Good intentions have inspired great lines in television (“He doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body, but watch out for his good intentions.” – Susannah, referring to Gary Shepherd, on thirtysomething), song lyrics (“It’s hard to rely on my good intentions… when my head’s full of things that I can’t mention” – Toad the Wet Sprocket) and poetry (” To an ex-lover, with good intentions, I never knew words could carve such deep marks.” – Montana Svoboda). The common thread, in all of the above, is the recognition that while one may always mean well, the intentions don’t necessarily translate. This reality can be particularly biting, when focused on fulfilling Sacred Assignments.
“Wait, though, Shannon….. wouldn’t it be true that observation, paired with good intentions and motivation, would ensure good outcomes?” Ahhh…. if only the bows, of our Assignments, were that neatly tied.
A prime example of this phenomenon struck me, at a tender age. My grand”mother” had something of china fetish…. she loved it, made no apologies, and had enough patterns to host multiple dinner parties, simultaneously. In 1988, my thirteenth autumn, she decided she wanted to work on acquiring Lenox Eternal, to mix with her Lenox Holiday china. She did very few things, in her life, that were strictly frivolous… at least, very few frivolous things that were strictly for her. The love for china ran deep, it represented more than fancy dishes. China was a portal to her past, and window dressing for the deeper meaning of her present; she loved feeding people, literally and figuratively. Pretty china reminded her of her own mother, and added a touch of elegance, to the real labor she put forth, to properly care for those she loved.
As we all know, example is the most powerful teacher. Watching my grand”mother”, I learned to combine keen observation with the best intentions, to produce optimal results. That Christmas, there was no doubt in my mind what I would get for her… I would start her Lenox Eternal collection, with a sugar bowl. I mean, what could be a better mix/match piece than a sugar bowl? I carefully put back a part of my allowance, for weeks, to take a wad of cash to the nearest Dillards, in pursuit of the perfect Christmas gift. My intentions were set…. I beamed, as I envisioned my gift taking center stage, at the appointed table, for Christmas dinner, 1988.
Of course, at that age, discretion was not my strongest suit…. and, perhaps more importantly, neither was a sense of self-assuredness. I had to figure out a way to bask in my good intentions, without giving away the surprise.
One Sunday afternoon we were discussing Christmas dinner….. it was only a week away…. and I threw out the bait. “When you start building your Eternal collection, you’ll begin with serving pieces like the sugar bowl and creamer, right?”
“Oh no…… those will be the last things I get, I l already have scads of those, that mix well, with the Holiday pattern.”
Dead air. No air. Knocked down. Tears began to flow.
Obviously, my very blunt, yet extremely kind-hearted grand”mother” had no idea…. she ALWAYS had good intentions! She would have never done anything, to purposely hurt my feelings…..
As she followed me, asking “Shannon, what’s wrong? What in the world?!”, hot tears were streaming, beyond my control. I was so disappointed, that I’d made a stupid mistake. I was angry with myself, for asking a leading question, blaming myself, for how crushed I felt. I was not a happy camper, in general. I had been betrayed, by my good intentions.
“Shannon O’Neil, turn around, right now.” The middle name…. the jig is up.
“I thought the serving pieces would be the first thing, they are so versatile, especially the sugar bowl, and I saved my allowance for a long time, and I went and bought that for you, as your big Christmas gift, and I was wrong, and you don’t want it and Christmas is ruined!”
Nothing like a little teen drama to spice up a Sunday afternoon.
Tears immediately rolled down her face, as she realized that her baby girl had such good intentions…. and had set those intentions, worked toward those intentions…. and had her larger-than-life bubble burst…. at her hands!
Apologies, retractions, hugs, more tears…. lots of love…. followed.
I didn’t have the maturity to understand that my intentions were good, and that was what mattered. I still needed the validation of a positive response. Without realizing it, I wanted proof that my intentions were the golden ticket, to making someone I loved very, very happy.
Grand”mother” struggled with the desire to protect me, from anything hurtful. Her intentions were always geared toward building me up, fostering security and self-efficacy.
What a pair we were, that Sunday afternoon.
The Eternal sugar bowl indeed took center stage, for the rest of her life. It was in the very middle, among her other pieces, in her china cabinet…. her intention was set on showing me that my gift was a treasure…. for many more reasons than its elegance or utility.
How does this business of intention affect Sacred Assignments? As humans, with the best of intentions we will often get it right…. but, there will be times when despite our best intentions, we will inevitably get it wrong. This doesn’t mean that we’ve failed an Assignment; it means we’ve learned that there’s another way.
Maintaining a good heart, with the best of intentions, is a Sacred Assignment, in itself. This life is full of so many expectations… especially during times rife with inflated anticipation. At these times, a gentle touch is required, to fully appreciate the good intentions of others… and certainly one’s own good intentions.
Without the benefit of a map, Assignments are paved with possibilities for detours…. finding a better way….. maintaining a good heart, even during periods of discouragement, fortify outcomes…. notwithstanding immediate events. Come to regard good intentions as a foundation, for Assignments…. the details will eventually sort themselves.
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