Paperback 1029: Widow's Web / Ursula Curtiss (Ace G-561)

Paperback 1029: Ace G-561 (1st ptg, 1965)

Title: Widow's Web
Author: Ursula Curtiss
Cover artist: M. Engel (signature) (who is this?)

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $10-12

Best things about this cover:

• Well this is the weirdest damn spider I ever did see
• Head of a woman, body of a haunted house, one leg a pill bottle, the other leg a tiny couple. I pity the fly!
• This cover fits right into the Ace woman-authored suspense novel mold, reminiscent of virtually every Ace novel by, say, Charlotte Armstrong or Elisabeth Sanxay Holding (who, coincidentally, published a novel with Ace called "Widow's Mite")
• What's up with that couple? She's leaning in like "Oh, Larry, kiss me," and he's like "Wait, wait ... where did I leave my pill bottle? It was just here, I swear."

Best things about this back cover:

• Ugh, text, boo.
• "Catch-throat" is not a compound adjective I'm familiar with. I'm guessing it's a one-off invented by this reviewer to try to sound super reviewy. 
• Why is "hand" in that second blurb? That line works just fine hand(s)-free.

Page 123~

Torrant said that he would have coffee after all.

Despite his having one of fictiondom's more ridiculous names, I relate to Torrant.

~RP

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Paperback 1006: The Pusher / Ed McBain (Perma Books 3062)

Paperback 1006: Perma Books 3062 (PBO, 1956)

Title: The Pusher
Author: Ed McBain
Cover artist: Charles Binger

Condition: 6/10
Estimated value: $35


Best things about this cover:

• This cover is full of wonders, but the very most amazing part, for me, is luminescent cop face looking back over his shoulder like, "Uh ... wasn't me."
• Pictorially, I love the placement of the bare light bulb, but looks to be hanging about waist-high, which ... come on, even shitty apartments have to be moderately practical. Maybe he didn't kill himself 'cause of dope. Maybe he just got so frustrated at trying to get the light bulb to hang right that he was just like, "fuck it, I'm out."
• This seems an unlikely position / location in which to hang oneself. I'm no expert. But still.
• Detective: "This looks like ... what is this some kind of miniature turkey baster? Hey, Jim, come here and look at this?"
• The turn of his ankle is lovely and tragic. Same with the stubbed out cigarettes.

Best things about this back cover:

• Seriously, this is one of the grimmer back covers, after one of the grimmest covers I've ever seen. This book's not messing around.
• Aha! It *wasn't* suicide by hanging. Well, let me be the first to say, it honestly didn't look like suicide by hanging.
• Not a big fan of back covers that basically describe the front cover, tbh. SEEN IT! Tell me something I don't know.

Page 123~

She supposed, of course, that there were men who would try anything once, just for kicks. Why not a girl who couldn't hear or talk?

My favorite part of this is, "of course."

~RP

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Paperback 1000: The Case of the Musical Cow / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 1063)

Paperback 1000: Pocket Books 1063 (1st ptg, 1955)

Title: The Case of the Musical Cow
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: photo cover (Silver Studios)

Condition: 7/10
Estimated value: $12-15

Best things about this cover:

• After "All About Eve," Bette Davis's career took a weird turn there for a bit...
• Out with the old kind of mystery about DOPE and MURDER, in with the new kind of mystery about DOPE and MURDER. What's new, you ask? Well, musical cows, for one. Admit it, you did not see that coming.
• Is that an Eames chair? That's some pretty stylish bondage.
• There is a *lot* of rope in her lap, which the red-painted case title and the immersive mustard experience are probably supposed to distract you from.

Best things about this back cover:

• I love (like, Love) that the exciting red cursive intro text just says "Rob Trenton."
• I also love (like, Am In Awe Of) Erle Stanley Gardner's psychopathic signature.
• Ooh, Europe. How exoticish!

Page 123~

Rob Trenton, who had been listening incredulously, said, "That's a lie! That whole statement is false. This man is one of the . . . "

At this point, Rob Trenton was deemed both too implausible and too boring to continue as a functioning character in this story, and so he simply exploded, leaving the remaining characters staring (incredulously, of course) at an empty chair.

