Paperback 1072: The Sex Cheat / Roger James (Bee-Line 284S)

Paperback 1072: Bee-Line 284S (PBO, 1967)

Title: The Sex Cheat

Author: Roger James

Cover artist: photo!

Condition: oof

Value: sentimental?

[Another book from the recently acquired Larry D Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Somebody read the hell out of this book. Or at least handled it ... frequently. I love a beater copy—no worries about condition, just an open invitation to "Read Me!"
• Oh, the wig. Oh. Ow. By the time it leaves her heck and heads toward her torso, it appears to turn semi-sentient, evolving claws, contemplating hellish doings...
• Legit LOL'ing at the how the cover text has to kind of scooch over and make room for her considerable chest. Her boobs just shove those words right out of the way. That's power.
• It's an oddly cheery, wholesome-looking photo for a smut paperback. Fright Wig notwithstanding.
• Ah, the original "... in bed" joke!

Best things about this back cover:

• Sex Game! All caps! You've heard of the TV show "Squid Game"? Well ... this isn't that!
• Cover photo seems so much darker with the poor girls' eyes ripped off
• "Wanton"—there's a word that peaked on paperback covers circa 1967 for sure. Definitely a cover copy writer's second-best friend (after "Sin," of course)

Page 123~ (bracing myself for something awful/wonderful)

Bruce turned completely away from the uncovered, brandishing breast and walked dismally towards his wife.

Yeah, I know, you're thinking "Does this writer even know what 'brandishing' means?" and given what I've read, just on Page 123 ... probably not. Consider: "Her own breasts rose and fell in great, trembling lifts" or "Eva Simmonds quickly recouped the dislodged bra cup over her naked contour and hastily came around from behind the sofa." I mean, that's "brandishing" "lifts" "recouped" and "contour" that he's bungled, all in just one page. Imagine Reading This Whole Book. You guys, there is so much lurid, ornate, comically baroque, borderline monstrous breast writing here. "She pushed the shuddering, irregularly bobbing area of luridly exposed flesh back out of sight and held the sagging cup of the damaged pink bra while she glared at Bruce Grant" yes "shuddering" and "irregularly bobbing" is what my soul is experiencing right now for sure. 

~RP

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Paperback 1057: The Sword of Rhiannon / Leigh Brackett (Ace F-422)

Paperback 1057: Ace F-422 (1st thus, 1967)

Title: The Sword of Rhiannon
Author: Leigh Brackett
Cover artist: John Schoenherr

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $8

Best things about this cover:

• This was a very famous Martian deodorant ad campaign. "Shirtless marauding got you feeling ... not so fresh? Well now you can raise your triumphant, blood-soaked hand in confidence with new Martian Sure! Raise your hand if you're Sure!"
• "Hey guys, guys, over here, I think I got her. She doesn't ring like a bell in the night but ... pretty sure she's Rhiannon. No, seriously guys, come over here! I'm using the new deodorant now, it's OK!"
• Digging the pink hues with lime green font. Feel the late '60s...
• What the hell is "Cosmic Peril"? "Cosmic Carol in a Lost World" would've been a way more interesting premise. "Who is Cosmic Carol!?" I'd be forced to wonder!
• Bold move to fill so much of the foreground with just the back of some guy's head. Who is this eggheaded watcher? Wait ... am I the eggheaded watcher!? Existential, man...

Best things about this back cover:

• Ugh, too much text, come on! If I wanted to read, I'd ... well ... buy a book, I guess
• Mars MARS MARS!!!
• Can't help singing "Matt Carse" to the tune of Gary Numan's "Cars": "Here with Matt Carse / I feel safest of all / He's a mythical god / And he's a got a big sword / Matt Carse"
• Leigh Brackett was one of the founders of modern space opera. She wrote the first draft of the screenplay for "Empire Strikes Back" (just before her death). She also wrote the screenplay for "Rio Bravo"! And "The Long Goodbye"! And co-wrote the screenplay for "The Big Sleep"! With William Faulkner. What a career.

Page 123~ (this book's only 128 pages long!)

"The blessings of the gods attend you, stranger," Emer whispered and kissed him gently on the lips.

I like to imagine that Emer's last name is Gency and that she had a minor R&B hit in 1983 called "The Blessings of the Gods Attend You, Stranger." Also, that on the cover of her one major-label album ("S.O.S.!") she's wearing a get-up that can only be described as Disco Chainmail. 

