Monthly Archives: May 2010

This is the Real Problem

Posted on by rmott62

Whenever there is a general debate around prostitution, there is always an avoidance of the major problem.

That it is men that choose to buy other humans, mainly women and girls, for something as unimportant as their sexual wants.

That it is those men who make the choice to treat the prostituted as sub-human.

That it is those men who choose violence, choose to rape, choose to degrade, choose to be the master to his sex slave.

That is the issue – not why, how and what are the prostituted women and girls.

But, it is easier to kept the debate on the prostituted women and girls, because than with a small bit of tinkering round the edges, we can kept the status quo.

Best not mention what the hell give those men the right to buy women and girls to turn into dirt.

That would be rocking the boat far too much.

No, instead place prostituted women and girls into many categories. From the sad and bad whores, it would wrong for any man to even want to fuck – to the empowered happy hooker that will be a guilt-free fuck.

These categories are basically in the eye of the beholder – and in the sex trade, the beholder is the john, or the profiteer pushes his goods out there.

The prostitute is just an image, there to be a role.

So a john will not see or care if she is under-aged.

He will ignore firmly her bruises, cuts, fear in her eyes or that dead look that is part of survival.

He will pretend he is her only fuck, but hate her for polluting him with all the other men who had screw her before and after him.

When a john hates, he knows all rules of treating women and girls with respect are unimportant when it comes to whores.

He will know that whores enjoys being treated like dirt, if he gets a gut reaction she doesn’t like it he just overrides that weak emotion.

He wants to place terror into her, he wants her to know every moment he was humiliated by women, every time he didn’t hit or rape “good” women or girls is placed onto the whore’s body.

He knows as a gospel truth, that it is impossible to rape the whore. It is just a business exchange. It is that he knows he owns her body and soul – so that is not rape.

Anyhow only decent women ad girls get raped – so this certainly is not rape.

As he pushes her beyond her pain threshold, as he can pays more to do more real-life porn on her – he knows he cannot be the bad guy for it just a game, he will not kill.

He is no mad man.

He doesn’t murder prostitutes, only crazy men do that.

And if this john is torturing the prostitute indoors, he knows that he not like the mad men who pick whores on the street and just kill them.

He is just playing a game, like some god-damned video game, like CSI, like some stupid horror. She is not real, so what the problem.

I know this coz these were some of the men who raped, tortured and played murder games with me, was in indoors prostitution.

I write this because whenever there is murders of street-based prostituted women and girls, the solution is always put them indoors.

Indoors prostitution is as dangerous as street-based prostitution, no more no less.

It just more control and the violence is buried by the profiteers.

When prostituted women and girls disappear from indoors prostitution, many would have been murdered by johns – it is not talk about.

They were viewed as nothing but fuckable goods when they were alive – when dead they can be replaced by more fuckable goods.

It is that cold a world.

Indoors prostitution makes most of its profits by supplying sadistic sex to the johns.

It will close the door, and let the john do whatever his money will buy.

God, since we have had visual and written records of brothels, or private sex trade parties – it has there to provide men with access to place their hate, their rage, their porn-fuelled concepts of “sex” into prostituted women and girls.

Indoors prostitution is placed as “private” and rebellious, so men can free up pent-up “sexual nature” to control and dominate women.

The prostitute will not be allow to say no to anything, she is not allowed to complain.

The good indoors whore will smile, will pet his ego, will mould her body into any and every porn-dream he speak of, will know what to do before he has spoken, will accept any and every punishment if he is bore or just think that would be fun.

She may bleed, she may feel pain, she may show terror, she may go unconscious, she may lay as if dead – christ, she may even lose her life.

But all that is unimportant – for it only a game, it means nothing.

So as you debate prostitution – read this and know some of the hate and contempt that is the mind-set of very ordinary johns.

They are the real problem – not those who are made into prostitutes.

That is why I will fight to the death, to stop any and every man from having the right to buy any human just for something as unimportant as his sexual want.

A Light Note

Posted on by rmott62

My last post was number 500 – some kind of an achievement.

In a time, of deep despair, I may go and celebrate that.

The Disappeared

Posted on by rmott62

I cannot truly express my grief, my anger, my confusion and the sense of deep despair – that yet again there has been more murders of prostituted women.

I cannot bear how bodies have piled up in my small lifespan, and that in every century, every country, every culture – bodies of prostituted women and girls are allowed to pile up. And little or nothing is done to stop the sex trade.

