For Andrea Dworkin

This week would have been Andrea Dworkin’s birthday. This is one of her most powerful speeches.

“FEMINISM: AN AGENDA 1983

I represent the morbid side of the women’s movement. I deal with the shit, the real shit. Robin Morgan calls it ‘atrocity work’. And that’s pretty much what it is.

I deal with what happens to women in the normal course of women’s lives all over the planet: the normal stuff that is abusive, criminal, violating – the point being that it is considered normal by the society at large. It is so systematic that it appears that women are not being abused when these commonplace things happen to women because these abuses are so commonplace.

…. That is why  people say, ‘Well, it’s hopeless.’ And from ‘it’s hopeless,’ people say: ‘Well, it’s life.’

The stance of the women’s movement is that it is not ‘just life’. It is politics; it is history; it is power; it is economics; it is institutional modes of social organisation: it is not ‘just life.’ …

The women’s movement is like other political movements in one important way. Every political movement is committed to the belief that there are certain kinds of pain that people should not have to endure. They are unnecessary. They are gratuitous…. They are not biologically inevitable. They are acts of human will. They are acts done by some human beings to other human beings.

….

Another mode of argument about women’s inferiority – a pervasive mode – has to do with biology. There are lots of ways to address this issue. It is, in a certain sense, the basic issue of women’s rights, of what women’s rights should be: because there is a question as to what rights we women should have. If it were a common supposition that we should enjoy the same rights as men and that our lives had the same worth, we would be living in a very different world. There is not that supposition. There is not that premise. So in trying to discuss what rights women should have, many people refer to biology, and they do so in a myriad of way. For instance, they may find – they go to great lengths to find – various crawling things that behave in certain specified ways and they say: ‘Look at that! Seven million years ago you were related to that.’ This is an abuse of Charles Darwin to which any literate person should object, one should cringe to see such formidable theoretical work in a vile way. But these same people point to primates, fish, they point to anything that moves, anything that is actually alive, anything that they can find. And they tell us that we should infer our rights from whatever they are pointing to. Frequently they point to things that aren’t alive, that are postulated to have been alive at some previous moment in prehistory. One outstanding example is the cichlid, which is my personal favourite. It is a prehistoric fish – or, to be more precise, some men think it was a prehistoric fish…. People who look to other animals (I will concede that we are also animals) to find reasons why women, human women, should be subordinate jump from species to species with alarming dexterity and ignore all information that contradicts their ideological point of view.Now, this is a quite human failing, and that is the point: it is a human failing. One need not postulate that a chimpanzee or an insect has the same failing to locate something human.

The women’s movement is concerned first of all with this virtually metaphysical premise that women are biologically inferior. I don’t know how many times in your own lives you have experienced the sense that you were treated in a certain way because those around you considered you to be biologically inferior to them. I suspect that if you traces backwards, many of the humiliating events of your lives – and I am talking to the women in this room – would have at their base a commitment on the part of the person who created the humiliation that you deserved to be treated in the way in which you were treated because you were a woman. This means that there is some sense in which you are biologically not entitled to the same dignity and the same human respect to which men are entitled. This belief in the biological inferiority of women is, of course, not limited to men. Not only men have this belief. Women are raised to believe this same things about ourselves, and many of us do. This belief is really the underpinning of the sexual system in which we live, whether you as an individual encounter it directly or indirectly. It is also the justification for most of the systematic sexual assault that women’s experience.

I am going to talk a lot today about sexual assault, but first I want to make a generalisation about the women’s movement and its relationship to knowledge – its purpose, in fact. The women’s movement is not a narrowly political movement. It is not only an electoral movement…. There is no way to change the status of women in any society without dealing with basic metaphysical assumptions about the nature of women: what we are, what we want, what we have the right to, what our bodies are for, and especially to whom our bodies belong. The women’s movement is a movement for knowledge, towards knowledge. I came here to a college to speak to you, and many of you are students here, and you are for a lot of different reasons, personal reasons; but you are also here for social reasons. You are sent to college to learn how to become adults in society, adults of a certain class, adults of a certain type, adults who will fit into a certain place. And the women here are here in part to be taught how to be women. As far as you can go, when you were first taken to kindergarten, that is why you were taken there. And the same thing is true for men. If what they wanted to teach you is not sealed, if it isn’t fixed, if anything is loose and rattling around, this is their last chance to fix it. Most of time they succeed. You get fixed. And yet these institutions are supposed to exist so that you can acquire knowledge. The women’s movement, like other political movements before it, has unearthed a tremendous body of knowledge that has not been let into colleges and universities, into high schools, into grade schools, for political reasons. And for that reason, your relationship to knowledge has to be a questing one: not learning what you are given, but finding out what questions you must ask. The women’s movement in general, with many exceptions, with many failures, with many imperfections, has been dedicated to that process of finding out which questions to ask and asking those questions.

A lot of the questions are considered unspeakable. They are unspeakable questions. And when they are asked, those who ask them are greeted with extraordinary hostility. I am sure you have experienced something similar whenever you have asked a question that somebody didn’t want asked. Everything that you have been taught about the liberal tradition of education, about the value of books, the beauty of art, the meaning of creativity, is lost, means nothing, unless you retain the independence to ask your own questions, always, throughout your lives. And it is easier now than it will be in ten years, and it is easier now than it will be when you are fifty or sixty or seventy. It is one of the most extraordinary things about getting older: everything that people say about becoming more conservative is true. Everything that people say about selling out is true. If you are brave enough now to ask the questions that you think need to be asked, you will never be brave enough. So don’t ever put it off. The women’s movement cannot survive unless you make that commitment. The women’s movement is not a movement that just passes down an ideology: it’s a movement that creates ideology, and that is very different…. So we are dedicated to questions and we try to find answers.

We are also a movement against human suffering. There is no way to be a feminist and to forget that: and if you have forgotten that our purpose is to end the suffering of countless unnamed and invisible women from the crimes committed against them – and yes, we may also end the suffering of the men who are committing the crimes, yes, we probably think we can – then you feminism is hollow and it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t count. This is a movement against suffering. So, in between the lines, when you hear people say that this is a movement for freedom, for justice, for equality – and all of that is entirely and deeply true – you must remember that we are trying to eliminate suffering too…. So it is a good measure of your commitment to understand that in the end, in the end, the positives that we are searching for have to be measured against the true condition of women that we know and that we understand…. That means that you are not supposed to feel pain: you might not know what it is you do feel, but you must not feel pain. One of the things the women’s movement does not is to make you feel pain. You eel your own pain, the pain of other women, the pain o sisters whose lives you can barely imagine. You have to have a lot of courage to accept that if you commit yourself, over the long term, not just for three months, not for a year, not for two years, but or a lifetime, to feminism, to the women’s movement, that you are going to live with a lot of pain. In this country that is not a fashionable thing to do. So be prepared for the therapists. And be prepared for the prescriptions…. And underneath that is always the presumption that the rape was delusional, that the battery dd not happen, that the economic hardship is your own unfortunate personal failing. Hold onto the fact that that’s not true: it has never been true.

