Monthly Archives: July 2011

Just Don’t Say It

Posted on by rmott62

These are some things that you should not bother to say to an abolitionist – especially if she is an exited women from the sex trade.

1. PORN AND PROSTITUTION HAS ALWAYS BEEN WITH US, SO THERE’S NO POINT IN FIGHTING IT

Well, murder, rape, massacres in peace and war, racism, child abuse – they have always been with us. So we should let them carry on without punishment, should we?

No, they are taken seriously, especially when it is male on male violence. We think killing is wrong, we on occasions think raping non-prostituted women and girls is wrong, we try to weed out racism – all these have been with us for centuries, but we don’t just up.

But every moment of every day – the prostituted class are being abandoned by this attitude – oh well, it has been with for centuries, so nothing can change it.

Don’t say it unless you prepare to give on all mental, physical and sexual violence that has been with for centuries.

Give up if a friend or family member is raped, murdered, or on receiving end of racism. Would you just wave your hands in the air and say – there is nothing that can be done, it is just the ugly side of human nature – or would expect justice and some kind of punishment.

You would be there for your friend or family member – but not if she was prostituted.

That is the brutal truth of that stupid statement.

2. BUT SOME WOMEN ARE DESIGNED FOR PORN AND/OR PROSTITUTION, IT IS THEIR NATURE

That is said with a straight face – that is said to exited women without regards to the hurt it causes.

It come from believing that the prostituted are the Other; are what is named as goddesses; are more “sexual” than real women – it comes from the belief that prostituted class are sub-humans.

It is saying that the prostituted class are designed or by nature to not feel pain as normal women do; that they can have many men in them without it affecting their mental welfare; that is very rare to abuse and/or rape a prostitute for it is her sexual drive that wants violent sex; that as a whore, she will not mind being an object for men to use and throw away.

That is what you are saying – I know you may wrap it up in trendy, friendly and what you think of as clever language. You may call us sex workers, goddesses, high-class, paid companions – but we know your words keep us sub -humans.

3. STOP SAYING SEX WORKER

We were prostituted – it was not work, and it was nothing to do with sex.

Stop making the instituted violence of the sex trade disappear – by saying it is just a labour issue, and little or nothing to do with human rights.

Each time you say sex work – you are speaking the propaganda of the sex trade profiteers.

You say sex work – and all rapes, sexual tortures and deaths are made unimportant – not viewed as the norms of all aspects of the sex trade.

Say sex work, and all you do is imply that if there is violence and degradation, it must be the flaws of the individual woman inside the sex trade – never the fault of the men that consume porn and/or prostitutes, never the fault of the profiteers of the sex trade.

No, by labelling it as sex work – you believe she must have freely chosen to be inside the sex trade, so she can leave at any time. You dismiss the intensive mental, physical and sexual violence and manipulation that keeps women trapped – that doesn’t fit your neat preconceived concept of what a “sex worker” is.

Just think before saying the language of sex work – think of how the vast, vast, vast majority of the majority of women and girls inside all aspects of the sex trade are made into consumable goods to be fuck and throw away.

Think of their hell – hell of being nothing but holes to be destroyed; think of their internal injuries; think of being trapped in a room with a punter with no idea if he will be violent or not; think of rape and/or sexual torture being so much your norm that you lose language to describe it, except it must be your work/role; think of living in an environment where your follow “workers” disappear into drugs, disappears into mental illness, and just completely disappear from the face of this earth.

Think of all that, and know that is just the surface of the violence that is the founding stones of the whole of the sex trade – than have the nerve to say it is just sex work.

ENDWORD

There are loads more I can say – but this will do for now.

Think before you speak – that is the very least you can do.

My Blog, My Rules 2

Posted on by rmott62

Last Autumn, I wrote “My Blog, My Rules”. But I so tired and bored of sex work lobbyists writing to me and feeling entitled to be published on my blog, that I feel I need to write more “rules”.

1. This blog is and was never set out to be a debating chamber about whether prostitution is sex work or not. I am an abolitionist, and my priority is my readers who have exited and are living with PTSD, not the views of tiny minority who are happy in prostitution.

