Monthly Archives: November 2010

Do You Really Want to Know

Posted on by rmott62

In this post, I will write my reality.

The reality that many say that they want to know – but continually block out however many times I say or write it.

I will write the reality of indoors prostitution inside my skin, smashing down into my brain – the reality that even when I numb it out, drives fierce sickness into every cell of my body.

I can say in even tones that indoors prostitution is torture, is a living hell – but those are just words.

Words that I constantly censor in order to keep my reader and followers on board.

But self-censorship is slowly killing me. Not because it heals any of my past to speak of some of reality – it does not heal any of that time.

No, I must speak my reality, for my reality is the norm for millions of women and girls trapped in indoors prostitution now, this moment you are reading my words.

My truths must be out there as part of the movement to end that torture – and give all those women and girls basis human rights.

I was introduced to indoors prostitution through extreme sadistic sex.

To understand that time is to know how dead so many girls are who caught by the sex trade.

I was gang-raped for about six hours.

Read and understand that sentence.

Gang-raped for about six hours – let yourself take that in. Pause and breathe – imagine who I was then.

Know I had no struggle, know I felt little pain, know I had accepted the unacceptable even before it had begun, know for me six hours felt like five minutes.

I was dead before the my clothes were off, I was dead before the first penis was down my throat and in my cunt, I was dead before fists were ramming my anus and vagina, I was dead before my head was smashed into the walls.

I was dead – but always I lived through every torture poured into me.

Look at that first time, know it – take it into yourself, maybe then you can feel compassion for all whores trapped indoors.

Know the first time made me know I was nothing.

I thought I had known that as my stepdad fuck me silently, on occasions saying other women’s names.

I thought I had known that as my stepdad tossed hard-porn at me to study.

I thought I had known that as I attempted to tell my Mum, only to be told “Don’t get pregnant”.

I knew nothing.

One night inside the sex trade, and I had found a place that I could belong to – a place that I be would owned and controlled, a place where pain and hate was my norm, a place where getting fucked beyond death was just named as my role – I belonged as all I could dream of was suicide.

But still, I knew nothing.

I thought I would have some control, I thought that some man would do me a favour and kill me, I thought it would be just sex, I thought I could leave if it got too much, I thought I understood.

God, I was so dumb and naive.

I had seen hard-core porn from aged six, but even then I did not think it could really be done to the human body and be survived.

Well, over many years, through many sadistic bastard’s porn fantasies, supplying profit out my agony – I know, I know as I am sick – the human body can be sexually tortured beyond pain and endurance and somehow there is no death.

But think – must humans are not killed just by torture, the tortured die from suicide or simple murder.

Women and girls inside the sex trade have torture as part of their existence, that men are entitled to tortured them, just please try to make some effort not to kill the whore – that would be too messy.

I know you say want to know what I mean by torture – but I also know in many ways, you don’t want to know.

But real change is brought about by truth having a voice. Not a voice that keeps away torture it had known, in order to be liked.

How do I say that time without detachment, without going pretty poetical prose to keep me away from then, without comparing with others and thinking it was not too bad, without wanting to go to blow up any flat where I know prostitute will be torture tonight, without wanting to get drunk.

I don’t know – all I know is to write and not to read it myself.

Well, all I can is to speak of is some of my middles – please know all I write is common practice in indoors prostitution, know all I write was repeated so many times onto my body and mind till it all merged, know it all was made acceptable by placing the sex trade into the leisure industry.

Know prostitutes are not considered to be tortured or even raped – just goods that are consumed.

It is acceptable to fuck a whore in every hole in her body. Not just the anus, mouth and vagina – but any holes there or made by the johns. I was fucked in my ear-drums, fucked in my eyes, had sperm coming out my nostrils.

A whore had no body, only a commodity to made into whatever porn is fashionable or historical.

Sperm is a weapon to men that use prostituted women and girls.

I had sperm rubbed into every cell of my body. Men rubbed into my skin and hair, squirted it into my eyes and down my throat till I was puking, sperm inside my vagina was relatively normal.

Hands are weapons to men that use prostituted women and girls.

Hands strangled me as a joke, fists went into my cunt, up my anus and down my throat, hands slapped onto beds and into walls – hands stroke me as if that made the sexual torturing disappear.

Mouths are weapons to men that use prostituted women and girls.

Mouths eat out the whore’s cunts, not eating but teeth tearing at her, not licking but pulling out all that delicate biology – make her bleed to prove what a man you are.

Of course, the penis is a weapon to men that use prostituted women and girls.

The penis sends death into her heart – and makes sure she has no hope.

The penis keeps her silent as it forced down her throat and cut out any voice inside her, penis forced into the anus send shock waves into the whole body and give her small heart attack, only she cannot die – penis in the vagina is a war to kill all whores.

There is no sex in prostitution – just complete control over her body and mind – and the john making the choice whether to wreck her, kill her or just to pretend to respect her.

That is what I mean by torture – is that what you want to know – or is it too much information.

Whores have for centuries keep the real information about torture silent inside their bodies and minds – well, I with others are made sick by that silence, it is killing us.

Everything I speak or say is the tip of a horrific iceberg, so have some respect and don’t turn away.

Slowly De-Frosting

Posted on by rmott62

Last Saturday, I was on the London Reclaim the Night March. I try to do it every year, and every year it marches through tourist areas.

These parts of London are places I have a love-hate relationship with, places that have reflected my life since I can remember.

I consider myself to be a Londoner, but I am never sure if I could fully belong there again.

When thinking of the deep harms of prostitution, the loss of place is a terrible one.

