Like the homing pigeons above, I need to come home. I AM GOING TO GO HOME. I am headed back to weight watchers again tomorrow. I will admit, I have a sense of shame about going back. Not because of the weight I have gained or anything like that. I feel “worthy” of going back but what I feel bad about is stopping my meetings in the first place. I love them you know. I care about the people there and they care about me. There is no reason but full on self-deception that has caused me to stay away. So today I will make a grand entrance at my “home” once again. I will go there head high and weigh in. To be honest, even as I write this I am telling myself that I should not go back. That I should just stay away and forget about it. But that is my unhealthy side talking. I know what works for me. I know what I like to do for my body. I have listened and listened and listened to my body for so long now there is really no arguing with what works for me and WW works. And in fact, it works for an endurance athlete as well. I have made WW work for ultras and marathons. It will do the job. I say “it” but really it is just eating healthy and eating the correct amount of calories. “It” is like any other normal eating program. The only difference from what I am doing now is that IT IS NORMAL. LOL.
I am going to start training hard again with my running and on top of that I will be doing three days a week of resistance training. I long for this. I am in recovery from the Strolling Jim at the moment but I will be back hard at it soon enough. I yearn for the self exploration that it all brings, and the self revelation that I experience. I can’t wait for the sense of accomplishment DAILY knowing that I am doing the RIGHT thing for my body. The right thing for my life. I never would have guessed that running would have become such a part of my life. I never would have dreamed that I would write a post about my third year of long distance running and that I completed my 22nd long race. I don’t say this stuff to be arrogant and I hope you don’t see it that way. As I write I am even humbled by the process. The process of step by step growth. The process of learning what and what not to do while running. I am humbled that I can even call myself a runner and to be honest at this point in my running life I still sometimes don’t think I am a REAL runner. Now that is crazy because a REAL runner is just a normal person who runs, jogs, walk/jogs, etc. There is no distance that makes you a runner. There is no magic number of races that changes your identity to be someone else so that you can finally be a REAL runner. There is no days per week that you must run to be REAL. All you have to do is get out there and do it. Fast or slow, smooth or uncordinated, natural or unnatural. So I am going to get out there and do some more running becasue I want to. I don’t have to. I am the same person with the same worth and the same integrity if I do or don’t. But I want to run, and I want to experience all that it has to offer me in this short life.



It can happen to anyone! Falling into old habits even after losing and keeping 130 lbs off. In fact, it is pretty easy to fall back into the old ways. Why is this?? Well, the old ways are the old ways for a reason and they are old because I did them for so long. Truth be told, the old ways work for what they are used for. Oh yeah, you heard me. THere is no denying that eating junk food makes me feel better at the moment I want to feel better. There is no denying that it tastes wonderful like a party in my mouth. I just want to shed the false belief that using food for comfort and security does not work. It does work and if it did not work we would never use food to comfort ourselves. However, there is a downside as there always is for self-medicating with potentially harmful stuff whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. It brings guilt and shame and weight gain and bodily harm.
I had a good but slightly lonely marathon weekend. I went to bend/sunriver, Oregon on Friday night so that I would be able to pick up my race packet on Saturday morning. I went to bed as soon as I got there because I had to get up at 4 a.m. to do a 10 miler before I went golfing at a really special golf course in Bend. My 10 miler went very smoothly with no hiccups.

I tell the truth here. I am afraid to take my shirt off in public whether I am around guys or girls or kids or adults. It does not matter where it is or what I am doing. I avoiding swimming for years and hot tubs with my wife too, just because I was scared to take off my shirt and let the world see my round globe of a belly. I honestly don't know what it is such a big deal to me. In fact, I hate the fact that it bothers me because why should I even care what other people think and they probably aren't even thinking about anythin most of the time.







To start off, I want to say thank you to each and every person who visits, reads, and comments on this blog. You guys have no idea how encouraging you have been to me since I started this place. The love, encouragement, advice, information, and cheering on that takes place here, not just towards me but also towards other readers, is amazing. Run4change got it’s 3000th comment this weekend. WOW! Matt, at 