2. I do not want constant comments on how prostitution was and should be a sacred act. That is a myth invented for the convenient of users and profiteers of the sex trade. Temple whores were not respected, they were slaves who had no choice but to service any and every man who came to the temple. It is deeply insulting to assume that other cultures and times were “honourable” to the prostituted class. Know prostitutes are always made sub-human, and into disposable goods. Naming them as “goddesses” just is an excuse to say they feel no human pain, do not mind the sexual violence, and are untouchable to lowly humans except when men fuck them.

3. I will not publish comments on how being a prostitute is just doing social service to men who cannot or will have sex with “real” women – they are lonely, too ugly, want sex acts that “normal” women won’t do, are disabled, are too busy with work to fit in a relationship, working or living abroad, want sex without messy communication, want to practice what they have viewed in porn – all these men must have prostitutes. This is rubbish – men do not die from not having access to the sex trade – but the prostituted are dying every day to fill those men’s sexual wants. Access to the sex trade is not a human right.

4. I will not publish comments informing me how safe indoors prostitution can be made – especially if it is just advertising your workplace or people you know who are Happy Hookers. Indoors prostitution, as all forms of prostitution, is only as safe as the punters choses not to use violence, and the profiteers make the choice not to sell the prostituted to sadistic punters. It not made safe by the individual prostitute – when the whole structure of prostitution is built on that violence making the profit.

5. I do not publish comments that are built on the divide and rule theory of prostitution. Be it that under-aged is ghastly – but if she is 16 up she has chosen to be prostituted. That “violent” external trafficking is terrible – but internal trafficking either doesn’t exist or is just a media fantasy. That street prostitution especially if connected with drugs or other anti-social behaviours is tragic – but indoors prostitution is empowering and liberating for women.

6. I am bored of being “told” that where I worked must have been illegal or run by criminals. It was not – and even if it was that not relevant to the fact that all of the sex trade is built of making women and girls into sexual commodities. Legal or illegal, there is the breaking of women and girls from fully rounded human – by brainwashing, extreme violence, closing them away from the world outside the sex trade, rapes re-named as “work” and constant destruction of her essence. Most prostitution is overground and easily accessible to punters – most prostitution is brutalising.

7. I will not publish comments that look for the “good” punter – there is no such thing. Any man who makes the choice to buy another human being for his sexual wants cannot be classed as “good”. Many men make the choice not to consume the sex trade – those are the men I support, especially if they join the fight to abolish the sex trade.

8. I do not publish endless tirades on how prostitution would ok if it just was more women-friendly, that in some pipe-dream will become feminist. This like saying prostitutes are goddesses is utter bullshit – prostitution is designed for men to pour their hate and contempt of women and girls into – anything that they label as the feminine – that is the purpose of the prostituted class. It cannot be made women-friendly – only given the veneer by using the language of feminism and having women in the forefront when promoting the sex trade. But as long as women and girls are brought and sold as fuck-goods – prostitution will never be women-friendly.

9. Finally this is not censorship or silencing of the sex trade lobbyists – how could I when they have access to the media, to the arts, inside universities, on TV, in films, in novels, at conferences and all other mainstream and male-dominated institutions – to spread their message in. This is my blog, so I can publish what I want.

To end, the main purpose of this blog is be there for exited women from the sex trade – so I am very careful that there no comments that hurt, trigger or insult them. They are my priority.

On Denial

Posted on by rmott62

I think it is easy to look only for the Happy Hooker, and not to want to know why she is speaking as a front for the sex trade.

All the time, too many outsiders assume that she said must be true. Let me say I believe they choose to say that because they in denial about the realities of the sex trade.

I have written many times of why most women embedded in the sex trade cannot know the reality of having no power, of knowing the punters and profiteers view them as sub-humans, that as sub-humans they are under the constant threat of being disposable.

That reality must be denied in order to survive.

I think it is natural and completely understandable for mostly women embedded inside the sex trade to say in a loud voice – they are happy, they are empowered, it is their choice to be there – that others should not judge them.

It is a natural reaction to living in a hell with no exit, to adapt and to think it all your own fault for being there.

It is impossible to know how thoroughly the sex trade has broken you down into nothing but a sex object – knowing that can and does kill.

It does lead to suicide, it does make the woman too vulnerable and open to violence acts from punters and profiteers – it is much safer to be in denial, when there is no real exit.

But what makes me furious is not those women – but that outsiders who make the choice not only to believe and hear that the sex trade must be ok, for a few women inside the sex trade say it is fine for them.