~RP

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Paperback 1044: Natures Gifts / Norma Hughes (After Hours 160)

Paperback 1044: After Hours AH160 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Natures Gifts
Author: Norma Hughes
Cover artist: [Bill Alexander again?]

Condition: 8/10
Estimated value: $25

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]
Best things about this cover:

• When yoga class gets a little too "authentic"...
• Sally and Jenny hovered uncomfortably between ab-hunger and diaper-revulsion
• Wait, those aren't abs. They aren't in the right place ... what are those??!?!
• "And that, ladies, is how you throw a slider"
• OK, I'll just say what we're all thinking: where's the fucking apostrophe?

Best things about this back cover:

Back page designer: "I have this idea for a kind of harem motif, where a seraglio doorway provides..."

Publisher: "Sorry, Bill, we're going with a bathroom tile. Thanks for these storyboards, tho."

Page 123~

That evennig he mailed them out to Paris to his contact.

Needless to say, [sic]

~RP

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Paperback 1042: Bartered Mates / Thomas K. Makagon (Unique Books 144)

Paperback 1042: Unique Books 144 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Bartered Mates
Author: Thomas K. Makagon
Cover artist: that guy ... I always forget his name ... one of you will tell me (Bill Alexander)

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: a lot

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• I keep reading "Battered Meats"
• Get it on! Bang a gong! Makagon!
• The pointing lady is the best. We don't even get to see her face. Just her amazing get-up and pointing arm. "J'accuse!" "Koochy koochy koo!" "Where Are This Man's Damned Nipples!?"
• I really dig The Couch Of Impossible Boobs
• If you look at his left foot too long you will be cursed. I have warned you.
• This book is bizarrely rare. I searched ["bartered mates" makagon] and got TWO HITS TOTAL

Best things about this back cover:

• I've seen worse cover copy, but not much worse. I do like the manic use of "—" there in the first paragraph. "Is it a happening, a trend, or a switch ... ? ... fuck it, let's just go with all of the above!"
• Why is there a comma after "delectable" in paragraph 2!?! Truly, I am bothered far more by punctuation minutiae than by the preposterous cheesiness of it all.
• OK the first sentence of paragraph 2 is utterly ungrammatical (although LOL at "brain child" quote unquote)
• Shouldn't it be "a between-pictures diversion" OK I'll stop now.
• "... the private threats of enjoyed and accepted female aggression" like, try to wrap your head around that. If it's "accepted" how is it a "threat," and to what? Dudes like being whipped by ladies. That's pretty much the end of the story.
• "MASTERLY POWERS OF FEMALE DOMINATION" was what was written on Jessica Fletcher's business card (or should've been)

Page 123~

Don finished his drink and set it on the dresser, then walked over to the edge of the bed he reached down to the back of her thighs, gently separated them and commenced to kiss the small of her back. His tongue went to her pink lined crease. Slowly he flicked it downward until he had gone as far as he  could go, then pushing her thighs upward, he held her almost on her head. He kept moving downward gradually, pushing her upward. When he found the desired spot, Roxana moaned through her fallen hair. He then shoved her backwards until she was on her back in an opposite direction. Now, he could feel her mouth covering him as they clasped each other's passionate bodies tightly.

Ok so this is terrible in so many ways but I'm stuck back on "pink lined crease" (sic). Is her lined crease pink, or is her crease pink-lined? And which crease are we talking about? Further, where did his tongue go? Where did her thighs go? Downward? Upward? "An opposite direction"? It looks like they end up in 69 at the end, but I feel like maybe that was just a lucky accident?

~RP

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Paperback 1034: The Professor and the Co-Ed / Babette Hall (Belmont B50-786)

Paperback 1034: Belmont B50-786 (unknown ptg, 1967)

Title: The Profesor and the Co-Ed
Author: Babette Hall
Cover artist: Uncredited

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $10

Best things about this cover:

• The Advanced Hugging seminar was beginning to take its toll on Steve's knees...
• "Oh Steve, I want ... I want ... something for these bare walls. A kitten poster, maybe? Oh, I wish I lived in a different dorm. Babette Hall is so drab!"
• I like how this cover subverts expectations by placing a generic dude's back where the Great Girl Art should be.
• I apparently own multiple editions of this book.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Don't look so frightened!" he shouted, terrifyingly
• "A child of sixteen?" I did not know they made "Co-Eds" that young.
• "The teacher in me" 1000x LOL that's what she said
• What is "the world's oldest predicament"? Prostitution? Pregnancy? Gym class?
• Ladies Home Journal with the fake blurb! "Could you give us a blurb?" "Uh ... would you accept an aphorism?"