~RP

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Paperback 942: Q.B.I. / Ellery Queen (Pocket Books 1118)

Paperback 942: Pocket Books 1118 (1st ptg, 1956)

Title: Q.B.I.
Author: Ellery Queen
Cover design: Milton Herder

Estimated value: $5-8
Condition: 5/10

Best things about this cover:

• It's like the F.B.I. but queer. I imagine.
• This cover wins awards for "Most Visible Thumbprint" and "Best Kempt Cilia"
• Where can I get one of these switchblade micro-monocles? Judging by this guy's pupil dilation, they seem fun.

Best things about this back cover:

• Type script is best.
• No Nouns Allowed Without Adjectival Guardian
• Kid Naping. That word *never* looks right to me.

Page 123~ (first line of "Dying Message Dept.: G. I. Story")

Ellery swung off the Atlantic State Express in his favorite small town disguised by earlaps, muffler, and skis, resolved that this time nothing should thwart his winter holiday.

You'll Never Guess What Happens Next! (spoiler: holiday thwarted)

~RP

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Paperback 887: Replenishing Jessica / Maxwell Bodenheim (Avon 191)

Paperback 887: Avon 191 (1st ptg, 1949)

Title: Replenishing Jessica
Author: Maxwell Bodenheim
Cover artist: [Phillips & Troeger / Troeger-Phillips]

Estimated value: $12-15

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Let's see … how to replenish Jessica? Sure, I'd say FIVE MEN oughta do it.
• This appears to be the story of how the Flash got married, settled down, and got a steady job with an insurance company. "Is this what you wanted, baby?" he seems to ask.
• The most reliably informed reseller of vintage paperbacks on abebooks describes this book as a "SEX and HEROIN NOVEL," so … that's unexpected. And brings the total to two—two possible ways to replenish Jessica.
• The only reason I still attend crossword tournaments is so that Doug Peterson can slip me some vintage paperback contraband in a dingy little plastic bag. It's all quite (appropriately) sordid.

Best things about this back cover:

• Shakespeare looks dubious about the literary merits of the publishing enterprise to which he has affixed his mug.

Page 123~

"This new school does away with all of the old qualms and quandaries, and we can certainly accomplish more when we know that sex is, well, is only the violent servant that we've hired for purposes of recreation."

Actually, the violent servant you've hired is named Tony, and it'll be $300/hr.

~RP

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Paperback 737: Duke / Hal Ellson (Popular Library 219)

Paperback 737: Popular Library 219 (5th ptg, 1950)

Title: Duke
Author: Hal Ellson
Cover artist: Rudolph Belarski

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• Her "whatever" face is the best.
• Black Joan Crawford could take you or leave you.
• Shoes! Why does everyone on old paperbacks look so damn cool. Even goofy people look cool. Even Flat-butt No Face here has a certain simple, shabby style I admire. 
• Juvenile delinquency! Dope! Smoking (literally) hot girls who could give a damn! This book has it all.
• The one word I think of when I see Belarski's artwork: creamy. 

Best things about this back cover:

• Love the advisory at the end there! "If you barf easy, or don't, like, care about important stuff, then fuck off already." This book has the same attitude as the lady on the cover.
• Marijuana. I like when books name their drugs. Even though this is a 5th printing, the great condition, the JD (juvenile delinquency) theme, and the drug references make it super-sweet / collectible. 
• "Cash before pleasure"? Come on, you gotta up your slang game if you're gonna run the streets. "Money before honeys"? "Dough before ho"? "Cheddar before girls in tight sweaters"? Something.

Page 123~

"You got any sticks on you?" Chink said.
"Yeah, I got some. You want one."
"I could use it."
I gave Chink one. I passed some around to the others. I lit one for myself. I needed that. We all got to be feeling gay then. 

Aw, yeah … [cue sexy music] …

~RP

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Paperback 708: Nightmare in Pink / John D. MacDonald (Gold Medal d1682)

Paperback 708: Gold Medal d1682 (3rd ptg, 1966)

Title: Nightmare in Pink
Author: John D. MacDonald
Cover artist: [Ron Lesser]

Yours for: $7 (yeah, I paid only $3, but ... inflation/postage — his books are being rereleased in $14 trade paperbacks ... why, WHY would you buy those when you can get beat-up '60s-era stuff, which is much cooler *and* much cheaper?)


