

Six million people in the UK, often unnoticed by the rest of us, provide unpaid care for disabled or elderly relatives, friends, or neighbours. Their job is long, lonely and hard, yet there is limited support and no formal training. As a result, carers suffer frequent damage to physical and mental health.

Oddly, though carers by definition are anything but selfish pigs, they are liable to feelings of guilt, probably brought on by fatigue and isolation. So Hugh Marriott has written this book for them – and also for the rest of us who don’t know what being a carer is all about. His aim is to bring into the open everything he wishes he’d been told when he first became a carer. And he does. The book airs such topics as sex, thoughts of murder, and dealing with the responses of friends and officials who fail to understand.

This is a must-read for anyone involved with caring.

About the author:

Hugh Marriott lives in Lymington with his wife Cathie, who is suffering from Huntingdon’s Disease. He used to run his own PR business. He has three daughters and enjoys sailing.

My review:

I haven’t read many books on the subject of caring yet (I am caring after a parent with Alzheimer’s, and although we are in the early stages, any help is welcome), so I can’t compare this one with anything, but I liked the focus on the carer. Although the book deals with a lot of aspects of caring (from frustrations, feeling lonely, and financial issues, to sex and toileting), these are always approached from the point of view of the carer. The author clarifies that he will not be providing specific advice, because many different conditions require care and the advice would not suit everybody, specific information on certain subjects (benefits and where to find information, for example) will change over time and it would be difficult to keep up-to-date, and the way things work in different countries will be very different. Despite all that, the book succeeds in tapping into how carers feel and providing useful advice, mostly about one’s attitude and way of thinking about caring.

One of the pieces of advice that I found more useful was his recommendation to start thinking about yourself, presenting yourself as a carer, and becoming aware of what an important task carers do. His recommendation to listen to other carers, and look for advice from support groups is also invaluable. And his comments about Officialdom and how to deal with them (insist, insist, and make a pest of yourself if necessary, but don’t give up), sound right as well. He also includes personal accounts, and quotes from other carers, which I found useful as well because nobody can talk about the subject with as much authority as somebody who is (or has been) a carer.

Marriott writes about a serious subject but injects plenty of humour into the situation, and does not shy away from any topics or from calling a spade, a spade. Readers who expect a mild and proper book should be warned, as the author explains that the book isn’t politically correct, and that is true. It didn’t bother me at all, but some readers might feel offended by some of the terminology used. For example, Marriott comes up with a term for the cared-for person: ‘Person I Give Love and Endless Therapy to’ and he shortens it to PIGLET, and that term is used throughout the whole book.

The book is divided into chapters, by topics, after an introduction specifying what the book is not, and what it is. It can be read by picking up something the carer is interested in or needs advice on, or read from cover to cover (which is what I did, even though some of the chapters aren’t relevant to me. They still managed to make me think).

There are footnotes clarifying terminology or certain points in the text, and the author also includes a Glossary, a section on resources (a bibliography that includes booklets and seminars), and a detailed index.

Apart from the warning about the language and some of the subjects (which might be distasteful for some readers), even though the author’s stated intention is not to offer specific advice, I noticed that much of the advice and the comments refer to organisations and official bodies from the UK. Although there will be similar organisations and bodies in many other countries (I’m still wondering if there is an equivalent to the Citizens Advice Bureau where I live now, and I can’t think of one, although you can find similar information spread out in different places), that is not always the case. I am not an expert on how care is organised in different countries, but having accompanied a friend of mine (a nurse) whose mother lived in Egypt and who was being looked after by a paid carer at home, I am aware of how different things can be. (Let me give you an example: we spent several days visiting pharmacies trying to find a specific type of bandage, and despite having money to pay for it, it proved almost impossible, and the prices were astronomical even for the less-than-ideal replacements we were able to find, compared to their prices in Europe). So, although most readers are likely to find something useful they connect with in this book, some might find it puzzling or not applicable at all.

In sum, this is a book that puts the carers right at the centre and advises them to be selfish (although you need to read the book to learn exactly what the author means by that) in order to keep caring, do the best job possible, and feel proud of it. So, even with the caveats above, I recommend it to anybody who has found himself in this situation (by choice or not so much). It might not be a life-saver, but it might change your perspective, and that might make a difference. (As usual, I’d recommend checking a sample of the book to those who aren’t sure if it might suit them or not. I did, and it made my mind up to buy it).

Thanks to the author for this useful book, thanks to all of you for reading, and remember to like, share, comment, click, and especially, to keep smiling. Take lots of care. ♥

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The Selfish Pig’s Guide To Caring: How to cope with the emotional and practical aspects of caring for someone by Hugh Marriott

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