Monthly Archives: August 2013

What is It to be Human?

Posted on by rmott62

I do not understand what it is to be human.

Of course, I know what it is to function in a human-like way. Of course, I can and do react to other human in a human way.

But, exiting prostitution and re-building some kind of a life is all about discovering all the small details of what being a human is.

I have written often that to be prostituted is to be made into sexual goods, is to be made sub-human.

This bare fact means nothing if you cannot get under the skin to be those goods.

I find it hard to express – all I know was I thought and believed that all I was an android.

A machine looking and acting human – but always without a will of her own, instead can only function by the commands of others.

I survived by believing I was a machine – I had to believed I had no feelings, I had no existence outside of punters, I had no past and no future.

To know I was human – a human who was continually raped, a human who was used to gang-rapes, a human who been nearly murdered several times, a human who was torture just for adult entertainment – that was impossible to bear.

Imagine being so hurt, so without hope, so damaged that all you have left is loose that you were ever human.

Imagine losing the will to think, but just live by doing whatever tell you to do – even as it places more damage and trauma inside your essence.

Imagine that and maybe you are beginning to know the hell of prostitution.

But how can an exited woman ever regain the simple right to be fully human – when she is always surrounded by reminders that her humanity is of no importance.

I can live a whole day without hearing, seeing and knowing that to be a prostitute, or to have been a prostitute – is to be nothing, it is to be less than nothing.

We are made the dog-shit you may wipe off your shoes, we are made trash as you look away from our genocide.

But we will become the ghost at your feast – the remainder that we exist, that you cannot brush the prostituted under the carpet, and think you have solve the problem.

I would say that metaphorical carpet is the demand and push to put all prostitution indoors.

I would say that metaphorical carpet is the constant way that punters and sex trade profiteers are made invisible – as you keep the prostituted so sub-human that all harm done to them is classed as fun, as choice, as a job.

Well, like Banco’s ghost – the prostituted class will not stop haunting you until we get full justice and freedom.

How can the prostituted ever know what it is to be truly human without access to basic human rights.

We never have the basic right to safety.

We cannot know a life without knowing what it is to raped so often, we can only survived and keep our sanity by not counting how much.

All I know, that most prostitutes or exited women I know of were raped in the hundreds or thousands – many were so often it should have the world weeping.

But instead – you cope with our reality by not knowing or hearing it was rape on an industrial scale.

You may say it was your job – what did you expect – but it cannot be rape if the punter pay for it.

You may say I cannot hear or know, but at the same time dig into our truths without seeing our trauma.

But mostly the terrible truth is that you lose sympathy – for we were raped too often, in too many ways, by too many men, for too many years.

It cannot be true – for a real woman would be dead or mad if she was really raped that often.

See, you by deciding to not believe our simple truths – see, how you have made the prostituted sub-human.

See, how you have the right words, are able to comfort when a woman is raped a few times.

But we are tainted by too many rapes – we get no comfort, rarely hear the right words – our pain, our grief, our rage is just toss away as an inconvenient reminder that we may be human.

Our safety is made unimportant – our lives mean nothing.

This is shown by the fact that the prostituted are highly likely to die in violent circumstances, most before they are 26.

Prostituted women and girls are 18 times more likely to be murdered than any group or section of other females.

But do read, speak or even care about the constant deaths and disappearances in all the prostituted class.

No, we are just throwaway goods – our deaths or disappearances are rarely recorded or even seen as news.

Our deaths or disappearances are not even recorded by feminists – we are too sub-human to even be a statistic.

This of course, plays into the hands of the sex trade profiteers – who know they dispose of unwanted prostitutes and nothing will done.

I was threatened with being made to “disappear”  on a regular basis – it kept me in line.

The fear of being murdered is a constant in all prostitution, it is our norm to know we could kill any time and in any place.

All exited women live with the guilt of not being dead, when so many prostitutes we knew were killed or could not live.

Our shadow, and the force that make us into abolitionists – is wanting to give back for we have no idea why we lived, and others died.

This post is very hard, so i will end here.

