Monthly Archives: December 2012

So On I Go

Posted on by rmott62

It will soon be another year, another time to reflect whilst looking to the future.

A time to stand inside the present and see if anything has changed.

In this post, I will not make the old New Year’s resolutions, which are either forgotten or just broken carelessly.

I do not feel much about New Year, except in England it an excuse to watch great music on the Jools Holland’s Show.

No, I celebrate every day that I still go on – that I was never destroyed and made to disappear by the sex trade.

I celebrate that I am free enough to grieve all that was stolen from me.

I celebrate each time I feel tears on down my face, that I made to be human enough to cry.

I celebrate that my body feel the pain of remembering what it was to be tortured – that I no longer a husk without feelings.

I celebrate as my fury conquers my heart.

As fury burns through all who speaks for the sex trade.

A fury that reject the language of sex work, the language of female empowerment, the language of legalisation, the language of forced prostitution.

A fury rejects all language that keeps the prostituted enslaved and made into goods

But my fury is not just focus on the sex trade supporters – it is a fire that is ready to burn down all ignorance and patronising attitudes to exited women.

It is a fire that burn away all the covering that makes the torturing of the prostituted invisible.

It a fire that know that even allies can keep the prostituted as sub-human. So it burns in every directions, but always with a clear clean purpose.

It is a fire that join in with my deep-seated grief as statistics of women killed by male violence – and always the prostituted are made invisible, only rarely known in their deaths.

My fury knows and screams we have allowed the sex trade profiteers and punters make the murders of the prostituted vanish.

Know most deaths in the sex trade, whether suicide, ill-health or murder are dealt with in-house.

Hidden in plain view – all my grief and fury knows so many of the prostituted vanish each day in every country, it is so countless – only a sea of tears can do them justice.

But each time you see or hear of murders by male violence – than know maybe twice or five times the amount of prostituted women or girls are killed.

That is more than likely a major underestimate – my mind cannot hold all the prostituted Sisters who lives were thrown away.

All I have is a rage built with grief and pain – but I go on, I go forward with knowledge of a hell others refuse to know or even try to understand.

It comes out each time horrors of sexual become the news – it only is news when it affects women who are not inside the sex trade, women that are framed as good enough to feel damage when male violence enters their bodies.

Gang-raping is a tiny example of how the prostituted are made invisible.

I, like many exited women, was gang-raped many times – but it was never seen as an outrage.

We were gang-raped into unconsciousness; we were gang-raped with fists, with teeth, with many penises, with tongues; we were gang-raped in every holes punters could find.

Gang-rapes were our punishment; gang-rapes were reserved for special punters; gang-rapes meant getting more money – gang-rapes was part of our norm whatever aspect of prostitution we were doing.

But there is no outrage when the prostituted are gang-raped – even when she is gang-raped to death, for then her body is tossed away.

Us, the exited women who somehow survived serial gang-rapes – have an underlying rage and sorrow that are no protests, no demand for serious punishment for punters and sex trade profiteers who supply and demand gang-rapes of the prostituted; no government inquiries.

We have learnt that our tortures and deaths are of no importance.

It makes the rage – it makes me fight even harder.

It makes me go on.

2012 in review

Posted on by rmott62

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 40,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 9 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

My Christmas Wishes

Posted on by rmott62

I dream of a world without the buying and selling of the prostituted.

I dream this dream and always tears go from my heart and sent choking into my throat.

It is a dream that feels so near, yet is always forced out of reach,

I try to see the dream smaller, try to imagine my dream will arrived step by step.

I see the Nordic Approach and see my dream is raising up.

But, in a fog I wonder how many punters have truly been punished for owning a slave to have their precious orgasm.

In that fog, I wonder if profiteers are truly scared or just move into other countries and carry on as normal.

And through that fog of grief – I need to know if the prostituted are given long-term and specialist exiting programmes, or just short-term and then forgotten.

I want my dream to be made solid, not just sound nice in conferences, look good in academic writings, or to be a neat soundbite without real and practical action to build the road to abolition.

This Christmas, I dream with hope but always knowing the bitter taste of grief and betrayal.

My hope is bursting as I see, I hear, I read and I know the power and mission of exited women to make real change in the hearts and minds of others.

