Monthly Archives: February 2011

You Said What

Posted on by rmott62

I have decided to write a few of the ignorant stuff said over and over by liberal and leftist, when they are backing the sex trade.

It is easy to attack those we would consider to be our opponents – say those on the right, the fundamentalists on religion grounds, those with outrageous power. That is the soft option – it loads harder to look closely at those that should be our allies, but over and over betray the prostituted class.

I cannot any more being inside meetings,  be socialising and having my choice of media infected by lies and myths about the sex trade. I am sick of always having to be on guard with those I thought I would safe with.

In this post, I shake off some of my frustrations.

I have many bad experiences with anarchists – here is one of their classics.

“All work is slavery – so why is sex work so bad then.”

I do not say that the whole sentence is utter nonsense. I do not say their words hurt me to the bone.

Well all work is not slavery, although some work is. But say to a publisher, a teacher, an actor, a politician, a nurse and so many others that they are slaves – and you may see your nonsense.

Many people enjoy their work – and of course everyone who works will have terrible days, will often get pissed off, will want to be elsewhere – but those lucky enough to enjoy their job would never consider themselves as slaves.

A slave has no rights to safety, no rights to have a voice, and slaves are made sub-humans.

That is not true of the vast majority of those in work.

I have and would never say that being in the sex trade is work – for it is not work, it is more equal to slavery.

Women and girls inside the sex trade are stripped of the rights to safety. Inside every aspect of the sex trade, women and girls are made into sexual goods, where any violence and degradation will be their norm.

In that environment, the women and girls inside the sex trade have no access to an authentic voice. Their voices are filtered through the brainwashing and propaganda of the sex trade.

That is the condition of a slave.

Liberals and leftists are obsessed with making the sex trade into sex work – another expression that gets my goat is –

“It not as bad as working at McDonald’s, being a cleaner etc”.

Well actually it is.

Unless when you are working in McDonald’s, and raped for any and no reason – then there is not much connection. And if when you are cleaner and someone forces your head into the toilet and anally fucks you – then it may be similar.

But when comparing with other places, the liberals and leftists want to cut out the violence and degradation that is the norm of all aspects of the sex trade – and say a slight improvement in the conditions and everything will be fine.

Fine to continue with having a class of women and girls to be into fuck-goods for any and all men – call that work, it is ok then.

Fine to make invisible the many and endless ways that those men are sadistic to that prostituted class.

Call it sex work, and that means yeah there may some risks – such as rape, sexual torture, drug addiction, beatings, murders and inner death – but, hey all work is tough sometimes.

Call it sex work, and that will shut down any inconvenient talk about human rights, about sexual slavery, about racism, about sadism, about child abuse etc.

But most important call it sex work – and then we cannot mention the men who buy and sell the prostituted class, do not say it is those men who are the cause and reason there is so much violence and degradation –  make those men invisible.

Another expression used by the leftists and liberals to silence exited women is –

“You were too weak, too damaged before entering sex work, too prudish, too drugged up, too unlucky, must have been in the illegal part of sex work, too desperate, and on and on – to cope with the work”.

Keep the focus on the individual exited woman, attack her whilst giving the veneer of being concerned – that is a highly effective way to silence her and keep those men invisible.

I hope every women and girl does not have to cope with being inside the sex trade. I do not want any woman or girl to be on receiving end of the hate, the violence and the terror that are the foundations of every aspects of the sex trade.

To survive the sex trade takes more inner strength than most people could even imagine – I never want to be that strong again.

I hate the leftists and liberals that talk about sex work – for they accept the violence and degradation that is the sex trade.

They accept it by making it fake, it only entertainment, there is no real harm.

So the men that buy and sell the prostituted are not only invisible – but their criminal acts are made normal.

This betrayal is slowly killing me.

Think Before You Say These Words

Posted on by rmott62

There is so much language that send daggers into my and so many exited women’s hearts. The language that sanitises our lives, the language that uses labels to keep us frozen, the language that claims that everything else is just like our pasts.

This is a small exploration into some things that are slowly killing us.

OTHERS MADE INTO WHORES

It is common to say men in power are whores and courtesans.

This is not only insulting to women and girls in the sex trade, but for many exited women it hurts us to the core of our being.

How can corrupt men in power be compared to the existence of the whore – even when she is classed as a high-class whore/courtesan.

She is in the position of no real power, only the illusion of power that the sex trade gives her to keep her controllable.

He has as much power as he wants to take by taking from all he considered inferior beings.

She is used violently, used to be made into a porn-toy – used until the users and profiteers get bored with her and throw her away.