Many who make the choice to think the sex trade is fine and dandy, coz the women say it is – would not think like that when it comes to other violence to women.

Child abuse, especially incest – is often alongside the girl saying how she “loves” her rapist. How many take her word – and say leave her with abuser, we mustn’t judge must we. After it must be love, if she said it is.

The same goes for domestic violence and most acquaintance rape. Many women in those situations say they love their abuser, many forgive their abuser, many blame themselves for his violence.

That is seen as a natural reaction to male violence – but it also not seen as the truth.

There are refuges, there are rape crisis helplines, there is counselling for rape, child abuse and domestic violence. There is nowhere enough help – but there is a belief from most feminists that rape, child abuse and domestic violence is the fault of a structure of male violence – not the individual women’s flaws.

This is rarely true for the prostituted – we cannot rely on even feminists to not say it was our choice to be inside the sex trade – so why are we whining now.

Too many so-called feminists do look at the structure of the sex trade – but only at the individual flaws or strengths of the prostitute.

They do not look for the everyday breaking down of women from all backgrounds, all cultures, all lifestyle – broken down until they become dead enough to be consumable goods.

They don’t see the cynical ways the breaking down is done.

The isolating the women from any influences that may inform that the sex trade is not being caring, but is built on violence and dehumanising.

The constant brainwashing that if she dislikes or is disgusts any sexual or physical acts – that she will get used to it, it is part of her nature after all.

There is often propaganda spread to confuse – such as prostitution is just sacred service, in the past prostitutes were honoured and made goddesses, that all it is giving the “gift” of making men happy. If these people had their way, prostitution would be a state religion.

There are lies told about the men using the prostitute, lies that work on her guilt if she wants to exit. She is told they sad and lonely, told they are too ugly to get a “real” relationship, told it is a good for a man to get sex he wants that his partner won’t give him – told over and over and over two contradictory and dangerous lies – that it is her duty to stop “real women” getting raped, or she is better than an affair coz he can get sex that means nothing, than go back to his happy relationship. It just social work really.

The profiteers will manipulate her by always playing the game of acting like he cares about her welfare – but always “by accident” leaving her alone with sadistic punter/s – then acting as if he is sorry. Only this is repeated over and over and over and over until she is broken down.

It is from that environment that the Happy Hooker is formed – and you take that broken woman, and say she seems ok to me, so it must be fine.

You do this because you have no intention to know the conditions that destroying the prostituted.

You turn you back on the prostituted – then you continue to consume your porn, continue to go to lap-dancing clubs, continue to think stag-does must include strippers and or trips to a brothel, you can feel ok about sex tourism, you can use the net to get a prostitute when you bored.

Say she must be happy – and everything is fine than.

Don’t worry that you are destroying her essence – and you are making her sub-human.

I don’t have to be nice about your denial – for you are part of the genocide of the prostituted.

Wrong Assumptions

Posted on by rmott62

It is exhausting speaking out about indoors prostitution – for the same wrong assumptions are made over and over and over and over again. It is like if these misguided concepts are said often enough, that we can say all indoors prostitution is safe and women-friendly – well then, everyone can go back to ignoring all violence and degradation.

1. IT MUST BE SAFE – COZ I SAY IT IS

There is a huge delusion that indoors prostitution is safer than street, or at least it can be made safe enough for others to turn their backs on it.

No prostitution can ever be safe enough for the prostituted – not while they are made into sub-human goods to be brought and sold.

Indoors prostitution is commonly being shut alone in a room with a punter who view you as his property. His property to do all his porn dreams onto – remember most porn that punters consume is all about sadistic sex and making women into holes, forget that she has any humanity.

How can that made safe?

2. BUT THE MANAGERS CARE ABOUT THEIR GIRLS’ SAFETY, DON’T THEY?

I will try not to laugh, or go towards my gallows humour now.

All I can say is that is a pipe-dream, or you just following the propaganda of the sex trade.

The manager views the prostituted as profitable goods – to do as they are told, to move around different aspects of the sex trade, to be sold on for profit. They do not see the prostituted as humans – just see the money.

Any safety precautions the managers put in, are either for show or for the protection of the punter – the safety of the prostitute is unimportant.

Condoms are everywhere in much of indoors prostitution. But there is also a lack of “forcing” the punters to use them. It is common for the prostitute to earn more if she does unsafe penetrative sex.