I am always amazed and humbled by their truth-telling, as they live in the shadow of extreme trauma.

I know I am standing in the shadows of giants, from my present and from the centuries that the prostituted class have scream out their pain and grief in their demand for an end of the sex trade.

My heart is with all my prostituted Sisters – whether named as “untouchables”, whether indigenous women poisoned by Colonists, whether women force from East Europe to West Europe, whether made into entertainment for sex tourists, whether sitting in windows, whether at end of a phone or the net, whether freezing on the streets, whether named as high-class escorts, whether dying to make porn – and so many more Sisters being destroyed in the name of prostitution.

My heart is bursting with sorrow for each and every one of them – they are my heartbeat and my reason to fight to the death for abolition.

I know my love reaching out to every women and girl trapped inside prostitution, even she has to hate me to survive.

Only I taste betrayal, betrayal from those who say they are the allies of the prostituted.

A betrayal that pollutes my dreaming.

The betrayal is heard every time we are told we must not say prostituted – we must speak the language of sex work, and told that is our road to freedom.

We know we were locked inside a world of slavery, a world that took joy at ripping away our human rights – and your betrayal is re-brand that world as empowering, as liberating, as sexual freedom and the only real feminism.

Your betrayal is name it as work to make women into sexual goods.

Your betrayal is name it as sex and so make all male violence disappear.

You think your double-speak will weaken our will to fight for abolition – you have no understanding of our inner strength.

How can you when you view us as sub-humans?

I know abolition will be made real – and I can dream of other things.

You Said It Again

Posted on by rmott62

The most frustrating aspect of writing as an exited woman is how so much to support the sex trade is repeated over and over and over and over again,

For those who gained by the status quo of the sex trade, be they pimps, so-called business folks, punters, the media, the film and TV world, male novelists, lawyers, the police and in the end the vast majority of society – will repeat the same old mantras, thinking by repetition it becomes true.

Most of the concepts and expressions repeated are used to keep the prostituted as sub-humans, to keep them as goods to be examined and then toss away.

There may be the facade of caring, of saying it is for the good of the prostituted that we repeat reasons to keep the prostitute in the position of the slave.

I will try in this post to write to some of the most common stuff that is throw at exited women who dare to challenge the status quo of the sex trade – who dare to stand for their human rights, and the safety and dignity of all the prostituted class.

I will try not to be too angry, try to be patience, try to understand your willful ignorance.

That will very hard – for as you repeat your mantras, the prostituted are being raped, are being tortured, are being made into nothing.

As you speak nonsense – there is a genocide of the prostituted class that you make invisible.

So forgive me, if I have lost patience with constant demanding that exited women hear your reasons that we choose to be inside that hell.

Forgive me if my anger gets in the way of your explaining my own life to me.

I had to stop writing this blog for some time, for the pain of having ignorance coming at me was getting too much.

I became afraid I would angry with the wrong people.

I made the choice to give myself treats – for I am now 50, and I needed to reward that I have survive a hell very few could imagine.

I give myself permission to be happy, to be self-indulgent – to refresh my essence that was close to drowning.

I had to have time out – I had to find the reason to be fully alive.

I was drowning inside the repeated noises made about what prostitution must be – never what it is, only an illusion so no changes are made.

The common refrain is – it the oldest profession.

What does means? And if it means anything, what on earth does it prove?

It is used to say it must be “work”, a legitimate employment – so that makes all ok then.

It is said as a response to exited women saying it was slavery, saying their human rights were stolen, saying they were made into goods.

And the reply is – it is work , it is a noble profession  it is a sacred duty – heck, why aren’t exited women full of pride for the service they have given all men.

Often the concept of the oldest profession is align with language of the prostituted being like goddesses or great sexual healers.

I, so many other exited women, never notice or felt those great powers. I do not remember having supernatural powers.

Heck, if I had been a goddess – there were more useful and important things I would have done with that power.

I would have gone back in time so I was never abused by my stepdad, never saw hard-core porn, never lined up in a sex club, was never gang-raped, never did Boyfriend Material – never know nothing about the world of the sex trade.

I would have used my power to harm the punters that torture me, to kill the profiteers that sold me.

I would have used my power to free each and every prostitute.