The good memories and feelings of London can be suffocated by the violence, strangled by the degradation – leaving being a body that wants to numb out reality.

In the daytime, I close out the past – seeing the beauty of London, enjoying tinkering about, being lazy in restaurants, going to matinees, being a London creature.

In the daytime, I choose to pretend to ignore all the bad. In the daytime, I am building walls round myself.

Sure, I was brought and sold many times in the daytime.

Prostitution is hidden away into flats, cheap hotels, film studios and saunas in the daytime.

In the daytime, the pain, the degradation and the murders are meant not to exist.

As we reclaim the night, we forgot the closed doors of indoors prostitution.

Sure, like many women and girls in the sex trade I was made into hard-core porn in the daytime.

The light was better for filming gang-rapes, filming could last longer when renting studios in the day, filming in the day meant the men could pretend it was a normal job.

As we reclaim the night, we walked past closed studios, studios looking innocent enough – studios were women are sick and then made carry on filming, studios where households goods are made into porn weapons.

But, in the daytime I make the choice to forget, and to only think of now and the fight for some future.

But on Reclaim the Night, I want the reclaiming of the indoors hell of all women and girls in the sex trade.

I want those closed doors to forced open.

I speak of the building we walked past – not the obvious sex shops and lap-dancing clubs.

No, when I know London, I know how lovely places are poisoned by the sex trade, how the profiteers and their consumers enjoy wrecking my great city.

I speak of smart hotels that turn a blind eye to rich visitors having a whore for a few hours. A “Do Not Disturb” sign makes all the rapes, all the beatings, all the torturing disappear.

Just make sure there are no stains of the clean-cut room – and make sure the whore is out before the other guests notice.

I have done that 3 in the morning walk-out, when all the staff stare with contempt, some have a grope or two. I have walked out into posh London, ignoring any agony in my body and mind, and turning back into a zombie.

I speak of the cheap hotels, where you are brought and sold by the hour. Hotels where there is the illusion of being in student-land or cheap places for new citizens to London.

If everyone ignores that these rooms have many men going in and out, ignores it nothing but a bed with some porn pictures, ignores noises of violence, ignores seeing money exchange – then we can all pretend it is just some slut, not a full-blown brothel.

As I march in student-ville in London at night, I always have to go dead inside else I will puke.

I was tortured in those beautiful buildings, and I survived – but I will never forgot.

I love Reclaim the Night – but for the sake of all women and girls in the sex trade – we must know the vast majority of their tortures are indoors at any time of the night and day.

We must reclaim their buildings.

We must reclaim the photo studios or flats where porn is made on the cheap. We must reclaim flats where men pay to rape. We must reclaim saunas that allow any sexual torture to be made invisible. We must reclaim posh hotels from pimps and rich johns. We must reclaim clubs to be free from selling women’s bodies. We must reclaim cinemas from showing sexual torturing as entertainment. We must hound out any man who thinks it is ok to own another human and torture her behind closed doors. We must destroy the sex trade enough, that the profiteers give it up.

That to me would not just reclaiming the night – but reclaiming the basis human rights of all women and girls in the sex trade.

Reclaim the Night and Day

Posted on by rmott62

For women and girls inside the sex trade, the danger they live in is continual.

Men do not just buy and sell women and girls in the night. We are not and never have just been Women of the Night.

Men want to have the whore-class at their beck and call at every minute of every day, in every aspects of their lives.

That is why the sex trade has always used every advances in technology to its advantage, that is why there is the pretence that it is private, that is why it is labelled as business.

Men invented the whore-class, then invented ways to make it look as this class wanted and needed the violence and degradation, that men had pre-planed was the role to be put onto that whore-class.

It is that cynical, and always has been.

The horrific thing is thing that in all times, all cultures, and all belief systems men who invented the whore-class have got away with it – away with mental, physical and sexual torture – whilst other men and most women turn away.

It is private, it is not their business, it must be the choice of the women and girls in the sex trade, mustn’t judge, and many more excuses are invented.

Well, the sex trade is never private, it is always everyone’s business.

It is the business of every human to give a damn if other humans are being tortured.

Women and girls inside the sex trade are being tortured every minute of the every day.

This is abroad and on your street. They will be children and women. Who will be torture in flats, on streets, in hotels, on film studios, behind clubs, in offices, and any and every place men can imagine. They may be forced into the sex trade or go in willingly. Trafficking is common both internally and externally. They may or may not have pimps/managers.

All these women and girls can be tortured.

All it takes it the seller making the choice that this type of whore can be moulded to accept any violence, to accept the humiliation, to block out pain – that is to lose all humanity, and to become a fuck-doll.

All it takes is for the john to make the choice to not give a damn whether he is raping or not, to ignore that his actions must be pouring pain into her body, to make the conscious decision that whores love rough sex, to not feel anything if he sees and knows he has hurt her bad or push her into deadness.

Then it loses the label of torture – and become a business exchange, just sex, part of the leisure industry.

Hey presto, it not violence and degradation – it becomes fun, empowering even, and liberating for the women and girls inside the sex trade.

Only if no-one lets the voices of the women and girls inside or exited the sex trade be heard.

But no problem, they are silenced every minute of every day.

Being tortured is highly silencing – hell, you try speaking out with a penis forced to back of your throat.

The method the sex trade and johns used is to do sexual acts that would seemed unbelievable, would appear to be impossible without the woman or girl losing her life.

Then say, no-one will believe that, so there no point in speaking out. Everyone will just think you must be mad or wanted it really.