I demand louder that we must end this trade in women and girls, not tinker round the edges.

One death of prostituted woman or girl is one too many – but they are dying and disappearing in their millions.

The sex trade is a genocide of those women and girls, but with replaceable prostituted women and girls.

I hold in the sickness in my stomach, every death or disappearance that I know of – and the deeper grief is the many prostituted women and girls that are gone and hidden from our view.

Most prostituted women and girls that are murdered, are made to disappear – are not reported even in the middle pages of the local press.

In life, too many have decided that these women and girls were trash, were happy hookers, were just outsiders – any excuse to not see them as full humans.

So, if they die, if they are murdered, why should society care.

Why not take the easy road and say they brought their deaths onto themselves – hell, no-one has to be a prostitute. It just a risk of their job.

This is said of most prostituted women and girls.

If she is addicted to drugs, if she is a street-based prostitute – then she is just trash. She knew it was dangerous and keep going back into that world – what did she expect.

The answer seems simple – keep prostituted women indoors, have legal brothels, that will mean they are safer.

Well, I speak as someone who mostly did indoors prostitution – there is nothing safe about indoors prostitution.

Prostituted women and girls disappear from indoors prostitution all the time, in every country, and always it is made invisible – so business continue as usual.

Indoors prostitution is extremely dangerous, but like the veneer of being glamorous and caring to the prostituted women and girls.

Indoors prostitution is usually control by managers whose bottom line is profit – which means going for the market of supplying sadistic sex, or edgy sex.

If the john kills the prostitute, well these things happen. That can be kept in-house, no media interference, no messy police investigation.

She is just gone, she was never there – and there are plenty more where she came from.

I live in a world where women and girls disappeared.

I could not let that in at the time – I was just surviving by being too dead to care.

How could I care when all the time I knew I would be made to disappear at any time.

How could care when to know they were more than likely dead – may have been murdered – would have pushed me into madness.

But it so hard to forgive myself for not caring, for having partly stayed alive by my selfishness.

Now, I grieve for those women and girls in every word I write or speak, they are the ghosts who remind to fight harder, when despair grabs my heart.

I want a world where no woman or girl can be brought and sold just for the male orgasm.

It is the men who decide to be violence to prostituted women and girls.

It is never the fault of the prostituted woman or girl.

Listen and Hear My Words

Posted on by rmott62

I want to write more on language, and say why I do not think that the experiences of prostituted women and girls fits into the language of rape.

It is rape, but it rape made into nothing.

There need to be a language that fits that nothing.

Often the language of rape goes along a linear line from victim to survivor. I know there is a muddle in and round that route, but in rape language, there is a goal that many women can achieve.

Most exited women from the sex trade will not have that luxury.

I deeply believe that many women and girls that have been raped will become survivors – they will never forget, they will be triggered.

But women and girls who are raped and given real support will recover.

That is not true for women from the sex trade.

Firstly, it is extremely rare to be given adequate and specialise support.

Most support is round everything but the prostitution. Support to come off drugs, support to speak about rapes that can be one-off or distanced from the sex trade, support round anger management, support with housing or childcare.

The sex trade is an unexploded bomb that it is thought best not to mention.

I think one aspect of rape language that alien to many exited women is the focus on the individual.

When you are raped as a prostitute, you are nobody. Any whore will do.

When the johns or managers beat you up, if they choose to kill – it is not a person they are destroying, it just unwanted goods.

Rape is seen as a deeply personal crime – only if it happens to non-whores.

Rape language speaks of empowerment and becoming a survivor.

I for one, cannot know how my prostitution fit in that path.

For me, surviving was remembering to keep breathing as I was thinking I must be dead.

Surviving was making all my emotions go dead so nothing could matter.

Surviving was not thinking it was rape, for then I would die.

Surviving was not caring man after man after man and on and on and on – rape me, torture me, laugh at me, pretend they care then toss me like trash.

Surviving was acting like none of it matters.

Listen and hear – survivor is poisonous word to me.

Now, I have no adequate words for what it is to be an exited women.

Witness could be one word.

A witness can see and view her past and know nothing can changed that time. A witness will know that time with a forensic eye – not with judgement, not looking for a linear way out, not with self-hate – only having a clear eye that see all and attempt to live with it.

A witness does not see her tortures as unique – but an attack on all women and girls in the sex trade. She knows and grieves that her body and mind was close to destruction – knowing to the johns and managers she was interchangeable with any other prostituted woman or girl.