I would not use my power to be a living porn-toy for each and every punter to force in his hatred of all women.

I would not have my power wasted by giving punters endless orgasms – despite my pain, fear and confusion.

There is nothing supernatural about being a prostitute – only men choose to invent a world of whore goddesses, so they can ignore human pain, suffering, humiliation and deep sorrow, as they have free rein to torture the prostituted class.

I am very tired now – I will write again soon.

Mental and Physical Block

Posted on by rmott62

It has been too hard to write, for finally I am coming into life.

I will be 50 on Monday, and this landmark is bringing out my grief and a rage that is blocking my words.

I feel I cannot understand what age is, for I do believe I came into life without rape, torture and wanting death until I was 30.

In many ways, I was born when I was 30, and that is a terrible truth to know.

Before being 30, I live to be what other people wanted and demanded that I be.

I was on automatic, breathing was proof of life, nothing else.

To survive the hell of prostitution, a hell that most women who been raped cannot imagine, a hell most women inside domestic violence cannot imagine.

To imagine, think into extreme torture – think concentration camps, think impacted wars, think constant gang-rapes, think so much torture that it is your norm.

To be tortured on the level that the vast majority of the prostituted are is feel and know all you are is holes and hands – your voice, your ability to create, your desire for another future, your access to knowing physical is stolen from you.

It is extreme torture that is made so normal that it is made invisible to all outsiders, or re-framed as empowerment, free choice and entertainment – a torture that has no language, no evidence and no-one believes it is that bad.

As the prostituted have their anuses, their mouths, their cunts, their whole bodies ripped at, bitten, penetrated inside all holes, laugh at, made to still as pain engulfs them – all that is made nothing, all that is happening to the non-human.

The prostituted are tortured so often that any protest is stolen –  there is no point in saying or even thinking the language of no, when men are lining up to rape and torture until they get bored.

The prostituted are not given permission to be human enough to have their pain seen, not human enough to have their fear seen, not human enough to count as the rapeable let alone that they live inside extreme torture.

All this is inside my mental and physical block – the screaming and fury of having the normal torturing of the prostituted made invisible.

Know this torturing is the norm for the vast majority of the prostituted – do not believe the myth it is only “extreme” cases that the prostituted.

It is the norm that punters in any form of prostitution will rape – and these rapes are done in the thousands and for years for the majority of long-term prostituted.

It is rare that rape in prostitution is just vaginal penetration – it usually torture for the whole body and mind.

It is rape that copies porn, rape that makes the prostitute into nothing but dirt, rape that controls until the prostitute has no existence.

That is torture – to call it anything else is to make the lives of the prostituted invisible.

This is the norm in all forms of prostitution – it is not just so-called forced prostitution, it is not just prostituted who are imprisoned – it is all forms of prostitution.

This is because when societies make it the norm to buy and sell the prostituted – we have made a world where punters have full permission to do any violence to the prostituted without punishment or consequences.

There can nowhere safe for the prostituted in that environment.

I can only scream in despair.

The Unrapeable

Posted on by rmott62

This post is about the use of the consent is used to make the prostituted into the unrapeable – this is what we have to live with, this is the foundations of our embedded trauma.

Consent is used to make all the violence, all the hate, all the degradation – that is the norm for all the prostituted – invisible.

But what is defined as consent when it comes to the prostituted class?

Is it the simple reason of buying or owning a prostitute that means she must have given consent?

Is it that ownership is the real reason to rape, to torture, to mentally abuse – yes, it must be, for if the punter does that to a prostitute it known to be a non-crime.

Is that what you mean by consent?

Is it consent, because there is a general agreement that women who are prostitutes must love violent sex, must love to be sexual objects to any and all men, must never mean being made into good to be brought and sold.

Is that what you mean by consent?

Oh is it that you decide only certain prostituted women give consent?

It is non-consent if it a street-based prostitute, it is non-consent if she is in your opinion violently trafficked, it is non-consent if she is under-aged – otherwise it must be her free choice, so that proves the prostitute must have consented.

In that framework, you have twists your brain into knots to prove your precious consent.

You make that me and other exited women who mainly did indoors “high-class” prostitution, that we must have consented – we say we were routinely raped and tortured, but your belief is more important than our experiences.