There have been many ways of defining the essential concerns of feminism. There are many differences of opinion. There are many ideological strains in the women’s movement. There are many different sets of priorities. I am going to discuss mine as an individual feminist who writes books, who travels around the country a lot, who hears from women all over the world. You decide what that means.

I think that women’s fundamental condition is defined literally by the lack of physical integrity of our bodies. I think that our subordinate place in society begins there. I do not think we can talk about women’s condition in strictly economic terms, though I do not want to see any exclusion of economics from any discussion of women’s condition. But I would say that what is fundamental and what must always be considered is the sexual and reproductive integrity of a woman’s body. A woman is an individual and women are a class. The class of women includes women of every race, economic and social condition, in every society on the face of this globe.

It used to be that some feminists would speak at college campuses and would say, ‘You’re too young to know anything, what do you know, what have you ever experienced, wait until you get out there, wait until the bastards start fucking with you, then you’ll see what feminism is about.’ The search for knowledge has revealed that by the time women are the age of most of the women in this room, one in four has been sexually assaulted already. In fact since most of you are over eighteen, I suspect that more than a quarter of you have had this experience of sexual assault.

Incest is the first assault. We never had any idea of how common it was. We have always heard of the incest taboo, but, as I am sure have heard in other contexts, laws are meant to be broken: this one especially. Most incest victims are girls. They are assaulted in a variety od ways, frequently by their fathers, often by step-fathers. We are talking about assault by men who are in intimate situations of power: adults with children, beloved adults. Very little incest is committed by women with children. There is beating of children by women, a lot of it. We must not leave that out. A lot o women are forced to have children they do not want, and there is a lot of battery especially on those children. But there does not seem to be very much sexual abuse.

Incest is terrifically important in understanding the condition of women. It is a crime that is committed against someone, a crime from which many victims never recover…. Horrible things happen from which people never recover. That is true. Probably no woman ever recovers from a rape; probably no woman ever recovers from battery. But this is different, because the child does not have a chance in the world. Her whole system of reality, her whole capacity to form attachments, her whole capacity to understand the meaning of self-respect, is destroyed by someone whom she loves. Incest victims are now organising in this country, and they are organising politically. One of the reasons that they are organising politically and not psychiatrically is because they understand that it is the power of the father in the family that creates the environment that licenses the abuse. They understand that probably better than anyone who hasn’t had the experience understands it. They have seen the mother’s fear of the father; they know their own fear of the father; they have seen the community support for the father; they have seen the psychiatric community’s defence of the father; they have seen the legal system’s refusal to treat the father like a criminal; they have seen the religious leaders’ refusal to take incest as seriously as the grave crime of homosexuality. They understand the world in which women live. Most important, I think, they understand the fear of their mothers, which is not to say that they ever forgive their mothers for what happened to them. This is a society in which it is very hard to forgive your mother, no matter what happens to you. But incest victims are truly at the centre of our political situation. They have been, in my opinion, the bravest among us for speaking out about what happened to them when they were children. And they are organising to get children some protection, some rights: and the women’s movement has to be more serious in understanding that the connection between women and children really is political. The power of the father is what makes women and children is political underclass.

Marital rape is also very important in understanding the condition of women. Now I will tell you a story. I have a godson. It is a surprise to me that I have this godson, but I do. My godson’s father is a civil liberties lawyer…. In many ways we are ideological and political enemies. My godson’s mother, who is my close friend, is an anti-rape feminist. That means that she understands feminism through understanding rape. My godson’s father tells me, and he publishes an article in a newspaper that tells a lot of people, that when a woman is raped by someone she knows it is not so bad. He also says, to me and the public, that in marriage rape is impossible, not because the law says so – although the law frequently does say so – but because we can never know what the woman really wanted. My godson’s father is a very nice man, a very sensitive man. He defends rapists in court – even though his dong so causes his wife unbearable personal pain – because he believes that women  consistently accuse men of rape when they only had sex and because he believes that penalties for rape are too severe anyway. It is impossible or him to even consider that being raped by someone you know – like a husband – might be worse than being raped by a stranger; that it can destroy your ability to go on; that it is the rape of your body and also the total destruction of your integrity and your self-esteem, your trust, your deepest privacy. The physical injuries that women suffer in marital rape are no less grave than the physical injuries that women suffer in any other kind of rape. Nevertheless, in the home the right to privacy has guaranteed the husband total access to his wife’s body. Very specific statures have guaranteed him that access, those rights. At the same time we have in this country a climate in which people are terrified of crime on the streets. Women are scared to death of rape…. That is the truth. A woman who is murdered in her home by her husband or lover. It is very hard to find out how many women are actually battered: the estimates based on research are now close to fifty percent of married women – fifty percent of married women have perhaps been battered at some point in a marriage. That’s war. That’s not life, that’s war.

…. You had a vigil here. Forty-three percent of all rapes committed in this country are pair or gang rapes. Forty-three percent. Twenty-seven percent are three or more men; sixteen percent are two men. Gang rape is common, and it is almost never successfully prosecuted because the men are witnesses for each other: they all tell the same story. They all say the victim came with them willingly or took money. It doesn’t matter what happened to the woman. There will not be a prosecution at all for that rape. the implications of this are staggering because it means that any group of men can rape any individual woman, and that is in fact the case.

…. So maybe a teenager walking down a street. She is gang-raped: male predators follow her, seek her out, force her…. That is the most recognition that gang rape has had until feminists began to analyse rape.

In talking about rape, we often talk about strangers who rape women, because that is the stereotype of rape, and also because strangers do rape women, though in less than half the rapes committed. Most women will be raped by somebody they know…. In my view, rape is simply a matter of access. There is no qualitative distinction about men here. The group of men that we know are worse to us than the group of men that we don’t know because they have the most access to us. Rape is a question of access. Men will women to whom they have access. The stranger in rape is used in a very important political way, especially in organising women on the right: the stranger is used as a scapegoat….

The use of rape associated with a stranger is a basic component of racism. Women’s fears of rape are legitimate. These fears are manipulated to serve the ends of racism.

We now see the same scapegoat strategy being used against homosexual men, who are accused of child molestation when most child molestation is of little girls. It is not that homosexual men do not rape. They do…. Men in all classes and of al races and ethnicities rape, which is not to say that all men rape. It is to say that all men benefit from rape, because all men benefit from the fact that women are not free in this society; that women cower; that women are afraid; that women cannot assert the rights that we have, limited as those rights are, because of the ubiquitous presence of rape.

