Paperback 548: Superstud / Alan Marshall (Nightstand Books 1847)

Paperback 548: Nightstand Books 1847 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Superstud
Author: Alan Marshall
Cover artist: Someone who can't believe his idea got past house censors

Yours for: $25

Best things about this cover:

• Wow. Just try out-sideboobing this cover. You Can't Do It.
• "Yes, that's my right tit, complete with nipple. No, you're not dreaming. Pretty good, right?"
• The boob is to distract from the hair, which looks great from the brow down, but get up any higher and it's a nightmare of random scalp attachment (and non-attachment). There's a reason they wrote "SUPER-STUD" over the top of that mess.
• Maybe if the hair is red, you might try a different color for the font next time. This book looks like it's titled "R-"

Best things about this back cover:

• Reading the first two sentences makes me think Brett isn't that studly from the neck up.
• Call me old-fashioned, but I like my superstuds to be nailing quivering, creamy-fleshed ladies, not killing cops. What a massive waste of studliness.
• Also, "Brett?" As a superstud name? Vetoed. 

Page 123~

He reached down and pulled her up. He didn't want to finish this way, not this time. He had better things in mind for the bitch with the fantastic boobs. 

Now *that's* a superhero name. Give that bitch a cape!

~RP

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Paperback 543: The Shame Sell / Alan Marshall (Ember Library 394)

Paperback 543: Ember Library 394 (PBO, 1967)

Title: The Shame Sell
Author: Alan Marshall (sometime pseudonym of Donald Westlake)
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $30

Best things about this cover:

• "Gee, putting together this new life-model kit is a blast!"
• "So, you're telling me the cup goes ... like this ... and it keeps those things on the front of your chest from bouncing so much? Wow."
• Seriously, he's putting that bra *on* to that girl, and he's even doing *that* wrong.
• "I call this painting 'Drunk Girl Airs Out Her Pits.'"
• Actually, I would call this painting "How To Ruin a Perfectly Good Picture of a Naked Woman." 1. Add creepy man-child. 2. have her do something inexplicable with her arms while making stupid drunk-face. 3. Replace pubic area with scary, uniformly black patch. Boner averted!

Best things about this back cover:

• "Who could believe the truth?" I'm guessing Not Me.
• Ah, the ad game. Oh, so the guy on the cover must be Dan Drooper from AMC's "Sad Men." 
• I hope the butterfly net is nonmetaphorical.

Page 123~

Jon sat back, rested his elbows on the arms of the swivel chair, tapped his fingers together, and eyed the ceiling. "C. F., the way I see it, it's time for you to escalate against Oona. The situation is peaking out, and so a certain accclimatizing seems to be in order."

Even the guy in the book replied, "A certain what?" Now if you'll pardon me, I have to go escalate against Oona ... *if* you know what I mean (do you? 'cause I don't)

~RP

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Paperback 469: Sally / Alan Marshall (Donald Westlake pseud.) (Midwood 62)

Paperback 469: Midwood 62 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Sally
Author: Alan Marshall (Donald Westlake)
Cover artist: Paul Rader

Yours for: $75

Best things about this cover:

• If I looked like Sally, that's probably what I'd do all day long, too.
• Sally spent nearly every waking moment seasoning her bullfighting skills...
• She was Willing to Try Anything Once, but in the case of letting her five-year-old niece paint the bathroom, just once.
• I love the way she is drawn rather realistically while the bathroom fixtures are barely sketched. Makes it seem like she's going to go through the looking glass and have great adventures. Great, naked, lesbian adventures.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Wow," thought Marie. "That was shockingly easy."
• "It's the cleanest thing in the world. Here, put on this latex suit covered in Purell..."

Page 123~

She remembered the strange things Marie had said, and all at once she wanted to talk about it, she wanted to know what had made Marie say such things, she wanted to talk it into understanding, and from there to oblivion.

"From There To Oblivion," of course, the poorly reviewed sequel to "From Here To Eternity."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]