He is one of the user or often the profiteer who hides behind being a legitimate businessman, or the politician who does nothing to change laws, or the policeman who gets a pay-offs, or any of many guises corrupt men use to keep the sex trade going.

Say these men are pimps – they can never be whores.

But then you want the common expression that corrupt politicians must be whores – like that short-hand makes any kind of sense.

When did you last hear of powerful corrupt men being used by any and all punters as fuck-goods, how many of these corrupt men are forced to be sexually tortured for months or years on end, how many of these corrupt men will survive by losing their will be alive.

No, these men are the pimps – for their power is based on using, abusing and throwing anyone that they choose to frame as sub-humans.

Call them pimps – never call them whores.

SEXUAL ENTERTAINMENT

This is used all over the place to sanitised our hell. It makes all violence and degradation not just invisible, but it should have been enjoyed.

This expression is a powerful weapon to silence exited women – for we are made out to be deluded when we claim that did not have fun being inside the sex trade.

It said that the sex trade is just part of the leisure industry, and it is often made out it could be artificial or harm-free.

Porn is always claimed to be fake or just acting.

It can never be seen as real sexual torture, real terror, real fear, real internal and external injuries – that would take away from the entertainment.

Escorting is done with a smile on the whore’s face, she will an orgasm on demand, will want to copy any porn fantasy the punter wants or the profiteer puts her in.

To see she has no choice about how body is treated, that any violence or manipulation can be done to it. To see that to cope with that, most escorts are dead inside. That is not very entertaining.

Lap-dancing is just pure entertainment, a mental release for men. There is no harm for the lap-dancer is in control, and can come and go as they wish – for most it just a short-term way to get cash.

Don’t see that most men who go to lap-dancing clubs see the women as pieces of meat – they will grope them ,they will throw objects at them, they put their hands into their cunts if they can think will get away with it. Don’t see the back-rooms where the management can fuck the lap-dancers and pass them round business partners. Don’t see the stalking that so lap-dancer are told is just the risk of their work. That just taints the entertainment.

Stop saying the sex trade is just entertainment – unless you think genocide and torture is just part of the leisure industry.

END WORD

This the tip of an enormous iceberg of the language that slowly destroys exited women.

We are meant to say nothing, meant to put up with continual remainders that we are viewed as sub-humans.

We must not say we are triggered, must not say your language fuels our rage, must not say your language is deep betrayal.

We must smile, must be polite, must be reasonable – as we were inside the sex trade, your language keeps us trapped still playing roles to stay safe.

We cannot speak the language of our trauma – the language that does not want to say the bland expression that is was sexual torture – but the language of actually what that was.

The language of no emotions left, the language that can say with as much detail as we want of what really happened to us, the language of saying that nearly all society utterly betrayed us including those who thought they were on the side of the angels.

We are sick of always fitting into what you can hear – of self-censoring just so we can be heard.

 

 

I Hate Sex Work

Posted on by rmott62

The expression sex work is taking over reasonable conversations round the sex trade.

It is seen as the pc way to label those who have been in the industry, it is seen as a way to be non-judgemental – it is the expression that every decent person should say.

I hate that expression, and for many reason I want it rip out of every debate, every report, every academic study, every radio or TV documentary, every newspaper or net article – god, I can only dream.

It is an expression that slowly murder the voices of exited women, it is an expression that has brainwash women and girls inside the sex trade into accepting the unacceptable, it is an expression that is free advertisement to recruit vulnerable women and girls into the sex trade – and most of all, it is an expression that makes invisible the everyday violence and degradation that is the sex trade.

I hate the expression sex work.

Let’s look carefully at the two words, place then in the context of the sex trade – and I will show you that they do not fit.

SEX

When most people speak of sex, they are imaging sex they enjoyed, sex that is done with agreement, sex that even when it is casual there is some communication, sex where they can be laughter, sex that is basically fulfilling.

That is not the sex trade.

When others imagine prostitution or being inside porn – when they imagined in the frame of sex work – it is not reality they are searching, it is the fantasy that it is their fulfilling sex but with money.

I am sick of being told it is just sex – maybe sex with bonuses. Just sex where you lose inhibition, take a few risks, do taboo acts – always in some safe environment and with boundaries.

That is the fantasy that the sex trade is pushing into the media, is spilling out into women and girls who have no alternative information  – it is easy to believe, it appears so attractive.

It is not just sex – it will be torture, it will degrade you, it will make you lose all hope.

I call it torture for what else can you name it, when you just an object that is used sexually – you are not a human, you are holes to be fucked, to be rammed, to be torn apart, to be spit into.

How can you remember to be a human, when your role is to be any man’s living porn-dream. You must forget your feelings, yours dreams, any ambition – just remember your only purpose is be his sex slave.