When feminists began paying attention to rape, our intrusion into this area of ale thought and male study and male activity was not much appreciated. We were told that we were making things worse for certain groups of me, especially for black men. Before the feminist movement, rape was treated by politically progressive people as a complete figment of a woman’s imagination or as a vengeful, reactionary, racist effort to destroy somebody else or as an act of personal vengeance. The distinction I am making here is very important because rape is real. The selective use of an identity of the rapist has been false. That is a staggeringly dangerous piece of information, because when we look especially at white male anger with feminists or dealing with rape at all, we find that suddenly for the first time in history of this country white men were included in the category of potential rapists. Somebody was onto their game at last. They did not like it. It is precisely the white liberals who have been saying that they have been fighting universally fraudulent claims against black men all these years who were most stubborn in refusing to understand that rape was real and that rape was committed by all kinds and classes of men, including them. They were perpetuating the racist stereotyping by reusing to acknowledge that all kinds of men do rape, thus leaving black men as the rapists in the pubic mind.

We frequently find ourselves in these dangerous and difficult situations because we are challenging not only power – and power is serious, power is important – but notions of reality with which people have become comfortable even though they protest them. It is not true that because people protest a condition they really want to see it eliminated it. It is an ugly but basic fact of life that too frequently protest is a form of attachment to a condition, and when you eliminate the condition, you eliminate the function that the person has created for himself. The ultimate goal of feminism is to make feminism unnecessary. And that makes feminism different from other political movements in this country.

Connected with forced sex is forced pregnancy. As a radical feminist, one is consistently accused of many things: hating men, for instance, but also not knowing anything. People say, well, if you only knew this you wouldn’t think that. I think that I must be the only woman alive who at over the age of thirty has been taken aside by people, kindly people, so that they could explain to me how the sperm unites with the egg so that I could understand the basis of sexuality and reproduction and why this system in which we now live is essential or our continual survival…. When people keep telling that you don’t understand something, you have to try to understand it. So I tried to understand it, and it led to an astonishing conclusion: because when the sperm and egg unite there is a possibility of fertilisation and a baby can be born, it doesn’t matter whether the sex act was voluntary or involuntary. The pregnancy does not depend on the consent of the woman to sex; it only depends on the act taking place, the act of intercourse. Then look at what we know about women and forced sex. We know that possibly fifty percent of married women are or have been battered. We know that rape is endemic, that incest is endemic. We know that women get pregnant a lot, all the time. We know that women are blamed for their pregnancies when they want to terminate them: we know that women are held responsible for sex all the time whether they were responsible or not. We know all the responsibility for the child will ultimately rest on the woman. She will feed it, she will clothe it, she will decide through her behaviour whether the child lives or dies. She is the one who will be responsible for the child’s life.

I am not going to talk about reproductive rights now; I want to talk about abortion, only abortion. Killing is central to it: the killing that takes place in forced sex. The killing is in sex that is forced, and every single synonym for sex in this society says so. All the words. Killing me softly; violation: all the words that have to do with sex are hostile words, dangerous words, so-called dirty words. the word vagina means sheath. All the pornographic imagery has to do with hostility: and these are weapons, knives,the use of the penis as a weapon. We didn’t do this; feminists didn’t do this. We are not responsible for creating it, but we are making people face it. So the practical reality is that as long as sex is forced on women, women must have the right to abortion, absolutely, no matter what it means, no matter what you think it means.

Abortion is also ideologically central to understanding women’s condition. What abortion means to women is the absolute right to control the reproductive functions of our own bodies. There are other reproductive rights we need: not to be sterilised against our will as is happening systematically in some populations because of race and class (sex being the precondition). But abortion is the symbol of a woman’s life: and that is because when abortion was criminal in this country, women died in huge numbers, and women died horrible, horrible deaths. Death by criminal abortion was death by torture. Death by putrefaction. Gangrenous death. Drawn-out-bleeding-to-death. That is what it was like and that is why the women that lived through it will never give up on the struggle or the total decriminalisation of abortion, free funding, the absolute availability of safe abortion for all women. Which brings us to money. Now women with money get abortions when they want them and women without money do not. Women as a class are poor…. They really matter…. One of the reasons that women are kept in a state of economic degradation – because that’s what it is for most women – is because that is the best way to keep women sexually available. We can also talk about the way capitalism is organised, the way multinationals work, the way cheap labour is exploited by exploiting all kinds of people on the basis of race and class; but the fact o the matter is that when women are economically dependent, women are sexually available. Women have got to sell sex – at home, at work; and some women only have sex to sell because they are kept illiterate and untrained and because women are paid so little for ‘honest’ work anyhow. Systematic economic debasement turns every woman into a woman who can be brought, a woman who will be brought, and it is better to be a woman who has a high market value.

Instead of having a direct relationship to real work, and being able to go out and earn money (and having the same economic and political responsibilities for the economic system and its exploitation of workers in general that men have) women work or pittances and barter sex. Equality across sex means equal blessings and equal responsibilities for the economic system. Equal pay for equal work would mean, too, that women would begin to break away sexually from men in a whole host of ways. This has nothing to do with being straight or being gay. It has nothing to do with any of the propaganda against the women’s movement that says we hate men, want to destroy them, castrate them – I can’t even think of all the things we are supposed to want to do them once we can do whatever we want. Every woman lives with a knife in her kitchen; every woman can do what she wants right now…. It really means that you have to take some responsibility for your life, and a lot of women’s problems are tied up with the enforced dependence on men that we are forced to develop. Some of that is expressed in sexual neediness; some of it is expressed in self-denigration. And even if none of that applies, the fact of the matter is that if you want to be an economically solvent woman in this society, you had damn well better be attached to a man – if not in your home, then in the workplace. Somewhere. If you don’t have that connection somewhere you are in a lot of trouble.

The economic exploitation of women as a class means that we have to sell sex and that makes us, not irrationally viewed as prostitutes by men whether they call us prostitutes or not. A lot of the laws that deal with are based on the assumptions that a woman will sell herself to anyone for anything. If you have a group of people who are poor enough, the likelihood is that they will, and many women are poor enough. When you have endemic sexual harassment in the workplace, it is based on the presumption that the woman is there as a sexual being and is by her nature some kind of prostitute – she will give sex for money or she will give sex for employment. That is part of what she is for. That is part of what she is for.

There are differences between marriage and prostitution. Like prostitution, marriage is an institution that is extremely oppressive and dangerous for women…. There is a whole continuum of rights that don’t have once you become a married woman in most places…. You must have sex with your husband when he wants. That is his legal right and your legal obligation. One of the differences between marriage and prostitution is that in marriage you only have to deal with one man. A lot of women prefer marriage to prostitution for that reason. It is safer, a better deal. That is one of the major reasons that right-wing women defend the sanctity and insularity of the home. They don’t want to be out on the streets selling their asses…. They’re not stupid. They’re smart. They understand the system that they live in, and they understand what it is they have to trade for shelter and decent health and a little security. And then, like all good gamblers, they take their chances. Like all women, they take their chances.

