Paperback 1020: The Lineup / Frank Kane (Dell First Edition B125)

Paperback 1020: Dell First Edition B125 (PBO, 1959)

Title: The Lineup
Author: Frank Kane
Cover artist: Victor Kalin

Condition: 6.5/10
Estimated value: $10-12

Best things about this cover:

• So gorgeous. Victor Kalin with that insane take on the police interrogation lamp, but instead of the perp being all sweaty and nervous, this lady's like "What the fuck do you bozos want?" It's not a harsh light of intimidation, but a warm, caramel light revealing the real power in the room. "Keys? ... What keys?"
• That dress! That posture! Sorry, bullet point 2 is just gonna be an extension of bullet point 1. She is all style and attitude. Those dough-faced dudes are inconsequential and marginal and now they know it. I love her.
• Whenever anyone tells you that smoking can be sexy, this is what they're talking about. It allows people to reveal themselves gesturally. Her hands are mesmerizing. Also: lips, nails, dress—all on point. The Drab Twins don't know what to do.

Best things about this back cover:

• Mid-century S.F. = So Hot. This is the S.F. of "Vertigo." Do the cable cars still run? They were iconic in my youth (I was born in S.F.).
• Wait, what? MY name is Ben Guthrie!!!!? Second person!? Hoo, boy, sign me up. And thanks for not making me "Matt Greb," as Greb is a name you'd make up in a panicked haste if you were really bad at making up names
• Today, November 5th, Guy Fawkes Day...
• "... you put your cop phone to your cop ear, sit on your cop ass, and say with your cop mouth, 'What?'"
• What, a novelization of a TV show!? O please O please (checks youtube...) Oh, cool. Looks like its name got changed to "San Francisco Beat," but here ya go!!!

Page 123~

"I"d say you were all trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey, Doc," Greb added. "Must feel a little foolish taking the fall alone."

"Metaphor? check! Cop patter? check! Man, I am killing it at my job today!"—Greb, in his head, probably.

~RP

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Paperback 891: A Boy Named Cash / Albert Govoni (Lancer 74641)

Paperback 891: Lancer 74641 (PBO, 1970)

Title: A Boy Named Cash: The Johnny Cash Story
Author: Albert Govoni
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $15-20

Best things about this cover:

• It's a boring photo, but I'm in love with the font and color and star-spangledness of "CASH"!
• Hard to believe it's his "first full-length biography," but if a Lancer paperback says it …
• Discography in this thing is legit. Enormous. Runs to well over four pages.
• Book is close to pristine, with the "triple-size pin-up photo" complete intact, and probably never unfurled. Let's unfurl it, shall we?

OK then ...

Best things about this back cover:

• Uh … hi.
• TV Tie-In!
• "Here is Johnny Cash in words and pictures" is kind of a lie. Should really read "Here is Johnny Cash in words and picture, singular" (the "triple-size pin-up photo" is the only picture in the whole thing).

Page 123~

Johnny has never forgotten the words he overheard one day when he was in Sam Phillips' office. Through the partially opened door leading into a studio, he heard a man in the studio saying to someone …

a. "… marijuana, man. I can dig it."
b. "… Muddy Waters is good, man, but I'm tellin' you … Pat fuckin' Boone, man."
c. "… man, you know they faked that moon landing, right?"
d. "… it's called 'gwa kah MOLE ay'—try it, man."
e. all of the above
f. invent your own answer

~RP

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Paperback 819: The Dain Curse / Dashiell Hammett (Vintage V-624)

Paperback 819: Vintage V-624 (1st thus, 1978)

Title: The Dain Curse
Author: Dashiell Hammett
Cover artist: Alan Reingold

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• Oh, '70s. Never change.
• Aside from the horrible color scheme, the other things that scream "'70s" are the particular look of the cult leader (very hippy-Jesus-chesthair) and the Manson-murder-looking girl.
• I actually kind of love this cover. Highly unusual, lots going on. Long live Mustachioed and Fedoraed James Coburn!

