The past few days have been weird. Sunday night I got back to my dorm for the first time in a week as spring break had come to a close. I was really not feeling coming back to school work. I have so much work I have to do over the next 5 weeks or so until the semester ends. The idea of that has brought me down severely a few times. Yesterday and earlier today, I was having really really cynical thoughts. Although, it wasn’t anything too out of the ordinary. Before I left for spring break, I had thought that I had gained significant ground on my search for the right career. Then, over break, I began to really think about the idea of being a special ed teacher or whatever other options I had and I began to be unsure again. There are just so many things in this life that just don’t make sense to me. And those things play in as factors when I think about what I want to do with my life. For example: people that work in the city on average have to sit in traffic for give or take an hour when going to their job and leaving their job. That’s around an extra two hours added to the work day. Why would anyone be okay with that? I hate traffic now. I would go insane having to sit in it for two hours a day, five days a week.

Another thing that totally freaks me out is the idea or getting a job (or not getting one at all) and then being stuck there for the rest of my life. I’ve been really keen on the idea that you only get this life once. The world is a massive place and there is so much to see and do. How can I just be okay with not being able to do those things because I’m stuck at a job? It all just seems so backwards. There are so many things that people just deal with, as if life has to be that way. Why? Why do feel like we are trapped in a life of complacency? Everyone is always talking about the immense amount of opportunities in life and the different places it can take you. Well for the amount that image is tossed around, there aren’t that many people taking advantage of it. Maybe I’m just taking shots at the whatever percent that is cool with working at a desk for the rest of their life. And if you’re content and happy with that, by all means, go for it. I won’t stop you. But for me, there’s so much more than that. I have’t figured out what I’m doing just yet, but I know I’m destined for big things and I will not be content with anything else.

College gives you a lot of time to think, and think in all kinds of ways. I thought that I thought a lot before I got here. That’s definitely not the case. I think its the different things you see here and the things you learn that spark thoughts that you never thought your mind would produce. Maybe it doesn’t happen for everyone. Actually I’m sure it doesn’t happen for everyone because I am surrounded by people that lack so much depth. Now of course not everyone reveals what goes on in the corners of their mind. Neither do I, I think that’s how I get the mysterious label. And who knows, maybe I’m completely wrong, but I feel like you can just tell when someone has a lot to say about a lot of different things. And I haven’t met many of those people yet. I want to have conversations about deep shit like what the hell we are doing on this Earth and why the stars are there and what this song means to me and all that stuff. Where are those conversations? Where are those people?