It would tear the world apart to know and fully believe that the foundations of all prostitution is to rip away any consent from the prostituted – and then to say it is ok for the whole class of the prostituted were unrapeable.

Look at the everyday business of being prostituted.

To be a prostitute, you must available to any punter at any time, in any place – to make your body into his private porn playground.

If that is done outside the context of the sex trade – that is named as rape.

To be a prostitute, you must be available for men to abuse, to torture, to name call, to demean at any time and in any place.

If that is done outside the context of the sex trade – that is named as rape.

It is normal to be have forced oral sex, forced anal sex, to be gang-raped, to have objects forced into your body, to be tied up, and general sexual torturing if you are prostituted.

If that is done outside the context of the sex trade – that is named as rape.

But the prostituted were invented to have a class of women and girls that are unrapeable – so it decided there must be full consent.

It is the consent of knowing not to consent would only lead to more endless violence.

It is the consent of not caring what happens to your body.

It is the consent of a robot that has lost any idea it once was human.

Is that what you mean by consent?

Reaching for my AKA-47

Posted on by rmott62

Part of the hell of being an exited woman, it having images, expressions and views reminded almost every half hour that I can never be viewed as fully human.

All the time from both good and bad people it becomes clear – once a whore always a whore.

Here in this post, I will go over some of the million and one reminders that I never fully fit into the group named as fully human.

I write from a personal pain and grief – but do not let yourself off the hook by imaging I am some sad case, that my “story” is unique.

Nothing that I write anywhere on this blog is rare for all the prostituted, I write of common practice and that practice has been the norm for the prostituted for at least 4000 years.

I am a piece of sand in the desert in my experiences.

Images of the Whore are everywhere, being everywhere they just become so ordinary you do not see them.

Turn on a cop show, there is the dead whore, the drug ridden whore, the whore with her stereotype child history.

Watch popular sci-fi shows – all future worlds have their hordes of Happy Hookers servicing all males.

Look at ad everywhere and nowhere – models dressed to be escorts enticing you to buy buy buy.

Open a paper or magazine, see women being sold, see women in their underwear waiting to be consumed.

That is just tiny examples of how the Whore image is everywhere.

My grief and pain is how normal it to see dead whores, gold-digger whores, whores with heart of gold, whores exploiting men, whores half-dead from addiction on our TV, in film and inside our so-called news.

The Whore image is made unreal, making sure society can have permission to not care about the reality of torture that is the norm of all the prostituted.

These images place ice into your hearts, and you have come to think that is a normal reaction.

But it language that pour poison into my soul, and can give me a reason to want to die.

Instead of dying, I reach for my AKA-47, and allow the fury of the Whore some release.

The expression that must be thrown away is – sex work/sex worker.

It is a nonsense expression – could only make some sense if you choose to view the prostituted as non-humans but goods.

Think what those words mean.

What does sex mean – should there not be real communication, an equal sense of give and take, mutual respect, ability to understand and fully accept the language of No.

None of that is of any importance in the sex trade – it is the buying of a human to be sex goods. The buyer has full permission to use those goods with any violence, do any degradation – and full permission to destroy the language of No.

That would be rape and torture in any other context outside the sex trade – but all societies that have normalised the sex trade, have made it clear that the prostituted class are unrapeable.

What on earth do you mean that it is work inside that context?

Work where all human rights are stripped from the prostituted, work where there no access to safety, work where having every part of your body destroyed by sexual violence is made normal, work without any voice or even freedom of thought.

Is that not the conditions of slavery? Is that not the conditions of extreme rape?

And you dare hide behind the language of work.

Another word that has no place in the sex trade – is empowerment.

Wow, there is nothing more empowering than being raped by more men than your mind can or will remember.

Nothing more empowering than knowing any punter, or any profiteer, can buy and sell to pour all hard-core porn into your living body.

Nothing more empowering than starting this hell as a young girl and getting trapped without any exit.

Nothing more empowering than being round many aspects of the sex trade – to different rooms, different cities, to men with more hateful ways to destroy your essence.

Nothing more empowering to having your rapes filmed and being in the world.

The word empowerment makes me reach for my AKA-47 – that is real power.