Best things about this back cover:

• Just the dumb-looking statue and some words. With the ornate title font now in isolation, we are left to marvel at its bright blue shadow. The book really wants to convey period authenticity, really, it does, but …
• The aesthetic appears to be "Deco Goes to Woodstock."
• Ross Macdonald secretly hated Chandler (for good and bad reasons), and so every quote I read from him now about anyone else's greatness, including his own, always contains a tacit, "So Fuck You, Ray!" This includes the Macdonald blurb often used on Chandler covers.
• I tend to leave books just as I bought them. Hence the '90s price tag. No sticker puller, I.

Page 123~

"Now how can you say that?" he remonstrated. "Ain't she a dope fiend? And cracked in the bargain…?"

I would read "Ain't She a Dope Fiend?"

~RP

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Paperback 715: TCOT Perjured Parrot / Erle Stanley Gardner (Cardinal C-379)

Paperback 715: Cardinal C-379 (1st ptg, 1959)

Title: The Case of the Perjured Parrot
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Ric Grasso

Yours for: $8


Best things about this back cover:

• Woman distraught over loss of parrot attempts suicide by costume jewelry, gets tired, quits.
• "Maybe if I just lean here sultrily, my parrot will just fly back in the window."
• I unironically love her dress.

Best things about this back cover:

• Wait, I can't see Perry, WHERE'S PERRY!? Oh, there he is. Phew. Thanks, Giant Red Arrow.
• Not often you see the phrase "collection of guns at the public library." At least not where I'm from.
• Remember when people watched scripted television on Saturdays!? Good times.

Page 123~

"You're putting me in a very difficult position, Mason," Bolding said irritably.
Mason's voice showed surprise. "I am? Why, I thought you'd put yourself in it."

Perry Mason, Smug Dickhead-at-Law

~RP

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P.S. This is one of 97 paperbacks I bought yesterday at the University Book Sale. "Bingeing" doesn't really get at it.

Paperback 713: Flight / Edgar Jean Bracco (Berkley G291)

Paperback 713: Berkley Medallion G291 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Flight
Author: Edgar Jean Bracco
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Lasers!
• Simple, clean lines. Shitty-looking sky, but still, oddly elegant in its simplicity.
• Love the "Flight" font and its positioning on the horizon.
• Surely the copywriter could've gotten another "A" word into that tagline.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Authentic!" See, that's an "A"-word.
• ETO is a common crossword answer. PTO, not so much (i.e. never).
• "Annals" always makes me do a double-take. Also, another solid "A"-word.

Page 123~

"You gone nuts? How we going to—"

~RP

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Paperback 645: Tarzan of the Apes / Edgar Rice Burroughs (Ballantine Books U2001)

Paperback 645: Ballantine U2001 (3rd ptg / 1st thus, 1966)

Title: Tarzan of the Apes
Author: Edgar Rice Burroughs
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• Ron Ely ponders the bright vista of his career. 
• Ron Ely feels very good about Ron Ely's tree-climbing abilities. Ron Ely starting to believe this Tarzan thing may work out after all. Ron Ely is going to rub it in mom's face first chance he gets.
• Seriously, something is not right up in Ron Ely's brain.
• If this is Ron Ely's most Tarzanesque pose ... I mean, to whom are they selling this book? You could retitle this "Summer in the Woods" or "My First Time" or "Beefcake Palace" and you wouldn't have to change the picture one bit.
• Ron Ely is quite satisfied with Ron Ely's body. Ron Ely's workouts really paid off.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Uncut"—Yes, that could also be the title of a book with this cover.
• "Color television show"!? Wow. I think they prefer to be called "television shows of color." The '60s were so racist.

Page 123~

"Look at dem low down white trash out dere!" she shrilled, pointing toward the Arrow. "They-all's a desecratin' us, right yere on dis yere perverted islan'."

I think "Tarzan" actually came on right before "Dis Yere Perverted Islan'" ("... with Gilligan ... the Skipper too ...")

