Category Archives: Christianity

Christianity, conspiracy, QAnon and others, Secular Wings, The Unknown Journey, Trauma Talk

Cults & Christianity

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Religious &/or spiritual belief doctrines of good vs. evil/ the end-times.

I use to read about cults. Always from a Christian point of view. Christianity, truth. All others, not truth and likely cultic. I remember the day I thought, wait, this is all kind of “out there” and couldn’t one say, it was cultic too? It certainly had some weird beliefs going on. Angels and demons. Heavenly beings. Core of the earth beings. Lots of do’s and don’ts. Earthly punishment as well as Eternal punishment. Hero’s and sinners. Mystery, miracles, peace and power. Each having their own texts or writing of some sort. Many patriarchal. The list of similarities quite long. If we are looking at “them” and thinking, wow, that’s nuts, wouldn’t “they” be thinking the same about us?

Each claim “the” truth. Each claiming special knowledge and human grandiosity because of “the” truth. Each placing themselves, above the others. Each aiming for unity. There is no plurality when you have “the” truth. You are safe here as long as you don’t remove your robe of superiority.

Christianity, Personal Memoirs, Secular Wings

It’s Time to Go

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As I walk out the door into the parking lot, she’s there. Shy. She approaches. Her face flushed with embarrassment. How did you do that?

Again, someone asking me.

She’s so nervous to even talk with me. That was a start of a life-long friendship that didn’t last long. She died in her 30’s. Cancer.

I shared with her my point of view about being silenced in my growing up years. I walked a fine line. Sometimes speaking up, other times, not. Always looking for safety before my approach. Surely in the presence of many born-again believers, we are safe, right?

Before I knew it, she was participating in class. Started with a racing heart, a flushed face, but as time passed she became an active voice in the class. One day she thanked me and I pointed out that her face is no longer flushed when she raised her hand. She had grown confident in her voice.

When that semester had ended we parted ways or so we thought. We kept in touch right to the end and in those years I learned that like me, using her voice at home was not safe.

Christianity, Death, Healing, Humanist, Pain, The Unknown Journey, Trauma Talk

Green

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Part of Carmen’s comment: “Every person brings a unique perspective to a very broad topic; one never knows what explicit comment another person might identify with. It’s all about connections. . . I, for one, think it’s nothing less than HEROIC that you actually put yourselves out there and share your innermost thoughts.”

As I turned to leave her business, I heard her say thank you. The usual thing would be to say, you’re welcome and continue on my way. This was different. I turned and faced her. Her face and bodily language wracked with her pain of grief. Agony. I had given her two hugs. A mother’s hug and a grandmother’s hug. She held me so tight that perhaps in those moments she was holding herself up.

I actually was triggered though not in the negative way. I’m not sure how to explain. She is a born-again Christian. She knows I left that world behind and over several years I have slowly just been me. Over the years I have been a willing listener to her wonder. I have also been a contributor in small bits and bites to the greater wonder. The “broad topic” of life and in this case, death. There is this huge world that exists outside one’s belief system. I had a very broad perspective. Always have. Inside the tight parameters of my former belief system, I was a bit of a thorn that way. I just never could really separate myself from the bigger picture.

My compassion doesn’t go out the door as she grieves her loss. As a mother and a grandmother I have common ground with her grief because I too am a mother and a grandmother. Though her loss is not mine, it doesn’t mean it won’t be one day, and whether so, it doesn’t have to be, because I do know loss. I met her where she was because all around the world, people mourn. I cannot shake off her pain. It is my pain too. Pain is pain regardless of your eternal beliefs. We share a common humanity. And though beliefs may separate us, it is a false separation because though we fight it, we are all connected.

So why was I triggered? This woman, in her unbelievable moment of grief that will be never ending for her, thanked me. And, in that moment, in those moments of her horrible truth, she saw me. I was confused. She followed up because I think she saw my confusion. She then seriously stood there in her grief and told me that I am so compassionate, kind and caring. What? I thought. Seriously she said, you always listen and you are so accepting and kind. You are understanding. I thought I would crumble. I felt guilty because now it was about me and not her. I shared with her that this is just me. I do death well. I don’t know why. It’s always been that way. It’s just who I am. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you believe. By this time she’s deeply overwhelmed and so am I. She then told me that I wouldn’t believe the things people have said to her. And my heart ached because in her circles “those people” are fellow believers. My heart ached because I have deeply mourned what “those people” said to me a long time ago. I know how cruel it can be to hear believers wave a hand as if it’s no big deal because, well, Jesus. The insensitivity of minimizing pain. In some circles it’s an art. :(

I thanked her for sharing that with me. I felt kind of stupid. But honestly, she gave me a gift. I don’t know why with this one person I have slowly over time just allowed myself to listen, share bits here and there but above all, just listen. And when she asked me those difficult questions, I did not shy away from slowly allowing myself to feel safe enough to answer her. “What do you do at a funeral when someone doesn’t know the Lord? How do you comfort them?” I simply said, you don’t know what they believe and you don’t have to say anything. You can take their hand, give a hug or simply say, I’m sorry.

