Love 146 – Part 2

On February 25, 2016 By Glitter In The Ashes16 Comments

Part 2

Back in 2014 I was honored to be a part of a fabulous fundraiser with Love 146, in which I was on team “Love Wins”. This organization is something close to my heart. This wonderful organization works hard and I was so blessed to be able to join in with this organization as they strive to end child trafficking and exploitation. If you have read my past blog “Love 146”, you read why being a part of this team and why this fundraiser means so much to me, if you didn’t read it and are now curious you can click here. As I admitted in my first blog, I thought this was an awesome way for me to lose weight and get into shape while helping spread awareness on a great cause, without really knowing the cause (I admit it, I was being a bit selfish), but as I read more about what Love 146 goals were, I realized I HAD to help, for no other reason than to spread awareness about what is going on in our community. We often think that child trafficking happens so far from us, at least I did, but that is so far from the truth. It is happening all around us and we don’t even realize it or, like myself, it happens to us and we don’t realize that is what it is.

With all of that said, I am so excited to join in the efforts with team Love Wins for a second time starting March 1st through April 15th (Tax day, wohoo!). Each member of our team will be walking 146 miles, or more in 46 days, which I will be blogging a bit more about. My original goal was something like $1,500 and before we have even started the fundraiser I have pretty much raised that money and had to up the goal. What a blessing to know people are in this with our team and helping the efforts to end child trafficking and exploitation. It is beyond words and I am so thankful. Last round our team raised $6,862, and we only had a few members. This time around we have 15 members and our goal is to raise $20,000!

I can’t express my excitement enough for what we are doing. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to come alongside some amazing people to be a voice for those who aren’t able to speak up for themselves. If you are interested in donating to this cause or even want to start your own team, then please click the link below.

Love 146 – https://donate.love146.org/fundraise/team?ftid=31707

Crying, Laughing & Blank Spaces

On February 19, 2016February 19, 2016 By Glitter In The Ashes15 Comments

I think going from laughing to crying to laughing to crying - makin... I am not totally in to parodies of songs, but I have to say in the midst of a chaotic day, this fun little parody of mom life was exactly what I need, moms singing about their awful day to “Blank Spaces”. Who knew that was something that I needed in my life? Although it hit a little too close to home at that moment, I still enjoyed it. This was one of the songs and moments where you know it is supposed to be funny, but you realize “Oh my gosh they followed me and are singing about my day right now”. This is funny, but sad, so you laugh then cry, a moody moment actually. I am learning the only real way to not go crazy is to laugh at the insane moments you may have. Sometimes I laugh through the tears, or I laugh later, way latter, but I am trying to laugh. If off days didn’t happen to every mom then we wouldn’t have the joy of watching, laughing, and crying at these funny parody videos to catchy songs.

My laughing/crying moment happened on one of the worst days for Arwen and I. Around Christmas time my husband usually has to work late, although we thought he was going to be home on time this day, it turned out he wasn’t. On this particular day everything was falling apart. Arwen was teething and miserable and I was not able to catch my breath. We now have a new oven, but on this day we still had an oven from the 60’s and even if you turned the oven on to 200 degrees, it would go past 500 degrees. I was trying to make dinner and then I noticed a small fire in my oven. I was already feeling the day and as I am trying to keep Arwen from coming in the kitchen and put out the fire, I made the smartest move of my life and reached into the oven without an oven mitt to grab the tray out of the oven. Obviously not a smart move and on a normal day I can only hope I wouldn’t be as silly in my actions. At that moment I waved the white flag and asked Chris to bring home dinner. After I put the small fire out and cooled my hand, I realized I needed coffee to even be able to get through bed time. I looked at my sweet little girl that seemed very amused by the action that took place and I just smiled through the tears and started laughing and said confidently “I am making coffee, hopefully not burning myself, and you get to play in the bath”. Arwen has always loved bath time, so I decided to make coffee and sit in the bathroom with my coffee (don’t judge me, I had to do what I had to do). While Arwen played, I noticed a friend had posted a parody video of “Blank Spaces” and as I watched this wonderful video, I cried through the laughter for the second time in 5 minutes because of how I could relate to the day in that moment. We watched it again about 100 times because it truly is amazing and I found comfort in the crazy. It actually answered a very important question for me, “why does Taylor swift talk about Starbucks in this song”? “Oh, ‘long list of ex lovers’ makes more sense with the song now”. So thank you ladies!

