Wow its been so long. I wonder if anyone still evens remember this blog. I’m sure all 25 of my close followers weren’t terribly hurt by yet another hiatus of mine. As it long as it has been, I feel that this is a perfect time to write another post.

This past weekend was an interesting one. To provide some background information, as of recently I finally declared a major. After a year and almost a half of college, I decided to pursue a degree in political science. This is kind of odd because prior to the prominence of the 2016 election coming about, I never had any interest in politics. I couldn’t even have told you what parties stand for what. Now, I’m so into it. I think what really got me so interested in politics was finding out where my own beliefs fit on the spectrum. I’ll admit, I am on the left side of things, for the most part.

Anyway so now onto more background information. I’ve always been a huge proponent of the ‘I don’t know’ mentality about things. I don’t know if I’ve written about conspiracy theories on here, but I occasionally dive into the rabbit hole that are conspiracy theories. I always thought they were so interesting because there’s just so many things you don’t know. I wasn’t there, how could I know anything for sure? The news has been known to distort and cover up things. You never really know for sure. This mindset is also where I tend to lean with religion. I’ve never given a proper explanation of this either, so here it goes:

I remember it was in 8th grade when I realized that I really didn’t believe in a god. I was raised catholic and for the early years of my life we went to church. Then we gradually stopped attending, but I still had to go to Sunday school. It was miserable. I don’t think anyone liked it. Then, one day in 8th grade, my teacher told us we were going to have a debate. There were three sides: one was evolution, one was the creationism, religious side of things, and the other was kind of a mixture of both. She told us that each side would congregate at a different side of the room. When she told us to go to these sides, I got up and went straight to the evolution side without a single thought about it. All of my classmates from Sunday school were on the religious side. The debate was uneventful. The next weekend, I was in “class” at Sunday school and some of my class mates were talking about the debate and one of the girls turned to me and said “and you were on the evolution side.” That’s kind of where it hit me. I thought to myself, “holy shit, I don’t believe in any of this shit.” And it was true. From then on, I slowly receded away from religion and it felt great. For 5 years, I’ve been secular. For those of you that may not know, secular essentially means without religion. I’ve always felt it was unnecessary. I’d always felt it was ridiculous that I had to learn about all these things I couldn’t do and basically have other people tell me how to live my life. I know what’s morally right and wrong. I don’t need someone else to tell me.

This is probably enough background information to go on. So this weekend, I did some homework. I also spent a lot of time watching documentaries and videos on youtube relating to science and evolution and how religion and science can’t stand side by side. You have to believe one of them and if you’re a rational person, you take the side of science. I had just finished watching a documentary on netflix called “The Unbelievers.” It was a film about scientists Richard Dawkins and Lawrence Krauss. Two brilliant scientists and also atheists. It was a great film. I would highly recommend it. i went to bed feeling so happy. I woke up the next morning with my mind in a fog. I began to question everything from the certainty of science to my own beliefs on religion. I kept thinking what if science is wrong, what if i’m wrong. What if somehow all the science and evidence in the world is all wrong? This phenomenon lasted like two days. I was seriously tripping out and I couldn’t figure out why. Today, I finally snapped out of it. I think I had been living a mind of certainty for such a long period of time. After I declared my major, I don’t know, it was like my ‘I don’t know’ mentality kind of slipped away. I was taking things for how I read them and saw them. It had been so long since I asked the question ‘why?’and it just overloaded my head. Everything was why why why. Right now, I sit here typing this completely back to normal. It was such an odd occurrence to happen. I was actually asking myself, “what was happening to me?” I think I also realized during this time that there’s so much I don’t know and even beyond that, so much we as a species don’t know and may never know. Its so hard to come to terms with something like that. Just like its extremely hard to comprehend that humans evolved over millions of years because we can’t even think in terms of a million years. I think its good to have your beliefs challenged every now and then. It keeps your feet on the ground. Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves. Times like these, I put on my headphones, lay in my room in the dark, listen to Angels & Airwaves and trip out about the complexities of space and time.