Its been one of those days

A REALLY GOOD ONE THAT IS! :)

I took the girls in my car to go home from church, and Ryan took the boys.  They had to stop somewhere, so we were home before them.  As we pulled in I asked Aubrie and Hallie to take the toys/bikes on the lawn/driveway into the garage.  Of course they said they didn't want to.

Aubrie: I didn't do any of it
Me: That's true.  Will you still help me?
Aubrie: No.
Me: OK (not wanting to get into it and not caring enough to push it I just loaded up my arms and went into the house to start dinner)

On my way in I see Aubrie starting to put all the things into the garage.  Then she came inside and asked what time the Bishop was going to be there for her interview (for her temple dedication ticket).  Aubrie says, "I am asking because I am not going to change into my other clothes because I think I should be wearing these church clothes when he comes" (my mouth drops open...)

Then she comes over and asks if she can help me cook buttermilk syrup for our breakfast dinner :).  Um, yes please.  She cleaned off the table, wiped it down and set it for dinner.  Then I walked back into the kitchen from changing and she had moved all the chairs and was sweeping the floor.  I walked over and gave her a huge hug and she says "I just figured I'd go the extra mile" (mouth drops open again....)

I turned around and Clara was in the swing and I asked who had put her in there.  Aubrie says, "I did.  She was fussing." "and Mom, I am just going to straighten up the living room because it would make me embarrassed if the Bishop came over and it had things laying all over. " She was doing things faster than I could even keep up with, and none of which I had even asked her to do.  It was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G

Now, I don't know what lesson she had in her Primary today, or if she was feeling extra special and excited about getting to go to the temple dedication this upcoming weekend.  But it was SO cool to have her acting like that.  What an amazing girl we have!

After her interview with the Bishop.  She told me "this is really an honor mom to get to go."

At dinner she was a little nervous to have an interview and was asking what he would ask her etc.  Ryan took the opportunity to talk to Robbie about his upcoming baptismal interview too.  Rob and Aubrie were laughing because Aubrie was saying that it's really hard to look the Bishop in the eye.  She said, its easy to look Robbie or mom in the eyes but it is hard if its the Bishop (which is true).  Then Robbie says "yea, you have to be careful to not look a girl in the eyes. Cause then she thinks its a lovestare."  Ryan and I started laughing so hard.  "What is a lovestare?" RObbie said, "you know...they think you like them (as Aubrie is demonstrating to us what one looks like), Nessa (A girl from his class that is always chasing him), she tried to trick me and give me one once, but I didn't fall for it"  HAHAHA.  So much fun to listen to these older kids "getting older".  Ryan told them he'd been giving me the "lovestare" since the first day he met me. "ewwww" they said.

And one last story...last night I was finishing packing the kids suitcases to have them ready to go to FL.  I had done the three older kids and was opening Blake's to pack his.  He'd beat me to it though.  And he had truly packed the essentials.  Love that boy!

Blake's packed suitcase.

I am just sitting here with Clara, feeding her and burping her--its a process--and trying really hard not to feel discouraged.  Ive been reading "I didn't mean to be a Witch" by Linda Eyre and one of my favorite chapters so far is about really focusing on only doing whats the most important and stop worry about everything else.  I am NOT. GOOD. AT THAT.

I like to worry about and do everything.

Today is Ryan' birthday. He and I (as is common with a newborn) have a lot going on right now in life and not a lot of free time.  I wanted today to be special for him.  He is so amazing and I wanted him to know we love him.  I bought and made the things for dinner that he loves--ran to the library so we wouldn't pay fines for overdue books--ran back home scrambling to get dinner ready and Clara is crying the whole time.  I give her to one of the kids and ask them to watch her, and the next thing I notice, Clara is sitting on the couch, one kid is lounging on the couch reading, one is on the floor playing, another is in our bed trying to sleep and I am sweating I am trying to do so many things at once.  ARGHHHHHH!!!  I go into my rant about why can't anyone help, why am I the maid and cook and DOES ANYONE SEE THE INJUSTICE HERE?!?!  (which ironically, the other favorite chapter in the book I am reading is about mothers feeling like they are martyrs and how to just let that go sometimes). Ryan and Robbie eat for 5 minutes before running off to baseball practice (Ryan is one of the coaches) and the other three kids are up and down and up and down from the table.  I FINALLY make something decent and I am sitting at the table by myself.  I yell again. Clara is crying so I go to feed her and here I sit, looking around at the house which has things strewn about on the floor in every room, Blake is chasing Hallie with a long wooden stick and Aubrie is back to reading.  I am so tired and there is the longest night ahead of dishes, baths, straightening the house, lunches, making our bed, etc.


So there is it. Real life.  Just wanted to capture it so I can remember in 20 years.

And I'm sure I'll  probably miss it.

Happy birthday Ryan. 

10 UN-highlights of the last few weeks

1.  Our landlord called to inform us that he was in the process of a serious legal battle and that in order to keep his house, he needs to be a resident of it for 1 year.  He agreed to let us stay until the kids finish school.

2. Blake is 3 AND he is no longer the youngest= his fair share of hitting and screaming and pouting

3. The kids incentive to do any of their jobs and homework went right out the window along with the cold weather (which means I feel like I'm nagging--which happens to be the BIGGEST energy waster and one of my least favorite things).  Time to rethink incentives.

4. My favorite sandals bit the dust.  And Blake has left one each of two different pairs IN the dust, somewhere he doesn't remember.

5.  I am considered postpartum enough that I really should be doing all the things I would normally do or I feel like that is the expectation from those around me and that is always a hard transition back to "normal" when I am still not sleeping much. (my calling, laundry, cooking, activities (sports) etc.)

