Heblishization of the Megilah V

Shamelessly neglecting one’s blog is certainly no excuse for breaking a long standing tradition, and thus, the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board once again proudly presents:

The Official Heblish Translation

of

Megilat Esther - Chapter 4

(1) And Mordechai knew everything that was made, and Mordechai tore his clothes, and he wore sack and dust. And he went out in the middle of the city, and he cried a big and bitter cry.

(2) And he came until in front of the gate of the king, because there is not to come to the gate of the king in the clothes of sack.

(3) And in every state and state, a place that the thing of the king and his religion reaches to, a big mourning to the Jews and a fast and crying and mispeid. Sack and dust were offered to a lot.

(4) And the teenagers of Esther and her sarisim came, and they told to her, and the queen titchalchal-ed a lot. And she sent clothes to dress Mordechai and to get rid of his sack from on top of him, and he did not get.

(5) And Esther called to Hatach from the sarisim of the king that stood in front of her, and she l’tzavot-ed him on Mordechai - to know what is this and on what is this.

(6) And Hatach went out to Mordechai, to the street of the city that is in front of the gate of the king.

(7) And Mordechai told to him everything that happened to him and the parsha of the money that Haman said to weigh on the treasures of the king in the Jews to lose them.

(8) And the patshegen of the writing of the religion that was given in Shushan to destroy them - he gave to him to show Esther and to tell to her, and to l’tzavot on her to come to the king to beg to him and to ask in front of him on her nation.

(9) And Hatach came, and he told to Esther the things of Mordechai.

(10) And Esther said to Hatach, and she l’tzavot-ed him to Mordechai:

(11) “All the slaves of the king and the nation of the states of the king know that every man and woman that will come to the king to the inside yard that will not be called - one his religion to kill,  except from that will the king reach out to him the wand of gold, and she lives. And I have not been called to come to the king this thirty days.”

(12) And they told to Mordechai the things of Esther.

(13) And Mordechai said to give back to Esther, "Do not imagine in your nefesh to escape in the house of the king from all the Jews.

(14) Because if you hachareish tacharishi in this time, space and saving will stand to the Jews from a different place, and you and the house of your father will get lost. And who knows if to a time like this you came to the kingdom?"

(15) And Esther said to give back to Mordechai:

(16) ”Go, bring together all the Jews who are found in Shushan, and fast on me, and do not eat and do not drink three days, night and day, and I and my teenagers will fast yes. And in yes, I will come to the king that is not like the religion, and when I got lost, I got lost.”

(17) And Mordechai went over, and he did like everything that Esther l’tzavot-ed on him.

¡ɯıɹnԀ ʎddɐH

םירופ חמש!

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P.S. In case you missed them, be sure to check out the Heblish translations of Esther 3, Esther 5, Esther 7, Esther 10, and Mah Nishtanah.

Heblishization of the Megilah IV

Since it wouldn’t be Purim here at Our Shiputzim without a healthy dose of Heblish,
the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board and OOOFNHS
(=one of our favorite native Heblish speakers)
once again proudly present:

The Official Heblish Translation

of

Megilat Esther - Chapter 10

(1) And the King Achashveirosh put a mas on the land and the islands of the ocean.

(2) And all the action of his attacking and his gevurah and the parsha of the bigness of Mordechai, that the king made him bigger: halo, they are written on the book of the things of the days to the kings of Madai and Paras.

(3) Because Mordechai the Jew is second to the King Achashveirosh and big to the Jews and ratzui to most of his brothers; he doreishes good to his nation, and he talks peace to all his zera.

¡ɯıɹnԀ ʎddɐH

םירופ חמש!

_______________

P.S. In case you missed them, be sure to check out the Heblish translations of Esther 3, Esther 5, Esther 7, and Mah Nishtanah.

Heblish: Chanukah Edition

What does Chanukah have to do with Heblish?

Well, on a simple level, most of the Shiputzim kids (except for those who are currently serving and protecting Am Yisrael in Eretz Yisrael according to Torat Yisrael) are home all week on vacation – which naturally means that the Heblishisms have been flying fast and furious around TRLEOOB*.

But there’s also a deeper connection between Chanukah and Heblish.