A witness sees and knows her rapes and tortures go back many centuries, go into every country in the world, cut across culture, class and any other society excuses.

A witness know she is always views as a whore whatever she achieves.

Knowing that she has learnt to hear the unacceptable.

She hears and knows that all the time, everywhere, whores are murdered. Rarely reported, and if reported she is blame for own murder.

She hears and knows that far too many people, not just men, think it is a nonsense that whores could be raped. It is their job after all.

She hears and knows that there must be good and bad whores – all of which must be fuckable goods. Bad whores who are the throwaway women and girls – raped, beaten and murdered, but who gives a damn. Good whores that men decide are classy – of course being still whores, they are also raped, beaten up and murdered – but it is hidden from the public gaze.

A witness knows to be silent about the violence, instead she only speaks after finding what is acceptable for the listener to decide might be true.

So she adopts the language of rape, when it poisons her skin.

How can she speak a language which makes sexual violence one-off events.

She was raped for years, raped thousands of times, raped by men who all became the same – rape was a word without meaning in that world.

Rape was named work, rape was all you were – and rape did not happen to whores, for only good women and girls could be raped.

It is hard to speak the language of rape when after being raped, you just wait for another man to rape you.

That is the world of the sex trade.

I do not have a new language – but please listen, and hear mine and many other exited women struggle to know our truths.

Wait for our words – then speak.

A Message to Men Who Say They are Anti-Sex Trade

Posted on by rmott62

This is a highly personal and may be quite emotive message to men who speak often of being on my side.

I want you to use more than just words, you have the power to act to make real change with men to stop the constant buying and selling of women and girls.

It is not good enough to speak, however loud, of how dreadful the sex trade is – without action women and girls will continue to be destroy – even as you may feel good that you are a feminist man.

I am sick and tired of hearing men telling me they would never use the sex trade – but feel powerless to prevent other men uses it.

That is crap.

Hell, I know the power of words can prevent some men using the sex trade – words that show the conditions that women and girls are existing in; words to say it is a stupid, pathetic, sadistic, scum of a man that makes the choice to use the sex trade; words that makes those men outcasts.

I have seen my words have that power with some men, and I don’t even aimed my words at men.

I want men to confront other men.

Stop making excuses, if you consider to be a feminist, if you consider that you care about human rights – if you have a god-damned conscience.

Don’t give me it is embarrassing, you may be laugh at, you will be excluded.

Those are pathetic excuses – remember as you stay silent, women and girls are being sexually tortured, women and girls are being raped to almost dead, women and girls are getting murdered or committing suicide.

If you are in a group of men egging each on about going to a strip club, having a lap dance, going to a brothel or picking up some whore.

Don’t just sit there, don’t join in – fucking do something anything that may make them uncomfortable.

The less you can do is to walk away – instead being one of the lads.

You could say it not funny – you don’t have explain, just plant a seed of doubt in their heads.

Don’t laugh as they joke of what they want to do to the whores.

But really, not much will happen to you, if you confront them about choosing to want to make a woman or girl sub-human.

You may be laugh at, they may discard you from the group, they may swear at you, they may be aggressive – or they may just shut up.

But you are not going to torture, you are not going to be raped, you will not going to be murdered.

Maybe you may prevent a few men from doing that to women and girls in the sex trade.

I do not care if it will be embarrassing to you.

What I resented as prostituted woman, was the amount of johns who fuck me, but spoke on and on and on about how they felt bad about what were doing.

These men, often in public, made claims to anti-sex trade.

These were men from the right, who felt they doing some kind moral sin.

Sorry I always get that wrong – that I the whore was forcing them to do everything that they knew was wrong.

These johns were often extremely violent as they raped and beat the sin that was in the room.

These men would speak in the public arena of how prostitution was destroying the family, was corrupting the goodness of the male, was the major factor for why mankind was on the road to destruction.

Wow – I never knew I had that much power.

These men raped the power out of me, they torture the power out of me and then told I made them do that.

There was the johns who were leftists.

These men would make up that I was happy.

They chose to ignore my cuts and bruises, they chose to ignore I was under-aged, they chose to ignore that managers were controlling me, they chose to ignore my dead eyes.

No, all that matters to them is the moment I am with them.