I may write later – but this a start of my rage reaching out from my pain and grief.

Living the Death

Posted on by rmott62

The expression – “living the life” – is a romantic gloss on what it is to be prostituted. It is used lightly to make the prostituted sub-humans.

It is used to say we are a special species that feel no human pain, a special species that just love having sex with multiple anonymous men, a special species that does not mind being used and thrown away.

That is framed as living the life.

You feel safe and sheltered as you Other the prostituted – closing your eyes and ears to our genocide – you look for real women and girls who are having real suffering.

I have enough of be nice about the constant turning away from the living deaths of the prostituted.

You have the safety to turn away from our horror – we cannot as trauma is deep inside our souls reminding that we are only heard by the skin of our teeth.

Deep in our trauma we know and think every day of the many, far too many prostituted Sisters who never had our luck to exit and re-build their wonderful.

Our trauma is made up of the multiple voices of those prostituted women and girls who were destroyed, killed, thrown away and made invisible by not the sex trade, but everyone who decide that prostitution can be made normal and acceptable.

We speak out with graves in our hearts, we speak seeing how often we were a centimetre away from death.

We did not live the life – we were surviving living our deaths.

Each time a man made that the choice to buy in order to force sex into us – we were dying spiritually.

Each time a punter copy porn into our bodies – our living death came closer.

Each time profiteers move us round from one violent part of the sex trade to another violent part of the sex trade – we died inside.

Each time a blow-job is called whore’s sex – we fall into the silence of the dead.

Each time we turn on the TV seeing dead whores on a slab, seeing Happy Hookers, seeing yet more images of courtesans – we just die inside our grief.

Each time we hear that it terrible that there rape in war, but ok there are army brothels – we die in the silence of our rage.

Each time torture is viewed and briefly seen, but porn and torture of the prostituted is called entertainment and harm-free – we die inside our memory of deep terror.

We die, we die, we die as you make our lives into nothing.

We must be nothing, for the most important thing is that access to porn and prostitution goes unfettered by sights of a genocide.

Our deaths mustn’t upset your entertainment.

It is Unspeakable – So Speak Out

Posted on by rmott62

I hear many comparing prostitution to rape, to domestic violence – comparing but refusing to see or hear the differences.

I hear around me how rape in war zones is the worse crime that any women or girl could go through – but only if she not prostituted and consumed inside brothels.

I hear everywhere that rape is torture – but it become choice and lifestyle when done endlessly to the prostituted.

I am told prostitution must only dangerous if on the streets and the women have an addiction – as my torture and tortures of millions of prostituted women girls doing indoors prostitution is made fun, safe and our choice to be there.

I hear and see shock and horror if a young teenager is raped – but if the man pays her or she is framed as prostitution she is ripped of being under-age, it just a business exchange.

I see and hear campaigns against tortures of political prisoners, of citizens in wars – but the hourly torturing of women and girls in porn and prostitution is just entertainment.

All this I not meant to know or notice – I should not say or believe that the prostituted are push away all the time everywhere – coz it is decided “real” women and girls are doing proper suffering.

Prostituted women and girls should not complain – it was their choice to be whores after all.

Yes, I see and hear you denying you would even think that.

But why –

Why when you speak of the say the Congo – is the army brothels, the use of prostitutes to rape, torture or murder not mentioned.

You want “innocent” victims of war crimes, not those classed as the prostituted – that just muddled your thinking.

After all, armed forces must have somewhere to plant all their sexual and mental violence into – isn’t that why the whore was invented? It is just rest and recreation, never rape or torture.

Why do act so appalled at date-rape, but hear a prostitute dare to say she is raped by hundreds or more “dates” – then you r language and attitude changes.

Your sympathy becomes cold and matter-of-fact, as you decide it not rape or even violence but some kind of bantering.

It becomes clears that the prostituted are not human enough to be rape.

And it very clear that if a prostitute said it is rape, that she is clear that it is torture – that she must be deluded or seeking attention.

But what else can it be but torture?

Is not multiple rapes torture?

Is not being brought and sold in abuse torture?

Is not having no rights to safety torture?

Is not having the language of saying no to violence torture?

It would for most women and girls unless they become the prostituted class.

But I not meant to say, or even think it.