Finally

It has come in its own season

Comprehension of that shadow

That extra freight love carries

Stems from this eclipse on life

That’s Tidal locked to my soul

Love bears: dares not to let go

Its nature refuses to surrender

No other heart beats so centric

As one that has been shattered

Wounds be profuse and dampen

Like an early morning meadow

Still of silence echoes are muted

Now, I have come to understand

Living love is a…slower tragedy

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Payne’s

Celebrated national holiday

In the lack of intimate fizzle

Altering majestic into tawdry

As distinctions run muddy

Seven days convert into one

Four weeks are regurgitated

This month resembles the last

Last year is repeated yet again

Facets of love we never expected

Left as a shadow of its presence

Loves warmth is clearly absent

As is its values of lit inspiration

And in the smog of invisibility

My perenigration… feels empty

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Found

Days were a myriad of mistakes that imitated life

My innocence was lost innocently before learning

I was born innocent into a dark narcissistic world

My childish ego often reacted more out of stupidity

From reflected model senses of fashionable excuses

Then an informed consensus of rational conclusions

Only to play as a protagonist versus my conscious

For decades on an internal battlefield of mindscape

While innate emotions and logic sought out refuge

Immorality was hypocritically lauded as normalcy

Nothing short of arrested breathing would save me

From lessons that laid in wait for my capitulation

Like perfect storms and built from its surroundings

I wreaked havoc until divine intervention… shined

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Operatic

I don’t shadow love any more than I shadow box

The two couldn’t seem more polar in my view

I don’t know how one “trains” for love

However, I recognize how one learns to mimic

In my mind, the more impromptu, all the more likely real

Albeit people train to be defensive or protective

Love is not nurtured through practiced reactions

I find it best when emotions instinctively follow micro-cues

Only our subconscious mind can read and decipher

For “love to be love”, one must acquiesce to vulnerability

While a conscious mind stands guard at our door of our trust

Love is invisible, cultivated seepage into a captured heart

Old scars of past betrayals remember fraudulent touches

Centric value of real love remains unconditionally… understanding

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Brick walls

There’s only so many lies my weary soul can take anymore

There’s only so many times I dare lie to myself

There’s only so many times I can fake their love

There’s only so many times before I deny it all

Not everyone is as pure as they seem

I’ve been broken down for far too long

I’ve been broken into in far too many ways

My trust is gone, and I feel I may be fading off

Shadows on the walls know their games too well

Scars in my life tell all the unwanted tales

But the biggest ignored truth is they don’t really care

Probably never have and probably never will

Will they miss me after I’ve left here?

Or are they already pretending…I never existed?

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Once again

Just when I began to breathe -once again

With a new sense of normalcy changed

I waited with my bated breath- for you

To include me back into your life- again

As if I- might again- matter somewhat

As if all your tomorrows were mine too

But oh no- what a fool- was I- once again

My trusting heart now breaks evermore

Misbelieving you’ve learned- of yourself

And how you are at deceiving everyone

Including yourself: a mystery unraveled

Twisting right back into your older self

Darkness reigns in this silence between us

I’m left here to remain numb… once again

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Eccentric

Born naked, dependent but innocent

Only to be baptized by pure darkness

Shortly after gasping for my first breath

My tears seem to serve as the holy water

However, even they would become tainted

By the same hands of time that held me

In place and under life’s toxic muddiness

Afterwards, darkness oozed from my pores

In my laborious but altered living sequence

I was raised within an unkind type of prison

The kind you gradually acquiesce towards

Believing it’s all part of human normalcy

I broke out only to be shadowed by silence

As I struggle to acclimate…to autonomy

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Ultimately

I’ve endured lifetimes inside lifetimes

Measurable only by bruises or scars

Unaware of any noticeable distinction

Where one ended and another commenced

Or that triage became my way of living

Void understanding of love or life at first

Supposition and subsisting were as one

Life surely seemed a preordained course

And I had all I could do just to hang on

I fell from summits that I never wanted

And fell short of hilltops I only imagined

But the one thing I learned in real-time

Was how bad losing you forever hurts

Time slips off expeditiously …or painfully

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Ascribe

Where flight became stalled

Because fear stood its ground

There- is where I- was reborn

Where I relearned my reality

As broken fragments of a self

Where I’ve seen the unveilings

Of time, truth, and Holy love

Where angels cried and wept

For my salvation and healing

And I- wept along with them

Where fire seared my mission

Forged into my soul as passion

A combatant for the wounded

Of humanities silenced…truths

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De bon augure

Homegrown and on my own

In a blind and darkened world

Where both of the hands of time

Dropped me a few times too many

And broke everything about me

Leaving me in the chasms of life

Where I had to find myself along

But I ain’t cold and I ain’t bitter

Facts are- I’m doing much better

When I’m left alone while learning

Life is more about forgiving others

I don’t have the strength to carry

All the world’s heaviest problems

But I know I guy… I met all alone

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