Where is the fulfilment in that, where is the natural laughter not the laughter of performing seal, where’s the communication, there’s no agreement when the prostitute has no rights and the punter has all power and control, tell why that can be framed as enjoyable.

So tell me how can you frame it as just sex.

Say that – and you are making invisible all the rapes, all the sexual tortures, all the cold hate of punters and profiteers.

Call it sex – and you betray millions of women and girls inside the sex trade.

Your language is encouraging their embedded self-hate – if you open you eyes and ears, you would see and hear the suicides that is the common only way out of the sex trade, you would view the so-called sex is done by the living dead so detached from their body that even the most vile tortures are hardly felt.

Call that just sex, and you refuse to view porn and see the eyes where there is terror, the eyes that may be reaching out for some end – or worse, the eyes that have given up all hope, the eyes of a robot.

Call that just sex, and you can go into a lap-dancing club, and see the razzle-dazzle, ignore that no-one give a damn about the no-touch code, ignore the back rooms where full sex is demanded by “friends” of the management.

Call that just sex, and you can imagined escorting is lots of one-night stands with men who are decent and respectful. Not the usual, that the escort has no rights to turn away any punter, no matter how violent he is, no matter that her life is threatened – no matter that she has no humanity.

It is never just sex when there no access to equality – when the prostituted is sub-human goods, and the punter can and will have complete control.

That is not just sex.

WORK

The sex trade uses the word work with great care, it is use to normalise the violence and hopefully make it so normal it becomes invisible.

For example, when speaking of deaths inside the sex trade, it often compare to other dangerous work.

That is comparing apples with elephants – for it is comparing slavery with work.

Most work-place deaths in say mining, fishing, logging, firefighting – is man-made disasters or accidents. It not usual to be murdered because of your role at work, it not usual to have high suicide rates because of the work.

The vast, vast majority of deaths inside the sex trade are suicide or murders – and most are made invisible for it is considered that the woman or girl had no rights when alive, so throw her away when she is dead.

That is not work.

It is imagined that if you label a woman inside the sex trade as a worker – then by magic she will considered as a full human, and have rights over her conditions and access to full safety.

That will never happen in the vast majority of the sex trade – through the sex trade will always push out a few so-called safer places to be in.

As long as we allow the sex trade to exist – the profit will be in providing men will access to violent porn, access to performing any extreme sadistic acts on prostituted women and girls, access to escorts that can owned to control for long periods, access to sex tourism, access to any ethic stereotype no matter if she is trafficked or not, access to under-aged girls.

Straight sex is low down on the list of things that makes huge profit.

It is very rare that anyone produces porn, manages prostitutes or sexual establishments out of the kindness of their soul, or coz they give a damn about the mental and physical welfare of the goods they employ.

It is so rare, I have never seen it in the real world.

How the hell can there ever be worker’s right in that environment.

Work is the word used by the sex trade to give the illusion that they care about the welfare of their girls – it is used to recruit other women and girls into the trade.

But safety is an illusion inside all aspects of the sex trade.

No woman and girl inside the sex trade can control whether violence is used on – that is always the choice of the profiteers and punters.

Porn is only as safe as the producers decide it will be – if they find great profit from sadistic sex,from using the body of the women to place beyond pain and terror for the entertainment of the viewer – then she has no safety.

A prostitute, whatever label she is framed in – has no safety, when she has no rights to turn any man, when she has to accept rape is just the risk of her job, when she is framed as an object that any punter can pour his hate and rage into.

That is not work – and damn you if say it is.

END WORD

This is too painful to write – I would appreciate comments.

.

Uncomfortable in My Own Skin

Posted on by rmott62

Today, I am very uncomfortable in my own skin.

That is trauma is taking me over, making me ache and scream in every cell in my body.

As I write, I think god for the spell-check – for I cannot type without tons of mistakes.

I want to write about what trauma is to me. What it is to survive prostitution – and maybe then I can get through it.

Trauma is like having rats inside your brain eating any hope, ability to believe in progress.

Trauma is an anger that can make you lose that hope. Anger that with the logical part of your mind you knows there is progress, often huge progress – that it all seems so pointless.

Anger that trauma throws me back to the time where hope had to be smashed to survive.

Trauma is like having red ants stamping into every corner of my skin.

They cannot be slapped down, they cannot be scratched out, and they will die till I face it head-on the pain.

It is a remainder that all my skin was conquered by the violence and hate of the sex trade. Nowhere was safe for me, nowhere in my skin and inside my body.

I want to forget, I want to make it smaller, I desperately want to just get on with my life – but when I ignore the trauma, my body memories crash in.

