In the early morning hours after Iralee was born, I awoke to little footsteps sneaking into my room. I opened my eyes enough to see William, with an excited look on his face, inquiring about Iralee. He watched her sleep for a minute, then left.
A short time later, Grant came in. As he was rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he too asked about Iralee. I pointed her out to him. The look of love on his face was amazing. He leaned over to kiss his new little sister. He was more giddy than he has ever been for any Christmas or birthday. It was so nice having Iralee at home, so wonderful having the peaceful moments of joy of seeing my children overcome with excitement because of our new little angel.
I absolutely love having a newborn. They are so fresh from heaven that they bring a part of heaven with them. The whole house is alive with a special spirit, with unspeakable joy. I love how tiny and precious they are. I told Todd that I could have a newborn all of the time. Pulling down his eyes he said, "Yes, but then we would be sooo tired". Oh, ya, forgot about that (but why did he say "we", he hasn't gotten up with her).
I have to admit that I may be in some sort of denial. I think that the nights aren't
that bad, that Iralee lets me sleep a lot, but then I remember that last night I was up for almost two hours with her. Todd says that I'm just taking after my Grandma Wilma, who was known as being unbelievably, and sometimes inappropriately, optimistic.
Even with the sleepless nights, I really enjoy newborns. I love how much they slow down your life. I love how little and fresh they are. I love how I, as a parent, have made very few parenting mistakes with a newborn. I love how they smell. I love how soft they are. I love how solemn they are. Though I am the one waking up throughout the night, and even though I am the one with a sore chest and body, I feel badly for Todd and feel fortunate for myself. No one gets to hold their newborn as much as a mother does. With all of the feeding and such, I get a guaranteed 20 minutes every couple of hours to hold this angel. Everyone else has to wait between feedings, changings, and naps.
Iralee has really been quite an easy baby. I do realize that a lot of the ease is because she's my sixth, not my first. With my first, I ran to every squeak, ended up waking the poor baby, then wondering why he didn't sleep very much. With Iralee I am much more calm, though I keep moving her blanket to uncover her trach only to remember that not all baby's have trachs.
There have been a few times, especially in the evenings, when Todd's at work and Evee doesn't have a nurse, when I have had a difficult time caring for both, especially when their hungry and/or tired. I have had to go between babies, each having to cry more than I would like because my care for the other one takes time as well. So far, I have survived, and last I checked, so did my sanity.
Evee is warming up to her sister. She still doesn't welcome her with open arms
...in fact, she elbowed Iralee in the head today (on accident, hopefully),
but there have been some sweet moments. When Iralee was just a few days old, I sat in a chair with Evee on one side and Iralee on the other. Iralee had fallen asleep, and Evee was on her way to falling asleep. Evee kept checking out Iralee, inspecting her, then very gently, Evee reached her arm over and touched Iralee.
One evening, when I was on the couch with both girls, one in each arm, they both fell asleep as we were waiting for the night nurse to arrive. I couldn't move for either girl would not be able to hold themselves. I finally discovered that if I nudged a pillow into place, I could get my arm out from under Evee. Once free I decided to place Iralee in Evee's arms. The outcome was beautiful.
The next morning I told Evee about the whole thing, told her that I caught her holding her baby sister, to which she responded with a shake of the head, denying everything. Okay, she shakes her head at everything, so that's no real surprise.
But Evee's not quite ready to share her man with Iralee
Iralee planned the timing of her birth perfectly. My mom was able to come and spend a few fun days with us beforehand, then was here for a week afterwards. I am really grateful for her visit, not only did we have a great time being with her, but she was very helpful. She cooked, she cleaned, she played with the boys, and she let me rest. I was really sad to see her go, but felt that she helped me when I needed it the most and that I could do it from that point.
I have really enjoyed having my new baby girl. It's great to have a baby that the boys can actually hold for they were never really allowed/able to hold Evee much. The boys love both of the Princesses in our home, and they have shown it.
I am always telling my kids to stop growing. While having a discussion with Mikey about this, I told him that he's my baby, and though I love seeing him progress and grow, it still makes me sad that he's not a baby anymore. He told me that it was a good thing that I had two babies. I pointed out that though I had two babies, neither of those babies is Mikey, that each child is very special to me regardless of how many others I have.
Mikey then said to me, "Mom, I think I understand how much you love your kids".
"Ya? Why is that?"
"When you popped Iralee out, you were so happy, you were crying, and you kept saying 'My baby. My baby', you love Iralee... a lot."
"Yes, and I have that same love for you."
It was awesome to see that Mikey understood to some extent my love for him, that he got to see some very real, raw emotion from me about my feelings towards my children, that he got to see that he is special. And the truth is, they all are special. Even though Iralee hasn't been in our lives for very long, I love her just as much as I do any of the others. Even though we've given Evee a lot of extra special attention, my love for her is the same. My love and relationships with each child is different, but the amount of love, the amount of sacrifice I would give for them, it is very much the same.
Being a mom is hard, it is frustrating, it is tiring, it can be
very boring, but it is also the most incredible experience. I am so grateful, even though I do not always act that way, for this experience.
Love, love, love having a newborn
We also decided to spell Iralee's name with a lower case L, we feel it looks better and causes less of a pause between Ira and Lee, for it is one quick Iralee.