Best things about this cover:

• Really hate the turn cover art took in the '60s—toward text/branding, away from full-page cover art—and I associate MacDonald's books most closely with that trend, to the extent that I almost blame MacDonald personally. Over the years, the girls get smaller, while the whole MacDonald/McGee Brand swells up and dominates. Probably smart marketing. But sucky from a purely aesthetic perspective. 
• I do like the way Pink suffuses every corner of this thing.
• Her hair is, frankly, terrible. 

Best things about this back cover:

• It's bad enough you've shrunk her and made her all modest on the front—this bland-and-white corner punishment is just degrading. Even John D's like "C'mon guys. Too far."
• OK, I haven't read a sexier phrase than "sweetly wanton career girl, living alone in a Manhattan walk-up" in a Long time.
• Not sure what is meant in this context by "Cafe Society," but I would like to join.
• "And introducing ... LSD!"

Page 123~

Terry Drummond rapped at my door and I let her in. She wore fifteen thousand dollars worth of glossy fur coat. Her brown simian face wrinkled with distaste as she looked around. "God, what a scrimey hole!" The coat swung open.

This is the kind of passage that makes me wonder why I have not read more MacDonald than I have. Love it.

~RP

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Paperback 512: The Restless Romeo / J.X. Williams (Ember Library 346)

Paperback 512: Ember Library 346 (PBO, 1966)

Title: The Restless Romeo
Author: J.X. Williams
Cover artist: someone having too much fun

Yours for: Not for Sale (gift to the collection from Doug Peterson)


Best things about this cover:

• Romeo got restless, so he did what any restless young man might do: he used his car to hunt women for sport. Really calms the nerves. I hear.
• "These eyes ... fry every night ... for you."
• Who runs with their arms like that? Or is she doing crazed, doped-up calisthenics in the desert? I see: her boyfriend isn't trying to run her down—he's slowly backing away. Yes, her body is pretty amazing, but you do *not* want her attention when she's like this. "Please don't around please don't turn around please..."
• I believe this is the picture for which the phrase "hopped up on goofballs" was invented.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Romeo," eh? I must have missed the part in Shakespeare's play where Romeo snatches Juliet and takes her to the basement of his villa.

Page 123~

Waves of heat invaded his body. Thoroughly stimulated by her weight, he dug his fingers into the blooming bottom and squirmed until she had difficulty holding him. Her cheeks, feeling damp and massive, began a tortured and rhythmic writhing.

Since when are "damp and massive" butt cheeks sexy? Not sure what I should expect from a guy who (on the previous page) describes breasts as "lurching mounds," but ... I mean, there's unsexy, and then there's The Opposite Of Sexy. Yikes.

~RP

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Paperback 458: Gutter Gang / Jay de Bekker (Beacon Books B108)

Paperback 458: Beacon Books B158 (PBO, 1954)

Title: Gutter Gang
Author: Jay de Bekker
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• "Psst. Hey, Billy, you gonna hit that?" "Shut up, guys, that's my mom!"
• "Billy, you come home right now and do your chores! And take that cigarette out of your mouth this instant!" "Aw, mom...! You're makin' me look uncool in front of the guys..."
• Art director had only one note: "Grimier."
• I love '50s paranoia about JD (Juvenile Delinquency). I don't know who Norman Anthony is (whoa, I've said that before ...), but I'm sure he was hysterical.

Best things about this back cover:

• Well, when you have your midnight orgies in the parking lot of the A&P, that'll happen.
• "Sponsors"=not the word I was expecting. "Hey girls, let's all go to AA!" "Neato!"
• "B- B- B- Benny's name is Lesk!"
• Those poor, poor kids. Getting high, fucking ... I really pity them.
• This book has chapters with titles like "Muggin'," "Chicken," "Hot Gin," and, of course, "Chivalry"

Page 123~ (cheating: p. 122)

I ask him does he live with this folks, and he says he has a mother and a sister but no real father. He said he was a bastard, a real bastard."

I like how she talks about bastards like they were astronauts or yetis.

~RP

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Paperback 367: High School Confidential / Morton Cooper (Avon T-257)

Paperback 367: Avon T-257 (PBO, 1958)

Title: High School Confidential
Author: Morton Cooper
Cover artist: My hero (Uncredited!!!)

