Bygone

My own personal impetus has waned

Ebullience has faded like lost echoes

Still rebounding amongst the heavens

I stare out emptier blanked windows

Looking for inspired seasonal change

But these weighted years have passed

As its silence had only gotten heavier

Whiskey-lined dawns now mono greys

Leaving breezes crispier but flavorless

Aroma spoiled by left-over yesterday’s

Detract the boulevard and ages unlived

Harm lingers as an odd, deeper berceuse

Crudely invading one’s time and mind

And life seems to have left me…excised

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Crevasses

Most scars heal- somewhat

Some remain inherently raw

Their cause never disappears

Some days we tread currents

Attempting to outswim them

Some days we drown in depths

Churning under our life’s surface

A darkness that never vacates

Trauma becomes our undertow

Drawing us rearward into itself

Forcing us to fight an unseeable

Or abandon pieces of ourselves

As we attempt to reclaim a life

Even if life means… subsistence

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Indistinct

I’ve become a trace of what I lost

Who was part trace of my former self

I linger on the longer shadow of time

Traversing within faintness of this life

I’ve slipped from time’s steady hands

Into an inconstant, like state of abyss

I bid to cling but can’t grasp intangible

And air tends to lack any finite texture

I’m often transferred by a slight breeze

Like a rogue ripple on life’s calm surface

Sun glints, but I feel no sense of warmth

Dullness became my changed core nature

And lost serves for my sense of direction

After being powerless against…injustice

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Unenthusiastically

I persist to accept less as normal

It’s not anywhere near that former

As fragments don’t depict wholeness

Yet, pieces seem better than nothing

Vitality is oft strained by the freight

I accepted as part of the package deal

Some days seem a bit more cumbersome

If middays are fractured by tediousness

Faith and memories help fill in the gaps

Day by day to heal an absence somewhat

Oddity is feeling closer to the darkness

Than the lighted pathway I underwent

And some nights never seem to terminate

Until a silent dawn had slowly…crept in

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Components

A shadowy freight inhabits life

Enough to degrees of distortion

Much like some noticeable prism

As passing days feel more tawdry

Nights are my indisposed visitors

Dawn breaks into a crass fashion

Dreams were eclipsed or illusions

Life is no longer semblance- of life

Changes tend to happen regardless

I feel out of place from their absence

Wandering on a slow-moving river

No preset course void of any rudder

At mercy outside my understanding

But I go with its flow…reluctantly

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Humanistic

It is utterly confusing at times

When both logic and emotions

Seems so fashionable as the same

Like unfamiliar but identical twins

As independent natures still rein

We feel we act in rationalized ways

Only to discover that our emotions

Mislead or misinterpreted some truth

Because it felt much more convenient

Until that truth outed our hypocrisy

And fresh blushing felt uncomfortable

Cherry picking at life’s exotic banquet

Instead of appreciating all the options

Or an invitation to add…to its affluence

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Lifemares

It feels like insomnia but- not

Oversleeping the lost moments

Regret might come to my mind

If it stabilized enough to work

Some days just become weeks

Some moments feel incomplete

Trade-offs are the new currency

After becoming a broken pauper

I perceive no direction feels right

Even if I’ve repeatedly turned left

If I had wings, they’d be broken

I felt the thud void of its sound

Or I just missed it passing by

Beset into my marish rest…life

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Permanency

Life has felt like a long slumber of winter

While seasons passed me by unnoticeably

Half a year has gone as if it were yesterday

I’d like to admit I was shocked, but I wasn’t

Little, if anything at all, astonishes me now

The nucleus of my wholeness was shattered

My emotions share in damage by implosion

What was once solid houses erratic fissures

Some scars will remain both tender and raw

Unfortunately, I have no control over which

Some fragments are mendable but in due time

Where “due” becomes an unknowable beset

Some seasons tend to last longer than others

Maybe some lingering nightmares…can too

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Finally

It has come in its own season

Comprehension of that shadow

That extra freight love carries

Stems from this eclipse on life

That’s Tidal locked to my soul

Love bears: dares not to let go

Its nature refuses to surrender

No other heart beats so centric

As one that has been shattered

Wounds be profuse and dampen

Like an early morning meadow

Still of silence echoes are muted

Now, I have come to understand

Living love is a…slower tragedy

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Correlations

I’ve walked alone, along moonlit shores

As ripples erased my wet bare footprints

And in the shadowy depths of my mind

I recognized connections to my memories

How you were as ripples that changed life

And altered the scars time etched into me

I knew you’d be a better version of myself

But I also thought I’d be long gone first

Life and death play by no rules we prefer

Nor assumptions of our shattered hearts

Moon like a tangible pale face to remind me

Someplace out within the heavenly galaxy

You watch over and maybe even intervene

Like ripples that influence… my tomorrows

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