I really want to know what my loyal readers and followers think – for my grief is too much or now.

 

Never Meet Julia Roberts

Posted on by rmott62

Always repeated on TV is “Pretty Woman” – the fairy tale of a hooker save by a millionaire.

I now can sort of watch it – well bits until bile goes into my throat, stopping me from breathing – knowing it is pure fiction, and nothing to do with the reality of being an escort.

But that one film has poisons all conversations about what it is to be an escort – without “Pretty Woman” there would no Belle du Jour or the other images of the Happy Hooker.

That one films has keep too many women inside escorting imaging a Richard Gere will rescue them.

There are no Richard Geres, there are no Julia Roberts out there – but many escorts living in hell waiting for the myth of Pretty Woman.

I know because I believed that myth, I believed I would rescue/save by some kind-hearted punter.

I believed as each time it never happened, I believed some punter would see and know my pain and fear, I believed I would marry and only one man would use me then.

I believed because not having hope would have killed me.

But why would any punter see the escort as a human, why would he care if she is scared or in pain, why would stop enough to care if she still breathing?

The punter is buying goods, even Richard Gere was buying goods.

In real life, Richard Gere would hardly notice Julia Roberts – she is just for his orgasm, for his sense of control and power – just there so he can be a man.

In real life – Julia Roberts would put in her place for being too human, for talking too much, for having views outside of the punter, for caring about her own welfare.

To be that human is highly dangerous in escorting – leading to battery, to sadist rapes, to torture and to death.

Whether or not a particular punter chooses to be violent, the threat is ever presence in escorting.

I know when I had the Richard Geres being kind, giving me presents, buying me meals, showing me off in public – I was always on full alert waiting for the violence that nearly always came with it.

I never meet escorts who did have this common violence, who were not on alert with “kind” punters, who did not speak of how unpredictable those punters.

I never meet any Julia Roberts in many years of escorting – nor did any exited woman that I know of.

So please don’t believe Pretty Woman, for in doing so you are ignoring the daily torturing of women inside escorting.

It is No Fantasy

Posted on by rmott62

The greatest trick the sex trade did was to say that porn and prostitution is just fantasy.

This trick is believed by most outsiders – or let’s be brutally honest it is a choice to believe by those who want endless consumption of the sex trade, and sod the damage it does to the women and girls inside it.

For this trick can only work if the punters and consumers of porn keep wanting more – more variety, more sense or images of pain, more women and girls from all traditions, ethnicities and ages, more ways to consume and throw away their “fantasies”.

Without the constant demand, most of the sex trade would fall apart – or the bottom line is profit, without constant flow of cash there is little point to the sex trade.

That is why it is vital to the sex trade profiteers that they claim it all just fantasy – for fantasy is harm-free, fantasy is private, fantasy is controllable, fantasy has it own rules and boundaries.

Fantasy is just waking dreams, so it is nothing to do with real life.

But porn and being prostituted is no fantasy.

I have known what is to be prostituted, I have known what it is to be filmed during prostitution – and I know inside every moment of my trauma, it was no fantasy to be inside those places.

If you are consumer of porn and/or prostitution, think outside the narrow pleasure of your sexual greed?

If you think the sexual act would painful to your sister, your girlfriend, to you – then it is real pain to the woman inside porn or the prostitute?

It is still real pain even she is smiling – or do you just ignore her dead eyes?

Can you honestly believe that it can be classed as fantasy – as you are in a real room with a prostitute, as you view real women suffering for your porn hobby?

These questions are just a small part of my fury at the concept that porn and prostitution can made fantasy, in order that the consumers are made to believe there can no violence or degradation done to the women and girls inside the sex trade.

We are made fantasy – stripping us of the right to know that we are being tortured, placing us away from the world of real rape and battering, even our non-stop murders are enclosed in fantasy as our bodies just disappear.

Being made fantasy – the prostituted lose connections to remembering what it is to be human, as all that known is waiting for instructions on how to exist for male sexual greed.

To be fantasy inside the sex trade is to forget how to hope, forget thinking the pain can ever stop just learning to block it, forget that you have sexual needs or even could enjoy sex.