Page 123~

At seventeen sixteen was a million miles away. Why, I could hardly remember it, principally because I didn't especially want to.

I gotta borrow this one. "You ate the last donut." "Did I? ... I don't remember?" "It was 10 minutes ago." "10 minutes ... it's like a million miles." "There's still powder on your face. And on your hands. Look at your hands." "I don't especially want to."

~RP

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Paperback 1032: Behind the Flying Saucer Mystery / George Adamski (Paperback Library 53-439)

Paperback 1032: Paperback Library 53-439 (1st ptg, 1967)

Title: Behind the Flying Saucer Mystery
Author: George Adamski
Cover artist: what is this cover, anyway?

Condition: 8/10
Estimated value: $8-12

Best things about this cover:

• What am I even looking at?
• Feathers?
• Wood shavings?
• Arrow heads?
• How 'bout you "rip the curtain of secrecy" from whatever this picture is?
• And the little white streaks? Is this supposed to be a Rorschach-type dealie where I basically ascribe meaning based on my paranoid imagination? What if I'm just bored?

Best things about this back cover:

• The QAn*n folks have nothing on this guy
• "Since that fateful day in 1952 when he first lost his fucking mind, George Adamski became a known lunatic who somehow got a book contract"
• "Men" LOL
• The Brothers!
• The Silence Group, Can I Join Please Shhhhhhhhh.... No Talking Ever
• "Revolutionary" and "new" are both angry at being dragged into the whole "twelve-planet solar system" conversation
• Jeez louise, this isn't his first UFO conspiracy theory book!?

Page 123~

... for he [Patrick Moore] had been one of the British astronomers, along with Dr. H. Percy Wilkins, who had confirmed the existence of the Mare Crisium bridge on the moon. He must have known for certain that someone had been using the moon as a base of operations, and the only logical ones were people from other planets.

Yes, that does sound like logic. Also, the idea of the Mare Crisium as the site of a lunar colony appears in Robert Heinlein's The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, also from 1967, though I am sure that is a total coincidence, because no way George Adamski is getting his totally scientific ideas from fiction, no way, and if you don't believe me then you're probably part of the Silence Group. You Silence Groupies never quit.

~RP

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Paperback 1012: Only For Money / Mark King (Unique Books 146)

Paperback 1012: Unique Books 146 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Only For Money
Author: Mark King
Cover artist: [looks like Eric Stanton, but I dunno...]

Condition: 6/10 (tight but warped)
Estimated value: ~$25-30

Best things about this cover:

• Septuagenarian Barbarella brings grave tidings to Boris and Natasha's bondage party
• There are so many things to say about this cover, and yet my eyes are having a hard time seeing anything but that hat / cape combo.
• HatCape: for when your shoulders, mouth (!), and head are cold, but your boobs need air!
• HatCape: for when you want to look sexy, but talking would only ruin it!
• It's like three extras in three different low-budget genre flicks decided to meet up outside for a smoke break. Or like three porn actors have not been given sufficient direction: "Do you want to ... should we ... I mean, we're dressed like this, I assumed ... wait, why is there a trash can here? This does not make me feel sexy..."
• I'm digging the light blue border. Sincerely.

Best things about this back cover:

• Mmm. Minimalist.

Page 123~

He has no time to waste. He is anxious to expend himself. He puts his lips to the young girl's breast and, bending his body like a bow, shoots arrow after arrow into the soft flesh.

If you run a sex writing workshop, well, good news: I found your "Don't."

~RP

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Paperback 1003: Corinne / King Coral (Bee-Line 175)

Paperback 1003: Bee-Line 175 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Corinne
Author: King Coral
Cover artist: photo cover

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $25-30

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Ariel? ... What happened?
• I'm not familiar with the various forms of cantilevering and what not that are used in women's undergarments but that top seems physically impossible
• LOL King Corals' fancy af signature stamp. "I'm an icon! I'm a brand name!" he said to himself as he sat behind the wheel of his Toyota Tercel in the parking lot at the West Covina Safeway ...
• OK that fabric is pretty hot. I would wear a tie with that pattern for sure.