Briefly, about prostitution: it is very much in our interest as women to see that prostitution is decimalised. The criminalisation of prostitution leaves poor women open to the most extraordinary kind of abuse and exploitation – by pimps, by pornographers, by professional buyers and sellers of women. It is also very important to us as women that prostitution not be legalised. In other words, there should be no laws against prostitution and there should be no laws regulating prostitution. In countries where prostitution is legalised, women are frequently kept prisoners in brothels…. People there live to be a very old age, except for the prostitutes, who die very young. There is virtually no junkie problem, except among the prostitutes. The use heroin, they use morphine, they smoke opium. Women who are in systems where prostitution is legalised never escape prostitution, and one of the reasons that they don’t escape is that the police don’t let them. So it is against the interests of women, any woman, in the position where they must be prostitutes for the rest of their lives. Then, there is the question of what prostitution does to the woman herself, the individual person. It is a question, I think, that we all have to ask ourselves, because we all make deals. The woman who is a professional prostitute is in a particular abject situation. Current studies have shown that in some cities up to seventy percent of the women who are working in prostitution have been incest victims. Women become prostitutes often because they run away from home at a very early age. They run away because they are being abused. They are particularly vulnerable to the pimps because they have not learned any system of self-protection or any form of self-respect; and also because what they are coming from in their minds has to be worse than what they are going toward. We have to change their situation.

Pornography is very closely related to prostitution, certainly for the women who are in it. For the women who are in it, very often pornography is a step up. Anything indoors is a step up. It’s cold out there.

Pornography is many things. It is an industry…. It is larger than the conventional film and record industries combined. Think of what that means about the consumption o pornography and how that consumption relates to men, the vast numbers of men, who are committing the sexual assaults I am talking about. The content of pornography is almost always the same. It has a universal quality. Either the woman wants to be raped and wants to be hurt and really likes it or she doesn’t, in which case all of these things are still done to her and discovers, lo and behold, that she loved it all along, and really her life was so empty before all these things happened to her. Pornography is hate propaganda against women. It not only encourages acts of violence against us but it says that we love them. Pornography is an extremely vital and vigorous and effective belief system It is also behavioural training. people say, ‘Oh, well, pornography – that’s for masturbation, nobody can get hurt that way.’….. They don’t just learn about salivating; they salivate. They do it because they learned it. Period. Now think about pornography. The dehumanisation is a basis part of the content of all pornography without exception….

Nothing in this system is unrelated to anything else, and there is a relationship between rape and pornography. Pornography celebrates rape. We have a tremendous amount of information on the use of pornography in rapes that no authority would consider important. We have a tremendous amount of information from incest victims that their fathers used pornography. So let me just talk to you briefly about how the women’s movement gets its information, and why we are almost always right. In the last ten there has been a pattern. Feminists have said that something happens or is true and then ten thousand authorities have said ‘that’s bullshit.’ And then somebody started doing studies, and three years later they say, ‘well, well, rape is endemic.’…..

The same thing happened with battery. Women love to be beaten: that is what authorities think and say. Battered wives begin speaking. Women begin to emerge rom situation in which they have been held captive and terrorised for ten years, twelve years, fifteen years. ‘Oh, what crap,’ the authorities say….It wasn’t news to us. We have a terrific trick. We listen to the women. It is an unbelievably top secret method that we don’t let anybody else know about. It is how we found out about incest. When women started talking about having been incestuously abused three or four or five years ago everyone said it did not happen. We now know the figure is too low, and we’re right. They’ll find out that we’re right.

So the relationship between rape and pornography is not really a matter of speculation. The studies are being done, some have been done, we can discuss them if you want to discuss them; but I am telling you that we have the stories of women who say that pornography was centrally involved in the rape. We know that it is true. pornography is how-to material. There are rapists who use it that way. There are batterers who use it that way…. There are loving, battering husbands who use it that way, and it will be established beyond any doubt that it is used that way by masses of men….

It is a total non sequitur to me, but some people feel that we are left with questions about freedom of speech. Some people think that questions about freedom of speech are a logical political response to what I have just said about harm. They do not mean the freedom of speech of the victims; they mean the freedom of speech of the pornographers…. I say it begins with the incest victims; I say that’s where it begins. It begins with that child who is captive in that home who cannot say no…. About six weeks before that gang rape, Hustler had precisely, precisely, the same gang rape…. We now have as part of our social fabric and virtual pubic policy the pubic celebration of rape. People go to films to celebrate rape. People say that the fact that Linda Marchiano, who was known as Linda Lovelace, was beaten and raped and forced to make Deep Throat doesn’t matter. Deep Throat is more important. Deep Throat is speech…. The fact that someone was held in captivity and terrorised in order to make the films is nor supposed to diminish the importance of the film to our freedom. Maybe free speech begins with Linda Marchiano.

…. Now it protects a different kind of power, a more vulgar power. It is not an aristocratic power. It is the pure power of money. It is the pimp’s power. That is what it does now. It does not empower women. It does nothing or us when we write our books, when we sing our songs. It was never intended to, and if we’re concerned about freedom of speech, what we have to do is to find a way to get it.

…. They defend your right or my right to be heard in those places. They defend the right of the owners to decide what will or will not be said. We have a political approach to civil liberties in this country – not a liberal, sentimental, nonsensical approach…. There are not common rights we can all exercise.

We want to think of ourselves as individuals….

Many women rebel against feminism because many women think we are the ones insisting that their full human uniqueness cannot be expressed because they are women. We are the bringers of the terrible message. We found out by being women in the world. We want to change it. That is not a condition imposed by a political movement. This is a condition imposed by male supremacy. That is what we want to change, so that each individual can be herself, need not conform to a definition of her function and a definition of her body and a definition of her worth that has nothing whatsoever to do with her personally. Sometimes, though, the political movement against male supremacy is confused with male supremacy itself, as if we’re the ones who are telling you, ‘because you are women, you’re going to have to do this and this and this.’ We’re reporters. We’re telling you that because you’re women you live in this world I’m describing, and that the only way to do anything about it is take some political responsibility for its existence and to work collectively together, which never means the abandonment of your integrity as individuals. It also never means the abandonment of common sense or common decency. If it does, there is something wrong with the way you are going about organising against what it is that’s upsetting you and making you angry and exploiting you and hurting you.