They are respectful – full of respect as they make me into a porn-toy. Respect as they decide I enjoy pain, that whores don’t get humiliated. God-damned respect as I am a dead body they can fuck any time.

They honour the whore – they make her a sex worker, a goddess, a warrior spirit, an outsider, a rebel – any image where they can pretend she is controlling them.

Mustn’t see that is nonsense.

He is in complete command, she has no power. He owns her – it is sexual slavery.

What the fuck is left-wing about that.

So make her a cartoon whore – then don’t see her pain, her terror, her deadness, her knowledge she may not live long – the cartoon will be happy in your mind.

I hated left-wing johns – I often wanted to kill the bastards.

So if speak of being anti-sex trade in public – then use it thinking no-one will know.

Remember whores remember – and they hate you more than you could ever imagine.

It is amazing how few women and girls are violent to the johns – especially as we have to listen to their lies and excuses all the time, especially as we are used as fuckable goods, especially as we are bashed to inch of our lives just for fun, especially as most whores know of women and girls who have gone missing knowing johns have murdered them.

You men don’t know how lucky you are.

I wanted to be calm in this post – but that is impossible.

Impossible when I carry all the sexual torture men put in me, impossible as every rape is shadowing me, impossible as every hateful words and language is a broken record in my mind.

How can be calm that men act as if the sex trade is no big deal – certainly not a human rights issue.

I cannot be calm – as men throw away a whole class of women and girls.

So if you are a man and claim to anti-sex trade place as a vital human rights issues.

And see women and girls in the sex trade as full humans.

That would a damned good start.

The Child Becomes the Woman

Posted on by rmott62

There is always a huge concern about under-aged prostitution.

This is terrible – but it become a way of making adult women in prostitution invisible. It forgets that the majority of prostituted women came into the sex trade when they are under-aged.

What I don’t get – what I will never understand – is why at 16 to 18, does that child victim suddenly becomes an adult who has freely chosen to be a whore.

Please see that adult woman, and know that to survive she had to murder that child.

She could not have her ability to trust – that was smashed out by continual violence, by being brought and sold as goods, by being made a porn-toy.

If she had a small piece of innocence left – many years of being raped killed that, being a role to suit endless rapists destroy that.

Then all she has left is to say loud and clear that she is happy as a whore, it is her life now.

It is all that she knows.

It may have been all she has known since being the child. And the child will become the woman.

Do be concern about under-aged prostitutes – do work very hard to prevent as many as possible becoming adult prostitutes.

But do not close your conscience when you face with adult prostitutes.

See and hear have lost their essence through the constant violence and degradation that is named prostitution.

Remember always the average age of entering prostitution is 12 to 14. Know most are trapped inside the sex trade until they are adults.

That is many years of rapes.

That is many years of hateful language.

That is many years of life and death games.

That is many years of prostitutes disappearing through suicide or murder.

That is many years of drinking, self-harming, taking drugs, or other means of somehow surviving.

That is many years of being told you choose this life, so whatever happens is your own fault.

The only way to survive and with great luck exit – is to deaden the child and act the happy adult whore.

Cry for child prostitutes – but weep harder that far too many become whores without hope as adults.

Do You Do Stag Does

Posted on by rmott62

Last night, I was triggered until I lost my sense of humour, triggered into the place where laughter is poison in my mouth.

I was triggered by going out early in the evening, round about six, for a break from my work. And I was surrounded by lads speaking of going to a stag do.

Already drunk, already wolf-whistling any woman they thought was fuckable, already swearing at the unfuckable women

They were loud, annoying everyone round them – and convinced they were the masters of the world.

And in their loud voices they spoke of going abroad – Amsterdam, Eastern Europe – to find prozzies that were cheap and would do anything.

A stag do – cheap travel, cheap beer, and cheap fuckable prostitutes – far cry from being blindfolded and tried to a lamppost.

I felt like saying why go abroad – there are plenty of prostituted women and girls in all English towns and cities who you can fuck, who you can rape, who you can sexually torture – if you like you can murder her.

Would that be the perfect stag do.

Stag does will always give me back my terror, my degradation, my rage.

Your fun is and was mine and millions of prostituted women and girls destruction.

You want us to be your ultimate porn-toy for several hours.

If we are struck in a room with the group of staggers, we must perform a predictable script.

Act the stripper, the cheap whorish stripper who does not mind getting felt up, being made to kiss deep, having objects and hands in cunt and down mouths, with luck will for more money fuck some of them.