Best things about this back cover:

• "I quit!" said American everyman Pete Diamond. "Sure, whatever," replied his boss.
• TEXAS is a state. NEW ORLEANS is a city. MIAMI ... is in a smaller font for some reason. THE COVER DESIGNER should be fired.
• Pete Diamond sounds like a sex addict / serial killer. I don't know what's protecting Corinne, but she's lucky.

Page 123~

She was laughing now. Suddenly and loudly she'd broken into laughter as though I'd pulled the world's funniest funny.

"Is this how words work?" Pete funnied. "I have nil idea!"

~RP

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Paperback 977: The Weirwoods / Thomas Burnett Swann (Ace 87941)

Paperback 977: Ace 87941 (PBO, 1977)

Title: The Weirwoods
Author: Thomas Burnett Swann
Cover artist: Stephen Hickman

Estimated value: $5-10
Condition: 8/10

[Part of the Laura R. Braunstein Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Where woods? There woods.
• Slow your roll, fantasy fiction Teri Garr.
• That dress is pretty hot.
• She doesn't have Fear Hand™but somethin' ain't right.
• "Welcome ... to the Land of Towering Sex Toys. The pegasi will be here shortly to take you to pleasures unknown..."

Best things about this back cover:

• Those are some respectable blurbs right there. Makes me wanna read this. LADY OF THE BEES also sounds promising.
• This back cover's sense of the boundary between reality and fantasy seems a little feeble. Rome, real, Etruscans, real, Centaurs, uh ...
• Well, sure, you name a guy Lars Velcha, what do you expect him to become?

Page 123~

She skittered down the trunk with the speed of a hungry squirrel.

~RP

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Paperback 947: I Search For Sin-sation / Alvin Browne (Regal Novel 1138)

Paperback 947: Regal Novel 1138 (PBO, 1967)

Title: I Search For Sin-sation
Author: Alvin Browne
Cover artist: Uncredited, unheralded, unloved

Estimated value: $No Idea (lots)
Condition: 8/10

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• I haven't stopped laughing since I realized (about 30 seconds ago) that the title is "I Search for Sinsation" and not, as I genuinely thought it was, "I Search for Sin Station"—"Siri, where the fuck is Sin Station? I've been driving around this shitty neighborhood for hours! I'm going to miss my train! Reroute!"
• What kind of giant leaf-based contraption is she wearing around her shoulders!?
• What kind of shitty, wrinkled, ragged, no-backed couch is that?
• She is moments from toppling over—mid leg-cross, her left (fear!) hand hoping to find leverage and support on non-existent couch arm.
• Those shoes make no sense with that ensemble, and yet they are the least stupid thing on this cover.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ah, this rhetorical style (INSANE PHRASE ... gibberish ... INSANE PHRASE) is typical of many many sleaze paperback back covers of '60s.
• I love the legalistic tone here. "Whereas the full bodied girl heretofore mentioned is in her rights pertaining to the first part of the second sex clause..."
• "Bed-boredom!"
• Let's get Physical (answer)!

Page 123~

Her breasts were basketballs hanging almost to her navel.

OK, I cheated, that's p. 122. But it begged to be quoted. Here's p. 123:

She would have sworm (sic!) there'd been straps on her now naked shoulders when they'd sat down. Her partner was bent down over her breasts. She dismissed her suspicions. No one could be that openly trampish.

There really aren't enough (sic!)s in the world. That typo ... it's not an outlier. Here's something from the opening (teaser) page of this novel:

He kissed her and cupped a breast in his hand she felt a quiver race through her. (sigh, sic)
"It's time we ment to bed," he said huskily. (Sickety sic)
She felt desire mounting within her loins.

And So Forth.

~RP

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Paperback 931: Soft & Savage Puzzie McKill / David Lynn (Ember Library EL390)

Paperback 931: Ember Library EL390 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Soft & Savage Puzzie McKill
Author: David Lynn
Cover artist: Uncredited (Robert Bonfils)

Estimated value: $20,000 (I made this figure up, but it feels right)

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Normally Doug brings me a small bagful of sleaze paperbacks whenever I see him at crossword puzzle tournaments. This time, he brought just one. The One.
• It only now (literally right now) occurs to me that "Puzzie" may be some ham-fisted way of attempting to conjure up "Pussy." Let me assure you, in a hotel lobby full of crossword puzzle enthusiasts, that association didn't land At All. I just figured that outdoor group BDSM was her *second* hobby.
• Her eyes, man. Her. Eyes. "When Irish eyes are BORING A HOLE IN YOUR JUNK!"
• One of the things that actually bothers me about this cover is that Cagey McRageface should really be able to slip out of that bamboo structure. He looks more like an angry go-go dancer than a captive sex whatever he is.
• To repeat, the title of this book is [deep breath] "Soft & Savage Puzzie McKill"—because "Puzzie McKill" would've been too ambiguous.