There is nothing that feminists want more than to become irrelevant. We want the end of the exploitation of women; but as long as there is rape – as long as there is rape – there is not going to be any peace or justice or equality or freedom. You are not going to become what you want to become or who you want to become. You are not going to live in the world you want to live in. And so you have to organise an agenda. I don’t have an agenda. My agenda is everything I can think of, everything I think of doing, all the time: movement, movement, physical and intellectual and political confrontations with power. You have to write the picket signs, march, scream, yell, write the fucking letters. It’s your responsibility to yourselves and to other women.

There is one thing that is not practical, and it’s the thing I believe in most, and that is the importance of vision in the midst of what has to be done, never forgetting for one minute the world that you really want to live in and how you want to live in it and what it means to you and how much you care about it – what you want or yourselves and what you want or the people that you love. Everywhere in this country now people are told to be complacent because change is impossible. Change is not impossible. It is not impossible. Many things have to be changed in the world. It is now time to change the condition of women, finally and absolutely and for all time. That is my agenda, and I thank you for listening.”

Collateral Damage

Dedicated for the inspiration to Denise Marshall

There is a terrible concept that one of the major reason to have a prostituted class is to prevent rape.

This is only true if you place the prostituted class as sub-humans who are impossible to rape, let allow do sexual torture to.

This is only true if you make the choice to say rape only happens to “real” women and girls who are outside the sex trade.

This is only true if you think rape is a crime of sexual passion and lack of control – not a crime that is pre-planned, and done to control and degrade.

This is only true if you think the prostituted just love sexual violence for it is their nature.

Believe all that, then maybe it is a rape prevention to have a massive prostituted class.

In reality, the vast majority of sexual violence done to the prostituted is made invisible, because of this terrible concept.

The prostituted are told, made to feel, brainwashed and collapse into believing that it is almost impossible to be raped.

One horrific expression kind of sums it up –

It not rape, more like shop-lifting.

The sex trade and the consumers of the sex trade know it is the role/purpose of the prostitute do be an empty receiving object for any sexual violence.

If the prostitute complains, or acts as if she does not want it, if she withdraws out of fear or disgust, if she goes unconscious – it is not to be classed as rape, just withdrawal of goods to the consumer.

The prostitute is expected to take any and all sadistic sexual fantasy the punters wants. If these acts were done to the non-prostituted, it would name as rape, as sexual torture – done to the prostituted it is named as her role, her purpose, her job.

The lack of care for the prostituted is shown every day.

There is outrage about rapes in wars – but there is no closing down of brothels in war-zones.

There is a questioning whether mainstream porn is increasing cold and more violent sex with young men – but it is considered that violence inside mainstream is either just acting, or done to plastic women who don’t know pain or degradation.

There is outrage about gang-rapes done to the non-prostituted – but little or no concern that it is common practice in many aspects of the sex trade.

But there is more and for me this is the most important issue – many punters and profiteers who do sadistic sex to the prostituted would never rape or even harm the non-prostituted.

Many of these violent and hateful men will speak with disgust and outrage of real rapists, real child abusers – often as they torture the prostitute they will rant on about how rapists should be hung.

Punters believe that it is impossible to rape a prostitute, producers and consumers of porn know it not sexual violence just fantasy.

So as the prostituted class are raped, are sexually tortured, are degraded till they want to die – they are told, made to feel and brainwashed that it of no importance.

The prostituted class should just smile and put up with it.

Be happy they are preventing rape for real women.

Just Sex

One viewpoint that is common with many leftists and too many so-called feminists on the left is –

That prostitution is not the buying of a human, it is just buying sex.

Wow, how on earth does that even make sense – unless you truly believe that the prostituted cannot be fully human, just sexual organs and parts of flesh to be fucked.

If you believe that nonsense, then you are truly keeping the prostituted as sub-humans.

Think what you are saying and promoting.

You are saying sex is nothing to do with the human who is getting screwed – oh no, you are not saying that – for it only applies to the prostituted class.

Would you say that to a woman who tells she has been raped – it is fine, it was just sex, it will have no effect on her.

Is is just sex for a stepdad to fuck his teenage daughter?

Damned – I bet all you folks who claim that prostitution is just sex, and has no effect on the prostituted woman or girl’s mental and physical welfare – are shouting loudly about the terrible results of rape and child abuse for the non-prostituted.

I bet you see huge harms in the just sex of the rapes, sexual abuse, incest, child rape and sexual torturing of the non-prostituted women and children. These are viewed as crimes, even as major abuses of human rights.

But all the rules of justice is thrown away for the prostituted class.

We are not raped, not sexually torture, not batter and not threaten with death. For it is not our bodies that are there – just the parts that can brought to be used as sex objects.

All that is happening is an exchange of body parts for the punter to masturbate into or to use as his personal porn-toy – it can be considered harm-free, for the punter knows it is a non-human he is fucking.

That is what you are saying if you dare to claim that prostitution is just sex unattached to a real human.

Say that and you are part of the problem in a major way – for your words said so lightly are giving permission to punters and profiteers to do any and all sexual violence to the prostituted class.

For why would it matter, if it just sex not connected to a human who feels fear, who will be on the receiving end of utter agony, who may get killed or want to give up life – who will if she is lucky enough to survive have a lifetime of trauma.

Punters want to believe it is just sex with no consequences – sex where he as in his porn fantasy he is a master, and can pour in any pain and hate into the prostitute without consequences.

Say it is just sex, and you give punters the right to be as sadistic as he wants, for you cannot harm an object or a hole.

You imagine you are a prostitute – imagine that for me.

Imagine having countless punters using your body as their porn-object, imagine the pain, imagine having to deaden fear, imagine seeing injuries and having no time or space to deal with that – imagine all that and make it a million times worse than you what you want to imagine.

Then tell me prostitution is just sex and is not attached to your human body and mind. Tell me you can be that detached. Tell me you would not get extreme trauma from that deadness.

Tell me prostitution can be harm-free without saying that coz you want it to be true. Tell me it is harm-free after knowing what it feels to be inside prostitution.

Damned it, imagine your body and mind is told it is just sex – when it knows inside the silent screaming that it is just torture.

Shaken Up

I am in deep shock.

It is a time in my life when my past – that knowing of the cold hate, of being formed into an object to be screwed close to death, the knowing that I was never seen – is finally becoming real.

I suppose I could label this as a mental breakdown – for that label is easier for others to understand – but I know that is not the truth, that is not my reality.

No, I am collapsing coz the punters, the profiteers, and the supporters of the sex trade are continually pouring their poison into my mind and body.

It is my environment that is insane – I am just trying to remember to keep breathing.

Lets go through some of that poison that is pushing over my edge.

Now I exited that world, I find I have enter a place where supporters of the sex trade has free rein.

Their words and their actions hurt me to the bone – but daily I act with indifference, change the subject, challenge in a detached way, on occasions get too emotional to be taken serious, or just push it deep down inside me and just smile.

It is being made to feel that prostitution must have been a choice.

