Alright, I was a bit too serious for my own good yesterday so I’m back with my usual cheesiness.
Did I mention I just started a new diet?
The first thing I did was eliminate all the temptations from around me. Everything.
The cake from my fridge, the candy from my drawers.
I even deleted all the cookies off my computer.
Speaking of my computer, my girlfriend e-mailed me some risqué and provocative pictures today. Unfortunately, she has the least sexy panties ever.
Granny panties! 
What do you expect though? She’s 78 years old!! I guess it’s expected that she wears them.
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
Speaking of tricks though, I love teaching my dog new tricks. I just taught her how to play dead.
She only does it when she’s sleeping though.
One thing I didn’t teach her to do is chase her own tail.
One day my dog started chasing her tail inside one of those revolving doors.
She didn’t get out until 8 hours later.
A splendiferous spectacle of supernatural and superfluous soliloquies! 