You see, Chanukah famously commemorates the fact that the Maccabees thought they only had enough oil for one day, but miraculously, it ended up lasting for eight days.

Similarly, I thought that I only had enough Heblishisms for one post, but miraculously, it ended up lasting for over five years…

And now, without further ado, here’s the 23rd (!!) batch of entries (ken yirbu…) from the Official Our Shiputzim Heblish-English Dictionary:

Didn’t do nothing: Hebrew source - לא עשה כלום. English definition – Didn’t do anything. Sample usage – “We passed some cows on our tiyul. They were just lying there, and they didn’t do nothing.”

That what: Hebrew source – זה מה. English definition – That’s what. Sample usage – “That what I meant.”

Girl/boy: Hebrew source – בת\בן. English definition – Daughter/son. Sample usage – “Today my teacher brought her girl with her to school.”

Borrow for me: Hebrew source – להשאיל לי. English definition – Lend me. Sample usage – “Does anyone have a pencil to borrow for me?”

Low/high: Hebrew source – נמוך\גבוה. English definition – Short/tall. Sample usage – “All the low girls stood in front, and all the high girls stood in the back.”

!חג אורים שמח

Please submit your family’s favorite Heblishisms, and I’ll be glad to include them in a future post. You can leave a comment at the bottom of this post or send an email to OurShiputzim at gmail dot com.

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Previous Heblish editions are available here: Heblish I, Heblish II, Heblish III, Heblish IV, Heblish V, Heblish VI, Heblish VII, Heblish VIII, Heblish IX, Heblish X, Heblish XI, Heblish XII, Heblish XIII, Heblish XIV, Heblish XV, Heblish XVI, Heblish XVII, Heblish XVIII, Heblish XIX, Heblish XX, Heblish XXI, and Heblish XXII.

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

In support of Chodesh Irgun?

Like just about every other parent in the entire country, I’ve never exactly been a big fan of Chodesh Irgun*.

* Chodesh Irgun in a nutshell: Chodesh means "month”, and irgun literally means "organization". Most youth movements (or at least the religious-Zionist ones) dedicate one month a year - usually around MarCheshvan - to what is essentially a month-long color war or competition between the different shvatim (age groups). Chodesh Irgun culminates with Shabbat Irgun, and on Motzai Shabbat Irgun, the oldest shevet (i.e. ninth grade) receives a permanent name. Feel free to check out my older Chodesh Irgun posts for more information. </nutshell>

In fact, over the years, I think I’ve pretty much mocked everything there is to mock about Chodesh Irgun… and then some.

So it’s probably only fair (i.e. l’maan haseder hatov, for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you) to give Chodesh Irgun’s supporters a chance to defend its honor.

Thus, I turned to the experts and asked each of them the following question:

What is the point of Chodesh Irgun? In other words, what purpose  - if any - does it serve? 

Here are their responses:

(I’ll let you decide if their answers help clear things up. Bonus points: See how many Heblishisms you can pick up…)

Chanich/ah #1:

“To have fun!”

Chanich/ah #2:

“To practice for the dance, which is the most important part of Chodesh Irgun. Also, instead of all the time having stam pe’ulot [Ed. - loosely: regular activities], you have Chodesh Irgun to make things a little more interesting.”

A member of what will soon be the new shevet:

“To organize and arrange the snif [Ed. – the local youth group chapter], and to open and start the new year.”

A former madrich/ah:

“To legabesh [Ed. – very, very, VERY loosely: to unite and to promote team spirit], and to give the kids a chance to do something that they don’t get to do everyday. It’s also supposed to be educational. The kids learn about the theme and leyaseim [Ed. – to implement] it.”

A dedicated member of “Iyov” (an acronym for “אשרי יושבי ביתך” – i.e. someone who doesn’t belong to any youth group):

“I never thought there WAS a point to Chodesh Irgun…”

What do your favorite chanichim and madrichim have to say on the subject?

Heblish: The “You Have a Blog?!” Edition

“You have a blog?!!”

No, the question wasn’t meant as a sarcastic dig at the way I’ve been shamelessly neglecting said blog.

Rather, it was asked - with great sincerity – by one of our Shabbat guests, who was very surprised to learn about my online presence.

I guess I just don’t have that, er, quintessential blogger look...