~RP

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Paperback 635: The Time Tunnel / Murray Leinster (Pyramid R-1522)

Paperback 635: Pyramid R-1522 (1st ptg, 1967)

Title: The Time Tunnel
Author: Murray Leinster
Cover artist: Jack Gaughan

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• Y'know ... it's pretty standard TV tie-in fair. Network logo. TV title font. A tunnel (presumably of the "time" variety).
• I actually love the tunnel. Diminishing people descending into diminishing non-concentric circles. Simple and cool.
• Wikipedia tells me that Murray Leinster wrote a novel with this title in 1964, the plot of which was quite different. He then wrote this novelization of the TV series three years later, and then a later, final "Time Tunnel" novel called Timeslip: Time Tunnel Adventure #2. There were also two "Time Tunnel" Gold Key comics put out in '66-'67.
• Complete TV series is on Hulu Plus. I'm gonna check it out.

Best things about this back cover:

• Whoa, the "real" tunnel is an op-art nightmare.
• The Scientist Wore Shapeless Chinos (That Made His Ass Look Fat and Flat).
• Who could forget James Darren and Robert Colbert!? (A: everyone)
• "And it's produced by Irwin Allen, so you know it's top-of-the-line TV fare."—something someone somewhere must've thought at some time.

Page 123~

"I'm talking about the time traveller Kirk's assembled," said Doug urgently. "In the Tunnel chamber!" He said apprehensively: "We may be stuck here for always! Tony! The whole Project may turn out a failure!"

Tony roused. 

As terse, momentous sentences go, "Tony roused" is up there with "Jesus wept."

~RP

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Paperback 546: Trail of the Restless Gun / Will Hickok (Signet 1675)

Paperback 546: Signet 1675 (1st ptg, 1959)

Title: Trail of the Restless Gun
Author: Will Hickok
Cover artist: Robert Schulz

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

• "We need a really heroic name. How about ... a first name that will make everyone go 'What?' and a last name that kinda sounds like 'boner'?!" "I like it!"
• I love the look of crushing existential angst in this guy's face. "Why? Why do I use this? Futility. All roads lead to death. Does it even matter if I turn around and fire?"
• Or else he's turned his gun into a thermometer and is confirming that it is, indeed, hot out there.
• "Hickok" looks wrong. Like it's missing a second "c." "I'm a HICK ... OK?"

, Best things about this back cover:

• This family sounds unequivocally awesome. 
• Are "dancehall teasers" (great phrase) notoriously "curious?" About ... what? Science? I think of a "tease" as being knowing and at least somewhat jaded—wanting to deceive or toy with someone, not wanting to learn. 
• J.C. Penney is proud to feature—The Paxton Brand.

Page 123~

Something seemed to push Rasher forward in his saddle. Then all at once his legs rammed straight and he reared up to his full height, his back arching and a look of spasmed agony and shocked wonderment.

The sex scenes in this book are much hotter than I'd anticipated.

~RP

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The P. Morrison Donations #4: The Case of the Lonely Heiress / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 6027)

The P. Morrison Donations #4

Pocket Books 6027 (4th ptg, 1960)

Title: The Case of the Lonely Heiress 
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Uncredited

Best things about this cover:

• The people from PETA have learned to spraypaint *very* legibly.
• No idea who the cover artist is here, but he/she clearly doesn't have enough confidence in his/her GGA (Great Girl Art) abilities. She looks phenomenal, and really deserves to be taking up more front cover real estate.
• Maybe ease up on the orange jewelry a little, though.
• Cigarette holder! Chic!

Best things about this back cover:

• The answer is no, but only because I'm 42 and scrupulously honest.
• In case you didn't see Raymond Burr down there ... GIANT RED ARROW TO THE FACE!
• I wish the plot of this book was that Perry Mason led a double life, trolling for lonely women on the pre-internet, killing them, and then ending up having to solve the very crimes he committed. 

Page 123~

With the glaring overhead light out, Marilyn Marlow could see Lieutenant Tragg clearly now, a tall, somewhat slender, well-knit individual whose clean-cut features were a welcome relief from the heavy faces of the officers who had been leering at her.

Marilyn Marlow then said, with a predatory coyness, "You must be Humphrey Bolgard. They said you were well-knit, but—" She ran her eyes down the length of his frame and back up again "—well, there's knit and there's knit, and boy are you knit."

~RP

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Paperback 394: The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. Magazine (Feb. 1967)

Paperback 394: The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. (Feb. 1967)

Author: Robert Hart Davis et al.
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $5


Best things about this cover:

• Pretty sure the teal pen outline of the gun-toting figures is not original.
• Photo was actually lifted from publicity stills for the failed "That Girl!" spinoff entitled "That Hat!"
• There is rather remarkable definition / shading on the boobs here. Hard to see because the damned hat is so distracting, but it's there...
• Zebra skin makes the best shoes.