Are you still ok with believing it only fantasy?

Well, then imagine if only briefly being inside the skin of a prostitute, be inside the skin of filmed rape.

Know I can only speak of my memories – but my experiences are part of the norm of the sex trade, they are not extreme, I was relatively lucky compare to many inside the sex trade.

I speak out because my tortures were acceptable in all levels of the sex trade – my tortures are being repeated in the bodies and minds of the prostituted now everywhere.

It was my norm to be filmed during gang-rapes or other forms of sadist sex as a prostitute – especially from when I was 14 to 17.

I imagine it was a cheap way to make porn, a way to make more profit from my hell.

All I know, i never give permission to be filmed, hell I was never asked or even told it was happening.

Being filmed as punters torture, rape and try to kill you – that is made into so-called amateur porn, and now can anywhere, watch by porn consumers saying it is just fantasy.

If in those films I look sacred, well I was.

If in those films I may on occasions cry – that was because nothing else was left to me.

If in those films I appeared to be unconscious – that is because those punters have pushed me to the edge of death.

If I appeared to smiled or make sexual noises – know I was becoming a sexual robot in order to somehow stay alive.

If to you I appeared dead – then you are right.

Know I somehow survived by killing everything that made me human – and then I can be your fantasy.

Are still ok with consuming your porn and/prostitution?

Well, if you are – then you are a huge part of the genocide of the prostituted class.

I do not have to have any sympathy for you – as you torture, rape and murder my prostituted Sisters.

Their fear, their blood, their deaths are all too real.

It is your belief that it is no crime to consume porn or prostitution that is the true fantasy.

Scream of Consciousness

Posted on by rmott62

Dedicated to the women who have stood by me as I arise from my personal hell.

 

This post is written from a deep place, a place that I am afraid of, a place where human language is inadequate – the place of the depth of what it was to be tortured as a prostitute.

I want to speak to that torture – for torture is the norm for the vast majority of the prostituted everywhere and throughout all human history.

My individual torturing was just a grain of sand inside the sex trade – as each and every day millions of the prostituted are living with torture now, and will do so in the future, if we do not fully wake up to this human rights crime.

It is torture, it is a genocide – to make it any less, is to betrayed the prostituted class and allow the sex trade to thrive.

I want to enter what my mind can remember, I want to use my tortures as an example. use my past to shout no more.

I was very triggered last week, by someone telling me that if the prostituted was stronger and learnt self-defence, then it would put off pimps and punters from treating us like trash.

This is so wrong, and had no understanding of what it is to be living inside extreme mental, physical and sexual torture as your norm.

It trigger the screaming in my head, a scream that remember thinking I should have or could have defended myself from all the male hate and violence that was my every day.

With hindsight, the hindsight of being inside a stable, secure and safe life now – I can imagine or dream that self-defence would have made some difference.

But the screaming of my heart, the sickness inside of my stomach and tears that will not come – tell me hindsight is a liar.

When I can hardly breathe, I remember what self-defence meant in reality.

First, I want you to be very clear it almost impossible to defend yourself if you have no Self to defend.

To be a prostitute, is to have no Self – it is to lose being a human, and becoming a commodity that is used over and over till it is thrown away.

To survive prostitution, is to learn not to care for your Self, to be as detached from being human as possible.

To be a prostitute is to become nothing – so there is nothing to defend.

In all human torturing, the purpose is to make other human into nothing, with no will left.

Do you imagine self-defence would have stop Pol Pot, or save the majority inside concentration camps, or helps women much in domestic violence, or children being sexually abused?

But it is ok to “advice” the prostituted to learn self-defence, and ignore that the sex trade is structured to keep the prostituted without access to their own power or routes to full safety.

In the reality of being inside the sex trade, self-defence can be highly dangerous.

It is dangerous because it reminds the pimps and punters that the prostitute has not been utterly broken down – that she still has glimpses of what it is to be human left.

Being human whilst still prostituted is to be in constant danger – there should no light in your eye, no thoughts that cannot be controlled, and certainly no desire to defend yourself.

