Following on from my accidental discovery of some past wordplay I’d recorded for posteriority*, today I stumbled (equally serendipitously) on the following. This from a true master of making the written word take our imaginations on unexpected journeys…
Found on the internet – if you know the source (of the image, not the quote, smart-arse) so I can properly credit it, please let me know.
*Not gonna lie – I thought I was being all clever/schoolboy lewd making a pun on posterity/posterior, but it turns out there is a real word “posteriority” (thanks, Microsoft spell check!), and it actually fits, as used above!
Aside from a hard disc failure without the precaution of a backup, the same is largely true of the drivel that one stores on one’s PC (or Mac if you’re one of those weirdos who like to learn what your devices can do by accidental discovery rather than actual documentation.) So while I was looking on my hard drive for something I felt sure I would have kept SOMEWHERE (it was so much easier when HDDs were only 10MB or so… yes, that is an M), I came across a few lines of nonsense I must have written as an exercise (or potentially exorcism!)
Be free little one, your time has come – go and live with all the other nonsense on the interwebs… people will just assume you’re the product of AI rather than (probably) sleep deprivation!
A Timely Tale
Once upon a time there was a clock hatcher. Her job was to linger on moments until the time was right and then out would emerge a clock. If she got up too soon, sometimes a wristwatch would come instead. On a few occasions she’d fallen asleep and had found herself atop a grandfather clock. Most uncomfortable! And they can get really wound up if you’re not careful!
Not gonna lie – WordPress’s AI of choice didn’t do a terrible job generating this image!
At the time of writing, I can report that the spot price for a (US) quart of gorilla feces is US$19.95. Shipping and handling (sic) costs extra. A US pint is short (only 16 fl. oz. instead of the imperial pint of 20 fl. oz.), so that’s 946ml, just for those wanting hard numbers.
I can tell you all this because (i) the internet is still full of interesting things to discover and (ii) the internet also remains full of complete nonsense to discover. I was doom-scrolling after getting back from an arguably more useful employment of my time and intellect – walking the dog. The inscrutable algorithms of FaceBook (yes, I’m that old – I still use it) belched out some random Vanity Fair clip (I challenge anybody to explain why it thought I’d find it of interest, and yet…).
So that was interesting… that one can even arrange such a thing. The interviewer naturally enquired how one might go about doing something similar. Where might one look? Of course, the internet being what it is, you simply go to www.shitsenders.com. In a vague attempt to retain slightly more decorum, this redirects to www.poopsenders.com. (Always fresh. Always anonymous!). It is here that one can find the current price for gorilla, elephant or indeed cow excreta. For that special someone, there’s even a combo pack, so they can contrast and compare. The odd thing (of several very odd things here) is that there’s only $2 difference between the ubiquitous cow dung and what one might reasonably assume is a somewhat less easy to come by gorilla turd. Similarly, one might imagine that elephant poo is pretty large and plentiful, yet pricing is between the other two.
The page offers the following warning and precaution: You may NOT use our service to threaten, constitute harassment, violate a legal restraint, or any other unlawful purpose. The customer agrees this is a gag gift, novelty service for entertainment ONLY and that is their only intention.
The service provides anonymous delivery, shipped anywhere in the U.S., which would seem to include the following completely randomly selected address: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20500.
Whilst out with Gromit today, I was obliged to pick up after him as we were walking the trail along the edge of a local wood. As I was bent over, I was aware of a couple of things dropping from a tree and landing in the grass. When I looked up to see where they’d fallen from, I was met with a writhing mass of life – communal caterpillars.
I took a photo on my phone with the thought of identifying the critters once I got home (I’m no entomologist). Indeed – I attempted to do just that a moment ago, by loading the photo (below) into Google Lens.
An “army” of caterpillars
It instantly told me the caterpillars were Eastern Tent Caterpillars (Malacosoma americanum), and gave several links and photos which did indeed seem similar.
Eastern Tent Caterpillar – source: Wikipedia
It seemed close enough, and I was initially lured into the dangerous waters of complacency AI’s sirens call us to. But the “Eastern” bit of the name bothered me, so I kept digging. The range of these defoliating little buggers does SOMETIMES include as far West as BC… but they’re not so common… and there was no “tent”. As one might imagine, there is also a Western Tent Caterpillar (otherwise they’d just be generic Tent Caterpillars, you’d suppose!), but these looked nothing like what I’d seen.
Western Tent Caterpillar (Malacosoma Californicum) – note the “tent” in the background
So then I thought I’d try AI at its own game and entered the following more specific criterion into Gemini: “Range of eastern tent caterpillar in BC”.
Finally – some common sense…
While the Eastern Tent Caterpillar (Malacosoma americanum) is widespread in eastern and central North America, its presence in British Columbia is not common or widespread.
Instead, British Columbia is primarily home to two other species of tent caterpillars:
Western Tent Caterpillar (Malacosoma californicum pluviale): This is the most common tent-forming species in BC, particularly in southern coastal areas, including Vancouver Island, the Gulf Islands, the Fraser Valley, and the Sunshine Coast. They feed on a wide range of deciduous trees and shrubs, including alders, poplars, willows, and fruit trees.
Forest Tent Caterpillar (Malacosoma disstria): While it’s widespread across Canada, in BC it’s a major defoliator of trembling aspen in the interior of the province. A key difference from other tent caterpillars is that the Forest Tent Caterpillar does not build a communal tent; instead, they form silken mats on tree trunks or branches where they congregate.
So we had a third candidate – the Forest Tent Caterpillar! And though the other option does seem to fit geographically… it just doesn’t look right. So what does Wikipedia say about the Forest Tent Caterpillar? Well, again, it does seem to be more of an East Coast beastie, but its back spots do seem more like what I’d seen, along with the blue bands between segments, so I think maybe that’s the one! Especially as there was no actual “tent” of silk to be seen. My specimens seemed a lot hairier too – kids today, eh?!
Forest Tent Caterpillar – image source: Wikipedia
I remain not entirely convinced though, and would be happy to hear from others more versed in moths and their lavae. I guess my real take-away is how easy it is becoming for us to just trust the first thing the search engines throw at us, and run with it.
Let’s try and listen a little more to that nagging voice going “Er… but what about…?”
Quieter Elephant 