Best things about this back cover:

• Yet another publicity still, this one from the short-lived cover band / duo called "The Karpenters"

Page 123~

Finally he said, "Okay, Canard, but this only works once. I got friends in the D.A.'s office, too. When I get that envelope, you're a dead man."

"Sooner or later, Degna, we all are."

Yeesh, that's a line even "CSI: Miami" would've thrown away.

~RP

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Paperback 377: The Corpse Came Calling / Brett Halliday (Dell D401)

Paperback 377: Dell D401 (1st New Dell, 1961)

Title: The Corpse Came Calling
Author: Brett Halliday
Cover artist: Robert McGinnis

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• I used to eat popsicles that color—the long kind they'd sell out of ice cream trucks. It's like pink and tangerine had a fight and nobody won.
• That right boob is levitating, I think.
• I love her torpid, world-weary look: "Ugh, are we really out of gin again? Well, if anyone wants, me, I'll be on the davenport with my two poodles."

Best things about this back cover:

• One of the great, simple back cover designs of all time. Great visual use of the tag line. Wish the text were off to the side to let the glass have the room it deserves.

Page 123~

"She had to shoot him. I don't doubt that at all. And you'd naturally want to keep her out of the picture. That's all right, too. But you know me. If that's the way it was, why not say so? I can pull the zipper on my mouth any old time."

Kinky.

~RP

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Paperback 374: The Making of Star Trek / Stephen E. Whitfield & Gene Roddenberry (Ballantine 73004)

Paperback 374: Ballantine Books 73004 (PBO, 1968)

Title: The Making of Star Trek
Authors: Stephen E. Whitfield & Gene Roddenberry
Cover artist: photos

Yours for: [SOLD! 12-5-10]


Best things about this cover:

• If I were a Star Trek fan, I would be geeking out so hard over this very cool paperback original
• That Enterprise is absurdly model-kit-looking in this photo. Maybe that's the point? "How it works!—we make cheap-ass models and use trick photography, suckers."
• Further, "How it works"? I like how it implies that the tech is real.
• Those are two handsome spacemen.

Best things about this back cover:

• A "biography" of a TV show! Printed while said show was still on the air. Pretty visionary / ballsy.
• Seriously, this back cover isn't lying. This book is Thick and chock full of photos, internal memos, a miniature episode guide, and a chapter entitled "Whither Star Trek?"! Oh, and whoever owned this book originally was a megageek, as there are tiny clipped-out TV Guide epsiode summaries taped and/or paperclipped into the episode guide section. Also, this section is annotated in some kind of code.

Page 123~

When the first screening was over, the general reaction from the people in the room was, "This is the most fantastic thing we've ever seen."

~RP

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Paperback 373: Bewitched / Al Hine (Dell 0551)

Paperback 373: Dell 0551 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Bewitched
Author: Al Hine
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: [SOLD 11-28-10]


Best things about this cover:

• Big crush on Elizabeth Montgomery. Big big crush. Love this show, esp. Agnes Moorehead as Endora.
• Sexy witch. Wish the pic were bigger. Stupid text.
• "Sexy-hexy" is an adjectival form that I really would like to see more of.
• I want to tell the cover artist "she's not that kind of witch," but she's kind of hot as "that kind of witch," so I'm torn.
• AL HINE anagrams to INHALE.

Best things about this back cover:

• I love how the opening line suggests that they were having out-of-this-world sex.
• "In book form," HA ha.
• "Over-hexed"—OK, you've maxed out the pun card.
• This book sounds much saucier than the TV show.
• Is the blurb for the TV show or the adaptation? Moreover, wtf is the "Philadelphia Bulletin?" Is that like the "Springfield Shopper?"

Page 123~

"Poor man wants a cigarette," Bertha said. "Give him one, darling."
Samantha chuckled and fixed her nose: "Addis Ababa Enamels, Walk a Mile and Meet Some Camels," she said.