But more important, condoms mean nothing when the vast majority of sexual or physical violence is non-penetrative sex. Condoms don’t save any prostitute from sexual torturing, and many managers promote sadistic sex as extras.

Know most punters are with prostitutes because they want to be violent to a women or girls – not because they want missionary position.

3. PUNTERS ARE LONELY,UGLY, SINGLE – UNABLE TO REAL SEX

No, they are not – and even if they are, no-one has the human right to buy another human for their sexual wants.

Most punters are in relationships, most are very ordinary men, most are ordinary men who make the choice to hate the prostituted.

These punters want power and full control over the prostituted – want to make her into dirt and throw her away.

There is no safety for the prostituted with men like that.

I can’t write any more, my trauma is too bad – but please know my the bottom of my heart that indoors will never be safe enough to be worth existing.

Please end the endless trauma that the prostituted have to live with. 

Would You Care If I Was a Broken Horse

Posted on by rmott62

I feel it is important to write how I was broken down, till I was suitable for the sex trade. It not important on the personal level – that is just my past, there nothing that can be done about it. It is important because it was never personal.

That is where my politics lay – that as a prostituted woman I was never a person, never given the luxury of having an individuality – no, I was just one of millions of women and girls broken down till they were nothing but Whores.

We were broken down – but being just women and girls, being what others decide are the “bad” girls – it was and is made of no importance. But, if we were horses suddenly there would be pity and outrage – but I always forget, we the prostituted were and are worthless.

To break down a woman or girl to be the ideal Whore – it is not important to know her back story. All that matter is her appearance – it all about will she fill a hole in the market.

Profiteers and punters don’t care or want to know if she has been previously abused; don’t care or want to know if she is desperate for money or interested if she is just pushing boundaries; don’t care or want to know if she got no self-esteem or gone into hardness.

They are just looking for profit – they are calculating how fuckable she is or how much money they squeeze out of her.

Therefore any woman or girl who is vulnerable enough, or too dead to care, can be trapped inside the sex trade. The market is ever expandable.

Any woman or girl can and will be broken by the sex trade, any woman or girl can be made into the ideal Whore.

Just have around two or three things go wrong in your life – just fit the porn-fuelled ethic stereotypes that punters demand; just be in a natural or man-made disaster; just get sexually abused as a child; just lose your status and money; just be hanging with “friends” that tell you it is just fun; just have a “boyfriend” who said if you really love him, you would have sex for money – just be an ordinary woman or girl too overwhelmed to know it is a trap.

Those are the women and girls that the sex trade breaks down. The more broken down we become – the more we are made invisible to the public gaze.

The aim of breaking us down is not to make us into an objects that any and all punters can pour all their porn hate into – but the purpose of being the ideal Whore is give out the veneer of being the Happy Hooker.

We are broken down until we smile inside life-threatening sexual torturing; broken down so we cannot know rape only re-brand as work or our role in life; we broken down so intensely that we fiercely defend our own oppression.

We say loud and clear that we choose this, this must be liberating us, it our job after all.

We have been broken.

Broken by being put into the worse – say with me being gang-rape for several hour; say being forced be shut in a room with a known violent punter until there is no point in caring; say having head forced into water whilst being anally raped; say being beaten into hospital coz you refused a certain violent punter – just a few tiny tiny examples of way that being shown the worse make any woman or girl get broken.

Once you have known the worse – your mental and physical boundaries are smashed up. It is true, that when you know you are trapped inside the sex trade and are shown the worse – that then the only way to somehow survive with a tiny bit of sanity is just kill all emotions, deaden your body to all pain, detach your mind completely – to made yourself the living dead.

To be the ideal Whore – kill yourself in life.

That is what the average punter wants – a prostitute that is too dead to care what he does to her body. He can hit her, he can do all the porn sex he can imagine on her, he can “play” life and death games with her. She is his property – he will and can do as he wants.

And included in his money-worth, she will look happy whatever he does to her, she will remind him he is the master and she will obey him – she is what all women and girls should be.

Why should he care that she is completely broken?

We were and are broken by the sex trade making sure we are isolated from the real world.

If we inside a cult, that would be terrible – but again I always forget being inside the sex trade is always a free choice.

We are and were broken by being told no-one gives a damn about whores, only our pimps/managers care about us; broken by hearing over and over no-one will believe you could do such horrible sex acts unless you wanted it, hell if it so bad why don’t you just kill yourself; broken as we told we just sex-crazed, no-one fucks so many men without wanting it.