Imagine you are inside the skin of the woman acting the stripper.

Know your safety is on a knife-edge, shut in a room a bunch of drunk and hype-up men who small minds can only think on porn.

Porn means you will never be safe. Porn has place you are just the whore who is holes to be fuck. Your body is only there for all the men in the group to use.

You only safe if those men decide not to use violence, not to degrade you – that is very unlikely if their brains are porn-fuelled.

Stag does now often end in brothels or other places with quick and easy supply of whores.

I did the fucking of men from stag does – I heard their excuses, I heard their triumphing over degrading me, I heard their I don’t want to do this, but my mates are.

I was their whore for five minutes, for an hour and if unlucky several hours.

Some would fuck with so much anger, screaming hate of women, saying marriage would trap them.

They rape and rape, they beat me up, they place on the edge of death.

I would learnt to smile at them, I learnt to be their counsellor, I learnt to act turn on by their hate.

I learnt how to survive.

The ones that I hated – were the staggers who felt sorry for themselves.

These were the men who they were only there coz their mates force to be there, that they thought it was wrong to treat women so bad, that they love their girlfriend, that they are scared.

These bastards always end up screwing you, often with the same fury as the angry men.

Only after they may cry, they made go on and on and on how you – you fucking whore – made them act as they shouldn’t.

I wanted to put a pillow on their heads as they keep talking and talking.

But I learnt to be their mother, their sister or best friend, I learnt to say it is all ok, it only sex after all it means nothing, I learnt to smile as I wanted to vomit.

I learnt to survive.

Many men persuade themselves that stags does are ok, if they convince none of the prostitutes or strippers are forced, under-aged or trafficked.

How the hell do they know.

Every women and girl in the sex trade survive by painting on a happy face, by saying it her choice, saying she is well treated, by doing whatever sexual act that is paid for, by not giving anything of who she really is.

Men in stag does get the image – they know nothing of why and how she came to be in the sex trade. They nothing of her pain, her grief, her deadness and her knowing she has no future.

If she looks happy, she must be happy.

I know men who go on stag does are highly unlikely  to read.

But if anyone read this and has men they know thinking of doing a stag do – please remember it may include the sexual torture and degradation of women and girls in the sex trade. I don’t care where they go – they violating the human rights of those women and girls.

Get drunk as you like, act the idiot as much as you like, make noise – but don’t even think of using women and girls in the sex trade.

If you do – then you buying into sexual slavery and a trade that is founded on torture.

Get a conscience.

Fear of My Own Rage

Posted on by rmott62

Writing has been very hard recently – rage has taken over my soul, sending me back into deep terror.

I thought if I wrote down some of my rage, face my fear – I can then watch sports in peace.

I deserve rest and pleasure –  is that so much to ask for.

It seemed for the majority of exited women from the sex trade that is often beyond our reach.

So are you really surprised we have a rage.

PROFITEERS

I have a rage, a fury – a volcano inside me of hate and frustration at those who profiteers from the sex trade.

I am not talking about the foot soldiers – those young men that recruit girls into the sex trade, magazines and papers advertising the sex trade, maids easy the way for the sex trade, and everyone who turns a blind eye to the violence and degradation endemic in the sex trade.

They make me angry, they hurt me deeply – but my rage is targeted on the profiteers who destroyed women and girls without getting their hands dirty.

These are men and some women who called it a legitimate business.

They run this “business” from behind desks, they are often the friendly media face of the sex trade.

They are rich, full of glamour, polite, clean-looking, pretence of being a lover of all women. They are acceptable.

Being acceptable is the most effective way to hide the violence, hide the hate, hide the continual disappearance of women and girls.

These profiteers will manipulate language to hide reality.

The daily sexual violence is named work, the woman’s choice, sexual freedom, breaking of taboos.

The closing away from outside world is named protection, they just don’t understand, everyone out there are prudes.

The allowing of physical violence on a regular basis is named as an extra, show you as adventurous, just a game – have you no sense of humour.

Being made into nothing but porn is named being a damned fine worker, knowing your place, and it just fun really.

Profiteers fuck up your mind until a cat becomes a lake.

They told you just enjoy pain – so all injuries, all getting on the edge of death – all that was your free choice.

They told you are sex-crazed – so you must be mad to imagine it may be named raped, abuse or even you might not like it.

They say only bad girls would being doing what you do – so resistance cannot even be imagined.