Sure I know and deeply believe that the vast vast majority of the prostituted have all their choices ripped from them. But there is always the hurt part of me that feels judged or a failure for making all the wrong choices.

I have been told or written to, that if I had read the punter’s body language, I would be safer or at least safe enough to keep going as a prostitute.

Damn, that’s hurts so much. I remember trying so many ways of surviving – christ, I like so many prostituted women and girls read body language all the time, always that part of my brain is on alert seeking some ways to protect myself.

Nothing could or would have stop a sadistic punter raping, bashing up, sexually torturing, or playing at killing me – only those words give me a guilt that I couldn’t be superwoman.

But a prostitute cannot defend herself from sadism – she can just hope she survive, and with great good fortune will exit, and with strength and courage will become an abolitionist to prevent others having her life.

I am sickened to the core of me by the sex trade lobbyists telling me or explaining with great patronising, how indoors prostitution is the solution, and if not thoroughly safe it is safe enough to keep the status quo of prostitution going.

Well, it is not safe to shut in a room with punters who have paid for the right to own the prostitute. It is not safe to be with that punter, and know he can do any violence in utter privacy, and usually loads of time to do it in.

Why do you want to pretend it is safe? Your belief is slowly killing women who have exited indoors prostitution, you are killing us by throwing us away and keeping us as sub-humans.

Believing indoors prostitution is safe enough is to consider the prostituted as nothing but consumable goods – all you got to do is make it look pretty and paint the veneer of concern – then business will carry on as normal.

That is the business of making the prostituted into nothing but holes to fuck, nothing but living porn for punters to masturbate into. The business of making wonderful, strong and brave women and girls into nothing but goods without access to basic human rights.

I hate you if you say indoors prostitution is a solution – my solution is that no prostitute in any environment is ever sold and brought – full stop.

That is the only way to end the poison continuing.

I have the lies and poison of profiteers inside me.

The lies that made me say their words.

Words of defiance saying it my choice to be screwed with violence – it was who I was or all I could be. Words that smashed though my instinct that I hated it, that I was terrified, that I know I could dead at any time.

Words saying they were sorry I was being damaged – only always placing over and over and over and over with more sadistic punters.

The poison of thinking maybe some manager, some bodyguard, some pimp may care about my safety. Only to be violently sexually tortured with them watching, or sitting behind a closed door or general indifference to my safety.

Of course, a manager/pimp and their mates could always rape me for free or just to keep me in line. That is the poison that lines my stomach.

The final dose of poison that is driving to a breakdown is the endless tortures of the punters.

I have no part of my body and mind that was not made into a war-zone by those bastards.

My hell is I survive by refusing to know the punters as humans.

I have many memories of sexual torturing, of rapes, of being close to death – but I have no faces or memories of punters as individuals. Just the mass of hate poured into me.

How do I grieve without having something real to focus on? It is so bloody hard.

This is why I am breaking now.

Where I Am At

I suppose I may be having a breakdown. I don’t know – but it all I can label it.

I am exhausted and cannot stop crying.

Is that a breakdown?

I have just seen the nurse, and they think my thyroid mediation may be pushing me over the edge. Or it may just my life?

I have very sick last night, which has got rid of some of the horrific body memories – but still feel sick and have a headache.

Is that a breakdown?

What I want to know is after surviving 21 of extreme mental, physical and sexual violence/torture – how am I meant to stay mentally stable?

What I want to know is how to know the hate that is embedded in all aspects of prostitution without having a breakdown?

What I want to know is how to survive the trauma, the body memories, and the underlying fear without mentally collapsing?

Having a mental breakdown is a normal reaction to the hell I have known.

So why does it feel like a weakness – or coz I am failure?

 

 

Losing It

Things have been getting really bad for me, and over this weekend I went over my edge.

I write this for I know I am losing it, so I may need to avoid, if I can my work. I am not sure how to do that – for I get ill doing this work, but I also get ill when I turn away from it.

But last Friday, I attempted serious self-damage, in that I od.

Yes, it was ok – I was very lucky. But I will try to explain why I wanted to harm myself so bad. I will try without making excuses, without saying it was all my own stupidity, or passing the buck onto others.

I will try to be as honest as possible – dissect what I can.

I was full of anger when I did it – not anger but a rage that refused to fade – it still in me as I write now.

I feel this rage is my background noise – but in the last few months it is taking over my body and giving me little peace.

The final trigger for me was knowing my abusive stepdad has throat cancer. That has brought out anger, self-hatred and feeling isolated.

My body memories have been horrific for a long time – all the times that distract or I can relax into, are not working.

That makes me feel an utter failure.

I am very sick, and don’t know how to get – only I think of harming myself maybe to sleep.

When I was in hospital this weekend, I accepted getting psychiatric help. It may help, to be honest I am desperate – I cannot do more than I am doing, and it is nowhere near enough.

Please if you have any advice send it.

Manifesto From a Place of Trauma

This is a manifesto I need to write, for it is to say why I will continue my fight to end the sex trade – but I like many exited women are doing this fight inside our extreme trauma.

This post is written to say what is triggering – heck not triggering, completely offensive – language and actions that keeps us as sub-humans.

A few things that if you want to keep exited women on-board, than have the decency to stop doing.

DO NOT NAME US AS SEX WORKERS

Do not use the language of the sex trade profiteers. Each time, you say sex worker or sex work, you are putting daggers in our hearts.

Do not fall back on saying it is an empowering way to describe us – that women inside the sex trade want to be known as sex workers.

Only say that it you utter proof that it not a survival mechanism of the enslaved to speak the language of their oppressor.

Imagine yourself inside normal indoors prostitution – where you have no choice over which punter uses you; where you have no control if he is violent or not; where if you do earn a decent amount of money, most of it is taken by your manager/pimp; where you have a low life expectancy.

How do you think you would survive that environment?

Would you not close down that you were controlled and manipulated by punters and profiteers – would you not survive by saying you had chosen to in the life?

It is normal for the prostituted to be cheerleaders for the sex trade – it so much easier than knowing their own reality is speaking the language of their oppressor.

God, for most of the prostituted the violence has no end, there is few options of a real exit, they have their human rights stripped from them – why is anyone surprise that they must have the illusion of having some power and control?

It may be the only piece of dignity left to them.

So don’t use that excuse that some women inside the sex trade call themselves sex workers – not unless you have their pain, fear, degradation, or been made sub-human.

IT NOT JUST DIFFICULT WORK

Bottom line – being inside the sex trade is not work – it is an abuse of human rights, it creating humans to be made into goods – it is not work.

Stop saying it not as bad as being a cleaner or working with fast food – which of course is very snobbish viewpoint, but that is a side issue.

Sorry – how common is it that the workplace to have rape as your norm, to be expected to have any and all forms of sexual torture done to you – coz that is just your job/role?