(I should explain that the guest – who, after coming to us regularly all year, is now an honorary member of the Shiputzim family - had just complimented our talented Baker-in-Chief on her yummy cinnamon buns, and in response, one of the other Shiputzim kids had noted that the recipe is on my blog.)

In any event, he was curious to hear more.

“So, what do you blog about?” he wondered.

It took me a while to remember.

“Uh, well, lots of things. Recipes. Our daily lives. Um, you know, just random stuff,” I was drawing a blank.

But then it all started to come back to me.

“Oh, and Heblish*, of course!”

*For the uninitiated, Heblish is that charming amalgamated language favored by the Israeli offspring of Anglo parents.

And on that note, here’s yet another batch of entries from the Official Our Shiputzim Heblish-English Dictionary:

Just for nice: Hebrew source – סתם ליופי. English definition – Just for decoration. Sample usage – “It didn’t do anything useful. It was just for nice.”

All what: Hebrew source – כל מה. English definition – All that. Sample usage – “I have all what I need.” (Hat tip: Mother in Israel)

Losing: Hebrew source – מפסיד. English definition – Missing. Sample usage – “You don't know what you’re losing if you don’t come!” (Hat tip: Mother in Israel)

Most of the chances: Hebrew source – רוב הסיכויים. English definition – Most likely; odds are. Sample usage – “Most of the chances are that I’m going to have to do mo’ed bet of the math bagrut.” (Hat tip: Mother in Israel)

Don’t forget to submit your favorite Heblishisms, and I’ll be glad to include them in a future post. You can leave a comment at the bottom of this post or send an email to OurShiputzim at gmail dot com.

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Previous Heblish editions are available here: Heblish I, Heblish II, Heblish III, Heblish IV, Heblish V, Heblish VI, Heblish VII, Heblish VIII, Heblish IX, Heblish X, Heblish XI, Heblish XII, Heblish XIII, Heblish XIV, Heblish XV, Heblish XVI, Heblish XVII, Heblish XVIII, Heblish XIX, Heblish XX, and Heblish XXI.

Heblishization of the Megilah III

In honor of Purim and brought to you by
the producers of the now-legendary Heblish translations of Mah Nishtanah, Esther 3, and Esther 5,
the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board and OOOFNHS (=one of our favorite native Heblish speakers) proudly present:

The Official Heblish Translation

of

Megilat Esther - Chapter 7 

(1) And the king and Haman came to drink with Esther, the queen.

(2) And the king said to Esther also in the second day, in the mishteh of the wine, “What is your question, Esther, the queen, and it will be given to you. And what is your request, until half of the kingdom, and it will get done.”

(3) And Esther, the queen, answered, and she said, “If I found chein in your eyes, the king, and if it is good on the king, my soul will be given to me in my question and my nation in my request.

(4) “Because we were sold, I and my nation, to destroy, to kill, and to lose. And if to slaves and to slaves-that-are-girls, we were sold, I was quiet, because the narrow is not equal in the damage of the king.”

(5) And the king, Achashveirosh, said, and he said to Esther, the queen, “Who is he this, and which is he, that filled up his heart to do yes?”

(6) And Esther said, “A narrow man and an enemy, this bad Haman!” And Haman was kicked from before the king and the queen.

(7) And the king got up in his anger from the mishteh of the wine to the garden of the bitan. And Haman stood up to request on his soul from Esther, the queen, because he saw, because she ended to him the bad from the king.

(8) And the king came back from the garden of the bitan to the house of the mishteh of the wine, and Haman is falling on the bed that Esther is on it, and the king said, “Also to capture the queen with me in the house?” The thing went out from the mouth of the king, and the face of Haman chafu’d.

(9) And Charvonah, one from the sarissim, said before the king, “Also, here the tree that Haman made to Mordechai, that talked good on the king, is standing in the house of Haman, tall of fifty amah!" And the king said, “Hang him on it!”

(10) And they hanged Haman on the tree that he got ready to Mordechai. And the anger of the king shachechah’d.

¡ɯıɹnԀ ʎddɐH

םירופ חמש!

