Roxy’s Proxy

Sometimes I ponder life’s regrets – and the karma that has been doled out along the way. I have what I would consider to be very few secrets, but I do have one that I occasionally look back on in an attempt to decide whether or not to consider it a true regret, or to chalk it up to foolish, young dalliances. So here’s one of  my secrets, just for you.
The spring semester of my sophomore year, I was head over heels for a guy whose initials were A.B.J. (no pun intended, honestly). He was a jackass of a guy, a former high school linebacker, and so damn full of himself that I couldn’t help but be attracted to him. He loved the attention, and treated me like shit, stringing me along for nearly that entire semester. A.B.J. had a close friend named A.V. who lived in my dorm, a few floors below, and we got to know one another because of our involvement in Student Government. He was a big, goofy, oaf of a guy, but we became great friends and spent lots of time together either out on campus or in his dorm room (his roommate was constantly AWOL).

It was obvious to everyone but me that A.B.J. was only going to hurt me (and had been setting me up for a painful fall among our peers), but still I held out hope. Still, it eventually dawned on me that we weren’t a couple, so I had little to worry about. A.V. – who had a serious girlfriend back in his hometown – was somewhat lonely and longed for female companionship, and well, there I was. Strangely enough, all A.V. wanted was for me to “sit on his face.” Now, this is where I admit that at 19, I hadn’t experienced oral sex yet. I had performed oral sex numerous times since age 15, but I hadn’t received the glorious act before. So, A.V. eventually coaxed me into it and boy, did I love it. That’s all he wanted from me physically, and hey, I wasn’t hurting anybody, right?

Eventually, my conscience got the best of me and we stopped. Karma got the best of me when A.B.J. sent out a horrific email to all our colleagues about what an awful person I was for the organization we had been a part of. I’ll never know if he knew about me and A.V., I know I didn’t tell him and I doubt A.V. would’ve. But who knows, maybe karma just takes care of its own. Still, this first foray into oral sex was something I don’t necessarily regret; at least now I can say I’ve had an Eagle Scout between my legs.