There is a saying, it isn’t easy being green. The thing is, aren’t we all green?

Christianity, Leaving Christianity, Secular Wings, Spiritual Abuse, Trauma Talk

Just Felt Like It

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Was thinking about Joe today and irony. This is from Bruce Gerencser’s blog.  So far Bruce has a 3 part series on his interaction with Joe.  *I emphasized Joe’s comments.  And I will add my contemplations at the end.  This is from part 2.  

What follows is a transcript of the emails he sent me and my responses:

Joe: Seriously— what makes you believe you can say something like that to someone and it’s totally OK? Is this how you normally address people you disagree with? I’m actually flabbergasted [sic]. Unbelievable.

I guess you’ll use this now with your laughing emojis. That’s cool. Be my guest. See ya.”

Bruce: No, I’ll just tell you again, Joe, fuck off . Second request, don’t contact me again.

Joe: “Go f&$&#k yourself Joe? Really? For quoting 1John 2:19? And then you put up your own article where you allow someone to quote it once again? OK— carry on. I feel no need to curse you back. God bless you.”

Bruce: Once again, Joe, fuck off. Third request, please do not contact me.

Joe: “Can I have your permission to quote you? I’m writing a chapter for a book on abnormal psychology and your statement would fit in well. They ask to get approval first though. I probably wouldn’t include the four purple thingies, but your statement would work great as a segue into the next chapter. Let me know. And thanks!”

Bruce: “No, I’ll just tell you again, Joe, fuck off . Fourth request, don’t contact me again.

You are officially being a passive-aggressive bully.

Thank you for proving exactly the kind of man you really are; someone who has no regard for boundaries; someone who thinks he can control how people respond to him.”

Today, I woke up to two more emails from Joe. I did not respond to them.

Joe: Bruce— you are too much. You tell me to f@#@#k off and then say it’s ME who is showing who they really are? You are the control freak not me. Whose “boundaries”? You are the one with the Blog. I won’t contact you again. But seriously Bruce, get some psychological help. If you think it is your “right” to tell people to f$#&$k off you have some SERIOUS mental problems.

Joe: I forgot to add one thing: you are shooting yourself in the foot Bruce. Anyone can clearly see YOU are being the bully not me. I will send no further emails. It’s hard NOT to respond when someone tells you to f#$&$k off. It’s called being human.

I am reminded of my interactions both on this blog and during life in general.  

Joe is “flabbergasted” as he put it, that Bruce would swear at him.  

I was thinking, that this is how those of us who have left our former belief system feel or use to feel when someone told us we were going to hell.   Joe is “flabbergasted” at a swear word but can’t wrap his head around understanding that’s how we feel or use to feel (some of us are over it now) when evangelicals come in basically swearing at us.  I can handle the “F” word.  Hearing that a fellow human being thinks I deserve hell, is in fact filthy to my senses.  But, my senses don’t matter because discussions of hell are okay.  Swear words?  Nah.  Oh but Zoe.  It’s not me who is swearing at you, it’s God.  I’m just following the great commission.   How nice that they get to abdicate to God every single time.  

Joe says he feels “no need to curse you back.”

While actually cursing him back.  :)  A wholesome “God Bless” covers a multitude of sins.  

Joe then pours on the sarcasm (so he claims in the part 3 post).  He assumes everyone would naturally see he was kidding.  Ha.  Ha.  Never mind that after reading Joe’s actual words, most of us are out there thinking, Oh no Joes God (ONJG) he’s writing a book on “abnormal psychology!?”   Rich.

Joe thinks Bruce is “too much.”  Ironic.  He chastises Bruce while continuing to curse him, which he already said he wouldn’t do.  He promises to not bother Bruce again . . . well, umm, then he bothers him again. Oh and by the way Bruce.  You need help.  Irony.  It just pops up everywhere.  

Christianity, Eve Garden God, Politics

You Can’t Stop the Overturn of Roe v Wade, but Here are 6 Things You Can do to Mitigate the Harm and Fight Back — AwayPoint

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For the time being, the Religious Right has won on federal abortion rights. The Supreme Court is stacked with Catholics—two thirds to be precise—and they have voted to overturn Roe v Wade. For now, conservative Christian theology limits your legal rights and the rights of people around you. But there is a lot we can […]

You Can’t Stop the Overturn of Roe v Wade, but Here are 6 Things You Can do to Mitigate the Harm and Fight Back — AwayPoint
Christianity, conspiracy, Politics, QAnon and others, Spiritual Abuse, Trauma Talk

