Paperback 795: Blood-and-Guts Patton / Jack Pearl (Monarch MA305)

Paperback 795: Monarch Books MA305 (Monarch Americana Series) (PBO, 1961)

Title: Blood-and-Guts Patton
Author: Jack Pearl
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• Font makes blood-and-guts seem like kooky fun!
• Love this photo cover for how anti-celebrity it is. You can't even see his face. "Take your fucking picture. I got Nazis to kill and a cigarette to finish."
• "Swashbuckling"?! Unless he puts on an eyepatch, pulls out a cutlass, and boards a clipper, no.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Eat their entrails, you pussies! Aarrrrrrrgh!"
• I like that Monarch apparently had a "Hell on Wheels" series with a little weather-danger symbol.
• Kicking!? While the rest of the world was merely punching and flogging. Genius.

Page 123~

"Hell, I'd feel as uncomfortable without this pistol as I would without pants."

Patton then pulled a knife and smiled. "Suckers … I hate pants. Now I eat your entrails!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 713: Flight / Edgar Jean Bracco (Berkley G291)

Paperback 713: Berkley Medallion G291 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Flight
Author: Edgar Jean Bracco
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Lasers!
• Simple, clean lines. Shitty-looking sky, but still, oddly elegant in its simplicity.
• Love the "Flight" font and its positioning on the horizon.
• Surely the copywriter could've gotten another "A" word into that tagline.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Authentic!" See, that's an "A"-word.
• ETO is a common crossword answer. PTO, not so much (i.e. never).
• "Annals" always makes me do a double-take. Also, another solid "A"-word.

Page 123~

"You gone nuts? How we going to—"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 690: Go Down, Aaron / Chris Davidson (Ember Library EL376)

Paperback 690: Ember Library EL376 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Go Down, Aaron
Author: Chris Davidson
Cover artist: Uncredited [Robert Bonfils]

Yours for: Not For Sale, partly 'cause I just wanna keep it, partly because I'd feel guilty profiting in any way from this thing (probably worth something north of a C-note)


Best things about this cover:

• The title is ... amazing. I mean, if you can ignore completely the horrible Nazi / gay erotic nexus for, like, one second, you have to appreciate the wordplay involved in that title. Changing "Moses" to Aaron ... punning on the phrase "Go Down" ... playing "Third Sex" off of "Third Reich" ... seriously great.
• The painting is also fantastic in its composition. I mean, again, horrible, but just the way the naked man is framed by the Nazi's legs, the way the Nazi's crotch is illuminated / represented by steel bars, the details on the uniform (belt, gun, trousers, whip (?), boots ...). And all in an unusual Green. Jaw-dropping.
• This is among the most flat-out outrageous books in my collection. It takes "Sleaze" to 11. It's also in astonishing condition. I'd rate it 9/10, condition-wise.

Best things about this back cover:

• Yuck.
• What's the difference between a "deviate" and a "deviant"?
• I'm trying to imagine finding any of this arousing. Not judging, though. Different strokes, as it were.

Page 123~

"The Master requests your presence in the study, sir," the servant informed Aaron.

Hmmm, this is a kind of prison I'm not familiar with.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 539: The Ship With Two Captains / Terence Robertson (Berkley Medallion G402)

Paperback 539: Berkley Medallion G402 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: The Ship With Two Captains
Author: Terence Robertson
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $8



Best things about this cover:

• This cover fairly shouts the "wah WAH" sound effect.
• There was a time when whatever is happening here would've been manifestly funny, I'm sure, but those hats and those flags don't scream "wacky difference" to me so much as "partners in conquering the world." Cover should've been a study in contrasts, but instead it's Bing Crosby and William Holden waving dainty flags.
• I do like the eye in the periscope, though. I imagine that it is the Devil, who has taken over the submarine and is now going to take Bing and Bill on a hellish journey.