But, most damaging they say no-one will believe you coz if it really was that bad you would be dead – so being alive becomes a betrayal, like all those tortures were not real.

The silencing is deafening.

Sorry, I feel grief hitting me, this is all I can manage with this post.

I will end by saying this torture must not be ignored.

If you really care about male violence against women and girls – it means nothing if you discount the whore-class.

For it is to this class that male hate and violence is distilled onto.

Inside the “private” world of porn and prostitution – all rapes, sexual torture, sexual murders, mental tortures and degradation of women and girls are performed.

And sometimes, they are rehearsals before doing similar to what men consider “real” women and girls.

But, mostly it is kept within the sex trade. For there is a ready supply of throwaway women and girls to torture till the end of time – without pesky consequences, such as guilt, or major punishments.

Well, we have no choice but to end this torturing – if we really say we care about ending violence against women and girls.

The first step would be to make it illegal for any man to buy and sell women and girls. And to be serious about that, to put those men in prison for at least three years.

We own it to the millions of women and girls who have lost their voices – thinking and knowing no-one care about their hell.

I Want a 24 Hour Truce During Which There is No Rape

Posted on by rmott62

Andrea Dworkin made this famous speech in 1983.

“I have thought a great deal about how a feminist, like myself, addresses an audience primarily of political men who say that they are anti-sexist. And I thought a lot about whether there  should be a qualitative difference in the kind of speech I address to you. And then I found myself  incapable of pretending that the qualitative difference exists. I have watched the men’s movement for many years. I am close with some of the people who participate in it. I can’t come here as a friend even though I might very much like to. What I would like to do is to scream, and in that scream, I would have the screams of the raped, and the sobs of the battered, and even worse, in the centre of that scream I would have the deafening sound of women’s silence, that silence into which we are born because we are women  and in which most of us die.

…. Why are you so slow to understand the simplest things not the complicated ideological things. You understand those. The simple things. The clichés. Simply that women are human to precisely the degree and quality that you are.

And also that we do not have time. We women. We don’t have forever. Some of us don’t have another week or another day to take time for you to discuss whatever it is that will enable you to go out into those streets and do something. We are very close to death. All women are. And we are very close to rape and we are very close to beating. And we are inside a system of humiliation from which there is no escape for us. We use statistics  not to try to quantify the injuries, but to convince the world that those injuries even exist. Those statistics are not abstractions…. But I hear about the rapes one by one by one by one, which is also how they happen. Those statistics are not abstract to me. Every 3 minutes a woman is being raped. Every 18 seconds a woman is being beaten. There is nothing abstract about that. It is happening right now as I am speaking.

And it is happening for a simple reason. There is nothing complex and difficult about the reason. Men are doing it, because of the kind of power that men have over women. That power is real, concrete, exercised from body to another body, exercised by someone who feels he ha a right to exercised in public and exercised in private. It is the sum and substance of women’s oppression.

It is not done 3000 miles away or 3000 miles away. It is done here and it is done now and it is done by the people in this room as well as by other contemporaries, our friends, our neighbours, people that we know. women don’t have to go to school  to learn about power. We just have to be women, walking down the street or trying to get the housework done after having given one’s body in marriage and then having no rights over it.

The power  exercised by men day by day in life is power that is institutionalised. It is protected by law. It is protected by religion and religious practice. It is protected by universities, which are strongholds of male supremacy. It is protected by a police force…. Against that power, we have silence.

It is an extraordinary thing to try to understand and confront why is it that men believe – and men do believe – that they have the right to rape. Men may not believe it when asked. Everybody raise your hand who believes you have the right to rape. Not too many hands will go up. It’s in life that men believe they have the right to force sex, which they don’t call rape. And it is an extraordinary thing to try to understand that men really do believe that they have the right to hit and to hurt. And it is an extraordinary thing to try to understand that men really believe that they have the right to buy a woman’s body  for the purpose of having sex: that is a right. And it is very amazing to try to understand that men believe that the 7-billion-dollar-a-year industry that provides men with cunts is something that men have a right to.

That is the way the power of men is manifest in real life. That is what the theory about male supremacy means. It means you can rape. It means you can hit. It means you can hurt. It means you can buy and sell women. It means that there is a class of people there to provide you with what you need. You stay richer than they are, so that they have to sell you sex. Not just on street corners, but in the workplace. That’s another right that you can presume to have sexual access to any woman in your environment, when you want.

Now, the men’s movement suggests that men don’t want the kind of power I have just described. I’ve actually heard explicit whole sentences to that effect. And yet, everything is a reason not to do something about changing the fact that you do have that power.

Hiding behind guilt, that’s my favourite.  I love that one. Oh, it’s so horrible, yes, and I’m so sorry. You have the time to feel guilty. We don’t have the time for you to feel guilty. Your guilt is a form of acquiescence in what continues to occur. Your guilt helps keep things the way they are.

I have heard  in the last several years a great deal about the suffering of men over sexism. Of course, I have heard a great deal about the suffering of men all my life…. I am an educated woman. I know that men suffer. This is a new wrinkle. Implicit in the idea that this is a different kind of suffering is the claim. I think, that in part you are actually suffering because of something that you know happens to someone else. That would be new.

But mostly your guilt, your suffering, reduces to gee, we really feel so bad. Everything makes men feel so bad, what you do, what you don’t do, what you want to do, what you don’t want to do but are going to do anyway. I think most of your distress is gee, we really feel so bad. And I’m sorry  that you feel so bad – so uselessly and stupidly bad – because there is a way in which this really is a tragedy. And i don’t mean because you can’t cry. And i don’t mean because there is no real intimacy in your lives. And I don’t mean the armour that you have to live with as men is stultifying: and I don’t doubt that it is. But I don’t mean any of that.