Heblish: The Emptying Nest Edition

You might think that since TRLEOOB (=the real life equivalent of our blog) is relatively empty these days – seeing as how one Shiputzim kid is in the army and a second is doing sherut leumi (national service) – we’ve experienced a significant decrease in our Heblish levels.

But you would be wrong.

Because as it turns out, the younger Shiputzim kids are more than capable of coining plenty of new Heblishisms all on their own.

In fact, the Heblish has been flying so fast and furious around here that I believe it’s time we had a Heblish theme song. You know, perhaps something like this?

Sample Heblish Theme Song
(To the tune of “The Impossible Dream”)

To dreeeeeam that you speak fluent English.
To mangle two languages instead.
To ignore all the known rules of syntax.
To translate each and every word literally.

This is your quest: to cause your Anglo parents to wince.
No matter how awkward, no matter how wrong,
To fight for the right, without question or pause,
To always use Heblish, regardless of grammatical laws.

But I’m certainly open to other ideas… :-)

And in the meantime, here’s yet another batch of entries from the Official Our Shiputzim Heblish-English Dictionary:

Slowly by slowly: Hebrew source – לאט לאט. English definition – Little by little. Sample usage - “I moved the stuff over slowly by slowly.”

Yell on: Hebrew source – צעק על. English definition – Yell at. Sample usage - “The substitute teacher spent the whole day yelling on the class.”

Switch: Hebrew source – להחליף. English definition – Trade. Sample usage - “We switched stickers in recess today.” (See also this post, which shows that “switch” can also mean “substitute.”)

Israelit: Hebrew source – ישראלית. English definition – Israeli (fem.). Sample usage -“She doesn’t speak English. She’s an Israelit.”

And while we’re at it - and because Heblish spans households and dialects - here are a couple of reader submissions:

To my opinion: Hebrew source – לדעתי. English definition – In my opinion. Sample usage –“To my opinion, that’s the best way to do it.” (Hat tip: Miriyummy)

Comfortable: Hebrew source – נוח. English definition – Convenient. Sample usage – “I'm not coming home for Shabbat this week. It's more comfortable for me to come next week.” (Hat tip: Mother in Israel)

Thanks, everyone, and please keep all those excellent Heblishisms coming! I’d love to include them in a future Heblish post. You can leave a comment on this post or send an email to OurShiputzim at gmail dot com.

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Previous Heblish editions are available here: Heblish I, Heblish II, Heblish III, Heblish IV, Heblish V, Heblish VI, Heblish VII, Heblish VIII, Heblish IX, Heblish X, Heblish XI, Heblish XII, Heblish XIII, Heblish XIV, Heblish XV, Heblish XVI, Heblish XVII, Heblish XVIII, Heblish XIX, and Heblish XX.

On eagle’s wings

Warning: The following post may exceed the recommended daily allowance for other people’s vacation photos. Proceed at your own risk.

If my overstuffed Drafts Folder is any indication, I owe you at least three national park posts and an equal or even greater amount of Heblish posts.

But first, with your indulgence, here’s an idea that has been designated an “Ideal Late Summer Outing.”

(Previous recipients of this prestigious designation include the Bank of Israel’s visitor center and Better Place’s visitor center.)

As I’m sure you know, in order for a tourist site to be eligible, it has to meet two basic criteria:

1. Free.
2. Air-conditioned.

If the attraction is interesting to boot, well, that’s just a nice side benefit, but it’s certainly not a deal breaker or anything...

Which brings me to our trip last week to the Nesher Cement Factory in Ramle – aka “City in Growing Process.” (Many years ago, a large sign at the city’s entrance read, “Ramle: City in Growing Process.” Apparently the Heblish-infused title didn’t require a leading article, definite or otherwise…)

Nesher manufactures most of the Portland cement (i.e. melet for the Hebraically-oriented amongst you) used to produce the concrete (i.e. biton) that is the backbone of Israeli construction, and the company offers free tours. [Note: Advance reservations are required.]

The tour includes two movies in the air-conditioned visitor’s center and an air-conditioned bus ride around the plant and adjacent quarry.(Did I mention that the site is air-conditioned? ;-))

And now, without further ado, the long-awaited threatened pictures: (As always, feel free to click on the pictures for a closer view.)

The cement is mixed in this building which is covered by a free-standing dome. According to the guide, it is the largest such structure in the entire Middle East.