Words broke us every day – we just learnt never to show that we cared.

We were and are called bitches, whores, slags, sexually mad, power-crazy, dominator of punters, damaged goods and on and on and on.

We were never call human, or had anyone who remember we had a name. Goods are just goods – especially highly disposable goods.

That broke us utterly.

So if you know anyone, or if you yourself – who make the choice to buy a prostitute – know you will in the vast, vast, vast majority of scenarios, you or they will be buying a broken woman or girl.

That make you or they a criminal – for you are pouring yet more violence and hate into her.

I have the right to hate each and every punter – for each and every one of them as making broken women and girls go through even more destruction.

But as we are not horses – I suppose it no big issue.

 

Skin-Shredding

Posted on by rmott62

This post is about trauma – how every time I think there can be no more layers of trauma, another layer of skin falls off.

I know trauma is not forever – I know that getting on the other side of trauma makes me stronger, and seeing my own reality clearer. I know all that – through years of agony, grief and confusion – I bloody know that.

I kind of believe trauma is coming into real life – but that is easy to say, easy to say with detachment, easy to read in some book, easy to speak when it is a close friend going trauma – but how to I cling to that when I think trauma must kill me?

I have fallen into trauma that yet again makes me wonder what the hell is the point of life?

Of course, I have too much pride and determination of killing myself – but I am terrified of feelings that come at me from my past.

It is memories that are killing my will to not become dead inside – the thing that is the most dangerous that I could ever do to myself. When dead inside – then nothing matters, I can do any damage to body, nothing matters so I want my friends to hate me so I destroyed myself without guilt.

Memories cannot not just vanish coz now I have re-designed my life – I made myself into a strong campaigner, I have for the first time solid and loyal friends, I have found the good parts of my family, I am allowing many pleasures in my life – memories still rip me apart.

This skin-shredding is hell – it is full of what I blocked out for 30 years or so.

The words of my managers/my pimps are inside of me. Words that made me hate myself, words that frame me as an object, words that made me know I wanted violent sex – words that made me consumable.

It was the words of fake love – you would do it if you love me enough, they only want you coz you’re so sexy/special, I so sorry that he hurt it won’t happen again.

It was the words of threat – if you don’t go with him there are worse after him, you know I own you, that’s just a small sample of what they will do you.

It was names to frame who I had become – cunt, slag, little bitch, sex-crazed, prozzie, etc.

It was words to say it was normal – you know you love it, everyone takes anal, it’s flattering to be filmed, have you no sense of adventure, it just sex with money.

It was words to isolate me – everyone hate whores, I’m the only one who understand you babe, no-one would believe you anyhow, you know this is where you belong.

Enough of these words – these words are my trauma.

These words are trapping and destroying women and girls inside the sex trade on a mass scale as you can read this.

These words are poison.

I hope that writing them down – will make some of my loyal readers act harder to end the sex trade.

Never believe that words don’t kill – so by christ do something to prevent more destruction.

My Porn is Good, It Must Be

Posted on by rmott62

Everywhere porn is defended, it is rarely attacked – but the defence is solid anyhow.

One major defence and justification for porn is – there may be some nasty, highly sadistic porn out there. But I choose to consume the nice harm-free stuff.

Well unless you are deluding yourself that erotica, pictures of nudity or sex education is porn – then I highly doubt that your porn is ok. It is only ok coz you refuse to look in a deep and compassionate way at what is being shown inside your porn.

Porn is not about sex, porn is not about communication, porn is not about empowerment for the object used inside porn.

Porn is about power and domination, porn is about making a profit, porn is about making mainly women and girls into object into goods.

A definition of porn is the graphic depiction of whores. But understand that definition in the context of the times it was made, don’t romanised it with your values and modern views.

Whores for the ancient Greeks were the lowest form of slave that any woman or girl could be. Remember that many women and girls outside of slavery, say wives or mothers – were viewed as sub-human by the ancient Greeks.

But whores were made sub-humans on every level – whether they were temple whore, used as so-called companions or whores selling on the street – all were treated with violence and hate.

Porn was and is just a record of that violence and degradation. So if you make the choice to consume porn, you are participating in the degradation and violence done to the prostituted class.