6. We burned our lawn with fertilizer. (Ryan says he got a little too ambitious with the spreader...but really...just refer to #1)

7-10.  I can't think of anything else to write so I guess its been a good few weeks :)

Hallie Rae

And this miss Hallie is just growing up like lightening in the last month.  Kindergarten has been good to her.  She is a WONDERFUL reader.  She has made some really fun friends--Mia and Grace are two of  her favorites.  She asked me a few weeks ago to teach her how to hold Clara and bounce her while Hallie is standing.  I did and felt comfortable that she was able to and Hallie is on it whenever she hears Clara stir from her sleep.

And this week we picked up her glasses.  She looks a lot older to me.  I had the lady at the vision center show Hallie how to take care of them and she has been showing all of us the proper glass cleaning techniques.  She was a little nervous to go to school for the first time wearing them, but it's been just fine.  She's SUCH a beautiful girl inside and out.

10 highlights in no particular order

1. Clara slept from 10-2:45 a.m., ate for an hour and then slept from 4-7 a.m. (when our morning routine happens).  And so did I.  

2.  It hit 74 two different days.  Perfection.  New England is at its finest in Spring and summer.  We slept with our windows open last night even.  

3. I saw a duck in a tree in the woods next to our house while we were reading scriptures one morning

4. My friend Melanie and her baby Asher came over with a yummy lunch from a local cafe and stayed for four hours chatting and hanging out.

5. Last Friday we all went to the track and walked/ran/biked/explored the woods/built forts/Ry and I talked/played baseball and then grabbed Chipotle on the way home for dinner.

6. Ryan bought me "I didn't mean to be a witch" (Linda Eyre) for Easter and I've really been enjoying reading it (albeit slowly)

7.  Tara came to visit for the weekend. She made a few delicious meals and for the most part manned the kitchen the whole weekend, held Clara, and was such a fun "aunt" to the others.  Blake was her roommate and he loved it.  We went to Maine on Saturday after doing some work in the yard and went to York Beach and Woody's Brick Pizza.  (We all LOVE the coast so much).  On the way up we stopped in Kittery at our favorite artisan bread outlet and stocked up.   But most of all, we just talked and talked.  Tara is so insightful, wise, fun, funny and one of my best friends and it was really hard to have her leave.

In York, ME, scootering around their cute downtown area waiting to eat pizza. 

She was really enjoying that pizza

At York Beach

York, ME downtown.  One of our family's favorite places on the coast.

Dyeing eggs with Tara 

8. Easter Sunday.  Melora Colette gave one of the best talks I've ever heard about Christ's Atonement.  We did our annual "Feast" with the 10 eggs and in each egg is a scripture and a clue (red cloth, nail, soap, sacrament cup, etc) and watched "Because of Him" video before church.

 We actually got a family picture...  AND Medaris' came over for dinner later and we enjoyed Ryan's yummy pork loin. :)





9. I went on a long walk one morning (which hopefully I can do more of now) and it was one of the first times I've been by myself in a few months.  There are a lot of trees/woods in NH and so that means a lot of noises and wildlife.  It really means SPRING to me when I'm walking and hear so many noises all around me.  It felt good to just get a little exercise too.  I've really missed it since Clara's been born.

10. One night Ryan and I watched short clips of Jimmy Fallon on Youtube and laughed so hard we were crying.  It felt so good to just laugh, relax and feel kind of normal.  I went to bed feeling lighter that night--I'm sure from laughing.  We haven't had enough of that lately.

and then there were 5

it's taking some getting used to to have 5 kids.  I find myself enjoying and feeling "normal" when there are 3 home or I'm interacting with one or two of them at a time.  But when Clara is crying (it happens regularly, she's a newborn) and then they are all telling me something at the same time, or just beings kids together in the same room--my senses go on overload and I feel like my brain is saying "can't compute, can't compute, going into saver shutdown mode" or I choose to get frustrated.  One or the other.    I vacillate between being amazed at who they each are and that they all live here and are developing at a rapid pace to wanting to hide in my closet with a pillow.  

Red rimmed eyes and a sleep deprived headache are the new norm for Ryan and  I.  Most nights I just go into the mode and I get up with Clara when she cries and don't think too much about it.  Some nights though, like last night, when I feed her (and it's not a simple affair yet, I know it will get there but its not yet) and she is still squirming and has a harder time getting back to sleep and I just am literally aching to lay back down because its been so many months of not getting a full night's sleep (I think it started back in October) I just start crying because I think "this is not sustainable".  If I could just know the time frame for how long until I can sleep again, it would be easier.  I laid Clara back down, she woke back up and then Ryan and I both tried to get up with her and finally he won (lucky guy) but I laid down and couldn't go to sleep because my head hurt from wanting to cry but I thought--I don't have time to cry--that will take at least 1/2 hour until my head stops hurting and my nose clears up and that only leaves 1.5 hours that I can sleep until I have to get up again.  

I felt a renewed desire to read the scriptures daily after conference. It hasn't been happening since Clara was born.  I read Mosiah 3:7 this morning and one word jumped out at me right away....



7 And lo, he shall ^asuffer ^btemptations, and pain of body,^chunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can ^dsuffer, except it be unto death; for behold, ^eblood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his ^fanguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people.

I had never really thought about it before, but Christ has felt fatigue even more than man can suffer.  He gets that too.  And this time in my life can be a time to feel closer to Him if I let it be.  That made me feel much more hopeful.   A tender mercy of this morning.