The conveyor belt leading out of the quarry.

The “preheater” which leads directly into the furnace.

A view of two cement silos.

A cement truck is weighed on an automatic scale as it enters the plant.

A display case demonstrates that “clinker” (which is turned into Portland cement) is composed of 80% limestone and 20% clay.

A model of the furnace. There is no cement between the bricks, which are simply wedged into place.

All in all, we enjoyed the visit.

The price was right; the tour was extremely interesting and informative; each visitor received a free, cold Tropit (a bag of sugary grape drink) on the way out; and even the KQ (=kvetching quotient) was relatively low – in spite of the fact that one or two of the Shiputzim teens had been to the factory as part of a school trip back in elementary school…

Have you ever been to the Nesher factory? What other free, air-conditioned attractions can you recommend?

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P.S. The latest Kosher Cooking Carnival is available here. Special thanks to Batya for including my cinnamon buns post.

Life’s deepest mysteries

Ah, summer vacation.

A time for introspection, reflection, and contemplation.

A time to ponder some of life’s deepest mysteries – most of which pertain to being the Anglo parent of Israeli offspring.

For instance, consider these unfathomable enigmas:

1) “Even Niyar U’Misparayim” (literally, “Rock, Paper, and Scissors”) is the Hebrew equivalent of, well, “Rock, Paper, Scissors.” (Sorry, but no word on how to say, “lizard, Spock”… :-))

But here’s the strange part.

You see, traditionally, the game begins with a sing-song recitation of the following:

.אבן נייר ומספרים
.המנצח בין השנים
.אחת, שתים, שלוש

Translation: Rock, paper, and scissors./ The winner of the two./ One, two, three. (No, it doesn’t sound any better in the original…)

Which is - needless to say - long, cumbersome, and unwieldy.

And thus, ever resourceful, Israeli kids came up with a shortened version:

.אבן ג’וק

Yes, the literal translation of “even juk" IS “rock cockroach,” and no, I have absolutely no idea what’s the kesher. (Loose translation for the Heblish-impaired: What do cockroaches have to do with anything?)

In fact, I even tried turning to the experts - i.e. a couple of the Shiputzim kids – for help.

However, they simply shrugged and said that they “don’t know but it’s just a kitzur (abbreviation).”

Which, IMNSHO, was less of an explanation and more of a restatement of the question, but in a situation like this, one takes what one can get…

2) As if the whole jukim-as-shorthand thing is not perplexing enough, it turns out that the world the country the adolescent segment of the population is divided into two groups:

• Those who run on over to Misrad HaPnim (the Interior Ministry) on the very day that they turn 16, in order to receive their teudot zehut (identity cards).
• Those who don’t get around to taking care of this uniquely-Israeli rite of passage until their tzav rishon (army induction paper) arrives and/or until their parents nag them enough and finally force them out the door…

Do YOU know the answer to either of these baffling riddles of Israeli life?

Sacred garments

A while back, I discussed how the Law of Unintended Consequences impacts school uniform shirts.

Basically, I noted that in girls’ schools, uniform shirts can waste significant time every morning. (Feel free to go ahead and check out the original post for details. I’ll wait…)

But it turns out that the uniform shirts have a surprising effect on boys as well.

Namely, their supply of non-uniform shirts tends to gradually devolve into a pile of torn, outgrown rags.

I mention this interesting fact to provide background and context for the following exchange, which recently occurred somewhere in Israel:

Mother: Why are you wearing that shirt? It doesn’t fit you anymore, and it’s full of holes!

Son: All my shirts are like that.

Mother: What about your uniform shirts? Why don’t you wear one of them?

Son: {shocked that his mother would even SUGGEST such a horrible thing} I’m not wearing a uniform shirt!! It’s vacation!!

Mother: {naively} Why not? After all, the only difference between uniform shirts and non-uniform shirts is that the former have a logo. What does it matter if your shirt has a logo on it?

Son: {thinks fast} It would be a chillul hakodesh! [Ed.- literally, “a desecration of holiness”]

Mother: {amused} A chillul hakodesh?

Son: {with a straight face but a mischievous twinkle in his eye} Yes!