No porn is distance from this hate – be it so-called alternative porn, be it lesbian/gay porn, be it s/m porn, be “home-made” porn and the endless other re-branding of porn for profit.

If you are viewing or consuming scenarios of power and domination, with no regard to the pain and humiliation of the one being dominated – then you are watching porn.

If it appears artificial, or that the sex acts seems impossible without force, or creating fear and pain – then that is porn.

If the message you are receiving is sex is not about communication, not about caring what pain or how much degradation you put into another, but only your  selfish sexual wants to perform – then you are consuming too much porn.

There is no such thing as good porn – I don’t care what label it gives itself.

But if you choose to view those inside porn as sub-humans – then you can pretend your porn is fine.

Lest We Forget

Posted on by rmott62

In memory of Emma Humphreys – in memory of so many prostituted women and girls who never got true freedom. So many that were murdered, committed suicide or could not live for their bodies could not cope any more.

In memory of the only woman I had ever myself vulnerable enough to love. She died 31 years ago, but she is in my heart every day, and the power-force behind this blog.

LEST WE FORGET

There are no statures or sites of remembrance for the women and girls who died as a result of prostitution.

I suppose there would have to be too many – if you included every street, every flat, every hotel room, every club, every sauna, every car – every place that prostitutes died in. We would be tripping over reminders that prostitutes are not happy – that would be a huge shift in culture.

If there were stones or statures for those lost lives – it would say society does care, does know that those deaths were more than tragic – they were created by all cultures and societies allowing male violence and hate to make the prostituted disposable.

Having sites of remembrance wherever a prostitute dies -that is a revolutionary concept.

But these women and girls are and were heroes.

Prostitutes live on daily grind of being on the front-line of male hate and extreme violence.

The bodies of the prostituted are in a war-zone, it is a war where they are not calmly shoot at – it is a war where the prostitutes is stripped of any defence, and then is fire-bombed into submission.

It is a war where the attackers – the profiteers and punters – will wilfully destroyed the prostitute in every cell of her body, and then re-program her mind till she believe that she “enjoys” being nothing but their porn-toy.

It is a war where the conquerors – the profiteers and punters – expect and need to know their victory by making the prostitute smile, by getting her re-branded as sex work, by saying it is all ok coz it safe enough now.

It is a war that has no hope – it is a war that is completely one-sided.

I do not know many who can reach the depths of courage and determination that allows some women and girls to survive that hell.

But so many don’t – and we must never ever forget the millions of women and girls in every country, from every culture, from all economic backgrounds – the ones who could not live long enough to be free from that hell.

Too many prostituted women and girls cannot live because their injuries – usually years of their bodies being ripped at; torn apart; made to take in objects that should not go near her mouth, anus or vagina; being with men too violent to be made to put on a condom; from constant bashing ups – their bodies cannot cope with living any more.

Their bodies will die coz living is too hard.

These women and girls are true heroes. Often they have a fierce determination to live -when they cannot hold down food coz the pain is too intense, when just going to the toilet send their body into shock, when sleep is dangerously full of flashbacks – they still seek joy and simple right to build themselves a future.

It is just their bodies have run out fuel to live.

I honoured those women and girls every day – and through my work I try to prevent more women and girls being tortured so much that their bodies have to give up the ghost.

They are heroes – always remember them.

Always remembers that daily, sometimes hourly – prostituted women and girls are committing suicide.

Personally, it always amazes that a great many prostituted women and girls do not commit suicide. I have never meet or heard of a long-term prostitute who does not self-harm or make very serious attempts of suicide.

And some people say it just a nasty job – how many other jobs do the vast vast majority of the staff constantly self-harm? How many other job factor in suicide as reasons why their staff leave?

Living inside prostitution – living as nothing but being a fuck-toy; living with constant fear of extreme violence; living with rape being nothing but what the punter has paid for – all this makes suicide appears a very logical solution.

Remember most prostituted women and girls have little or no hope of the violence and degradation ending.

For many suicide is better than being brutally killed by the profiteer or a punter. Suicide is better than always knowing at any time, in any place – her body will tortured until she is the living dead.

Suicide can be the only bit of control left for many of the prostituted.

That is why for me those women and girls are heroes.

They are inside all my work demanding abolition. A world that does not allow such male hate and violence to drive the prostituted into suicide as their only escape.

And we must never forget the millions of prostituted women and girls that are murdered.

