Obsessively seeking certainty
When a problem barges in
It’s what I do
again and again
Especially regarding a medical threat
I research to see
How bad it could get
And the fact is
certainty does not exist
Even if I stomp my feet
Or shake my fist
No matter how much reassurance I find
There is no way to convince my mind
How about trying to stop the fear
Let go of the future until it’s here
Instead of singing WHAT CAN HAPPEN blues
See what condition actually ensues
Over-thinking only makes it worse
The brain is funny that way
so I’m told
Can always freak out later
Try letting it unfold
without the guarantee I seek
At least I can give it
a try for a week
Like it or not
It’s worth a shot
robinbenjamin4 
Might 🤔 Maybe
Maybe it grounds me a bit to be here at my nearby coffee shop. The fact that I think it might be excessive might be why I fear that it might be unwise. But reminder: even if it’s every day, which it is not, it’s still cheaper than therapy and drugs—with fewer negative side effects; other than unhealthy second-guessing and self-recrimination.
(A job can ground a person, too, but being retired, I would need to get a job and I’d rather not at this time. Enough already of 50 years of that for awhile!
Unlike a job, this allows me to write or draw or read. All those things can be done at home – and often are – but here I am not distracted by other home things to do and I can be in a more social environment.)
Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Until it becomes tedious instead of uplifting. Someday I might not care or I might become too old to do things independently.
Maybe. Maybe not.
This morning in the garden 😍👆 💧 💧
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Posted in Coffee, Commentary, Garden, Gratitude, Photograph, RETIREMENT, RETIREMENT RIFFS, THE AGING ADVANTAGE, thoughts, wondering and pondering
Tagged Existential Angst, Garden, Gratitude, Photos, RETIREMENT, Self-indulgent, Thoughts, Today