Last week I had a couple of hours with only Iralee and Henry with me. I needed to get some groceries, so we stopped at the Aldi's (love that place). Shortly after getting there I saw a friend who had just moved in. She commented on how I always seem so put together and on top of things. Ya...she's new, obviously. A few aisles later, had she witnessed the commotion that went down, she may have changed her opinion.
Here's what happened:
I was looking at something while Iralee ventured about 10 feet away from me to inspect the box of tortillas (she has to ensure quality control).
A little girl, probably around 3 years-old, came from behind. I did not witness this, but I am assuming that Iralee hit this girl. I know that this is something that a parent shouldn't assume of their child, but even though I love Iralee to the moon and back and know that she's wonderful, I also am aware that she's not always perfect.
If I had seen Iralee hit this girl, I would have tried to stop Iralee, or at least given her a swift consequence afterward, but I did not see it. I was unsure of what went down and whether we had one guilty child or two. But the other girl's mother made up for my lack of witnessing the event. She loudly retrieved her daughter. Still uncertain of what had happened, and figuring that the other mother made enough pandemonium for all of us, I just instructed Iralee to come to me and we continued on.
At this point it was incredibly awkward for we were all walking down the same aisle. The mother kept talking very loudly, in a third-person style, about the incident, and not knowing exactly how to respond to this senselessness, I ignored her and her comments. The little girl was getting upset anytime she got near Iralee, and the other mother was saying to her daughter things like, "Stay away from that girl.....Stay with me.....You don't want to be by her.....Why are you going near her". Incredibly awkward for anyone in the vicinity.
As I got to the end of the aisle, Iralee ran to the cooler doors. She was so excited to have her freedom to open the doors without any brothers pulling her away from them. I allowed her to be over by the cooler while I inspected some of the produce at the end of the aisle.
The other girl and her mother were near the coolers as well. Even though there are probably 10 cooler doors, the little girl wanted to open the one Iralee was at. The girl was crying about this. Iralee wasn't exactly kind about this dilemea, but at least she wasn't hitting. All the while the mother, who was between me and the girls, was telling her daughter to stay away from Iralee, yet didn't make any physical effort to keep her daughter near her so I figured that it must not have been too much of concern.
I finished with the produce and was ready to continue down the next aisle, so I went over and picked up Iralee. As I was passing the mother, I said, "Sorry about that", apologizing for the stress we were giving her and her daughter.
The mother exploded.
She started tearing into me (as much as you can when someone is walking away because you are just a little crAzy). Among giving me "advice" on how to be a mother and other things, she told me that Iralee needed to apologize. As I walked past her from retrieving my daughter I said "She's two" and kept walking as she continued to condemn me.
The mother did not understand what she was asking for when she was demanding for an apology from Iralee. Iralee is an awesome little girl, and among her many qualities, which can also be difficult to work with, is that she is very independent and very smart. When I want an apology from her, it is not a short and easy process. It is at least 20 minutes of talking, coaxing, reasoning, crying (by both mother and child) and spending time in the corner. I am sure that the other mother would not have wanted to spend that extra time in the store so that she could have the satisfaction of having a two year-old saying sorry.
I do not like Iralee (allegedly...but pretty convinced it happened) hitting another child, not one bit, but as a mother you have to make some choices and call some shots. If it had been any one of my boys, oh they would have done a lot more than just appologize. Or if we had been at a different place it would have been different. Going to the store was not something Iralee necessarily wanted to do (it's not something even I want to do). But had we been at the park, library or another place that Iralee prefered to be, I would have taken the time to get an apology out of her for then her fighting an apology would be taking time away from her fun. But at a grocery store?
However, I get it.
I don't relate to how she responded to the situation, but I think there is a cultural contrast for she did have a strong European accent. But I do understand how she felt, as a mother, having her child be picked on, having her child be innocently menaced.
I use to be in that situation.
I remember when Mikey was Iralee's age another child took the train he was playing with at the library. I was pretty sure the other mother saw, but didn't make her child give the train back to Mikey. I remember being very upset about it, yet I didn't say or do anything....and I'm not really sure I should have.
I was the one who had the child that was the nice, quiet, easy child. It was my child who was innocent. It was my child who didn't hurt a fly. It was my child that was practically perfect (at least in public).
But then
I had more than one kid.
The more kids I have I realize the less I know about being a parent.
It's not that I am getting more stupid (though you may disagree), but rather it's that I am understanding that no two kids are the same, and each kid's situation is different. Though there are some similarities in my children, and some similarities of what they are like at different stages, there are more differences for each child is his/her own individual person.
I have children who would never hit a stranger, or even a friend. I have some kids that are incredibly kind and accommodating to those around them. I have a child who can be aloof to those around him. I have a child that will take offense of anything said about him and will retaliate and I have another that will just start crying. Some behave more socially appropriate, and others fail at it.
Iralee can be very territorial (obviously), but there's also more that is going on than what is seen on the outside.
Multiple times a day Iralee will try to play with her older sister, will get her a sippy cup of milk, will help her in any way she can, yet this is always a gamble. There are times that Evee will respond positively and will play/dance/communicate with Iralee, but at sometime during these interactions Evee will pull Iralee's hair, grab at her clothes, or hit her. Most of the time Iralee will cry out for help while Evee's fingers are still entangled with her curls, but rarely does Iralee ever hit her back (anymore).