The scale of these murders is so vast that most are made non-news. Only reported if it an “interesting” serial killer;reported if some and usually respected man is accused of killing a prostitute; reported if it can be used to force prostitution indoors to be “safer”.

Most murdered prostitutes are made nameless, made to of no importance – most are made to be thrown away – they are the disappeared.

I live with the grief of so many exited prostituted women – the grief that I live in a world where women and girls disappeared – and to survive I had to force myself not to care.

I lived in world where murder was our background noise – and if a prostitute disappeared we remain speechless and numb knowing it could be any one of us.

The terrible truth about the murdering of prostituted women and girls is how random it is – and it is never about the prostitute as an individual – she is never seen as that human.

Prostitutes are murdered to murder a whore – any whore.

Prostitutes are murdered because the punter or profiteer knows he can pour all his hate and rage of all women and girls into the prostitute – he can kill and dump her – and there will often be no consequences, he may even be made a hero for clearing out the trash.

He kills her – but he never see her as human.

Any prostitute can killed at any time – part of the trauma if you lucky enough to not be murdered – is knowing it was just the turning of the cards.

I hold every murdered prostituted woman or girl deep inside my heart – whether I know of them or not.

They are heroes to me. I lay down statues for them in my work.

 

Hardcore Poison

Posted on by rmott62

I want to write of the times I had hardcore porn put into my body.

The times that punters and profiteers thought it was fine to make the prostitute into nothing but porn goods. No regard to her safety, no regard to her mind being filled with terror, no regard as to whether she is severely injured or dies.

No regard for she is never considered human – she is just a whore, not a real woman who can be raped, who can feel fear, who has real injuries, whose death is even remembered.

I was in that position and know what it is to be made into living porn.

I speak out now, not coz it will change the past or decrease my pain  – it will not get rid of that poison, just dilute it for some time.

I speak out because all round me there is a glamorisation of hardcore porn, a lack of empathy and sympathy for the women and girls inside that porn.

I speak out because others want to believe that indoors prostitution exists only to supply normal sex for sad lonely punters.

That is bullshit – the major profit of indoors prostitution, the reason it an ever-growing market – is to supply punters with privacy and time, to do whatever porn-fuel fantasies they want onto the living bodies of the prostituted.

Most punters want to do hardcore porn – not erotica, not the soft end of porn and not the “boring” just penis in vagina sex.

In my experience, most punters treat the prostitute’s body as something to experiment on. Experiment how much pain her body can and will take without killing her. Experiment whether all the so-called fantasy in hardcore porn is something they can do.

Some punters go so far, that they will watch video games, see porn cartoons or read in fiction of sexual acts that are physically impossible – but demand that the whore does it anyway.

I remember “Deep Throat” not coz I have ever seen it – I remember every time I choked, that I can’t breathe coz I think I am drowning.

I remember punters demanding to find the clitoris is my throat – forcing their penis in so deep that I fainted, that I drowned in fear and grief. I had no orgasm – but I had pain in my throat that no water, no painkillers could cure.

I knew “Deep Throat”, and I know Linda Boreman was raped inside that “entertainment” – as was thousands of prostitutes forced to re-create that film.

That is the real harm of hardcore porn – how most the violence done is kept hidden for it is “only” done to the prostituted class, and framed as entertainment or the right of the punter to get his money’s worth. It is made invisible.

There has always been extreme violence and degradation done to the prostituted class – it is only noticed if that violence goes outside the sex trade. Violence done to the prostituted is re-framed as choice, as only acting, as a role – it never made real, it cannot be real coz the prostituted class are made sub-humans.

I was prostituted when much of hardcore porn was about not just violently raping, but then killing the whore.

This meant that for many punters anything goes – for the prostitute is disposable. This meant the profiteers sell their prostitutes as objects that all punters can do maximum violence to, and they will clean up the mess – so there will be no consequences, it is will be a non-event.

In that environment, many punters loved playing games with my life and death.

I was strangled while being fisted, I had pillows put on my face as I was anally raped, I had my head pushed into water and yet more anal raping – that just a small and tiny examples of endless ways hardcore porn taught punters how to be with a prostitute.

That is the real harms of hardcore porn.

It hard to go on – but I will end by saying if you still make the choice to believe that hardcore porn is just entertainment and harm-free. Think of how now as you read this – there are many prostitutes in every continent getting sexually tortured as punters re-create hardcore porn.