I really love this video, even though in that moment it hit to close to home, I still loved it while the tears rolled down my face. It truly is wonderful to have funny outlets for the things you are going through in those moments, so again, thank you ladies for allowing me to laugh and cry all at once 🙂

If you curious, here is the video 🙂 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FrBS2pPcak

Arwen The Teacher

On February 12, 2016February 12, 2016 By Glitter In The Ashes19 Comments

Sorry Oh boy, my daughter the teacher. She is almost 2 and a half and although I can truly say she has taught me a lot in her couple of years here on earth, this week she has really helped me with self-reflection. This week Arwen has taken to saying sorry, which is nice, but she says it for everything! I know I say sorry a lot as well and while I am sure this is a phase for her, I am taking it as a lesson for myself. I didn’t think I said it that much, until tonight when I was talking with my husband and I said it about 4 times in a 2 minute period…well, that’s annoying, I annoy myself now knowing I do that. Arwen has been saying sorry for asking for help, she has been saying sorry for feeling happy, she is sorry for saying sorry. I felt like I was in a sitcom when I said “you don’t need to say sorry” so she said “oh, sorry” and it was this crazy 5 minute circle we were in where she kept saying sorry for being sorry. We tried to gently explain it’s great to say sorry when deserved, but she doesn’t have to say it after every sentence. At first it was cute and it is cute when it’s a well-deserved sorry because I want her to take responsibility, own up to her actions, and to be kind, but it has started to be hard to hear. Not because I find her annoying, but I am annoyed that I pretty much taught her that. I would say I am pretty confident in many areas, but others I’m not. I want to make sure everyone is happy, okay, and not mad at me. I guess I haven’t been valuing my own take on things because I apologize for everything.

This week Arwen has helped me reflect on myself and to take a look at what I am apologizing for. Am I apologizing because it is needed or because I am scared of what others think or because it is now just a habit? I am gentile with feelings of others or I strive to be, but of course I don’t always succeed, so there ends up being an apology which makes sense. Although I am all about truth in love, I still want to make sure everyone around me is ok. I do think it has become a bad habit, so this week (even before tonight when I said it 4 times in 2 minutes) I am trying to be more aware of the fact that I have a little one watching me. Of course when we have little ones watching us we are usually watching our words that are “bad” words, while sorry is not a bad word, it is a word that can lose meaning, and teach you to almost not value yourself and your needs and opinions if you say sorry when it isn’t needed.

While hearing my daughter apologize this week for everything, I realized how independent she is usually, what a gift for her when she is older. She is strong willed and it is tiring, but I see it as a gift of great leadership if evolved correctly, so I want to encourage her strong mindedness, in a healthy manner, and to not lose that by saying sorry for simply saying an opinion. I am called to show her how to be a leader in life, and how to use these “hard” qualities as great characteristic traits as she gets older. I want her to have confidence in who she is and the words that come out of her mouth and what she chooses. My prayer for her is she can be strong in who she is, but kind to all those around her while showing confidence. Don’t get me wrong, I want her to say sorry, but when it’s appropriate, not because she is wanting to do or have regular things in life, I don’t know, like asking for a shack maybe? It’s not a bad thing to ask for a snack! Sorry is a powerful word and it should always be said when we have wronged someone or it is appropriate timing.

For me this week I have felt annoyed when she says it out of context, I don’t get angry and I get she is learning, but I am annoyed because I taught her that. I realize I want these big things for my daughter, showing confidence, taking ownership, all while being kind, and I need to show the same. I need to teach this sweet little girl when to use sorry, and that we should always say it when appropriate, like accidents and when we hurt someone’s feelings even when we didn’t mean to, but we don’t need to say sorry just because we are breathing.

So thank you to my sweet girl who in this week has taught me what it is like on the receiving end of someone saying sorry after almost every sentence. I love this sweet girl and I love her personality, but now I want to teach her to have confidence in who she is and the gifts God has put in her, even at this very early age. I know she is still little, but she has taught me about how I view myself and how my “sorry” can lose meaning so quickly if used so often. Thank you my sweet girl for being my teacher.

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Glitter In The Ashes

On February 5, 2016February 19, 2016 By Glitter In The Ashes43 Comments

Glitter in The Ashes Hello Everyone! I want to let you all know that the RandieRoss blog will be going through a revamping period. When I first started this blog I was in a different place, which I think if we all look back on different seasons of our lives, we can all the say the same. When I first starting writing my blog, the goal was to give advice to others who may have not had the best upbringing. As I have been thinking and praying and coming into my own as a mom, to a now almost 2 ½ year old, I am realizing a lot. My past, which is my personal story, will always be a part of me, but it is for sure not what names me nor is it who I am. I do talk about it and I am very open with what has happened to me. It is not to say “hey isn’t this sad”, but to give hope to others. Really my life is so rich with so much (well besides money), but in all the other aspects I am overflowing. I am a stay at home mom, thanks to my hard working husband, yep we scrap by…barley, but I already mentioned we aren’t rich with money. Being a stay at home mom is something that is important to me due to events that happened to me with a babysitter (see some things from my past will still come up). Although I am a stay at home mom, I don’t feel like that is my only title. A little extra about me, I love to create pieces of art, I awkwardly really love Brittney Spears (my husband said he passed by her once and she smiled at him, and I literally teared up – please no need to judge, I get it), once a month I dream about my all-time favorite doughnuts, which are the crullers with orange frosting and a lot of times they are not that easy to find, I am blessed to have friends, both with kids and without, who I see regularly, I am blessed to be a part of an amazing church plant, and if I could I would throw glitter everywhere I go. So leaving that sentence on a high note about glitter (you’re welcome Maggie), my new blog name will be Glitter In The Ashes, once I figure out how to change it. I like the imagery of the ash from my past mixed with the sparkle of glitter representing my present shining through and how the glitter stands out more than the ash. I said I like the imagery, but I am not actually sure if it is true that glitter literally shines brighter than ash when they are mixed together, so I may test it.