~RP

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Paperback 334: The Partridge Family #5: Terror By Night / Vic Crume (Curtis Books 06148)

Paperback 334: Curtis Books 06148 (PBO, 1971)

Title: Terror By Night
Author: Vic Crume
Cover artist: Photo

Yours for: $6


Best things about this cover:

• Literally nothing about this cover — the pic, the design, nothing — says TERROR BY NIGHT. Is there a ghost in the amp? Is Keith gonna get blown away by some wicked feedback?
• There's a weed-whacker on the wall.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Downbeat for Danger!" should have been the title.
• Why is "and when Keith" italicized???
• "Provincetown was *nothing* like Keith expected..."

Page 123~

Keith Partridge and Bill Angelo, dripping wet, followed with another heavy box, and in back of them were eight men—three of them in handcuffs.

"Mom," said Keith, "it's not what you think."

~RP

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Paperback 185: Honey West: Dig a Dead Doll / G.G. Fickling (Pyramid R-1355)

Paperback 185: Pyramid Books R-1355 (2nd ptg - 1st thus, 1966)

Title: Honey West: Dig a Dead Doll
Author: G.G. Fickling
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• Alliteration? Check. Hot girl with gun? Check. Ocelot? Check.
• Fencing in the foyer!
• The Honey West novels were first published before the TV series, then reissued as TV tie-ins like this one. The series was short lived. More here.
• This cover makes me sad, as I am sure that cat is drugged

Best things about this back cover:

• Grrrr. Seriously, grrr, taking this fucking leash off, lady.
• "Look, I give. You are very, very hot. I can't deny it. Now just put down the gun and dear god let the cat go already ..."

Page 123~

He shoved an elbow in my ribs. "Sí. There is no place better to hide a body, no?" His eyes slid down to my hips. "Speaking of bodies, it is a shame to hide yours."

"Thanks," I said, patting his swarthy cheek. "You're not so bad after all."

Non-threatening lecherous Mexicans who love word play = comedy gold.

~RP

Paperback 56: This Girl For Hire / G.G. Fickling (Pyramid R-1151)

Paperback 56: Pyramid R-1151 (4th ptg, 1965)
Title: This Girl For Hire
Author: G.G. Fickling
Cover artist: Uncredited


Best things about this cover:

• Honey West was a brief but important crime fiction phenomenon - an early, nakeder version of today's modern female detectives. See, Honey West lost her clothes a lot. It was her thing. Like ... a wordless catchphrase or facial tic or something. A girl's gotta do etc. See back cover.
• My wife's first comment: "Is she pregnant?" - I believe the tenting of the coat is meant to convey motion, specifically a spinning motion as Honey West rounds on a would-be assailant. According to this drawing, she is a south paw. And she has broken the heel of her left shoe. And yet she persists. True grit!
  
• Alliteration!
• "This Gun for Hire" is a sensational film noir (1942) starring Veronica Lake and Alan Ladd.
• "See her on 'Burke's Law' ... Whoops. We're sorry. While you blinked, 'Burke's Law' was canceled. Good bye."
• Honey actually went on to have her own show. Go here for more than you ever wanted to know about Honey West.
• Again, I hope you are noticing how covers get crappier, in general, after 1959. Too much text, not enough hot lady with gun, I say.

Best things about this back cover:

• Well, if you're a feminist who happens to have no sense of humor ... then, nothing.
• If you're a feminist who does have a sense of humor (like most I know), then you should find this hilarious. What did it take for a female detective to get some street cred back in the day? Now you know: a penchant for accidental nudity.
• I have a way, way hotter version of this book that dates from the late 50's. Honey's not naked on that one, but she is more than two inches tall, at least.

RP

Paperback 49: Ballantine 236

Paperback 49: Ballantine 236 (PBO, 1957)

Title: Gunsmoke
Author: Don Ward
Cover artist: photo cover


Best things about this cover

• "I Was A Sunburned Frankenstein"
• Wow, colorization could really wreak havoc with your skin back then. Marshal Dillon looks like he just completed an overly lengthy stint at the tanning salon. You live in the DESERT, Marshal. Just walking around outside should give you all the color you need.
• I'm not sure this cover could be less interesting if it tried. "I am ... walking toward you ... I am huge ... that is all."
• Love the CBS "Eye"

Best things about this back cover

• Copy writer should be fired - you don't open your promo with the passive voice, for god's sake.
• Further, of course it "is remembered." If I'm reading this book in 1957, then I "remember" it from Last Night, When It Was On.
• "Movie goers" is two words now? Walker Percy's not going to like that one bit.