Best things about this back cover:

• I'm sorry. This cover (that is, the first sentence) made me fall asleep and am now too groggy to say anything, witty or otherwise.
• "Army Times" giving a thumbs-up to this book is like "Dog Fancy" giving a thumbs-up to "Benji."

Page 123~

The shells were falling around her now, some salvos just over, the next short and the rest straddling her.

This is way more pornographic than I imagined.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 490: The Fifth Man / Manning Coles (Berkley F88)

Paperback 490: Berkley Medallion F880 (1st ptg, 1964)

Title: The Fifth Man
Author: Manning Coles
Cover artist: n/a

Yours for: $6

Best things about this cover:

• OK, it's kind of dull, but what it lacks in the half-naked lady department it partially makes up for in the cool graphic design department.
• I like the chess pieces as a visual representation of the title. Very clever. "Check mate." "But that's not even a..." "I SAID [gun cocking sound] 'check mate'."
• I'm going to suggest that Tommy Hambledon is a lousy name for a hero (or a villain, or a person anyone might care to read about). Unless you play a mean pinball or design overpriced red white & blue mall clothes, if you are a grown man you should not go by "Tommy."

Best things about this back cover:

• Great design, but that phrase doesn't exactly pop. There's just no menace to the word "portfolio."
• Looking at Tommy Hambledon's other "adventures," I'm led to wonder why this book doesn't have the word "Today" in it.

Page 123~

"I am very much obliged to you, Superintendent," said Warren.

"Don't mention it. I am delighted to see you alive, Detective Inspector. I—we—began to think you weren't."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 364: Cycle Fury / Reggie Car (Chevron 124)

Paperback 364: Chevron 124 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Cycle Fury
Author: Reggie Car
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• They don't look very "frenzied." They look pretty laid back. I mean, that one dude us calmly enjoying a smoke. Also, it appears he bought his kelly green Nazi t-shirt at Old Navy. Old German Navy.
• Take away the Nazi paraphernalia and the bike and put him next to Annie Lennox and the guy in the foreground really looks like Dave Stewart from Eurythmics.
• That girl's outfit is kind of cute.
• Is that a *black* Nazi biker in the background??? This must be from some future time when the Nazis get big into the idea of diversity.

Best things about this back cover:

• Given the front cover, I would not have expected whatever kind of abstract painting is going on up top there on the back cover. The subtle interplays of blue and gray do not exactly scream "lust-crazed motorcycle gang!"
• There's really no reason for type this tiny.
• "Zipper Hardy" — is there a pun in there that I'm missing? Also, I think his description is missing a dash between "mob" and "and"...
• "Ham!" That's the name of the "giant Negro!?" Oh, that's not racist at all.
• If you merged "Cycle Fury" and the musical "Cats" into yet another musical, "Cycle Cats," I would be first in line to see it.
• This back cover has the word "pedagogical" on it!!!!! I thought only academics who think the word "teaching" is too declassé used variations on the word "pedagogy." Now it appears those academics and trashy novels about Nazi bikers have something in common. Did Not see that coming.

Page 123~

Then she remembered the aphrodisiacally-centered cigarette she had shared with him.

I literally cannot pronounce "aphrodisiacally."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 360: The Big Bust / Ed Lacy (Pyramid X-2037)

Paperback 360: Pyramid X-2037 (PBO, 1969)

Title: The Big Bust
Author: Ed Lacy
Cover artist: F. Pfeifer

Yours for: SOLD! (10/8/10)


Best things about this cover:

• [Insert joke about connection between title and woman's rack here]
• For a woman who's tied up, gagged, and carrying a tiny drowning man in her stomach, she's awfully concerned about those guys behind her. Lady, you've got your own problems.
• I have reluctantly tagged this post with "Redhead" label, though honestly I don't know what you call that color.