How common is that the so-called employee will take most of your earnings – so-called cuts in indoors prostitution and sex clubs can be the minimum of 80%. Money is not just taken – but many consumers of women inside the sex trade will bash her up so badly, will sexually torture her so intensely – that the prostituted woman loses consciousness or in no state to give a damn if she is paid or not?

How many workplaces “punish” their workforce by sending in to more sadistic areas – is it a normal punishment to put into gang-rapes, to have your head put into water as you are anally raped?

How common is that majority of a workforce knows they are highly likely to cope only by having addictions, where suicide is made normal, where it is expected to get internal injuries and/or long-term STDs, where if you lucky enough to leave you will have extreme long-term trauma?

What other workplace is the murders of the “employees” so normal and acceptable – that it is considered non-news, often viewed as the clearing out of the trash?

How dare you call it work – it is a form of slavery.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE JUST SEX?

It is not sex.

Do you name rape as just sex – is child sexual abuse just sex? No, you would be outraged if I promoted that – many of you would want my blog taken down if I preach that, rightly so.

But everyday, exited women have to deal with being told how it was just sex, maybe it was bad sex.

You say it is just sex coz you want it to have been freely chosen.

You say it just sex so you can framed being inside the sex trade inside your fantasies and utopian dreams that what you want it to be. That is that is just sex that may push a few boundaries – but will be made fun and empowering.

You say it just sex – and you are pushing exited women back into hell.

Is it that money, goods or naming it as work – makes consent unimportant, makes rapes vanish, makes sexual torturing become empowering?

What other excuse/reason do you have for re-branding sexual violence as just sex?

So many of you who go on and on and on how it just paid sex – know that the prostituted are doing sexual acts that they would not even consider it were not for the exchange of goods or money.

That is rape.

Most women and girls inside the sex trade are made to do sexual acts that endanger them, often to the point of death or horrific internal injuries.

That is rape.

Nearly all prostituted women and girls have no rights to turn away punters who demand sadistic sex – with no care of her mental and physical welfare.

That is rape.

Women inside mainstream porn are expected to do any and all body punishing sexual acts – no matter her safety and dignity, she is just holes to be used.

That is rape.

Until you have 100% proof that the woman or girl inside the sex trade is not being raped, not being sexually tortured, or mentally abused to accept the unacceptable – you cannot say if you make the choice to consume the sex trade, you are not consuming non-sensual sex.

Consume the sex trade – and you should be consider an encourager of rape, or a rapist plain and simple.

CAN’T GO ON

This is too hard to write – so I will stop now.

Just think before you speak – for we sick of being made sub-humans.

The World Turned Upside Down

I am constantly amazed how those who lobby for sex work turned the world of the sex trade upside down.

They make it out it just a world full of choices, a world where violence is limited, a world that is deeply spiritual and empowering to the prostituted.

It is world that may not exist – or if it does either in cheap porn fantasy or with women who are playing at prostitution.

For as I have expressed many times, that the sex trade is founded on violence, and is making the vast majority of prostituted women and girls into sub-humans.

I and many exited women have said over and over and over again about the destruction of the sex trade. We speak out every day, in every country that the sex trade is made normal – we speak out with clearness and passion.

We have no choice for we cannot bear for there to be a world where the sex trade is allowed to get away with extreme violence and hate – and societies just turns a blind eye.

I cannot let the sex work lobbyists off the hook – for their detachment and falling back on “academia” is pushing the prostituted class under the bus.

There is a constant genocide of the prostituted class – and the sex trade lobbyists speak of harm reduction and legalising the sex trade.

I fight not for harm reduction – but by tackling male demand and attacking the profiteers, I fight for harm elimination for all of the prostituted class.

I do no believe the lie that if we dare to condemn and make criminal the men that make the choice to buy the prostituted, that we will force prostitution underground and make it even more dangerous for the prostituted.

That is just bullshit.

More dangerous, how the hell can it be more dangerous.

A prostituted woman who been in long-term and full-term is commonly raped in the thousands, most prostitutes lose count of how much they have been raped. Most lose the language of rape – as the they exist in an environment that names those rapes as their work or their role.

Most punters demand sex that would class as sexual torture or plain sexual violence if done to women and girls outside the prostituted class. In the world of sex work – it re-branded as supplying rough/kinky sex – it just a service that prostitutes will provide.

Most profiteers know that providing rough/kinky sex gets them even more money – so if they can brainwash or intimidate the prostituted till they make her say it her free choice and empowering – then his hand look clean as she is tortured.

It is a god-damned upside world.

As for it going underground – don’t make me laugh.

The sex trade is never underground – just too many in society make the choice to make invisible the violence and degradation that is its norm.

I am sorry but most punters and consumers of the sex trade want easy access to their prostitutes and porn – they don’t want to search hard, they just care about price and time.

Many consumers of the sex trade want privacy – privacy to rape, privacy to consume porn that tortures women and children, privacy to own another human for his sexual greed.

But that does make the sex trade go underground – just that authorities go hand-in-glove with the profiteers of the sex trade by pretending there is no violence.

This is why sex work lobbyists go on and on and on that prostitution would fine and dandy if was just all put indoors, and preferably legalised.

For behind the firm shut doors – prostitution can continue business as usual. That is continue with the daily rapes, the daily beatings, the normalising of sexual torturing, and the undercurrent of the disappearances of the prostituted.

That is business as usual.

Put it indoors, and make it have the veneer of being clean and relatively safe – clean and safe mainly for the punters, not the prostituted.

Put it indoors, and don’t say that is because you can charge more, and provide a greater variety of sadistic sexual practices. Don’t ever say there can a large turnover of the prostituted – for they are considered throwaway goods, with thousands of women and girls to replace them.

Put it indoors – and know there will little or no intervention that focuses on the safety and welfare of the prostituted women and girls.

Put it indoors – and give the punters the entitlement to more privacy and time to make the prostituted into his porn-toy, no matter how he damages her mental, physical and sexual welfare.

It is not underground – it just others make the choice to not care about the prostituted class.

I am very sick writing this – so I may write again in a few days.

Please don’t get fooled by the sex trade lobbyists – or the genocide of the prostituted class will just continue.

Mental Block Again

I have been having terrible body memories, and knowing what it is to inside the sex trade.

I call this a mental block – but really it is knowing what every cell of my mind and body does not want to know.

Knowing the unknowable, knowing what I find almost unspeakable. Damn it, I know my centre of being inside the sex trade.

This is what I call a mental block, coz I am losing grounds on how to explain what it is.

Yes, I try in simple and straight-forward language to say what was done to me.

Yes, I make connections between porn to prostitution, and vice versa. I make connections of child sex abuse to being embedded inside the sex trade.

Yes, I see the erosion of any choices I had as I was turned sub-human.