Profiteers place women and girls into a trap. Then as masters, say look you chose to be here.

I hate them.

JOHNS

One way I know that I have survived, is that I have a rage to each and every john who decided to own me.

I do not care if he give money or not. I do not care if he thought he was gentle or not. I do care if he decided he had brought a girlfriend or not. I do not care if he thought he was a good guy or not.

Part of my survival is knowing each and every one of then treated as their porn-toy, his private sex slave.

Why would I not have a rage about that.

None of them saw me as a human.

Not one would introduce to his friends, not one would get me to meet his mother, none of that dating nonsense for a whore.

How can it be truly human act, when each and every action is just a pause being getting down to fucking the whore.

Some may watch TV with me, only boredom can come fast as they finger-fucked me, kiss me into deadness.

Some wine and dine me – with added humiliation of putting their hands into me, or getting me outside for a fuck against a wall.

Those were johns who would consider themselves to be the good guys – would know I was really turn on by their power-trip.

I hate the good johns with a passion – they are hypocrites.

At least, the bad johns know they are raping, know they are turning the woman and girl into dirt, know she was nothing but his fuck-toy. By christ, they are bastards – but at least they don’t lie.

LEFTISTS

I wish I could lose some of my rage at the left – but how can I when they continue to sell women and girls from the sex trade down the river.

The biggest victory the sex trade had been getting the Left on their side.

This was achieved by crafting a language that the Left understood – the language of work, the language of women’s rights, the language of empowerment.

This the sex trade embraced with their usual cynicism – but what shock me and many exited women, is that the Left was so eager to be bedfellows with the profiteers of the sex trade.

Look at “Hustler”, as an example.

Larry Flint has the game of being a left-wing hero. He’s not posh like “Playboy” or “Penthouse”, he is just working-class man with basic views on what those men want.

Larry Flint does not give a damned about working-class men, unless it all the dollars they give him every day. He view them as stupid, they are just suckers who make him a billionaire.

But “Hustler” get away with framing itself as leftist, even as radical.

Nothing radical about treating women as fuck-toys, nothing radical about jokes about child rape, nothing radical about dreaming of raping any and every women who dare to even ask for rights.

If you let “Hustler” off the hook – you are saying women are nothing but a sex-toy, that is pretending to care for their rights, if only to shut them up for a bit until they can be well fucked.

The Left with endless stubbornness with not hear or allow that the campaign is a matter of protecting human rights.

Look at the words that are continually buried – torture, industrial raping, brainwashing, Stockholm syndrome, kidnapping, gang-rapes, deadening of the soul, separating mind from body, pain, grief, horror, terror, no hope, murder, suicide and on and on.

Any words that might make the Left uncomfortable – the exited woman must learn not to say. Hell, mustn’t upset the left, that might make them want to change the sex trade completely – even to fight to rid the world of the sex trade.

No, to fit in with too much of Left, the exited woman must speak a language that puts ashes in her mouth.

The language of it was just a hard job, no more no less. If there was unions – then everything would be fine and dandy.

I get a headache – knowing unions are the sex trade’s wet dream.

Unions keep the girls working with the violence and degradation same as usual – but with the outward view of it being clean and safe.

Well it run as clean and safe for johns – no worry about interruptions from police, no worry that he told there things he cannot do.

All that matters is the profit – the whore’s welfare is of no importance.

If the Left are against capitalism – why the fuck do they support the sex trade which all about profit, and wasting the lives of women and girls.

Capitalism is often said to bring about the death of the planet – that is utterly true.

But – the deaths, the torturing and the mental destruction of women and girls is happening every second of every day.

They are goods that are thrown away – whores are viewed as trash.

The trick the sex trade had done is to convince the Left not to care – for it had said the whore chooses her own destruction, so you mustn’t judge.

The trick of the devil was say he didn’t exist.

The trick of the sex trade was to speak of choice, empowerment and liberation – and by christ, the Left is eager to buy into that crap.

Do that, and you are stepping over the millions of bodies of the “goods” that the sex trade has thrown away.

RELIGIOUS RIGHT

I would consider myself as a very liberal Christian, though very lapsed.

What I cannot stand is when those who say they are religious who use the whore to big themselves up – they speak as fundamentalists, nothing spiritual in their words or actions.

For the religious right, the whore is never real, she is just an image of what a bad woman is – what happens if good women demands too many rights.