Best things about this back cover:

• Geek observation #227: "Supercharged" is just "surcharged" with "P.E." inside it. . .
• So the woman is like good pancakes. Well, who wouldn't want to tail that?
• If the boardwalk is "bikini-filled," does that mean the ocean is filled with naked women (who, presumably, all left their bikinis on the boardwalk)? I hope so.
• One of these paragraphs should immediately be countered with "That's what she said!"

Page 123~

Walter awoke me at one-fifteen and watching for snakes, back of a crumpling wall, I changed into the woolen underwear and rubber suit, Rhoda's $60,000 bra doubling as a jock strap.

[Speechless]

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 333: Fighting Generals / Phil Hirsch (Pyramid G496)

Paperback 333: Pyramid G496 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Fighting Generals
Editor: Phil Hirsch
Cover artist: Mel Crair

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Well, insofar as you can describe the "best things" about Nazis ... I'd say that is some fine portraiture. I love the expression on Rommel's face. He looks a bit like Colonel Klink. Accident?
• How many insignias does one man need?
• This title is superlame. I can't wait for the sequel, "Peaceful Generals." That, or "Fleeing Generals"

Best things about this back cover:

• Hmmm. Design on this is pretty nice. Staggered photos, staggered descriptions, on a two-tone back ground. Kind of evokes the stripes on a flag. Kind of evokes chaos.
• Of course the Russian sounds the worst. Hello, 1960! Fuck you, Commies!

Page 123~

The stooped old man looked harmless—but Hitler's killers knew he was a deadly threat to the Nazi empire!

This may be the first time my "Page 123" has been an above-the-chapter-title teaser. Dynamic!

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 29

Title: No Surrender (Pocket Books 247, 1st ptg, 1943)
Author: Martha Albrand
Cover artist: Manso

Yours for: $5

• If it weren't for the dude with the helmet and rifle, I'd think this was a novel about the music scene in Amsterdam. That guy's trying to sneak into a club to see bands from the Dauntless Dutch Underground.
• Since this is the Netherlands, I'm assuming that thing behind our hero is a giant bong.

• "Quisling" is just one of the best words in the English language (or any language, I'd imagine). This plot actually sounds a little awesome.
• His name anagrams to RUN, VAN IS MONIKER

Page 123~

After a long time the professor sighed.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 174: The Night of Long Knives / Max Gallo (Warner 78-231)

Paperback 174: Warner 78-231 (1st ptg, 1973)

Title: The Night of Long Knives
Author: Max Gallo
Cover artist: Don Punchatz

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Way out of my normal collecting time period, but man oh man this cover is astonishing. Super Gothic Horror Nightmare. That heap of contorted flesh is like a composite being - a monster, bleeding to death - though the guys up top kind of look like they're doing yoga
• That Eagle crown looks like it's pinching him a little

Best thing about this back cover:

• "Orgy of blood" - yes, that's what the cover looks like
• This book is non-fiction, it appears, and has interior photos of all kinds of Nazi-esque stuff, though most of it is just guys in overcoats walking from here to there. I guess I'll take boring over gruesome.
• OK, this book is making me feel dirty, so I'm done thinking about it

Page 123~

There's really nothing even remotely funny to quote, so I'm gonna pass. The first sentence I looked at had "Dachau camp" in it, to give you an idea of the material I'm dealing with here.

~RP

Paperback 76: I Am Fifteen - And I Don't Want to Die / Christine Arnothy (Popular-Eagle Library EB95)

Paperback 76: Popular-Eagle Books EB95 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: I Am Fifteen - and I Don't Want to Die
Author: Christine Arnothy
Cover artist: Mitchell Hooks

YOURS FOR: $9


Best things about this cover:

• It's hard to make fun of a 15-year-old who does not want to die, particularly when the people who might kill her are Nazis.
• This book was apparently published in order to capitalize on the brief vogue in diaries written by young girls hiding from Nazis.
• She's pretty chic for a war victim.
• This cover is slightly boring (not nearly Hooks's best work) but I do love the barbed wire detail around her ankles, and the color of the sky.

RP