My Benediction

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The grift never ends.  Those who go after Big Pharma are themselves Big Pharma.  They sell their wares, especially in regards to detoxing the stupid people who got a Covid “V” (using Northrup’s preferred vocabulary.  When you’ve got the audience hooked, you have to keep them hooked.  And so she does and will and there is no end to it, until she dies herself and the next one steps up to continue the work . . . all in the name of the spiritual place humanity is headed to.  When she dies, and she will, as the rest of us will too, her flock will have to figure out why.  Naturally, the “why” will add to the list of conspiracies.  The thing is, her death will mean nothing in regards to her purpose these past two years.  Oh for sure, the vulnerable, the hurting, the confused and the fearful will always remember her so called benevolent and loving harp.  They will always remember how she “ministered” to their souls as she tried to be a spiritual leader to them all, appearing both humble and chosen.  They will always praise her for giving of herself so unselfishly for the benefit of humankind.  All her prophecies that never came to fruition will fall prey to yet more conspiratorial stories.  Maybe even a whole new religion based on a cracked foundation of zero evidence for her claims will form.  However, countless individuals like my mother, will be left totally depressed (she is because nothing Northrup says has happened as she said it would) if she in fact outlives Northrup.  And though I have concentrated here on Northrup, there are others out there that are far worse than her if you can believe it.  Mom ingests all of them.  

I’m looking for my off-ramp where Northrup is concerned.  The amount of material to focus on is abundant.  It is never-ending.  It has been enough for me to delve into for very personal reasons.  Like all the years I studied to understand my former Christian belief system.  At some point, I moved on from that, though I can engage, I often choose not too.  Or, I limit my input.  There comes a time when the sorrow attached to it all weighs heavily on the heart.  The exercise has been beneficial for understanding me, mom and a lot of humanity throughout history.  I don’t have the energy anymore to go point by point to try and warn and or educate.  My therapist shared something, with a caveat that at first this sounds terrible to say, but:  Some people are just terminal.  

Without going into more personal detail, this wasn’t about suicide or suicidal ideation.  This was more about, if I understand it correctly, accepting that some people can’t be moved.  And it’s more than a sense of them not wanting to move, they just can’t.  They are in their own world and regardless of the reasons, some people can’t reason other than where they are at. 

Over the years of recovery for me, I have read, I have studied, I have prayed my knees raw (in those years), I have listened, I have contemplated, I have educated myself and I have played devil’s advocate.  If you’re going to try to educate others than you have to spend time studying the other side.  Until of course, it’s time to stop.  It doesn’t matter about their new tricks.  There aren’t any new tricks.  Actually, nothing has changed.  I look at Christianity.  What has really changed?  Maybe that there are more denominations/sects now then when I joined up . . . but they’re still Christianity.  I look at Northrup.  What has really changed since she went full-on anti-everything and full-on conspiracy-everything?  Nothing really.  She’s still evangelizing her spirituality.   Yes they move the goal posts all over the place but to no advantage really, other than keeping the minnows trapped in the minnow trap and putting food on her own table.

 

Christianity, conspiracy, Personal Memoirs, Politics, QAnon and others, Spiritual Abuse, The Unknown Journey, Trauma Talk

Coming Home

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Greeting mom for the first time in several months (we’d been south for the winter), she in retrospect, lured me to the outdoor balcony. I loved the view looking out over the city, and placed my chair to enjoy the view. Oddly, she placed her chair almost in front of me with me as her view. It seemed weird but alas, weird in some ways was becoming the norm. Gradually, over time, one notes it, but then moves on. I am reminded of the first time we stepped into an independent fundamentalist Baptist church. Don’t ever think you can sneak into one of those, sit at the back and not be noticed. After the service, people were right in front of us. In our personal space. Naturally. Boundaries aren’t a thing in IFB churches.

“Everything is going to be okay Zoe.”

The sentence hangs in the air waiting to land.

I hear it, I look at her. She has a grin on her face of “esteemed knowing.” I have seen it countless times. She possesses “the truth.”

The sentence is left hanging as I don’t allow it to land, knowing full well, she will see to it that it will.

“Everything is going to be okay Zoe.”

I decide to let it land and reply: That’s nice.

And now, I am the minnow inside the minnow trap.

I had been studying cults for years. Too much money spent on learning about them to understand why my IFB Christianity wasn’t a cult. The thing is, studying about them actually led me out of one, and not only am I no longer a born-again Christian, I am no longer a Christian. Still though, I swim into the minnow trap, despite knowing exactly what she’s up too. I quietly chastise myself. She’s my mother after all. I continue to hold on to hope that at some point the spell with break and she’ll come out of it.

She knows that I’m humoring her and hoping the conversation drifts out over the balcony and lands in the greenery of the trees dotted throughout the city landscape.

There is no hello. There is no, how was your trip? There is no, tell me about it. There is nothing but her mission.