Yes, I know that only the men buying me had real choices, that those who profiteer from my torturing had real choices.

Yes, I am proud to be a strong part of the struggle for abolition of the sex trade.

That is all true – and is very important, but – but there is a background noise of trauma that want to say and for you to know there is more.

Trauma knows what it really was and is to be made sub-human. It knows in uncomfortable and hard to find words for ways.

But trauma is a force that wants to force the world to hear – to force me to believe myself who I was.

I have written often and have spoken often about surviving by making myself dead inside.

Trauma is a force that shows what lays inside and surrounds that deadness.

The further I get from the hell that was the being inside the sex trade – the more I know that deadness was a cover for intense anger, huge grief, and living in a world that had no exit that I could reach.

Those emotions would have killed me if I had allowed them to be seen or known, even by me.

I had an anger that had nowhere to go.

My anger came out in flashes – times when I dance to music in order to kill myself; times I was smashing my head or fists into walls; times I put pillows on punters’ heads; times I did ods; times I cut into my arms, legs and my cunt; and times I got drunk to make an excuse to be angry.

It was a rage that had no healthy target – only always leading to more pain and dreams of death.

Trauma is good – for finally that anger has a focus and a cause.

Now that anger knows how trapped I was, and how much all choices were stolen from me.

I see now I was into a porn-toy – now that makes me bloody furious. My anger feels and know that I had to be dead to survive the agony of the poking, the hate, the eating out, the smashing down, and the mental manipulation that formed that porn-toy.

That I have a fury about that means I am getting truly free.

I was dead for I could not bear the endless grief inside of me. Grief was a pointless emotion when embedded inside the sex trade – that emotion would have made me too vulnerable in a deeply life-threatening environment.

But every rape; every time I was smashed into a wall; every anal rape; every forced deep-throating; every soul-destroying swear words; every time I move round different aspects of the sex trade; every time I fake an orgasm or made out it was wonderful; every time I was strangled; every gang-rape; every time I was filmed; and so much more torturing – all this stole parts of my life that I can never get back.

That is the fabric of my deep grief. That is what I could not express.

Trauma gives grief a painful and very confusing expression. I only slowly learning to live with that parts of trauma – but it is so darned hard.

The worse part of trauma is knowing I had survived living in a world where I had no exit, where all my options were stolen from me.

To survive that world – I had to become the empowered whore to said many times that I choose my life.

Trauma is hearing my past – getting past my self-hate that tells that I was traitor to say the sex trade was good – and to know with a terrible grief, that to say it was ok was a survival mechanism.

I could not know I was controlled and owned by profiteers and punters, even by the consumers who watch me inside hard-core porn. Know I had no labour rights – christ, I had no human rights to safety, dignity or freedom.

I had to live – so I had to believe it was all my own fault – for knowing the lack of hope, and know the premeditated hate and violence that is the sex trade, that would have killed me.

Trauma is becoming free enough to know the sex trade never saw me as human – just disposable goods.

All that gives me a mental block.

Living With Death

All my life, death has been my background noise – whether as my private friend, or the reality of losing others, or knowing I was so often close to death.

Death has never frightened me – though failing to die does, pain and terror does – I do not kill myself coz I refuse to give up.

Giving up would mean men who made the choice to say I was nothing, that I was just holes to filled, just living porn. These men loved to fuck the living dead.

Death was everywhere when I was prostitute. It was my wallpaper.

Death was there as prostituted women and girls disappeared. My mind blanks out how many have disappeared that I knew of – let allow the millions that disappeared know or unknown to me in my lifetime.

The prostituted woman or girl lives with death drowning out all her hope, and fight to exit, as her norm. She knows her death is seen as nothing by society – so pimps and punters have the freedom to kill her at any time, in any place, for any feeble excuse.

Many punters murder for the simple reason, that they cannot be bothered to pay the prostitute. He wants to make a porn toy, he wants a sex slave that will not and cannot say no to any and all his sadist fantasy. He wants fuck her till he get bored or tired – but not pay to her, why bother, just throw her away.

That is what is hidden as “research” is done into the endless murders of the prostituted. Instead, there is the search for the myth of the mad/bad punter who murders prostitutes – and of course, it usually only of interest if he is a serial killer or kills in a particular sick way.

The reality that prostitutes live with is that the punters or pimps that are the most likely to murder them are very ordinary men.

They are just men that believe the myths that prostitutes are sub-humans, that prostitutes are just a commodity that will be discarded after use. That is an ordinary belief in all societies that normalise the sex trade.

If no-one challenge the male demand for prostitution – the bodies of the prostituted will continue to pile high, for their deaths will continue to be made invisible.

I was threatened with death countless times when I was prostituted or made to be inside porn. And I know the coldness and banal hate of those men that kill prostitutes.

Most prostitutes are not killed by the “mad/bad” serial killer – most are killed by one man killing one prostitute at a time.

Death is just considered the risk that is to be inside the sex trade. Far too women inside the sex trade never make it to 28.

28 can be an age when many prostitutes may begin to realise they may have a life – they may fight for a future which is damned hard to believe in.

How many of the prostituted that are murdered by one punter or one pimp – are remembered, have their murders reported, are spoken about that they were more than another dead whore?

Speak the truth – and if lucky it is round 4% of all the prostitutes that murdered by just one man who only kill one prostitute.

Men who threatened me with killing me – whether pimps or punters – thought it would funny to kill a whore. I was told endlessly, no-one gives a shit about some whore getting killed, it just clearing the rubbish away.

That is what many exited women live with, it that reality we attempt to bury, that we don’t speak out about – we can only say the surface level of that if we know we may be believed, and it will not be made normal again to say killing prostitutes is no big deal.

Yeah – I know I wasn’t killed. But it was just luck – what is hard to live with is many prostitutes are murdered by that same luck. There is no safety for any women or girl in the sex trade, it just the throwing down of the cards whether you are killed or not.

These murders are not prevented by prostituted women and girls reading the body language of the punters, pimps, managers or porn producers. That may give her the delusion of control – but if a man has decided to kill her, he will toss her control aside.

All the harm reduction in the world does so little to prevent these murders – for most harm reduction is sending the message to profiteers and punters that the sex trade will run business as usual – including making the sadistic violence invisible.

Putting prostitution indoors certainty does nothing prevents the murders. Most murders of women and girls is done indoors – in flats, in hotel rooms, in porn studio, in back rooms of sex clubs, in brothels, and any other place that will be private.

How the hell would being put in room where men know the prostitute/porn performer is their property ever be safe. Why is anyone ever surprised that so many women and girls in the sex trade are murdered indoors?

If we refuse to confront the male demand to have the prostituted class – if we always make excuses for punters, make excuse for consuming sadistic porn, makes excuses for the profiteers of the sex trade – then the murders will always be so normal they go unreported.

I am ill with this disregard.