I can only pray that my life now does not depict what happened to me as a child. Naturally, I will have quirks because of the things that happened and I will go through struggles and sad times, which everyone can relate to. Don’t get me wrong, I will still write about my journey of healing from the past, but I am realizing it is ok to shed light, or glitter (get what I did there?), in the midst of my journey and my writing doesn’t have to be so dark. Instead of this blog just being about advice for parents who didn’t have a good upbringing, although I still hope to encourage you in that area if it applies to you, I want to not only give hope, but hopefully I also throw in a bit of laughter with the things that happen in my life now, which most of the time involve my daughter and husband. I want to encourage you that if you had a hard life because of choices you made or things done against you, you can still find joy in life and you are not discounted. You can be different than what you feel you should be or what you or someone else named you. To you who think you can’t be a good spouse or parent, I am the proof that you can be different and I am here to tell you that you can be different too! I didn’t sound very humble in that last sentence because I am saying I am good spouse and parent, but you know what, I am. I have my flaws, but because of healing, setting boundaries, and finding joy in my past to look ahead, my flaws are manageable and they are more “normal” than what I could have had. My spouse and daughter are not in danger, so over all I think I am doing ok at this. A few months ago I couldn’t say that, because I felt I had to be kind of emo in my writing, well I am not emo (obviously, I just shared my love for Ms. Spears and all things glitter), and just because I write or talk about hard topics doesn’t mean I need to find this dark place in myself to depict it so you get the sense of what happened. To sum it up, life was hard, but I am thankful for who and where I am.

I looked back at my past posts and I am proud of each one. I am glad I can be open and vulnerable to what has happened, but who I am now was starting to fade. I kept thinking of the deep things from my past that I could write about to express how I have changed and they are deep and kind of sad things, and although that is not bad and there will be more blogs like that I am sure, because if I am going to blog about my personal life, there will be moments of that, I realized, I put myself in a box and labeled myself as this person with that sad past struggling to be a parent. Although that is true, my personality was not coming through. I have more to offer than that, I just needed to realize it. I take the sad stuff and often add humor in real life, I hope the people who really know me can say that is true. Sadly I hate emotion, and I am learning to allow it in, because it is important to not avoid it at all costs, but I like to laugh. I have been called Phoebe from friends before because I will tell a sad story, but my delivery seems comical (at times). It’s not because I try to be funny or that I am trying to say, “Look at me. I am broken!”, but it is because my story no longer has a hold on me. For some reason I felt this blog had to be so serious and I was not feeling drawn to writing any longer, because I was trying to be and depict my life in a way that wasn’t remotely showing who I am.

If you haven’t picked up on it, I had a hard upbringing, bad things happened. BUT that is the past and there is so much more to me than this sad upbringing. I am so thankful for my life and what happened because I am here, I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, and, like I said before, I am rich in so many ways. I love to share my story, but it’s because it is an honor to share where God has brought me, I wouldn’t change anything for that one reason. I really hope I encourage others. I will still share about my past, like a future blog will be sharing about my mom and where she is now, and let me tell you that story in itself brings me so much joy. I thank God for His hand of mercy on that situation and on our relationship.

When I started to blog I was lost like most new parents, especially someone who had their fair share of adults in my life while growing up who didn’t set such great examples. I now have so many people I look up to, who love and encourage me and my mom is one of those people now included in that. Heck I am still trying to figure my way around parenting and just adulting in general. It is hard and aren’t we all trying to figure it out? But I am realizing now while raising my daughter that I don’t want her to dwell on the bad things that happen, I want her to celebrate the good after and of course recognize and mourn the bad, but I want her to see the blessings and hopefully encourage others as well. So with all that nonsense said, I realize I was holding myself back from allowing who I am to shine through my words. You may like who is shining through and you may not, but I am just realizing I need to not dwell in a place that no longer has a hold on me.

If you have any questions, need encouragement, or prayer, please feel free to let me know.