Best things about this back cover:

• Whoa oh here she comes! Watch out, boy, she'll cut you up. Whoa oh here she comes! She's a Manhater.
• "Mark Davidson" is not a name that can hang with Puzzie McKill. Doesn't quite evoke ... anything.
• Ew to "Trail of lust." Clean-up on aisle puzz.

Page 123~ (hold on to your hats)

A slow smile of malicious glee crept over Puzzie's face as she looked at Mark, her hands resting on top of the Killer's bald head as the man nudged and tugged about in the nest of golden fleece.

I felt like I had a handle on this sentence at the beginning, but then... things fall apart. Let's just say the "nest of golden fleece" is Exactly What You Think It Is. "Tugged about"? Not a verb phrase I'd want anywhere near my golden fleece.

~RP

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Paperback 859: The Space Swimmers / Gordon Dickson (Berkley X1371)

Paperback 859: Berkley X1371 (PBO, 1967)

Title: The Space Swimmers
Author: Gordon Dickson
Cover artist: Richard Powers

Estimated value: $5-10


Best things about this cover:

• It was originally titled "The Space Sperm," but … you know.
• Yoga Joe knew all the angles.
• This is a really unusual Richard Powers cover. His stuff's usually more epic and spindly and exotic. This is pretty muddled and boring coming from the guy who did the cover for Sirens of Titan.

Best things about this back cover:

• Skye Terrier!
• Patrick Joya, author of "The Joya Sex."
• There's some pretty hackneyed phrasing in here, capped off by that last little bit. Yuck.

Page 123~

"Now and ever," replied Johnny. "Right from the very beginning, whether we knew it or not, they've been the only hope we had." 

I can almost feel the wind blowing through his hair as he stares meaningfully off into the distance. Space opera by way of Douglas Sirk.

~RP

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Other Books, Other Covers: The Pulp Jungle / Frank Gruber (Sherbourne Press, 1967)

Title: The Pulp Jungle
Author: Frank Gruber
Cover artist: ["Jacket Design by Czeslaw Z. Banasiewicz"]

Estimated value: $40




Anecdotes from the pulp trenches. Invaluable. Dude knew everyone and wrote for everyone and comes across as a sane, no-nonsense, hard-working guy. Great portrait of a man trying to make it as a professional writer (mysteries and westerns) through the Depression and beyond. Main lesson: work harder. Write more. Write now. Write everything. Oh, and be honest. He's big on decency and honesty, even when the world around you is full of liars and chiselers. He's Marlowe-esque, that way.

Page 123~

We were just making talk. I was forty years old in 1944, not likely to be drafted, and Steve had varicose veins. So we encouraged Heinie and he talked about his novel. The next morning, cold sober, he would come in and shudder.

"What the hell was that nonsense we were talking about yesterday? Me go over to Italy? I'm fifty-two years old, I've got no business in a shooting war."

I don't know who Heinie Faust is, but several pages earlier, Gruber says of him: "Heinie was the most prolific writer of all time. He was also the biggest boozer I have ever known."

~RP

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Paperback 814: Assignment: Moon Girl / Edward S. Aarons (Gold Medal d1849)

Paperback 814: Gold Medal d1849 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Assignment: Moon Girl
Author: Edward S. Aarons
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $24


Best things about this cover:

• Assignment: Tiger Butt.
• Fear has done terrible things to her Hand.
• The brave, lonely harem girl protected Algaeville's last monument with the only proven defense against tiger attacks: sexiness.
• Those letters look like an art project I once worked on in third grade.
• This book is in nearly flawless condition. You can almost smell the moon algae tiger monument harem pants.

Best things about this back cover:

• The lady and the tiger? Aw, you mean the front cover was a metaphor all along?! Boooo!
• "Get on down to The Lady and the Tiger—half price on Har-Buri-Tos through Tuesday!"
• Sam Durell sees that you're tailing him and doesn't like it.