Mother: {knows that she’ll regret asking but steps right into it anyway} You mean that since you wear the uniform shirts to learn Torah in yeshiva, it would be a chillul hakodesh to wear them during vacation to hang out with your friends?

Son: {grins} No. I mean that it would l’challel the kedushah [Ed. – Heblish for “desecrate the sanctity”] of the summer to wear shirts from school now…

Mother: {laughs} You DO realize that I’m going to put this conversation on my blog, right?

Stick ‘em up

Israeli schoolkids tend to mark the passing seasons with new recess pastimes.

For instance, as spring gives way to summer, Israeli boys - with a final, loving glance – put their prized collections of marbles (aka gulot, for the Hebraically-oriented among you) away on the shelf.

Because now it’s time for… apricot pits. (Here in our neighborhood, they’re known as gogo’im, but apparently, they go by other names elsewhere. What are they called in your community?)

Yes, apricot pits.

As is always the case this time of year, elementary school boys across the country spend all their free time kneeling in the dust as they flick, roll, and toss gogo’im. (The objective and precise rules of the game continue to elude me. Please consult your local authority for details.)

<interesting cultural note> This is one of those charming and ironic anachronisms of Israeli life: Seeing as the Tzena (the Austerity period of the 1950’s) has B”H been over for some time, one would assume that most parents can now afford to purchase store-bought marbles – as evidenced by the fact that the boys play with them all winter. And yet, every summer like clockwork, the kids ditch the real thing in favor of the poor man’s ersatz substitute… </note>

Meanwhile, over on the girls’ side of a certain school yard, stickers (i.e. madbeikot  - not to be confused with stickerim, which generally refer to bumper stickers specifically) are currently the latest craze – especially in the younger grades.

Unlike gogo’im, which, let’s face it, are kind of dull to look at, madbeikot come in many different sizes, shapes, colors, and varieties.

Thus, the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board is very proud to present:

The Official Stickers Lexicon

Note: For full accuracy and authenticity, try deliberately mispronouncing each of the following in mileil (i.e. with the accent on the first syllable) instead of in the grammatically-correct milra (i.e. with the accent on the final syllable).

Pushtim: Classic, flat stickers. From the word pashut (פשוט) – i.e simple or plain.

Badim: Soft, almost fabric-like stickers. From the word bad (בד) – i.e. cloth or material.

Boltim: Puffy stickers. From the word boleit (בולט) – i.e. protrude.
According to my sources, boltim can be divided into 3 subcategories:

• Kariyot: Regular puffy stickers. From the word karit (כרית) – i.e. pillow or cushion.
• Klickim: Puffy stickers that make a “clicking” sound when one squeezes them.
• Gulot: Small, rounded stickers that resemble, in the words of one expert, “half a marble.” From the word gulah (גולה) – i.e. marble (see above).

What do the girls do with their stickers?

Well, whether it’s during recess or after school, they can be found poring over each other’s sticker books as they engage in the time-honored ritual known as “trading” in English and “switching” in Heblish…

Have gogo’im and madbeikot made their annual appearance in your neighborhood yet?

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P.S. The latest Kosher Cooking Carnival is available here. Special thanks to Northern Lights for including my ganache-covered brownies.

Reunited

In honor of YZG, who graduated from college 25 years ago BA”H, the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board proudly presents:

The Top 10 Reasons You Didn’t Go To Your 25th College Reunion

10) You made aliyah, but the reunion was held in the Old Country.

9) You didn’t want to be stuck (excuse my Heblish).

8) Not only would you have had to speak to people you don’t remember…

7) …But you would’ve had to pretend to remember them.

6) One word: Fadichah!

5) There was a reason you weren’t friends with many of these people back in college…

4) Did I mention that you would’ve been stuck?

3) You would’ve run out of awkward small talk within five minutes. Ten, if your wife would’ve been there to help you…

2) Although you’re still firmly ensconced in your early twenties, all of your former classmates are apparently now middle-aged.

1) Pictures of the reunion were posted on Facebook. Which means that there’s a slight chance (and I’m not saying that this would’ve actually happened, but it IS theoretically possible) that complete strangers - say, to pick a totally random example, a former classmate and his wife, who didn’t go to the reunion (see reason #10 above) – would’ve compared the pictures to your yearbook and mistakenly assumed that you’re now middle-aged too…

Heblish: The “This Is the Twentieth Edition” Edition

I know it’s hard to believe. But since blog post titles never lie, it has to be true:

This is the 20th batch of excerpts from the Official Our Shiputzim Heblish-English Dictionary!