Trauma has a message that must be heard – silenced and it will slowly kills you.

As my body reminds me that it was tortured.

I need this reminder to push my fight to say it is a human rights issue – when all round me the propaganda said it is just sex, only entertainment, that women freely choose it, it is no-one business just a private affair, and on an on an on.

My body screams with grief, rage and pain at these lies.

My body is a remainder as more lies surrounds me – how maybe coz of prior abuse I did not have the mental strength to be a whore, that I could not have fun like I should have.

My body yells out stop blaming me – blame those who sold and brought me.

But who wants to really know what is really done to whores’ bodies – want to know the centuries of violence, want to know the endless disposing of whores when used out, want to know that whores were always used for punters and profiteers to constantly sexually torture.

Who wants to know that – in an uncensored way, in the voice of a traumatised exited woman. Tell me you could hear that.

Torture can only got rid of if it is known and named – the power of the sex trade is that it can torture for at least 3000 years, and has made it invisible by naming as sexual entertainment – so harmless fun.

But hidden are the bodies of millions of women and girls tortured into silence.

The sex trade hides mass rapes – the sex trade makes rape into just sex, just the role you are, just sex work, just fun – rape does not exist in the sex trade.

Only the bodies of women lucky enough to survive, know that hell  through the trauma of rapes in their millions.

We were raped by hundreds and sometimes thousands of men – of course, we survived by not knowing it was rape.

We could not have shock, we could not imagine being believed, we knew to believe the lie that no-one gave a damned about any whore’s pain.

We are raped and learn to smile, and to act the happy hooker.

Trauma reminds us that we were tortured – and part of that torture was to be brainwashed.

Trauma is the breaking down of that brainwashing – in many ways it is the hardest part of surviving the sex trade, de-coding the lies forced into your mind and body.

We were brainwashed to think we are nothing but a sex object or sexual goods – so why not learn to enjoy it, why not imagine you have power over the men, why not think anyone who criticises your work is just a prude, hell why not just lay back and think of the money and stop thinking.

We are brainwashed to speak the lies of the sex trade – say whoring is a feminist act, it is empowering and liberating, say whores just are freer about sex less hang-ups, say it could be a good career or short-term money-spinner. And say loudly, it is only dangerous coz some whores are weak, stupid or mentally ill – so they let in dangerous punters.

God, god, god – those words and worse spill out of me as I was in the middle of hell – I was making out it was heaven.

Trauma is confronting those lies – seeing with clarity why they had to be believed them.

Trauma is the slow cracking of ice as I learn slowly to forgive myself that I spoke such terrible lies. Knowing believing those lies meant I survived – to know the reality would have kill me.

Trauma is the gift to say you are alive – and somehow you did not die.

Trauma is life coming back.

Eagle Eyes

Posted on by rmott62

I try to view my past with clear eyes – with eyes of an eagle seeking out it prey.

That is I want to see only those who are to blame for my rapes, my tortures, my terror, for my ongoing trauma – not all the mess surrounding it. As an eagle sees an injured hare, not the grass, not the healthy animals – only the route to kill that hare.

I am focused for I see those who promote, use and profiteer from the sex trade as that hare.

I must attacked them, I must destroy their lies and propaganda with a clear eye and a solid eye.

If I lose that clarity, these whispered lies are a slow death to me.

The lies that I must have enjoy being prostituted – why else would I stay it so long.

This lie is dangerous, for like the vast majority of women who were inside the sex trade, I have a massive well of self-hatred – this lets in all the time the feeling, I must of wanted it, I did nothing to get myself out of it, so with logic I must of enjoy it.

I have little or no memory of enjoying having constant strange men using me as their porn-toy.

I have little or no memory of being happy enough to even notice what was happening to my body – only when the torture was intense enough, some pain. I was too dead to know.

But to fit in I would smile, I would fake orgasms, I would chat with the punters, I would go back into prostitution.

Maybe that is what meant by I was  enjoying it.

Well with my eagle eye, I know I hated it and just had no-one who believe that, I had no access to an exit.

Then there is the lie that is only sex – so what’s the problem, are you some born-again prude now, maybe you just can’t tell good sex from crap sex.

It was not sex – it was torture, to was the deadening of my soul, it was being made into goods – none of that is sex.

To name the violence and degradation of the prostituted class as just sex is not wrong, it is deeply patronising and insulting.

Usually when others say it is just sex, especially women – they are imaging good sex they may have had and being paid for that, they are imaging clean and respectable men being their clients, they are imaging that if there is violence or even disrespect those clients will be thrown out, they are imaging it is safe and always great fun.

The sex trade drip feeds this fantasy – the fantasy of high-class whore who is always in control, who is rich even with a few rich clients, who play games of being a whore.