RP

Why Book Sales are Like Crack Dens To Me, Part 1

I spent much of the last year getting rid of books - giving them away, throwing them away, recycling them, cutting them up to make art, etc. I just had too many. And I vowed not to acquire anymore books unless they were a. beautiful, or b. written by someone I really wanted to support with my $.

But those vows were made before I encountered the latest University Book Sale, at which point they immediately went out the window. I actually paid money (well, technically my student paid for me... we'll call her "Dondie") to get into the sale, and then got first crack at a ton of books - fiction, instructional, other, etc. I immediately went into super-consumption mode, as nearly every other cover called out to me with its cheesy greatness and awe-inspiring improbability. I am sitting here at my desk with "Dondie" right now - she actively encouraged me to buy many of the following. That's what they call an "enabler." What did I pick up? OK, Where to start ...?

Henry Bridgman, How To Make an Oboe Reed (PBO, 1987)
Cover artist: Some clip art genius

• I don't know why, but I know that someday this book will come in handy
• Did you know, and I quote: "The tip is where most of the action is"? Damn, this is hot. And useful.
• "We are assuming a finished tip length of 4.5mm." Dondie says: "Whoa, low standards!"

• Woo hoo, First Edition!
• Dondie says: "I was four when this came out!"
• Not only did Henry Bridgman write the book ... he then mailed it to himself.

John Updike, Bech: A Book (1st ptg, 1971)
Cover artist: Arnold Roth

• "Bech, A Book, A Female Book..."
• More like "Blecch: A Book" [HA ha, I kill me]
• He has boobs in his hair. Furthermore, he has Boobs in his Hair.
• Dondie says: "The nipples are ferociously red"
• Head = phallus? scrotum? squash? zucchini?
• I have to say, that is the most disturbing head in all of paperback cover art history - even more disturbing than ...

Lawrence Durrell, Clea (1st ptg, 1961)
Cover artist: Unidentified

• This, my friends, is the Original Floating Head, in that it is LITERALLY FLOATING. In water. Ur-Floating-Head. Totally scary / haunting.
• The floating head that ate Beirut! Run, women in burkhas, run! The blonde lady is hungry!
• Dondie says: "You'll never understand .... Clea ... my love [kisses book]"

Edwin Newman, Sunday Punch (1st ptg, 1980)
Cover artist: "Paris"

• That can't be good for your back.
• Dondie says: "He farted in the martini ... fartini."
• Dondie says: "His grimace has an 'I wanna do you / I gotta poop real bad' quality."
• This is my second "Person-in-a-cocktail-glass" book cover, if you can believe that. Here is the other one. This Sunday Brunch one is far less hot.
• There is something very wrong about the olive.

"The Walking Asparagus" - "So powerful that he can make your pee smell funny just by looking at you."

James Salter, Solo Faces (1st ptg, 1980)
Cover design: Neil Stuart
Cover photograph: Christina Rodin


The story of the gigantic nose that climbed the Swiss Alps.

And, lastly for today, a gem:

Joan Oppenheimer, Which Mother Is Mine? (PBO, 1980)

• Novelization of an ABC Afterschool Special! Awesome!
• Starring Blind Mary from "Little House," and My all-time TV mom crush, Mrs. C from "Happy Days."
  
• Is Mary blind in this show too? Is that why she is looking at nothing in particular and using her hands to communicate with Mom 1? It's so "Miracle Worker."
• Dondie says: Awesome photograph. Mom 2 is so sickened by Mom 1: "I'll kill you, bitch! She's mine!"
• Dondie also says: Ugliest dress ever. It's a wonder either of them wants to be her mom.
• I say: I think this is actually an Ugly Dress Pageant, and these are the three finalists. Mom 1 is doing that fake hand-holding "I hope you win" thing that pageant finalists do to fake support each other before the winner is announced.

More - much more - to follow.

RP (with Dondie)