To defend yourself is to say it is rape, is say it is battery, to say it is torture, to say it could be murder – that is unacceptable for a prostitute to know.

All I know, I had to learn the most unnatural feelings – not to defend myself when in pain, when in fear of being killed.

I learnt that to be a prostitute – I had no right to fear, no right to know pain, and no right to have a Self.

Like the vast majority of the prostituted, I learnt to stop caring the hard way – for it human instinct to defend yourself by all means when death is near.

But you cannot defend yourself when there is no hope, and violence only increases if you are too human.

I remember when I first defended myself.

I was just entering the sex trade, I thought I knew everything, thought I was strong enough for this world, thought I knew what sexual violence was after years of my stepdad abusing me.

I had no idea of the coldness and violence that punters did to the prostituted.

In those early days/nights, a punter wanted to do things that hurt so bad, that i throw him off. I think I kicked him, and expected help.

I was so naive.

That punter did leave – and for a small i was allowed to think I had defended myself.

Only for the pimps to send in several sadistic punters to gang-rape me back into my place.

That is the lesson that too many of the prostituted learn – that to defend yourself is to forced into more violence and made more isolated.

To be prostituted is to never rise your head above the parapet.

I will end for now, as my heart is breaking.

Myths and Beliefs That Explode My Head

Posted on by rmott62

In this post, I will try to write to the many ways the prostituted class are viewed – the ways we are seen only to be made invisible, the way it appears there is concern for the prostituted only to keep them sub-human, and the ways all harms done to us are lessened or made our choice.

I will try through the grief that this language – for word really can break us, words stab us to the hearts.

The words of myths of wrong beliefs are words that can drive us into self-hate, can make the male violence invisible, can cause the deaths of the prostituted, and can say that the prostituted deserve everything that happens to them.

Deserve industrialised rapes, deserve sexual torturing, deserve to thrown away, deserve to be murdered – for it is the language that make the prostituted into sub-human goods and make our suffering of no importance.

So think before you speak, or a least have enough respect to be silent if exited women and their allies say your words are part of the problem.

There is a belief or myth that makes out that the prostituted put themselves in the way of danger by not being strong enough to defend themselves.

It is said there would less violence or threat of violence if all the prostituted knew self-defence.

This belief has no concept of what it is to be prostituted – it takes no account of the severe mental abuse, the brainwashing and manipulation into self-hatred.

It is hard to imagine learning self-defence when you have could to believe that your only purpose in life is to be a fuck-object to be brought and sold.

It hard to learn or do self-defence when pimps/profiteers are controlling your every moment.

It is hard to learn self-defence when you survive by not sleeping, by addictions, and have a highly chaotic life – damned if you know if it night or day, so keeping appointments is a luxury.

Also, more often than not, if a prostitute attempts or even succeeds in defending herself it is only a very short-term gain.

A prostitute can and do win small battles – like stopping certain sexual violence, like getting a condom on, like shortening the time by making him cum quick – but no prostitute can win the war, for it out of her control.

The war against the prostituted is fully controlled by the sex trade profiteers and their consumers – the prostitute is just a pawn who is shown an exit only for a metal door to be smashed in her sense of hope or desire for freedom.

It is a game to the sex trade profiteers and the punters – they find it funny to let the prostitute think she has some power, some control, that she can choose what happens to her – funny, coz at any time they will torture her back into her position of being sex goods.

But the myth that the prostitute is powerful, that it is the prostitute who manipulates and controls the punters – that myth is popular.

It is a convenient myth for it can paint the prostitute as evil, so no sympathy will given to her.

It paints the prostitutes as supernatural, for she does not feel pain as she is rape or torture, does not have human access to grief as so much is stolen from her – makes her into an unstoppable sex god, then no man can be blamed if he consumes the prostituted,

The purpose of the myth that it is the prostituted who hold the power is to make all the male violence done to them invisible.

It makes out men cannot help themselves from raping, torturing and murdering the prostituted – for their will have been taken from by the Whore.