I mean that there is a relationship between the way that women are raped and your socialisation to rape and the war machine that grinds you up  and spits you out: the war machine that you go through just like women went through Larry Flynt’s meat grinder on the cover of “Hustler”. You damn well better believe that you’re involved in this tragedy and that it’s your tragedy too. Because you’re turned into little soldier boys from the day that you are born and everything that you learn about how to avoid the humanity of women becomes part of the militarism of the country in which you live and the world in which you live. It is also part of the country that you frequently claim to protest.

And the problem is that you think it’s out there: and it’s not out there. It’s in you. The pimps and the warmongers speak for you. Rape and war are not so different. And what the pimps and the warmongers do is that they make you so proud of being men who can get it up and give it hard. And they take that accelerated sexuality and they put you into uniforms and send you out to kill and to die. Now, I am not going to suggest to you that I think that’s more important than what you do to women, because I don’t.

But I do think if you want to look at what this system does to you,  then that is where you should start looking : the sexual politics of aggression, the sexual politics of militarism. That is something that you sometimes try to address in your small groups, as if you changed your attitudes towards each other, you wouldn’t be afraid of each other.

…. I think that you rightly perceive – without being willing to face it politically – that men are highly dangerous: because you are.

The solution of the men’s movement to make men less dangerous to each other by changing the way you touch and feel each other is not a solution. It’s a recreational break.

These conferences are also concerned with homophobia. Homophobia is highly important: it is very important to the way male supremacy works. In my opinion, the prohibitions against male homosexuality exist in order to protect male power. Do it to her. That is to say: as long as men rape, it is very important that men be directed to rape women. As long as sex is full of hostility and expresses  both power over  and contempt for the other person, it is very important that men not to be declassed, stigmatised as female, used similarly. The power of men as a class depends on keeping men sexually inviolate and women sexually used by men. Homophobia helps maintain that class power: it also helps keep you as individuals safe from each other, safe from rape. If you want to do something about homophobia, you are going to have to do something about the fact that men rape, and forced sex is not incidental to male sexuality but is in practice paradigmatic.

….

If you are afraid of the ascendancy of fascism in this country – and you would be very foolish not to be right now – then you better understand that the root issue here has to do with male supremacy and the control of women; sexual access to women; women as reproductive slaves; private ownership of women…. That is the morality they talk about. That is what they mean. that is what they want. And the only opposition to them that matters is an opposition to men owning women.

…. The men’s movement seems to stay struck on 2 points. The first is that men don’t really feel very good about themselves….

And I say don’t tell me. Tell the pornographers. Tell the pimps. Tell the warmongers. Tell the rape apologists and the rape celebrationists and the pro-rape ideologues. Tell the novelists who think that rape is wonderful. Tell Larry Flynt. Tell Hugh Hefner. There’s no point in telling me. I’m only a woman. There’s nothing I can do about it. These men presume to speak for you. They are in the public arena saying that they represent you. If you don’t, then you better let them know.

Then there is a private world of misogyny what you know about each other what you say in private life; the exploitation that you see in the private sphere; the relationships called love, based on exploitation….

Say it to your friends who are doing it. And there are streets out there on which you can say these things loud and clear, so as to affect the actual institutions that maintain these abuses…. I wish I could believe it’s true. I will believe it when I see you on the streets. I will believe it when I see an organised political opposition. I will believe it when pimps go out of business because there are no more male consumers.

You want to organise men. You don’t have to search for issues. The issues are part of the fabric of your everyday lives.

I want to talk to you about equality,  what equality is and what is means. It isn’t just an idea. It’s not some insipid word that ends up being bullshit…. That is not the equality we are struggling for. We could change our strategy and say well ok, we want equality; we’ll stick something up the ass of a man every 3 minutes.

You’re never heard that from the feminist movement because for us equality has real dignity and importance – it’s not some dumb word that can be twisted and made to look stupid as if it had no real meaning.

As a way of practising equality, some vague idea about giving up power is useless. Some men have vague thoughts about a future in which men are going to give up power or an individual man is going to give up some kind of privilege that he has. That is not what equality means either.

Equality is a practice. It is an action. It is a way of life. It is a social practice. It is an economic practice. It is a sexual practice. It can’t exist in a vacuum. You can’t have it in your home if,  when the people leave the home, he is in a world of his supremacy based on the existence of his cock and she is in a world of humiliation and degradation because she is perceived to be inferior and because her sexuality is a curse.

This is not to say that the attempt to practice equality in the home doesn’t matter. It matters, but it is not enough. If you love equality, if you believe in it, if it is the way you want to live – not just men and women together in a home, but men and men together in a home and women and women together in a home – if equality is what you want and what you care about, then you have to fight for the institutions that will make it socially real.

It is not just a matter of your attitude. You can’t think it and make it exist. You can’t try sometimes, when it works to your advantage, and throw it out the rest of the time. Equality is a discipline. It is a way of life. It is a political necessary to create equality in institutions. And another thing about equality is that it cannot coexist with rape. It cannot. And it cannot coexist with pornography or with prostitution or with the economic degradation of women on any level, in any way. It cannot coexist, because implicit as all these things is the inferiority of women.

