Paperback 1050: Bogus Lover / Hy Silver (Newsstand Library U136)

Paperback 1050: Newsstand Library U136 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Bogus Lover
Author: Hy (ho?) Silver
Cover artist: Robert Bonfils

Condition: 8/10
Estimated value: $15

Best things about this cover:

• I love her girl-about-town, devil-may care look. I'm not sure who's throwing bras and mannequin heads at her, but she doesn't seem fazed.
• That blue is exquisite.
• They've certainly, uh, made sure to emphasize her torso profile. The extensive boob shadow is kinda overkill. It's like, yeah, we see. They're lovely.
• The valentine on the mannequin's face is so freaky. What is even happening here!?

Best things about this back cover:

• Argh, too much text!
• I'm pretty sure that "crunched" is the wrong word for what casting couches do when you put your lustful weight on them, but admittedly this isn't really my bailiwick. Maybe someone got sloppy with corn chips?
• "Hey boss, how many 'm's in Peggy's "'Mmmmmmmm?'" "That depends. Is she lustful?" "Oh, yes, sir. Very." "Then ... Eight!" "But, sir, that's ... that's two more than we've ever done. Are you su—" "I'M TRYIN' TO SELL BOOKS HERE, MAN, JUST DO IT!" (/scene)
• Wait. Peggy? Then who's Wanda? We lost gentle Wanda somewhere between paragraphs two and three. Oh, the boss is not gonna be happy about this...

Page 123~

"I guess we're both stupid," he said as he started the engine.

Real talk.

~RP

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Paperback 906: Amorous Dietitian / Mary Shomette Gooch (Novel Library U171)

Paperback 906: Novel Library U171 (PBO, 1961)

Title: Amorous Dietitian
Author: Mary Shomette Gooch
Cover artist: [I know his name but it's eluding me right now...] [Is it Robert Bonfils?]

Estimated value: $INFINITY (no copies listed at abebooks)

[Newest addition to the Doug Peterson Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• "O god you smell like onions [smack smack smack] that's so hot [slurp]..."
• Tony Curtis *is* ... The Dietitian *in* ... "Some Like It Hot (& Sour)!"
• This is possibly the dumbest concept in the history of sex fiction. "We've done the whole doctors/nurses thing ... where can we go? ..." "Uh ... truck-driving?" "Really? Truck-driving? DO TRUCK DRIVERS WEAR WHITE LAB COATS, BOB? DO THEY!? How's anyone gonna get properly aroused without white lab coats, you idiot!"
• Nice inner side-boob, which I think used to be called "cleavage."
• What kind of antiseptic seraglio is this? Between our breath-smellers in the foreground and the butt-grabbers in the background, there doesn't appear to be much dietitianing happening up in here.

Best things about this back cover:

• First sentence = instant LOL. You can "grin" words now?
• Ladies and gentlemen, meet your newest dietitian: Clete.
• Mmm, breasts in the raw. Pretty sure I saw that on a Brooklyn bar menu.
• Jesus, does this woman have any body parts that aren't breasts?
• "She was a woman and clean." One of the all-time great mic-drop lines. Biblical in its epicness and crypticness. All other writers can suck it. There's a new word sheriff in town.

Page 123~

Warren Grant turned, looked at her, then grinned and sauntered over. His eyes rested on her jutting breasts for a moment, then lifted to her face.

Mary Shomette Gooch graduated summa cum laude from the Grin & Boob School of Writingticians.

~RP

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Paperback 613: Deadly Desire / Edward Booth (Newsstand Library U146)

Paperback 613: Newsstand Library U146 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Deadly Desire
Author: Edward Booth
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• "Deadly Desire" was a last-minute substitution for the original title, "Boobs Bus."
• His eyes are the Best! He has this fantastic, dubious expression, like "Really? You're telling me those are real? ... OK ..."
• I love this cover. It's sexy while being ordinary. I'm as intrigued by her boobs as I am by his eyes and the design on that bus window. Vivid and eye-catching.

Best things about this back cover:

• The present tense in that first part is weird for paperback covers, right? Feels weird.
• Ah, the sexiest words a woman can say to a man: Oklahoma City.

Page 123~

"And so ends our little affair," she said. "But what are you going to do."

"I don't know yet," he answered, "but I'll find someone sooner or later. It's never too late, you know."

Get it? "Sooner or later" ... and they're in Oklahoma ... That's killer material.

~RP

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Paperback 453: So Strange Our Love / Joseph Heron (Newsstand Library U159)

Paperback 453: Newsstand Library U159 (PBO, 1961)

Title: So Strange Our Love
Author: Joseph Heron
Cover artist: Uncredited [Robert Bonfils]

Yours for: $14


Best things about this cover:

• First impression: yeah, that's pretty strange.
• Honey, you're gonna have to move that thing a little closer to his face. From the squinting, I'd say dude is clearly too nearsighted to appreciate it from that distance. At this rate, he's never going to put his Eiffel Tower anywhere near your frenzied river, let alone your secret and turbulent rapids.
• Wow, "forked" is a word that really kills the mood.

Best things about this back cover:

• OK, I get it, only Mireille. Stop shouting at me.
• "forked" : front cover :: "nostrils" : back cover
• "Pointed" — man, talk about your adventures in bad word choice.
• "... under the touch of his fingers her nipple swelled" — I wonder if that looked anything like this picture we've seen before.
  
• I'm trying to find the part in that last paragraph where they actually start fucking. Not entirely clear. If I read it literally, it's like she gets him in some kind of wrestling hold with her legs, and he's cool with that, but then she starts writhing and ululating and speaking in tongues. No wonder he's keeping his distance on the front cover.

Page 123~

She picked up a pack of cigarettes from the table and lit one. "And yet if Johny had been a man, you wouldn't mind it," she said. "When you thought she was a man, you didn't."

If Johny had been a man, he'd have figured out how to spell his name properly. By the way, dude's name is Ken and he's just discovered that MIREILLE! sleeps with girls. Or girl, at any rate.

~RP

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