She is weak coz she is allows men to fuck her over – but then it must be remembered that the whore is always waiting in the shadows to fuck over the weakness of men’s “need” for sex.

She will steal men from good women, teaching him violence and sex are interconnected, making him know women can viewed just as objects – he would  have not known that had he not meet the whore.

She is the serpent, the devil, a siren, a beautiful witch – she will be his death in life.

The religious right have made taking no responsibility to an art form.

As he buys a whore – he will tells himself he was forced into it. As he rapes her – he knows he getting the devil out of himself. As he goes back over and over and over again – he will tell himself he is a sinner who just cannot stop.

What a load of crap.

It is bloody easy to not buy a woman and girl for sex – it just called having a fully formed conscience, and the real religious ability to see the abuse of human right.

PRO-SEX FEMINISTS

The worse betrayal is hearing and reading feminists who make endless excuses for the sex trade.

My rage is huge here – so huge it often falls into silence, scare to show its face.

Firstly, it is ridiculous to framed those who campaign against the sex trade as anti-sex, especially women who survived that world.

Is being anti-rape or anti-child sex abuse being anti-sex.

Is wanting sex to be with full consent being anti-sex.

Is expecting to be more than a porn-toy being anti-sex.

Is knowing murder is not on the agenda being anti-sex.

Is wanting to be viewed as a full human being being anti-sex.

Is not being throwaway goods being anti-sex.

Is having no more sexual torture being anti-sex.

I can go on and on and on – but I think I have made my point.

I love sex, and because I love it – I want to build a world where all sex is about real consent, where each person is seen and known.

That never happens in the sex trade.

Sure there are times when it is easier, when it is relatively safe, even where brief moments of pleasure – but that is not sex, it is always about power and control.

In the end the whore has no rights, no power – she is always there to be used and tossed away.

Feminists who speak in the pro-sex language often used it as a way to guilt-trip other women in believing that they are prudish, slut-blaming, think they are better than other women.

When in my experience, it is the pro-sex feminists who are some of the most judgemental women I have met.

They judge me, because I was not the Happy Hooker. They told me I just unlucky, that I should always remember many sex workers are contented.

They judge women who campaign against the sex trade – saying they are all middle-class, just see views whores as bad women, and are simple-minded do-gooders.

And they judge women in the sex trade – wanting only to see the happy faces, hiding all violence and degradation as an inconvenience.

These feminists are doing a damned fine job for the sex trade.

By saying the sex trade is empowering, it can viewed as feminist now, it always a free choice – they are just recruiting for the sex trade.

I get so angry – that I am speechless.

END WORD

This post was written from deep pain and grief.

Please think before speak about the sex trade – think for a long time.

Listening to Mozart

Posted on by rmott62

I have been, well I am in a very bad state.

I want and need to find peace – only it is damned hard with body memories.

I want and need to know my past with a clarity – only so much is gaps and silences for me.

I cannot find that solid centre that can say – you are ok, it was never your fault, it will get better.

I am losing my sense of who the hell I am, and what I could become.

I put on Mozart, in the hope and desperation that his beauty will give me back my self to me.

Give me back my power.

I need friends at the moment.

Now, that is never a thing I say lightly.

Having survived child abuse and prostitution, I always feel and think I have done it on my own.

I do not ask for help – for I always assumed no one would give a damn.

Prostitution teaches you to believe you cannot worthy of help, or even support.

You are dirt, you have done unspeakable acts that would disgust others, you have known real hate and contempt that should stay hidden, you never resisted so let your sisters down, you must have enjoy it really coz otherwise it would impossible to comprehend.

So I, like many exited women, have learnt to tailor how I speak or write about my reality.

I want and need to stop censoring.

I just don’t how – I don’t want to lose the friends I have finally found.

It is not about being graphic about the events – I have done that enough.

Being graphic in that way is yet another way to hide my emotions.

It is my emotions I need and want to express.

I just don’t know how.

How do you express the horror of being a prostitute – without going back into deep shock, without wanting to close down, without a sickness that brings the want to self-harm.

How do you express the confusion of having so gaps and silences in your memory. How can express anger at the johns and managers, when you cannot remember their faces, how many there was, when it was, where it happen.

When all you know was lumping together of rapes, lumping together of sexual tortures, lumping together of being moved to different places, lumping together of even what age you were.

There is a rage, but it cannot find words or meaning for what always seems to be a middle, no beginning or end.

Friends need to help me frame some meaning to all that.

