A splendiferous spectacle of supernatural and superfluous soliloquies!

Just a couple days ago I noticed a new restaurant that had opened in a plaza nearby. The place was called Friendly’s. What a strange name. According to Wikipedia, it started out as an ice cream parlor called Friendly’s Ice Cream and eventually turned into a restaurant chain with locations spread all along the east coast of the country.

I also noticed the property right next to this particular Friendly’s was vacant and available to lease. I wish I had the money to open a new restaurant right in that spot. I would naturally call it Unfriendly’s.

Here at Unfriendly’s we give you attitude with that order of chicken wings. The masochist’s diner. Oh, you want your sauce on the side? Go fuck yourself. There’s a hair in your burger? We don’t give a shit. Is your kid crying because of our staff’s raunchy adult version of Happy Happy Birthday? Well boo-fucking-hoo. If you want a smile with your check, go to Friendly’s. It’s right next door. You want an open-hand slap across the face for ordering your steak extra well-done, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome to Unfriendly’s. Please wait to be seated.