If you believe that men are that pathetic, that their violence is never their fault, that they are controlled so easier – you must be the real men haters.

I think that punters know and plan what they do to the prostituted – and while most societies give them excuses for their violence, they will continue to make the prostituted class into trash.

Make the violence off the punters invisible, or make excuses for it – and you are part of the genocide of the prostituted class.

I can’t write, coz I want to cry.

I think writing more often, and stopping when my body said stop is some answer.

But your support and love is wonderful.

 

Who Do You Think the Punters Are?

Posted on by rmott62

I feel it is an endless battle to get outsiders of prostitution to see the punters.

I want to write to the normal violence, the normal mental abuse and the normal casual dehumanising that all punters.

I will not say it is or was some punters who harm the prostituted, I will not say there are just a few bad apples.

I will say that every punter is creating violence, is spreading hate – for each punter can and should make the choice never to buy another human for his sexual greed.

There is nothing that can justify this sexual slavery – I don’t care if the punter “just” sit at the end the bed and chats, I don’t care if he put his prostitute in an apartment, I don’t care if he decide he is the Good Punter – he owns the prostitute’s body and mind, stripping her of all her human rights.

That is slavery, that is making the prostitute into sub-human goods, that is the actions of a conqueror and rapist.

Do not look for the Good Punter, but listen and know the ordinary violence of the average punter.

I speak to indoors prostitution, for it a world I knew – but know violence that punters do is all the prostituted.

Know there is no safe place to be a prostitute – it can never ever be safe to have a world where mainly women and girls are brought and sold for any and all sexual violence punters can imagine.

Do not narrow your dreams by imagining you can protect the prostituted by placing them all indoors – inside giant brothels, in so-called co-op brothels, as escorts, or contacted on-line.

That is the dream of pimps, of sex trade “businessmen”, of the porn industry, of governments who see access to taxes.

It is not the dream of the prostituted class – just a place where they are trapped.

How many times do exited women and abolitionists have to state there is no evidence that putting prostitution does anything except increase the dangers and expand the sex trade.

How can you condemn date rape and domestic violence, but then imagine placing prostitution behind closed doors would somehow make it safer.

It is known that non-prostituted women and girls are in the greatest danger behind closed doors – whether it is domestic violence, rape or child abuse.

It is known that the prostituted class are tortured, are raped and murdered more than any other group of women and girls.

Why would that violence not be behind closed doors, why would prostituted women and girls be safe seeing endless strangers who owned them, and why would you not see the casual violence unless you have decided that the prostituted are not allowed to be human?

Let me show the normal violence behind those closed doors of what you have decided must be safe prostitution.

I write this with an aching heart, I write this with a huge hole of grief suffocating me – but I write to the truth and hope it powers some to make real change.

Firstly the foundations of the majority of indoors prostitution is that the prostitute is alone with a punter/punters.

In the world outside of prostitution, women and girls are made to feel they should be careful when alone with an unknown man, heck many women and girls outside prostitution are wary of being alone in the bedroom with any man.

But it is normal and expected of the prostitute to be alone with many strange men, to be alone and not to resist his demands or his porn dreams.

It is expected that the prostitute has no voice, has no control, that she cannot say no.

It is expected that the prostitute is a living sex-doll, that she is his porn fantasy come to life – it not expected that she feels pain, that she has fear, or that any damage can be done to her.

Punters manipulate the prostitute until she loses memory of being human.

That is the surface of ordinary indoors prostitution.

Know and hold hard inside your mind that most of the prostituted women and girls will experience this violence and degradation not through tens of punters – but if you do long-term prostitution, it can be thousands of punters.

Most exited women have no idea how many punters have owned, and pour hate and violence into them – for it too many punters for the mind to compute.

I know that when i attempt to count, I enter that hell that was my route to suicide.

For that is what prostitution is – it is a constant route to suicide without dying.

Every punter is the knife, the pills or the wanting to drown – every punter who come in with entitlement is aiding and abetting the self-harm of the prostituted.

So every punter is a criminal.

That is a punter.