Nearly four years ago, back when I dashed off my inaugural Heblish post, few outside the Anglo world had heard of what I then referred to as “that obscure yet utterly charming language.”

I then added:

“One of the most fascinating aspects of this particular language is its vast number of dialects. In fact, every American-Israeli household boasts its own unique version.”

So, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all those who generously shared their family’s own Heblish vernacular with me and thus helped me in my quest to bring this made-up language to the masses.

Also, thank you to the wonderful Shiputzim kids, who graciously ensured that I have enough material for many more editions to come…

And now, without further ado, here are today’s dictionary entries:

Disappeared to us: Hebrew source – נעלם לנו. English definition – Disappeared. Sample usage - “We don’t know where it went. It disappeared to us.”

In koshare: Hebrew source – בכושר. English definition – In shape. Sample usage - “I don’t know how I’m going to do the bagrut in sport tomorrow. I’m not in koshare.”

To pay on it: Hebrew source – לשלם על זה. English definition – To pay for it. Sample usage - “If someone breaks something, they will have to pay on it.”

All the family: Hebrew source – כל המשפחה. English definition – The entire family. Sample usage - “All the family came to the party.” (Hat tip: YRZ)

In the last time: Hebrew source – בזמן האחרון. English definition – Lately or recently. Sample usage - “Did we get ‘Otiot’ [Ed. note – a children’s magazine] in the last time?” (Hat tip: Hannah)

Do you have a favorite Heblishism? If so, please submit it either via the comment section below or by email to OurShiputzim at gmail dot com, and I’ll be glad to include it in a future Heblish post.

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Previous Heblish editions are available here: Heblish I, Heblish II, Heblish III, Heblish IV, Heblish V, Heblish VI, Heblish VII, Heblish VIII, Heblish IX, Heblish X, Heblish XI, Heblish XII, Heblish XIII, Heblish XIV, Heblish XV, Heblish XVI, Heblish XVII, Heblish XVIII, and Heblish XIX.

I do not think that means what you think that means

According to the bylaws of the powerful (yet, admittedly, nonexistent) National Anglo Bloggers Union (slogan: “taking over the country, one Heblish blog post at a time”), Anglo bloggers must - at least once during their blogging careers – write about English words that have crept into Hebrew and are now among the hardest words for non-native Hebrew speakers to understand.

Personally, I fulfilled my blogging contractual obligations over three and a half years ago with my magical post.

Nevertheless, with your indulgence, I’d like to revisit this topic and examine the specific issue of formerly-English words that seem to have acquired a slightly different meaning or connotation when they migrated over to Hebrew.

Of course, in and of itself, this isn’t really a big deal.

That is, except when Israelis try to speak English and insist on using one of the aforementioned, er, evolved words… but with its new, Hebrew connotation.

Which, needless to say, can – and often does! – lead to some a great deal of confusion.

I mean, consider the following examples:

1) סימפטי/סימפתי (sim-PA-ti) (both spellings are used) – According to some of my favorite translation software, this word is the Hebrew equivalent of “sympathetic.” However,  any good dictionary will tell you that the actual definition is “pleasant or likeable”…

2) מייל (mail) – Oddly enough, in Hebrew, mail refers only to email. (The non-electronic variety is דואר – do’ar.)

3) קליפ (cleep) – It may look like “clip.” It may sound like “clip.” But, as it turns out, it isn’t [necessarily] “clip.” For instance, the video in this post is referred to as a “cleep,” even though it’s a complete video…

4) מורל (moh-RRRAHL) – This word obviously comes from the English word “morale.” But in Hebrew, it means a cheer or cheering – as in the loud shrieks and shrill cries that characterize the annual Chodesh Irgun performances and are the bane of Israeli parents’ existence…

Can you think of any other examples?

Fish Tank Friday: Erev Pesach 5772 Edition

As you may recall, our pet goldfish answers to the no-frills yet functional name “Fish.”