It is not the reality of escorting or working inside sex clubs – it does shows the constant sexual violence, the constant mental abuse and brainwashing, the constant knowledge that any time you could be thrown away and or murdered.

That my eagle eye remembers.

It is hard to see my past – hard with the haze of pain and grief.

I will leave it for now – but there is so much more to say.

I am tired now.

 

Can’t Sleep – So Write

Posted on by rmott62

This post is a record of what I can remember of being inside indoors prostitution. This is trying to knock out my self-censorship, trying not to be a crowd-pleaser – but an attempt to say the truth as my mind will let it out.

I am not sure if I can speak the truth, when always my mind wants to blank it out. All I know is that for many weeks now, the pain, the grief and the anger are stopping me from having real sleep.

I have no choice than to lay bare as much I can – and hope and prayer that I can sleep.

I will start in the middle – the moment when hope was dead, when any world outside of indoors prostitution had no relevance.

I want you to know those moments, those hours – those god-damned events.

I can write with detachment that it was sexual torture, that being an escort/in some sex club/being girlfriend material was to be owned, that I had no rights, that I was made sub-human.

But, I am terrified to feel the truth of those words – stay detached, keep empty of emotions and ripped out my essence, and then I may be able to cope.

But to not feel then, means I lose all feeling – I lose the feeling to know love, feeling to grieve deaths of those I was attached to, to feel small moments of simple joy, to feel that I have a body.

I must feel – else all I can be is roles, a walking shadow or at worst a robot that has no purpose – I must feel even through sickness, through my blankness into some path to full humanity.

I will not let the sex trade stripped me of the right to be a full human any more – even as my coming into life is agonising and utterly terrifying.

So join me in discovering the blood, sweat and guts of what indoors prostitution was to me. And please know that the only reason I write this is not to be therapy, for writing will never heal or cure that past – I write because my past in many women’s and girls’ presence. I write to stop being an inevitable future.

I have written and spoken out that I was gang-raped as an introduction into indoors prostitution, that I was often gang-raped as a “punishment”.

But let show what gang-rape is to a prostitute who has no hope.

It is not like the movies or CSI – there is little or no emotion, only the knowing it must end some time. Gang rape in indoors prostitution is common and usually last for long periods.

In that environment, there is little shock, no time to be sick, no space to show terror, no privilege to be able to cry.

As a prostitute, being gang-raped is the continual remainder that you are nothing but holes and flesh to destroy.

Only way to survive that is to feel nothing – to be the porn-goods, to not even imagine that you could be human.

I am haunted and keep awake by sexual tortures that even my mind does not want to know.

I cover up it with TV, with the radio, with music, with detached writing, with seeming to speak but always selecting what I think others can hear, with sports, with ignoring my memories that are screaming for attention.

I cannot ignore the truth that I have to confront the sexual tortures.

I can say I was deep-throated – but what does that really mean.

It is torture at its purer – there was the threat of death, it did make me lose control of bodily function, it was done with coldness and to degrade me.

Being deep-throated is like drowning on dry land, the pressure made me believe my eyes would leave my head.

Seeing the hate from punters as they deep-throated me, is inside my waking and sleeping nightmares. As their penises were killing me or sending deep terror into me – they were happy as conquerors, thinking they were gods.

I was continually anally tortured. It was anal sex to destroy me utterly, to make me reach places of agony, that made those bastards punters think would make sure I never forgot them.

Well, I have forgotten most of those torturers as individuals – but my body still holds the trauma and agony from those demands that I was their living porn-toy.

I am living breathing evidence of the harms of indoors prostitution.

I remember what the sex trade wants to be invisible.

I remember that it was common that if punters had power and enough money – that the profiteers would allow them to torture me in any way they like, with no interference, no judgement, just stopping so other men had a chance to torture the whore as well.

I was placed in “private” rooms inside sex clubs. Clubs with the outward veneer of being slightly sleazy – but no touching allow. But inside the private rooms, I was raped, I was made to perform porn, I placed inside of hell – but no-one cared.

I was placed inside flats where there was lines of men waiting to fuck me. I could be fucked by up 15 men in one night, for it was all too often more than one man at a time.

In those flats, I survived by refusing to see, refusing to feel, refusing to think – and trying so hard to die.

It is a haze those flats – but with distance I am seeing clearer and clearer.

I want to imagine it was just fucking my vagina – but I rarely remember that.

Instead, I know I was dead on the bed, but still I was beaten up for any or no reason.

Sometimes I was tied up, sometimes I was gagged – don’t know why coz all my fight had gone.

All I know was no part of my body had any safety, that it was all their porn-toy.

