Crevasses

Most scars heal- somewhat

Some remain inherently raw

Their cause never disappears

Some days we tread currents

Attempting to outswim them

Some days we drown in depths

Churning under our life’s surface

A darkness that never vacates

Trauma becomes our undertow

Drawing us rearward into itself

Forcing us to fight an unseeable

Or abandon pieces of ourselves

As we attempt to reclaim a life

Even if life means… subsistence

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Quickens

Life’s only natural counterbalance is absent

I feel rudderless or tossed off splattered waves

As odd days and nights collide into one another

I sense life more as an untowardly destination

I’m conscripted upon, a route not of my choosing

As I feel more as cargo in tow into odd unknowns

Strides feel shorter just as breaths feel shallower

Dawns feel more like colorless insanity unfurling

Just as time lost all sense of any comprehension

I struggle for personal purpose or meaningfulness

The way unused and stored floats get packed away

For unfortunate events, everyone prays never fruits

I seem to be more of an empty bottle lost out at sea

My message forgotten before capping…as life stales

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Petri

I never knew my full self before

The alienation and abandonment

Until silence finally introduced us

As if we were partitioned siblings

When in truth, we weren’t permitted

I learnt things from my many dilemmas

And to interact with my fuller self

Self-awareness was ill-advised upon

Almost punishable just for the thought

Some insist we be parts of their totality

Toxic people in lives often cocoon others

Smothering us in their perversion of love

Like wardens but at an up-close distance

Smudged fingerprints remain… as scars

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Plateaus

At this stage of my lifetime

Every day should feel more vocational

And yet, it’s become anything but

No regrets, and no one is at fault

There are unforeseeable changes

That are delivered out of nowhere

Then plague our lives unexpectedly

Altering aspects of us, except memories

Snippets of our lived past we cling to

Like frightened children might stuffed bears

Some stages are heavier than others

Some unabashedly crowd into life itself

Wrecking our emotions, our frail sanity

As if to intrude upon us… even more

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Edified

If I could put into words

If I could depict my emotions

They’d sound and read like gibberish

Incompatible for any comprehension

Only esoteric divinity could decipher

There be some things undescribable

Experiences that seer into one’s soul

As traumas or drama painfully etched

Like sharing a beloved certain death

Tasting the low of bitterness in darkness

No, I think its best I not spoil your palate

Keep my experiences selfishly to myself

While you may disdain my chosen silence

You’d hate more, truths lingering…aftertaste

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Personified

Far too up close and personal

For any life or one living with

I’ve heard and felt life’s fixed end

As I linger in its afterwards now

I still feel the eeriness of echoes

Casually drifting over the phone

Chilling both my soul and bones

Neither sound nor sense has left

But stays attached wherever I go

At times, the universe pushes back

Dominoes fall as empty paper bags

Despite the strength of their folds

But some folds are hidden creases

Modifying the aesthetics…of love

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Overt

Sporadically in vast adjacent silence

And while I’m traversing betwixt rooms

I run into my own unfinished thoughts

That had slipped away hours earlier

While my active mind was churning

Between near sleep and elusive dreams

They’ll grasp onto my essence passing by

In desperate hope of finding resolution

They’ll give me a brief reason to pause

As sentiments relive a lost existence

But long enough for me to affirm some

Then I conclude their familiar presence

I cannot help but to remember you too

In a fragmented, silent life… without you

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Dynamics

The void of you consists of untold components

Shared micro-moments of appreciation

That individually stood out as remarkable

That gave my life joy and its special meaning

Things that turn concepts into tangibility’s

I miss most those dichotomous aspects of us

That faced difficulties with faith and smiles

And even texting or talking nonsensically

Teaming to endure unexpected twist life tosses

Choices that solidified our unbreakable relationship

That starved off loneliness despite miles between

Unflinching courage that renewed daily

The simplification of life’s complexities

Now, I can’t even grasp being half to…myself

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Sanctified

I miss all our differences

Distinctions that melded into us

Things we felt or believed innately

Yet, accepted them without difference

Like opposite mirrors of possibilities

Broadening who we were as individuals

Yet, impossible to strip from our reality

We’re answers to questions never conjured

We were there in the presence to live love

We epitomized the secret aches of others

Which made them hate us even more

But we ignored their brash antics

Like little children seeking attention

Then, we were untouchable… as us

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Constellations

I write of their antics, their injurious ways

Yes, they’ve left me scarred and in silence

Same tactics of causal pain and alienation

Maybe punishment or misunderstandings

To me, they’re the same entity of dual faces

But like that unattended corner of a garden

Where time and silence oft fall abundantly

I express myself and openly thrive bravely

Unmolested beyond their obtuse wickedness

Or their treachery to affect my authenticity

I become all the things they find abhorrent

I don’t care serving a motivational purpose

They’ll remain performative for themselves

I refuse to feed their obsessive… petulance

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