I cannot do that alone.

And friends can help make some purpose to the hell that I had to live through – by fighting for real justice for all women and girls in the sex trade.

You can never repair or even give me back my stolen past – but to know my speaking out is not wasted is vital to me.

Justice is always speaking of the trade sex as an industry that tortures, that brainwashes, and throws away women and girls.

Always frame it as a human right issue – never as work, never as leisure, and shut up about choice.

Justice is allowing the words and forming language of exited women to lead how you frame your discussions and campaigns against the sex trade.

We have ways of seeing and knowing that can help you understand male violence, understand what is to survive torture and keep part of yourself, understand that there may be no happy ending of leaving the past completely.

But we are strong, especially as we shadowed by grief, terror and confusion.

Justice is to fight for a world where no woman or girl is brought and sold for the ridiculous reason of fulfilling a man’s porn dream.

Named that as slavery – stop soft-pedaling on language.

Justice is allowing exited women to say in their words what was done to them.

Do not frame it in the language of rape – not when they have been brainwashed to believe it was just sex, was their job nothing more nothing less.

The language of rape has little or no meaning to many who have survived the sex trade.

Not when they have forced to believe rape only happens to good women and girls – not to whores.

Let exited women discover their own language.

Hear words like routine, all that I was.

Hear words like torture, unspeakable, I cannot remember any more.

There so few words for the daily grinding down of living inside the sex trade – hear it normal for them.

Now, hearing it could be called rape would send many exited women in constant shock.

Justice is allowing exited women not to be strong, not to care, to have interests you don’t like, to be chaotic.

Justice is allowing exited women just to be full humans.

That is real justice.

Grief Need to be Seen

Posted on by rmott62

It is so hard surviving prostitution. It is so hard showing the reality of the grief, that is a shadow that follows me everywhere.

It not that I not capable of great happiness, that I don’t have great times.

That is not the point.

It is not that I don’t campaign bloody hard, that I am not proud of how I can used words to transform others.

That is not the point.

The point is too much of the time I make my grief invisible, hoping that then I will be accepted.

Grief is messy, grief in inappropriate – grief makes others turn away.

But by christ, women and girls from the sex trade have an ocean to grieve about.

We are allowed a degree of sorrow, but it should be dignified.

Not the howling rage, not the endless confusion of who and what we are, not grief without tears, coz we lost how to do emotions too long ago.

But, I bloody sick of being so damned dignified.

I have come from a world where all dignity was ripped from the guts of me. Dignity was a luxury I could not even imagine.

Now, if I am to let out the raw energy of my grief, I must lose some of the protection of being dignified.

I want to roar, I want to scream, I want to cry until I drown, I want my body to sweat and shake until life re-enters it.

I just don’t know how.

I want to grieve without wanting to self-harm, I want to grieve without memories of sexual torture getting in the way – hell, I want some kind of clean grief.

I want to stop feeling I cannot rid myself of the pollution of johns and managers – their pollution of hate, their pre-planned violence, their utter contempt. It was all poured into my body and refuses to leave me.

I want to grieve with a fierce rawness that the language of rape, language of battering and the language of being a bad event makes no sense to my prostituted self.

I know with logic, I was raped. But my grief screams it was just routine, hell you did little or nothing to defend yourself, little or nothing to even complain.

I just learnt to accept the unacceptable – accept until all I was a fuck-object – rape had lost all meaning.

Bloody cry for that.

I was battered – no, that word is too soft and easy – I was tortured, I had my body doing things that even I find hard to imagine, even though I know it was true.

The language of battering is not even close to what the average prostitute knows – her body is made in malleable porn, does what only cartoons should do. Her body is destroys thousands of times, and she must stay alive for more men to wreck her.

Johns and managers have the power of knowing that most outsiders will never believe in such torture, know there will be no language for what is done to women and girls in the sex trade.

Instead, they invent a language to hide the torture.

Say she choose it, she has low pain threshold. Say she is a sexual adventurer, she loves experimenting, say she is just pushing away stupid sexual taboos.

Hell, call it sex, not abuse, not torture, not slavery.

I bloody grieve that far too many people buys these lies.

I howl and howl – it is torture, it is slavery, it an abandonment of her human rights – it is a destroying everything that give her an essence.

My grief is like smashing my head into a tree – please help me, help get a world that gives women and girls, in or exited from the sex trade, a place where they can grieve without fear.

Is that too much to ask for.