That is what it is to fully owned in indoors prostitution – that is the torture.

So, don’t be so naive to believe that indoors prostitution will ever be made safe – just know that violence and degradation is hugely profitable, so will always be the backbone of all aspects of the sex trade.

The thing about indoors prostitution is that violence and degradation is keep hidden from the public gaze.

My tortures were a tiny part of the common practice of indoors prostitution.

So don’t allow the sex trade’s propaganda to get prostitution pushed indoors. Please place the human rights of the prostituted high above making prostitution normalised.

Don’t turn away from torture – have a heart.

Money Makes Everything Invisible

Posted on by rmott62

This week there has been in the news two powerful men caught out with prostitutes.

It is unimportant who they are, it is unimportant what their role is, it unimportant what country they live in – all that really matters is that they will buy their way out of real punishment.

What matters is to know the vast majority of rich men that used and owned the prostituted – will assume they can whatever they want, any degree of violence up to murder – and it will not just be hushed up, but made invisible.

Money destroys prostitutes every moment of every day – and the more power and influence a punter has, the more he can get away with pure sadism. He will destroy with not only the sex trade protecting him, but the legal systems will make excuses for him, he can and will pay off the police.

Most rich punter, even the ones acting the bad boy – will make the public be on their side.

Look how many Hollywood stars for the last 80 years have used and been extremely violent to prostitutes, to women inside sex clubs, to women in saunas, to women in porn – and most not get away with their sadism, but are often are admired for being “rebels”.

What the hell is rebellious about sexual sadism to the prostituted class. Personally, I would say it just keeping up the status quo that the whore-class are just there to be fucked over, to be destroyed, to be hated – it completely cowardly, but these men are made into heroes.

Politicians have always enjoy power for power’s sake – so why are we surprised that corrupt politicians in most countries will used, abused and throw away the prostituted class.

I cannot not name a century where the political class did not use their power to have easy access to the prostituted class.

Being rulers, they will hush up all the violence they pour into the prostituted class – many centuries, many countries of pouring in rapes, sexual torturing, hate, fear, sadism and murder into whores – knowing they make the laws to make the culture to cover up their actions.

The few politicians that are caught out and held up as an example are either already losing their power basis or thinking of retiring/or dead. Politicians in power and “respected” can do what they like to the prostituted class, for it be made invisible or made out the filthy whore was utterly to blame.

The most sickening rich man’s porn-dream is that he is the artist-punter.

This sick-fuck believe that as he pours violence into the whore’s mind and body – she should be damned grateful to be in his presence, his god-like presence.

He will see himself as a collector of whores – whether street-prostitutes, high-class escorts, buying off the net, going to lap-dancing clubs, searching out extreme porn – he is a connoisseur of whores.

He thinks that the whore should know as he is using her that all she is a blank canvas for his great art to go into – as he fucks her, as he sadistically sexually tortured her, as he views others brutally abusing her, even as he murders her – she should know she has the great privilege of being his muse.

She may be remembered vaguely in his painting, she may have a brief mention in his novel, she may be seen if you look closely enough at men who murder her seeing that as their message.

But the artist-punter can never give the whore full humanity – he just uses her to big up his ego.

The prostituted are continually betrayed by allowing these rich punters to be invisible. It is pass by and pass over by most of society – money and power blinds all to the violence and hate. It makes cowards of the majority to confront these rich bastards.

Whilst these rich punters get away with so much hate and violence – it will give the green light to all other punters to continue to think it no big deal to rape, to consume porn, to be sadistic, to torture to any and all women and girls inside the sex trade.

It cannot matter if rich men get away with it – why shouldn’t poorer men join the fun.

Meanwhile there is a silent genocide of the prostituted class – and it made invisible for money said it must be harm-free.

Drowning In Trauma

Posted on by rmott62

My trauma is making me almost unable to bear being inside my own skin.

My trauma is drowning inside pain, inside grief, inside anger that it makes me too exhausted to fight, inside frustration that my hell is made invisible.

My trauma is it must not be made visible – for how else to women and girls inside the sex trade get justice.

Without justice, how the hell does our trauma fade.

This post is written through intense trauma, this post is written to honour that trauma.

Honour where it came from, honour the strength never to fall so deep into that trauma that it did kill me, honour the voices that trauma has given me.

I honour that now I am with and by the trauma – not afraid to stare straight into it and find its truths.

These are ugly truths – but truths of power, truths of knowing what is hidden from women, truths of hate, truths of just not seeing the human who is being deeply damaged.

My trauma holds the language and actions of the people who brought and sold me. My trauma remembers even I had to cut it out of brain.

To remember without safety, to remember without a semblance of hope – to remember than, and I would have been wipe out.