I want to see this men’s movement make a commitment to ending rape because that is the only meaningful commitment to equality. It is astonishing that in all our worlds of feminism and antisexism we never talk seriously about ending rape. Ending it. Stopping it. No more. No more rape…. All of our political actions are lies if we don’t make a commitment to ending the practice of rape. This commitment has to be political. It has to be serious. It has to be systematic. It has to be public. It can’t be self-indulgent.

The things the men’s movement has wanted are things worth having. Intimacy is worth having. Tenderness is worth having. Cooperation is worth having.  A real emotional life is worth having. But you can’t have them  in a world with rape. Ending homophobia is worth doing. But you can’t do it in a world with rape. Rape stands in the way of each and every one of those things you say you want. And by rape you know what I mean. A judge does not have to walk into this room and say that according to statute such and such these are the elements of proof. We’re talking about any kind of coerced sex, including sex coerced by poverty.

You can’t have equality or tenderness or intimacy as long as there is rape, because rape means terror. It means that part of the population lives in a state of terror and pretends – to please and pacify you – that it doesn’t. So there is no honesty…. I want to see you use those legendary bodies and that legendary strength and that legendary courage and the tenderness that you say have in behalf of women, and that means against the rapists,  against the pimps, and against the pornographers. It means something more than a personal remuneration. It means a systematic, political, active, public attack. And there has been very little of that.

I came here today because I don’t believe that rape is inevitable or natural. If I did, I would have no reason to be here. If I did, my political practice would be different than it is…. It is not because there’s a shortage of kitchen knives in this country. It is because we believe in your humanity, against all the evidence.

We do not want to do the work of helping you to believe in your humanity. We cannot do it any more. We have always tried. We have been repaid with systematic exploitation and systematic abuse. You are going to have to do this yourselves from now on and you know it.

The shame of men in front of women is, I think, an appropriate response both to what men do do and to what men do not do. I think you should be ashamed. But what you do with that shame is to use it as an excuse to keep doing what you want and to keep not doing anything else, and you’re got to stop. You’ve got to stop. Your psychology doesn’t matter. How much you hurt doesn’t matter in the end any more  than how much we hurts matters…. There wouldn’t have been.

It is true that we had to talk to each other…. We couldn’t read it in the newspapers, not then. We couldn’t find a book about it. But you do know and now the question is what you are going to do: and so your shame and your guilt are very much beside the point. They don’t matter to us at all, in any way. They’re not good enough. They don’t do anything.

As a feminist, I carry the rape of all the women I’ve talked to over the past 10 years personally with me. As a woman, I carry my own rape with me….Well, that is what it is knowing about rape. Piles and piles and piles of bodies that have whole lives and human names and human faces.

….

And I want 1 day of respite, 1 day-off, 1 day in which no new bodies are piled up, 1 day in which no new agony is added to the old, and I am asking you to give it to me. And how could I ask you for less – it is so little. And how could you offer me less it is so little. Even in wars, these are days of truce. Go and organise a truce. Stop your side for 1 day. I want a 24-hour truce during which there is no rape.

I dare you to try it. I demand you to try it. I don’t mind begging you to try it….

And on that day, that day of truce, that day when not 1 woman is raped, we will begin the real practice of equality, because we can’t begin before that day. Before that day it means nothing because it is nothing: it is not real: it is not true. But on that day it becomes real. And then, instead of rape we will for the first time in our lives – both men and women – begin to experience freedom.

If you have a conception of freedom that includes the existence of rape, you are wrong. You cannot change what you say you want to change. For myself, I want to experience just 1 day of real freedom before I die. I leave you here to do that for me and for the woman whom you say you love.”

A Whore’s View

Posted on by rmott62

I want to write some of my views of johns who went into me – leaving damage behind and then disappearing.

For them, it was nothing, nothing but wanking into a living being.

For me, it is poison that follows me every day.

Johns have a million and one excuses for their behaviour – everything but the truth, that they have chosen to buy another human being to be owned and controlled thoroughly.

They make her a living porn-doll, that is the bottom line in all prostitution – and that is the most unspoken to outsiders.

A common ploy by johns is to act the victim. This takes many guises, but it always a lie.

There is the johns who will do violence onto the body and mind of the prostitute – and then make out that she manipulated him to show that side of himself.

He not the sort of man who is not violent to women, but whores just push his buttons.

These men often say sorry, and carry on raping or using violence.

But more often, they want the prostitute to say sorry to him. Sorry she made him do such disgusting sexual acts, sorry she got in the way of his fury, sorry she did not prevent him torturing her, sorry that her very presence meant he had to degrade her.

These johns are highly dangerous, for they will never take responsibility for any of their actions.

It can always be justified by knowing any violence or degradation would not be done to “real” women, only to whores – so it is of no importance.

There are johns who make the claim they are only there coz their mates pushed them into it – normally, they wouldn’t dream of paying for sex.

But they must not show themselves up, they must act like a real man and fuck a whore.

I have been alone with these johns – and often in the back of mind, far back, there is a part of me hoping we could just chat or do nothing until the time is up.

We are alone, no-one would know if he has fucked or not. I always hoped to be left alone.

But always these johns would fuck – more often in a rage at betraying themselves – that rage was my injuries, that rage was my terror.

Those johns were cowards, but I always knew to soothe their egos.

There were the johns who were or said they were virgins – dreaming in porn that fucking a whore is the route to being a man.

With luck, these johns were too self-obsessed to notice if it was a mechanical act made as fast as possible.

Without luck, they were crap at technique, putting more and more pain into my cunt.

Without luck, these “virgins” would find they just love it, and to fuck and fuck and fuck, forgetting there was a living body underneath them. They love it so much – the power, the full control of another human, the lack of morals and rules – that they would very fast learn to be as violent as they can to the prostitute.