Page 123~

Nobody was in the clear, these days.

~RP

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Paperback 784: Mac Bird! / Barbara Garson (Evergreen Black Cat BC-132)

Paperback 784: Evergreen Black Cat BC-132 (1st ptg, 1967)

Title: Mac Bird!
Author: Barbara Garson
Cover artist: [Lisa Lyons]

Yours for: $7


Best things about this cover:

• I … don't know what this is. Hang on. OK, here we go—from wikipedia:

MacBird! is a 1967 satire by Barbara Garson that superimposed the transferral of power following the Kennedy assassination onto the plot of Shakespeare's Macbeth.
Thus John F. Kennedy becomes "Ken O'Dunc", Lyndon Johnson becomes "MacBird", Lady Bird Johnson becomes "Lady MacBird", and so forth. As Macbeth assassinates Duncan, so MacBird is responsible for the assassination of Ken O'Dunc; and as Macbeth is defeated by Macduff, so MacBird is defeated by Robert O'Dunc (i.e. Robert Kennedy). This action is significantly influenced by the Three Witches, representing Students, Blacks, and Leftists.

• Is he green because … Scottish people … are green?
• Love the cowboy boot / kilt combo.
• I don't remember foot-jousting in Macbeth.

Best things about this back cover:

• I like how they made it seem as if LBJ were blurbing this thing. But otherwise, just a bunch of quotes. Moving on.

Page 123~

The EARL OF WARREN, carrying the crown, stand next to KEN O'DUNC. The "Hallelujah Chorus" plays in the back ground as he speaks.

~RP

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Paperback 690: Go Down, Aaron / Chris Davidson (Ember Library EL376)

Paperback 690: Ember Library EL376 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Go Down, Aaron
Author: Chris Davidson
Cover artist: Uncredited [Robert Bonfils]

Yours for: Not For Sale, partly 'cause I just wanna keep it, partly because I'd feel guilty profiting in any way from this thing (probably worth something north of a C-note)


Best things about this cover:

• The title is ... amazing. I mean, if you can ignore completely the horrible Nazi / gay erotic nexus for, like, one second, you have to appreciate the wordplay involved in that title. Changing "Moses" to Aaron ... punning on the phrase "Go Down" ... playing "Third Sex" off of "Third Reich" ... seriously great.
• The painting is also fantastic in its composition. I mean, again, horrible, but just the way the naked man is framed by the Nazi's legs, the way the Nazi's crotch is illuminated / represented by steel bars, the details on the uniform (belt, gun, trousers, whip (?), boots ...). And all in an unusual Green. Jaw-dropping.
• This is among the most flat-out outrageous books in my collection. It takes "Sleaze" to 11. It's also in astonishing condition. I'd rate it 9/10, condition-wise.

Best things about this back cover:

• Yuck.
• What's the difference between a "deviate" and a "deviant"?
• I'm trying to imagine finding any of this arousing. Not judging, though. Different strokes, as it were.

Page 123~

"The Master requests your presence in the study, sir," the servant informed Aaron.

Hmmm, this is a kind of prison I'm not familiar with.

~RP

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Paperback 635: The Time Tunnel / Murray Leinster (Pyramid R-1522)

Paperback 635: Pyramid R-1522 (1st ptg, 1967)

Title: The Time Tunnel
Author: Murray Leinster
Cover artist: Jack Gaughan

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• Y'know ... it's pretty standard TV tie-in fair. Network logo. TV title font. A tunnel (presumably of the "time" variety).
• I actually love the tunnel. Diminishing people descending into diminishing non-concentric circles. Simple and cool.
• Wikipedia tells me that Murray Leinster wrote a novel with this title in 1964, the plot of which was quite different. He then wrote this novelization of the TV series three years later, and then a later, final "Time Tunnel" novel called Timeslip: Time Tunnel Adventure #2. There were also two "Time Tunnel" Gold Key comics put out in '66-'67.
• Complete TV series is on Hulu Plus. I'm gonna check it out.

Best things about this back cover:

• Whoa, the "real" tunnel is an op-art nightmare.
• The Scientist Wore Shapeless Chinos (That Made His Ass Look Fat and Flat).
• Who could forget James Darren and Robert Colbert!? (A: everyone)
• "And it's produced by Irwin Allen, so you know it's top-of-the-line TV fare."—something someone somewhere must've thought at some time.