Now I am proud to remember – for it my vengeance to speak out who the punters and profiteers really are, to cut into their lies and hate-speech.

Us women who had the luck to not just survive the sex trade, but the strength and courage to remember the words and language of those who made us into goods – we are the most powerful weapon against the sex trade of all.

For once, we had seen that hate and contempt, seen that utter callous disregard to our safety on any level, seen that we were sub-humans to them – we can never forgot, or go back to the time we had to believe their lies.

We cannot be talked out of it, we cannot when each time the sex trade and its supporters want us back on board, back as their property – their words and actions send pain into our bodies, make our brains scream you can never own me again.

That is the trauma pushing us to fight – reminding that we are fighting for our lives, and fighting to prevent the destruction of continual generations of women and girls being made into sexual goods.

For once our bodies and minds have open up to knowing where the trauma came from, we cannot bear that one single woman or girl in any circumstances gets trapped inside the sex trade.

We remember what it is to be raped inside the sex trade.

Many of us, far too many, so many that to count them would push me over the edge – not only know what it is to be raped, but we were raped by men in the hundreds or commonly in the thousands.

Rape on a scale that you lose the language of shock, lose the language of terror, lose the concept of justice, lose the language of hope.

Rape so often that the only way to survive is to say it must be your work, or your role in life.

Rape so much that to keep some kind of sanity call it just sex, and then with luck,  if you try hard enough not see or know the reality you might enjoy it.

It is no big surprise that a great many women and girls inside the sex trade will scream out how happy and empowered they are – to think otherwise would destroy them and make them far too vulnerable.

Being raped that often – means that pain cannot be felt – it also means that the punters and profiteers can and will increase the sexual violence, usually into sexual torturing.

Trauma brings back what it was to be sexual tortured, for many exited women for years. It bring back what was blanked out, it brings the repetitive violence and hate.

Women and girls inside the sex trade are commonly used for punters to do sexual experimenting on, for profiteers to used their property as a sexual circus.

There is total disregard for her safety, no regard for her mental welfare – she is nothing but living porn.

We remember what we so don’t want to know.

What is unbearable is the cold contempt of punters and profiteers as our bodies and minds were ripped, fucked, rammed, smashed up, tied up, cut, bitten, penetrated by any and everything, laugh at, burnt and endless other porn-hate that men want to do to the whore-class.

Every exited woman survived by the skin of her teeth – and by living and remembering, she now send terror into those callous bastards.

That is true vengeance.

So yes I am drowning in trauma.

But trauma is not all bad – for it can part of a force of fury that pushes for real change and justice.

Just need everyone else to fight hard too.

What Sort of a Choice

Posted on by rmott62

When outsiders speak of porn and or prostitution, there is an assumption that some adult women have chosen freely to be doing it. Well, in this post I write of some of the many reasons why it not a free choice.

If you can prove that the woman you are thinking of is free of all these reasons – then maybe she could have freely chosen to be inside the sex trade.

It could be a free choice, if the women before entering the sex trade was not been treated as nothing but sexual goods, whether through sexual abuse or mental violence.

It could be a free choice, if the woman came from a background where she was respected for her mind and soul, not seen an object to be used and often abused.

It could be a free choice, if her background is one where she understand love, love without sex, love of true friendship, love of being someone who matters.

It could be a free choice, if she has not learnt to survive her life by becoming a runaway.

It could be a free choice, if she is not surrounded by the media, by advertising, by the arts, by common sayings – that being inside porn or becoming a whore is an easy way out of her everyday life, and may get her money.

It could be a free choice, if she is not going with peers who see no harm in selling your body.

It could be a free choice, if some of those peers are not pushing that girl into going with men, just this one time, do it for me if you love me.

It could be a free choice, if during the first fuck, the first photo-shoot, the first knowledge that goods or money is being exchange – that the woman/girl does not go dead inside.

It could be a free choice, if the woman inside long-term porn and or prostitution, is never raped, is never battered, is never made to be sexually tortured.

It could be a free choice, if the woman or girl never takes drugs, never drink to deaden herself, never has a fucked-up sleep pattern, never is made to do plastic surgery.

It could be a free choice, if her cultural, ethic, class or age are not just used as ways for her to be brought and sold.

It could be a free choice, if she could turn away a man just for appearing violent – not after he has raped, tortured and on occasions murdered.

It could be a free choice, if just being inside the sex trade does not means there a terrible likelihood of an early death – whether through murder, “accident” or suicide.

It could be a free choice, if there are no STDs, no internal injuries, no regular abortions – no talk of that just being the risk of the job.