Yours for: $30


Best things about this cover:

• I wish I had this cover image in poster-sized form; I would frame it and hang it next to my movie poster of "The Beat Generation" (1959) or "The Big Operator" (1959) — I went through a Mamie Van Doren phase, what can I say?
• Why aren't books this pretty any more? Beautifully-sketched urban scene, awesomely attitudinal teen-agers, and confident, bold, eye-popping use of color. No idea what's going on with the title font, but I love it.
• Juvenile delinquency = my favorite '50s paranoia.

Best things about this back cover:

• Mamie!
• I can't believe I haven't seen this movie. From the description, I'd say there's nothing not to like about this movie. I mean, "hot-rod hipsters and jive-talking cool cats!?" What more do you want?
• Hmmm. I knew there was a John Barrymore. And I know Drew Barrymore. I did not, however, know there was a John Drew Barrymore. I wonder how the family reacted to the exciting news that John Drew would be getting third billing behind the likes of Russ Tamblyn and Jan Sterling.

Page 123~

She blinked at him. "Yup," she nodded agreeably. "Yup and double yup. Gonna do my duty," she promised, saluting patriotically only a moment before she caved in and fell to the nearest chair, apparently dead to the world.

"Yup and double yup." There's some jive-talking I insist on bringing back.

~RP

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Paperback 207: Green Light for Death / Frank Kane (Readers-Choice Library No. 8)

Paperback 207: Readers-Choice Library No. 8 (1st ptg, 1950)

Title: Green Light for Death
Author: Frank Kane
Cover artist: [Blickenstaff]

Yours for: $25


Best things about this cover:

• "Is that a naked banshee over there in the corner? Doing the Lambada? O man, I'm so wasted..."
• "Misunderstanding the concept of "War on Drugs" completely, Johnny Liddell began firing randomly at the smoke that filled the room."
• I have "marijuana!" written on the ID sticker on this book's plastic bag, but I can't find confirming evidence that pot is at all involved in this story. I will say, though, that there are references to cigarettes, pipes, and smoking in general on virtually every page.
• Love love love the naked dancer's necklace, captured in mid-air. Lovely.
• Also love the disaffected Brando look-alike at the small of her back. For some reason, in my mind, he is French.

Best things about this back cover:

• Text!
• I'm not sure "accident or suicide" really warrants quoting.

Page 123~

Liddell's eyes sought out Mike Lane where he sat gloating like an obscene Buddha, his tiny eyes fixed hungrily on the cavorting girl, his head nodding in time to the music.

Unless Mike Lane is a fat Asian hip-hop fan, this simile sucks.

~RP

Paperback 129: Negative Minus / R. L. Fanthorpe (Badger Books SF88)

Paperback 129: Badge Books SF88 (PBO?, ca. late '50s)

Title: Negative Minus
Author: R.L. Fanthorpe
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• Is "Negative Minus" a thing? I need a math ruling.
• Shouldn't this book just be called "plus?" That, or "The Night I Went Trick-or-Treating Dressed as an Owl and Those Hippies Put LSD in the Candy Corn and The Great Uncle of The Great Gazoo Coaxed Me Into Killing People By Scratching My Nose and Promising Me More Candy Corn..."

Best things about this back cover:

• I believe this write-up was written under the influence of the aforementioned Gazoo juice. It's really vague ... and features a character with the most improbable name of "Stelgen"
• Alpha Centauri?! It's always Alpha Centauri with these people! Pick a new place!
• If "Stelgen" was "born" from a "star," I'm going to barf.
• New title for the book: "Stelgen Was Not a Genius." It would explain a lot about the cover (whichever one of those two folks "Stelgen" is...)

Page 123~

"I've never wanted anything so much," answered Suessydo. "I'm a normal, healthy, red-blooded male, but I've never met any attraction anywhere to equal the power, the pull of that voice. By the eight purple stars of Qoink, I've never heard such melody and such sweetness. By the seven blue dragons of Bfup, there was never such a melody before."

"You are using some strong oaths," returned Suhcolyrue.

"I use them as an expression of strong thoughts," replied the Captain.

I swear to you that none of that is made up. I'm just not that good. And now, inspired by the "Captain's" fantastic name, I leave you with Phil Collins.



Good day.

~RP