Many whores are terrified of first-timers, for they are often loose cannons.

Then there are the johns who are “honest” about their contempt about whores. Honest that they buy prostitutes to humiliate them, to have power over them – honest that they want to be sadistic.

These johns are often the cash-cows of the sex industry.

Often men who have proven to be dangerous criminals are welcomed by the profiteers of the sex trade.

Prostituted women and girls who inside the sex trade long-term, will no rights to say no to these johns. To survive, it has to be learnt to be dead inside, to act as if nothing matters.

To feel the pain, to show the terror, to fight for basis rights in that environment can not only be pointless – but can and will increased the danger.

These johns are often proud of how much pain they can put into the whore’s body – waiting for her to cry or to show outward signs of terror.

I, like millions of prostituted women and girls, learnt never to cry, never to acknowledge pain, never to show I existed.

These johns tortured as a fine art – hell, many of them considered themselves to superior beings. They were painting terror into our minds and bodies.

It was funny to these johns if in terror a whore wet herself, it was funny to sexually torture her in places not designed for fucking, it was funny if she fainted or even stopped breathing – hell, he just having a laugh, these whores have no sense of humour.

These johns forced orgasms into the whore, and then made out how she is sex-crazy.

These johns did all you can see inside hard-core and may think is impossible to do to a living human – well, whores know hard-core porn from the inside out, and know how the human body can survive hell.

These johns pick on whores, for they know society does not give a damn. Put it indoors, say it is well paid – put up the lie it a free choice of the prostitute to be there – and we have made a society that gives free rein to sadistic johns.

It become not rape, but a business exchange. It become not battering, but s/m or rough sex.

Most important, it become invisible if the john has enough cash and power.

These are a few, tip of the iceberg, examples of johns.

For me, to write is to write through grief, pain and sickness. As I know it was nothing to all those bastards that put poison into me.

I write, for we must force johns to be responsible for the hell they put prostituted women and girls into.

They least they could do is to be fined, I would prefer they went to prison.

We must stop men buying prostitutes, if there is to be any hope.

Train Passes

Posted on by rmott62

This poem is just one john, one piece of particular violence – but it stands as an experience of what prostitute endure.

TRAIN PASSES

I lay

Never moving

Staring

At the

Window

As

Trains pass

By

Trains going

Through my

Brain

I can

Forget

Forget waiting

In his

Pub

Waiting as

All eyes

Know me

For what

I am

Whore

Bitch

You’re be

Fucked

Good

Tonight

I hear

Nothing

As it

All goes

In

Poisoning my

Soul

I lay

Here

Thinking

It be

Over soon

Watching

Trains passing

Moving

Goods

From nowhere

To nobody

I forget

Going into

His flat

Seeing

Hate in

His eyes

I

Close down

Hope

Close down

Pain

Close down

Remembering

I am

Human

I lay

Here

With him

Fucking me

Good

Good enough

To die

I forget

When he did

Worse

Throwing

Me into

His walls

Fucking my

Anus

Till I

Faint

Kicking life

Back into

Me

Don’t

Die

On me

Bitch

I cannot

Hear

Train passing

Only

Blood in

My ears

Only his

Voice

Commanding me

I know

How to

Obey

All whores

Do

If they

Want to

Live

Even

Though

Death

Would be

A relief

I lay

As he

Fucks me

In

What is

A normal

Way

And

Know

I’m

Alive

Coz

I hear

Trains passing

I Will Dream

Posted on by rmott62

Sometimes to make real change, there must be dreamers who imagine another way of being.

I tend to have a pessimistic nature, for I view the world as it is, not how I wish it was. But I have inside me a dreamer – she is quiet most of time, but in this post, she will speak.

It my dream of a world without the sex trade.

It would be a world where all humans could not understand how such a cruel and pointless system could have of ever existed. How humans could have invented a concept of buying and selling humans just so other humans could wank into them.

It is a world where to buy another human for that purpose would see as rape, as a form of sexual and mental torture.

A world where prostitution and being inside of porn would be seen as a form of forced labour or slavery.

I can dream.

I can dream of changes inside prostitution as it is now.

I can dream that johns are arrested for rape, not for the one rape of the prostitute they are caught with, but the multiple rapes of many women in the sex trade, and the multiple rapes of individual prostituted women.

I can dream that it categorised as sexual torture to be in long-term prostitution.

I can dream that governments on the national and international levels recognised that sexual torturing is a complete violation of the prostitute’s human rights – and make firm and enforceable laws to punish johns.

I can dream that profiteers of the sex trade live in terror of their “businesses” being raided, closed down and all their financial gains stripped from them.

I can dream that prison sentences for those profiteers are so lengthy that they lose hope – then they have a small taste of what it is to be their goods.

I will dream, it is often all I have to hold onto.

I will dream of decent treatment for prostituted women and girls.

I will dream that there will specialise exiting projects being easier available to the vast majority of prostituted women and girls. Projects  that focus on the long-term trauma, not just the short-term of getting rid of addictions, finding housing and other work. Projects that understand the impact of torture, of multiple rapes, of being turned into a sub-human, and the loss of self-hood.

I will dream that others see it is not the stigma of being classed as a Whore that is the problem. The problem is that men think they have the right to rape, to beat up, to sexually torture and to murder a woman or girl because she is given the class of the Whore. Male violence is the issue – not what role the Whore is.