It could be a free choice, if the trauma of the women lucky enough to exit is not more intense than the majority of soldiers, worse than many victims of political torture.

It could be a free choice, if no woman or girl had to smile and perform the happy hooker whilst the punters and profiteers treat her as trash and a sexual object to torture.

It could be a free choice, if she is viewed by the men that used and sell as a full human – not just as holes to fill, not having hands only to masturbate men and guide them into those holes.

It could be a free choice, if she is not just a role to fit inside men’s porn-dreams – not the high-class hooker who loves giving men a good time, not the woman/girl in a sauna who just loving doing blow-jobs, not the street-prostitute who will paid little but is grateful anyway, not the woman or girl brought over a computer who will do his housework and be a whore in bed etc etc .

It could be a free choice, if the woman inside porn and or prostitution has never and can never imagined attempting suicide.

It could be a free choice, if every single man using a prostitute of any type will be guaranteed never ever to use physical, mental or sexual violence on the prostitute.

It could be a free choice, if every piece of porn made is not real violence, not real rape, not real pain, not real fear.

It could be a free choice, if no woman or girl is not push into more violence or sexual acts that harm her, to earn a living wage.

It could be a free choice, if no profiteer of the sex trade did not steal most of the so-called wages of many women and girls in the sex trade.

It could be called a free choice, if there is no market for under-aged girls in all aspects of the sex trade.

It could be called a free choice, if there is no market for externally trafficked women and girls – especially a market where these girls and women are closed from the outside world or allow to learn the language of the country they are moved to.

It could be a free choice, if all women and girls had decent wages and access to long-term jobs.

There are some of the many, many reasons to question if is a free choice to be inside the sex trade.

I am sure you and I can think of many more reasons – but if you do find the mythical woman who has freely chosen to inside porn and or prostitution – then look very carefully at her full life.

Do not just at the small moment that she is inside the sex trade – think of how she got there, think of the many reasons not to know the reality of being inside the sex trade, and try to imagine that if she does exit what trauma she may be left with.

Remember a major way to survive the hell that is the sex trade – is say loudly and in a robot-tone, that it is freely chosen and what you want.

When in reality, it is the choice of someone trapped in a brick-up mine who been their so long, they have forgotten there is any other existence.

Unbearable

Posted on by rmott62

I write because  I am at the point of near collapse. I write of what is unbearable for me, I write of me but speaking knowing it is unbearable for the majority of exited women.

We have exited, we have by the skin of our teeth survived – but we have in our skins, in our minds, and attach to us an invisible shadow. The unbearable truth of what we have survived.

It not just what hell we have known, it is that hell is glamorise, made normal, made fun, inside all the media, made the victim’s fault, and most important made to seemed that the profiteers and users are just side issues.

We have survived, but we have no time or space to lick our wounds, to scream out our rage and pain,to even complain – not when we should have enjoy being prostituted or being made into porn goods.

Then all around us are excuses made, reasons why certain men used the sex trade in a nice way, or the men you know and like could not possibly use the sex trade just because you know and like them.

Excuses that particular manager is not pimping out, for it appears to be clean and well-ordered, appears to be full of grown women who are happy hookers – so lets not look any deeper.

Excuses that the porn you are consuming is just staged or acting, that your porn is not violent, that of course the women have freely chosen to be there, that your porn could be god-damned ethical coz you say it is.

Excuses that only certain women and girls can real victim-prostitutes – those who are externally trafficked, but only if it proven that extreme violence was used ; those street-prostitutes who can labelled as drug addicts, are under-aged, seemed controlled by a pimp; a few indoors prostitutes who appear locked in and physically threaten. All other women inside the sex trade are dismissed, and told that it is their free choice and if they want to leave, why don’t they.

Excuses that it has always been with us so why even bother to change it, it is the oldest professional ain’t it. Fuck that feeble excuse – you are speaking of mental, physical and sexual torture – and saying that’s OK coz it always be part of being human. That is utter bullshit.

Sure humans murder, humans abuse children, humans justify all violence by saying it just human nature – but we can and will be better than that.

To abuse a woman and girl inside the sex trade is a conscious choice, and is usually pre-planned and done inside an organisation. It is not an reflect action, violence to those inside the sex trade is not a small moment of rage, it not an accident.

The unbearable truth is that by allowing all these excuses for the continuing of the sex trade – everyone whether using the sex trade or not is saying it is OK to make a class of people named as the prostituted to be tortured without hope or redress, for it is made normal and harm-free.

The sex trade is not fun, it can never be made safe for the prostituted, it is not concern about the prostituted as humans only as goods – the sex trade must never be made normal, we must stigmatised the profiteers and users of the sex trade. They are scum – stop making excuses for them.