Have that suffering and terror in your mind every time you want to say hardcore porn is just for fun.

If you use or excuse hardcore porn – you do have the blood of the prostituted class on your hands.

 

Flesh and Blood

Posted on by rmott62

I think I was born with the idea that I could be human. This post is a record of the erosion of that idea, and a hope I will find the route to being human again.

I do not write out pity for myself, I do not write for a quick easy fix – no I write for the millions of prostituted women and girls who have lost how to be fully human.

I write in the brave hope that all that can will reach full humanity, will not be made invisible, not just be an object to be trashed.

I want a world where the prostituted are more than respected and given full justice – I want a world that give them time and space to learn how to at ease inside their own skins.

We are a long way from that dream.

I will write of myself – but always read me as an example, I was and am not unique, just one of millions.

I live inside my flesh and blood, but for many years I alienated from it.

BLOOD

Often I bled, bled on bed, bled when walking, bled going to the toilet, bled when thinking I was relaxed.

I choose to not know the blood, thinking if I ignore it and pretending I was normal, then I had no injuries.

Not able to feel pain – raped and tortured so often, so much my norm – pain was just background noise, I had no idea why I bled so much.

Bleeding was like the grief I could not express.

Bleeding was a plea for me to stop and get some help.

Bleeding was life, when I so desired death.

Sometimes I cut into my arms, my vagina, my legs – just to watch blood and to find if I could still feel pain.

Mostly I felt nothing – but it cover up any memories of what punters and profiteers put in me.

In a fog, I remembered how my bleeding got there. Remembering without wanting to know, it was never me, it was always injuries and a war on my body.

I bleed from my head as too often it was smashed into wall and hit with fists.

My mouth bleed coz it was force-feed penises and objects to it thought it was drowning.

My cunt bleed out the punters it never wanted. It bleed out their silent war to rip it out, to smashed it down, to pull at it with their teeth and to poke it into oblivion.

My anus bleed as if it was the only thing left to remind it was still alive. It screaming with pain, demanding I stopped long enough to give it some peace.

I bleed elsewhere – but it was those places where the destruction laid.

Blood is life – but I had to refuse to know that.

I like too many of the prostituted could not touch life too closely – I would live only if I made myself not care if I would be killed.

That is the harm of prostitution – the utter destruction of being fully alive, and losing any route to being human.

FLESH

Flesh is nothing when you are prostituted – it just something that is brought and sold, it cannot be worn by the prostitute.

A prostitute is viewed as nothing but holes surrounded by flesh – she is not allowed a mind, she cannot have an inner spirit, she cannot be human – it would spoil the porn-dreams of the punters.

As flesh, she has no life or existent outside the eyesight of punters and profiteers.

Her flesh is calculated for how fuckable she is.

Her flesh is used to promote and recruit others girls and women into the sex trade.

Her flesh is sold and brought as it fits into any porn stereotypes – white rich flesh to ground into dirt, Asian flesh to obey and take any pain, Black flesh to appear strong till violently dominated, drug-fuelled flesh to fuck into hell and pretend you doing her a favour, and on and on – porn constantly make more stereotypes to be destroyed.

Her flesh can feel no pain, can never be raped, has no past and deserve no future – her flesh is always just for the moment of power and hate to go in it. It no of matter, her flesh is used by many others to pour in their anger, hate, rage, disgust and desire to control – so one more punter will make no difference.

It is decided her flesh forgot all pain, all disgust and all fear – it does not, it remembers everything, but has no time or safe space to know that.

Her flesh is a living forensic record of every terror place into her – whilst her mind must close it down.

The flesh of the prostitute is the power-force that resist even as all hope has vanished.

The flesh of the prostitute is a steel heart of a warrior – and if she is lucky enough to exit, her flesh wants to scream to anyone with ears to listen – this is what I know.

I know it was never a choice for that flesh to be nothing but a place to experiment on to see how pain a prostitute can without dying.

I know no flesh should ever be sold and brought for selfish male porn wants.

I know my flesh and the flesh of so many prostituted women and girls have and could have die for that selfish wants – but punters and profiteers have no impact on their flesh, no living with death round every corner.

I know that all the prostituted must and will own their flesh – even if finding it belongs to them means deep grief, fury and knowing they may never reach real justice for the stealing of their flesh.

I want flesh back to be fully human.