I will dream that the lives of all women and girls in the sex trade count. No more division of good and bad whores – no more division of ones to pity and ones to dismiss as sex-crazed. No more saying some are empowered, whilst others have no control over whether they degraded or not. No dividing indoors and street prostitution. No saying working in clubs, being a porn star is not as dangerous as “real” prostitution. No more divisions that just make excuses for male violence, for the profiteering from selling women and girls – no more bloody excuses.

I can only dream.

Only dream that the day will come that I wake up into a world where the sex trade is just dust.

I must dream – but dreaming makes me cry, when I wake knowing how the sex trade is poisoning hope on an hourly basis.

So, join my dreaming and force real change.

Inside Out

Posted on by rmott62

I want to write what it is to be living porn from the inside out, for I sick of so much of the criticism of hard-core porn being always from the point of view of the outside looking in – never the woman or girls in the middle of it.

Too often, the debates round hard-core porn are about how it affects the body image of women and girls not inside of porn, whether it would affect a relationship if your partner is addicted to porn, saying that the women and girls are not real or just great at acting – all said with great detachment and no mention of human rights.

Well, those are all red herrings, and usually become ways of making out hard-core porn may be bad, but to intervene would amount to censorship or just too moralistic.

Well, I refuse to think that way, for I have been on the inside of hard-core porn, and it has left me with determination and anger to shout and scream that the focus must be on the human rights of the women and girls inside hard-core porn.

It is sexual, mental and physical torture – that is the most important point about hard-core porn, everything else are interesting and often important side-issues.

Personally I would love Amnesty International to be protesting for these women and girls, I love that United Nations placed the rights of these women and girls into every piece of writing about international humans rights, I would love that all governments banned all production of hard-core porn – but I am a dreamer.

Instead, in the real world, I will speak of what it is to be in the middle of hard-core porn.

For the vast majority of women and girls in hard-core porn there is no glamour – instead it is a life full of pain, being controlled, fear of disease and serious injuries, lose of mental welfare, addiction to self-destructive behaviours and often can end with death.

That is the reality, not the version the sex trade promotes.

Much of hard-core porn is completely intertwined with prostitution, I cannot and would not know how to separate them.

Many of the “actresses” inside hard-core porn are prostitutes or have been prostituted, or when the porn trade decides they are washed-up  and put back into prostitution.

Much of hard-core porn is made by filming prostituted women and girls – it is cheaper, no worries about production teams or effects. Also, it is assumed by the sex trade that prostituted women and girls will do anything, even when life-threatening or going to sent beyond terror and agony.

But let’s be honest, the vast majority of people whether they used or produce hard-core porn – think that the women and girls in it are all whores anyhow, so why care about them.

Well, we must care.

If we don’t care about the women and girls inside hard-core porn – we might as well tear up all our struggles for human rights.

I have been in many meetings, in many parties, many pubs – where I have heard passionate anger about torture, heard anger about rape, heard talk about Stockholm Syndrome, hear that some groups have no freedom of speech – and all that right-on leftist and feminist chat.

But always when it comes to women and girls inside hard-core porn, there is a deafening silence.

If it is spoken of, it is always from the outsider’s viewpoint – the academic viewpoint, the intellectual chat of censorship and freedom, the body image discussion, the is there a connection between rape of women and girls outside of the sex trade and porn, the is it worse now than it was in the past, the who am I to judge anyhow.

I want to scream and scream –

You really don’t get, do you.

It is very simple, and you choose to make it complicated – and talk and talk whilst hard-core carries on business as normal.

It is simple that hard-core porn must be poisoned at the roots, for it is and always has been about the torturing of a class of women and girls that are re-branded as whores.

When you see hard-core porn, you are seeing images of real rapes or ways to rape women and girls. Hard-core porn is a guide to men to degrade and hate women – and get away with it, for it named as entertainment, as harm-free, as a service.

Look at hard-core porn from the point of view of that woman or girl.

Would you be double or treble-penetrated, would you do anal sex until you are bleeding, would you get fucked in positions that are so the camera it right up your cunt, would you deep-throat, would you be soaks in semen.

Those are just routine, and have been for centuries.

Would you do that knowing it be repeated over an over and over.

Would you want to be fucked by many men who don’t worry about injuring or raping you.

Would work for an “employer” who ignore any injuries or diseases you get on their watch, an “employer” who ignore your mental welfare or any addictions you may have.

Would be happy, knowing that one way to survive this life is have self-destruction as your norm. A “job” where suicide is the norm, and knowing that women and girls disappear – knowing some are murdered – is just the norm.

That is why I say that the only thing that matters about hard-core porn is the complete violation of the human rights of the women and girls used to make it.

Stand up for them – for god sake.

Give Me Justice

Posted on by rmott62

I have written that this blog is not about healing – but it is a seeking of a version of peace.

Peace is only real when there is justice.

Where is the justice for the women and girls both inside and exited of the sex trade. I see, feel and know of very little.

How can I and so many brilliant women and girls get any peace without true justice.

I want justice for all the women and girls that are being sold on the streets.

I want justice that they are not beaten up coz some john can’t be bother to pay. Give a long-term prison sentence for GBH and possible rape to that john. Give the prostituted woman or girl specialise counselling and the possibility to exit.

I want justice as johns think they can rape any street prostitute anywhere at any time, and know it will be a non-crime. Fuck that, give at least 20 years in jail if they rape prostituted women and girls.

I want justice for all prostituted women and girls whatever location they are being sold and used in.

I fight to my dying day for justice for all prostitutes who are indoors.