Which is highly appropriate, considering that from the moment he first arrived here in TRLEOOB* over five years ago, he (by tacit agreement, it was decided that Fish is a “he”)  has been living in what could charitably be called a no-frills yet functional aquarium – i.e. a cheap plastic container with jagged holes in the lid.

Yet lest you feel sorry for Fish and accuse us of animal cruelty, I should note that in spite of our best efforts and the benign neglect he has endured thanks to our tender, loving care, he actually seems to have thrived in his modest abode.

But last night, in honor of Pesach, Fish, um, moved a house (if you’ll excuse my Heblish).

And while admittedly, his larger and brighter new home – like his old one - is just a simple plastic container, at least it’s not as cheap and has smooth, round holes on top:

As always, please feel free to click on the pictures for a closer look.

!חג כשר ושמח

The entire Our Shiputzim staff wishes all our readers a very happy and kosher Pesach.

May we all be privileged to eat in rebuilt Yerushalayim from the zevachim and from the pesachim, speedily and in our days. Amen.

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*TRLEOOB=the real life equivalent of our blog

The Heblishization of the Megilah: The Sequel

As any professional translator could tell you, if you don’t want your translation to “sound” like a translation, you need a translator whose native tongue is the target language.

Yet, strangely enough, last year, I chose to ignore this cardinal rule and translated the third perek of Megilat Esther into Heblish all by myself.

And it showed.

Because my translation included words like “ministers” – an expression which no self-respecting native Heblish speaker would ever use and certainly doesn’t appear in any authoritative Heblish dictionary.

Thus, when OOMFNHS (=one of my favorite native Heblish speakers) graciously volunteered to help me with this year’s Heblish translation of the fifth perek, I immediately took him up on his kind offer.

One final note: For authentic results when reading the following translation, the traditional Heblish inflection should be used for most of the perek – except for the italicized words, which should be recited in a thick Israeli accent…

And now, without further ado, the Our Shiputzim Editorial Board and OOMFNHS proudly present:

The Official Heblish Translation

of

Megilat Esther - Chapter 5 

(1) And it was on the third day, and Esther dressed the kingdom, and she stood in the inner courtyard of the house of the king, opposite the house of the king. And the king is sitting on the chair of his kingdom in the house of the kingdom, opposite the opening of the house.

(2) And it was when the king saw Esther, the queen, is standing in the courtyard, she carried favor in his eyes. And the king lehosheeted to Esther the gold sharvit that is in his hand, and Esther came close and touched in the head of the sharvit.

(3) And the king said to her, “What is to you, Esther, the queen; and what is your request? Until half of the kingdom, and it will be given to you.”

(4) And Esther said, “If it is good on the king; the king and Haman will come today to the party that I did for him.”

(5) And the king said, “Rush Haman to do the thing of Esther.” And the king and Haman came to the party that Esther did.

(6) And the king said to Esther in the party of the wine, “What is your question, and it will be given to you; and what is your request? Until half of the kingdom, and it will be done.”

(7) And Esther answered and said: “My question and my request.

(8) “If I found favor in the eyes of the king, and if it is good on the king to give my question and to do my request; the king and Haman will come to the party that I will do for them. And tomorrow, I will do like the thing of the king.”

(9) And Haman went out on that day, happy and with a good heart. And when Haman saw Mordechai in the gate of the king, and he did not get up and did not move from him, and Haman was filled on Mordechai chaimah.

(10) And Haman lehitapek’d, and he came to his house. And he sent and brought the people who like him and Zeresh his wife.

(11) And Haman told them the honor of his being rich and most of his sons; and all that the king made him big, and that he carried him on the sarim and the servants of the king.

(12) And Haman said, “Esther, the queen, did not even bring with the king to the party that she did, except for me. And also for tomorrow, I am called to her with the king.

(13) “And all of this is not equal to me; in any time that I am seeing Mordechai, the Jew, is sitting in the gate of the king.”

(14) And Zeresh his wife said to him and all the people who like him, “They will do a tree, fifty amot tall. And in the morning, say to the king, and they will hang up Mordechai on it. And go with the king to the party happy.” And the thing was good in front of Haman, and he did the tree.

¡ɯıɹnԀ ʎddɐH

םירופ חמש!