This post like the title comes from a place of being unsure who I am really, and what I may. 

I have a podcast that is Mod music – 60’s soul and garage, ska, proper r’n’b etc – that is me at leisure, listening to scassy music.

But to be serious, if I can without crying, I still don’ know what or who I am.

I try to be political, but only skim the surface.

I try to go deep into the realities of being inside indoors prostitution, but my mental blocks stop me.

I try to see with a clear eye, only to come across as detached and cold.

I want to be witness to indoors prostitution as my body and mind had known it, only it so bloody hard to bear that pain and grief.

But my contribution to the abolitionist movement, it my ability to write and speak my truths as poet.

That is my politics.

My politics are not left or right, not part of any movement that wants to own my reality – my politics is one of the ancient search for speaking truth to power.

My politics cannot be own by feminism, by religion, by Marxists, by liberals, by the sex work lobby – it is formed in the hell of torture and being sub-human, so my  fight for justice and freedom must be part of the world-wide movement of exited women creating their own politics.

My politics is learnt from the hidden voices of exited women that on occasions break through.

Break through the written history of prostitution written for and by punters and sex trade profiteers.

Break through visual imagery formed to please the consumers and profiteers of the sex trade.

Break through the general agreement that prostitution can be harm-free and fun.

My politics is grounded by knowing for as long as men have chosen to buy and sell the prostituted, there has a rebellious and angry voices of the prostituted that have been silenced.

I build my politics on the knowledge that there has never been a golden age for the prostituted, and there never been a utopia whilst there is the prostituted class.

This is because prostitution is always and always has been torture for the prostituted.

Torture is the norm in all forms of prostitution, and this torture is made invisible in all times and in the majority of cultures.

In reality, torture is rehearsed on the bodies and minds of the prostituted, and then may be spread in other oppressed groups.

So my politics is to give some voice to being inside torture, my politics is one of demanding human rights, my politics is the ancient scream of the prostituted class.

I do considered myself to be a separatist for I place the human rights and search for liberation for the prostituted as my cause and mission.

That is not to say I do not care or fight for other causes – I have always fought against all male violence to women and children, I have always been against political torturing in all its forms, I have always fought racism especially when it is embedded in institutions.

But my political focus is on freedom for the prostituted class, especially to speak to why and how it must be separated out and be see as major human rights issues.

I see daily how the prostituted and their search for freedom is placed as a low priority or made to fit in with other causes until our realities become invisible.

I have had enough of towing the line, and pretending our pain and grief can wait till others have freedom and justice.

I am sick of being made sub- human again, by so-called allies making the prostituted class wait for justice.

We have waited for over 3000 years, we have waited in all continents and most cultures – waited by placing others before our pain, waited with compassion that imagine we are remembered in the fight for freedom.

My politics comes fro a place of fury and grief, that the reality is more than often the prostituted are forgotten and thrown away in all revolutions or changes in political leadership.

The prostituted class must not wait for others to include them fully – no, we must grab leadership roles and we must spread our voices into all freedom movements.

We have been too willing to defer, we must raise up and say we are the experts in the realities of the sex trade, we are the experts at knowing the minds of punters.

We must raise up and say we cannot wait whilst women and girls in prostitution are being serially raped, tortured and murdered.

How many damaged and dead bodies of the prostituted is enough to to make our struggle a priority?

My politics scream – 

If not now, when will the prostituted be considered human enough to have human rights and Liberty.

I have been struck and very sad.

My work is so hard, and I feel it endless.

I am angry, I am tired, I am feeling vulnerable, but more important I am fighter.

I am English, and my country is a scary place to speak about the realities of prostition – I am sure there is hardly any country where that fear is not known.

My anger is that even within the abolition movement, there is rarely space for exited women to speak to their realities – tell the realities of their prostitution, speak to why it not the same as other forms of violence to women, speak to who punters are.

How to make real change, if we are never allow to truly see and know what we we dealing with.

I want exited women to know it is ok to speak beyond the surface that fit our public voices.

I would love exited women who are writers, artists, film-makers, crafts women, and other ways of expressing their truths to go deeper.

We should not pretty up our pasts – but speak in the voices of being in that moment when a punter makes the choice to make you sub-human.

We should not always give our audiences neat and happy endings – but speak of the realities of trauma, speak to the lack of true justice, speak to knowing the reality of male entitlement and greed.

We should not make our realities into linear tales – when we may have fragmented and broken memories.

To speak to our truths, is to release emotions that we may want to be hidden.

We need to express anger – more it should become a white fury that strips bare the cold heart of the sex trade and it’s consumers. 

Always we tone down that anger, hoping we not be rejected or labelled as mentally ill.

But anger is a truth-seeker, anger is a way to liberation.

Anger is power.

We should express our fury at who punters really are.

Say that they consciously chose to make the prostituted sub-human, by serially raping us, by making us into living porn to torture, by murdering us knowing it is of no matter.

Say they are very ordinary men – usually in a stable relationship, often outwardly a decent bloke – who choose to tortur e and rape the prostituted.

I hate all punters, for they all could of made the choice never to buy another human for their sexual greed and desire to control.

But we are meant to tone that anger.

Not be angry that hundreds of punters made the choice to make my body have no safe space.

Not be angry that so many punters used me that I can never remember how many, never see individual faces or even remember where or when my hell was happening.

Not be angry these punters can just live a normal with no consequences or punishment.

Fuck that -I not angry, I am seething, I am furious – I will blow up if no allows the truths of being a tortured prostituted woman to be heard.

I would love other exited women who want to explore ways of getting our deeper truths to contact me, and maybe we  can ignite a revolution.