Justice means knowing no location can be safe for prostituted women and girls – not when johns are the ones who choose whether to be violent or not, not when the profiteers of the sex trade make enormous profits from sadistic sex by moulding prostituted women ad girls into living porn-toys.

Justice would mean stopping the focus and blame being place onto prostituted women and girls – and all the blame for the violence, the invention of a class of sub-humans named as the prostitute, and all the hate is placed firmly with the user and providers of prostitution.

Justice would mean any man who make the choice to buy and own another human just for his selfish sexual want will not just be fined – for if he can afford a prostitute, a fine has little meaning to him – but go to prison for the minimum of 6 months.

Justice would have brothel-owners given very lengthy prison sentences for the destruction of many prostituted women and girls, for giving access and permission for mass rape, for making a profit regardless of their “employee’s” /property’s mental and physical welfare – and for any deaths on their watch.

Justice would means all indoors prostitution is seen as highly dangerous, not as a place where the girls are cared for and can be a high earner.

Justice would means all those closed would be smashed down.

Justice would mean the women and girls inside hard-core porn would be as seen as full human being – not made to disappear into a photo, a computer or piece of film.

Justice would know their pain is not fake, know that there is real rapes and real sexual torturing on a constant basis, know it is real terror in their eyes, that if it appears to be degrading than it is – damn it, justice would throw away all the excuses that make the viewer and user of hard-porn decide it is just fake entertainment.

Justice would say hard-core porn must be destroyed because of the human rights of the women and girls made to be in it.

Justice for these women and girls, is knowing they matter more the selfish wank-fest of the users of hard-core. They are wanking to real mental, physical and sexual torture – so they have very few rights.

True justice know it is a lie that hard-core porn must be protected by the freedom of speech. It is freedom of speech for the torturer, the profiteers of the sex trade and the people who already have power. There is no freedom of speech for the woman or girl inside hard-core porn – no freedom to speech for her terror, her agony, that is repeated rape and sexual torture. Her voice is more than silenced, it is rammed shut by sexual terror.

This is a small part of what I and millions of  prostituted women and girls need to have to get true justice.

Then there will be real peace.

Freedom of Speech For Who

Posted on by rmott62

Although it may appear that Freedom of Speech is for everyone, this is daily proven to be rubbish.

Freedom of Speech is truly owned by those in power who are determined to hold onto to that power – and one way is to give the illusion that they give a damn that those they controlled should have space to speak out.

In this blog, I write from the point of view of an exited prostituted woman, and I know my speaking out is continually placed into a box that the sex trade and its supporters can ignored and or patronised.

But what matters to me more, is that the profiteers of the sex trade are given access to the “right” to Freedom of Speech, whilst the women and girls tortured inside the sex trade are silenced, are ridiculed, are shown to be too damaged to know their own realities.

In other words, women and girls inside the sex trade are gagged.

It is hard to speak out with fists, penises, hate, fear and objects continually forced down your throat.

If women in the sex trade are given the gift of Freedom of Speech, it is only if it controlled.

The only voices allow to have wide public hearing are either the victim drug-addicted street prostitutes who can be the poster pity-fest, or the empowered indoors prostituted adult, usually white, women who will carry the propaganda that prostitution is just work  that could liberate women.

These voices are inside the framing of the users and profiteers of the sex trade and their supporters. They are not full humans, but just that surface part that is the label of the prostitute.

The voices that are silenced and gagged, are the voices of prostituted women and girls that speaks of what it is to be a fuck-toy, what is to be raped but have no time for recovery for another rapist is waiting, what it is to forget that you are human.

These voices are shut away to speak only to those who already know of that hell, and not given any public hearing.

These voices have been there since prostitution was invented, but because they are silenced each generation of prostituted women and girls have to repeat their deadness over and over again, their continual physical, mental and sexual  torturing over and over again, have to say it is instituted raping over and over again.

For every generation of feminists, of the concerned people think they have discovered that prostitution is torture, that is the ripping apart of human rights.

Christ, because prostituted women and girls have never had the privilege to have Freedom of Speech without tight control – we are continually having to speak with mounting desperation of the mass destruction that is the sex trade.

I feel my screaming comes from the silenced screams of women in brothels-temples, silenced screams of courtesans throw away as age makes them of no purpose to men, silenced screams of women trapped into New Orleans brothels who are made into fun blues songs, silenced screams of women in all times who are war booty, silenced screams of women sitting in windows in Amsterdam and on and on an on.

It is controlled how we are allowed to speak – there can be brief glimpses into our hell, but makes sure it is surrounded by language that it may be rare or maybe illegal.

But, exited women who speak out are highly dangerous.

For we know our experiences of torture are never rare, and whether it is legal or illegal is of no importance – we know torture is the norm of the sex trade.

As for whether it is legal or not – it cannot matter, for all that really matters is that as many users as possible have easy and often private access to the sex trade.

Legal or illegal, johns will know where prostituted women and girls are. Legal or illegal, the sex trade will provide whatever porn fantasy the user wants.

Hell, the sex trade has used the concept of Freedom of Speech to increase it market.

In the sex trade universe, Freedom of Speech is that all porn should and must be made – no matter if includes torturing a real human to make that wank-material. Freedom of Speech is there to provide as many prostituted women and girls for johns to be sadistic to.

But there is no Freedom of Speech for the woman or girl being tortured to make porn, no Freedom of Speech for the prostituted woman or girls fucked into almost death.

As exited prostituted woman, I would say Freedom of Speech is a joke.

I care about justice and real punishment for users and profiteers of the sex trade – not the fantasy of Freedom of Speech.