Page 123~

"I'm talking about the time traveller Kirk's assembled," said Doug urgently. "In the Tunnel chamber!" He said apprehensively: "We may be stuck here for always! Tony! The whole Project may turn out a failure!"

Tony roused. 

As terse, momentous sentences go, "Tony roused" is up there with "Jesus wept."

~RP

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Paperback 634: Moment of Untruth / Ed Lacy (Lancer Books 73-554)

Paperback 634: Lancer Books 73-554 (2nd ptg ?, 1967)

Title: Moment of Untruth
Author: Ed Lacy
Cover artist: illegible [underneath and perpendicular to guy's right arm] [Al Parker?]

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• This is seriously the dumbest-looking cover hero I've seen in a while. Looks like he's wearing a shorty terrycloth robe. Also, like he's carrying a giant woman's purse while not wearing pants. 
• "We need to play on the phrase 'Moment of Truth'..." "Oooh, I have an idea ..."
• There's "earth tones" ... and then there's feces. And we're *right* on the border here. 
• Not sure I like what he's doing to that poor girl with that gun. 
• I call ellipsis abuse.
• That woman needs to Dominate this cover. What the hell were the designers thinking?
• "Mexico: Come for the Food and the Fun, Stay for the Taut Immediacy"

Best things about this back cover:

• TOUIE! That is a name I can get behind.
• "He was a Negro, and at age forty he knew exactly what that meant." Unfortunately, I have no idea exactly what that means.
• Copywriting has apparently been given over to some randomizing algorithm. "Random assertion ... Random plot point ... ELLIPSIS!"

Page 123~

"Ask, does a woman pilot this second plane with the two engines?" I said, feeling the excitement well up within me.

When the kid translated, the godmother shook her head, seemed to indicate  a woman by pointing to her own flat breasts.

This may be the most implausible breast-related action I've ever heard of. I'm trying to imagine this happening in a way that isn't entirely comical and/or enigmatic. I mean, it's a yes/no question, why in the world would she point to her own breasts? It's a redundant, ridiculous move.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 602: The Body Lovers / Mickey Spillane (Signet P3221)

Paperback 602: Signet P3221 (1st ptg, 1967)

Title: The Body Lovers
Author: Mickey Spillane
Cover artist: photo cover (pictured: author Mickey Spillane himself)

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover: 

• In which Mike Hammer hunts down the monsters who designed this poor girl's wardrobe.
• The budget for this cover shoot appears to have been about six dollars. Give or take.
• Somewhat unfortunate that, in this pose, it looks like Hammer was caught on the verge of violating a corpse. Talk about your "Body Lovers!"
• This is flawless, unread copy.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ooh, I actually like the tricolor effect.
• Underground orgy cults are the best kind of orgy cults. All the other orgy cults are too mainstream.
• Next time someone claims to be a V.I.P. ... now you know.
• Is that Buffalo News blurb praise or horrified observation? "Moose bondage!? Dear lord!"

Page 123~

"Just so you can't say we're not covering every route I'll see what Interpol has on Ali Duval and have them pick up anybody in a fez who isn't a shriner."

Exotic headwear enthusiasts, beware.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 585: A Dram of Evil / D.J. Olson (Award Books A285X)

Paperback 585: Award Books A285X (PBO, 1967)

Title: A Dram of Evil
Author: D.J. Olson
Cover artist: allworkandnoplaymakesJackadullboy

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• If I'd had any hand in decorating that room, I'd've hanged myself too. "Living nightmare," indeed.
• Grandma got run over by a reindeer ... and then she lay down on this bed and bled out.
• This cover is making me nostalgic for "Harold & Maude."
• I want to live in a world where more things are done "in the BABY JANE manner." 

Best things about this back cover:

• Ugh. Text. Come on. Enough with the wordy-words.
• Wait ... if the girl had been dead ... Jack Wardlaw would *still* have been a murderer. What am I missing?
• I want to live in a world where more things are "personified by Boyd Hanover."
• Oooh, a *black* web of evil. Nice. I was expecting mauve.

Page 123~

The room was dark and humid and I caught myself actually sniffing the air like an animal, as if wary of his scent.

"Actually" is the definition of unnecessary in this sentence. I'm sure you'd like some fantastically withering comment here, after my month+-long hiatus, but all I've got is my inner editor going "oh, hell no. Cut!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]