Tag Archives: neurons

Leaving Christianity

Leaving – A Repost

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Thought I’d share this here in relation to a conversation Alice and I are having . . . it brings back a lot of memories. 
Leaving – A Repost
Leaving Fundamentalism – hard

Leaving Church – harder

Leaving Christianity – hardest

I look at space, I look at the ocean, what lies hidden beneath the waves, I look at a butterfly, a tiny forget-me-not, neuropathways in our brains…just seems like some eternal being out there had a plan…so the idea of God does not offend me.

It’s all the other stuff that goes with it.Listen, you won’t find anyone more Christian &/or evangelical than me, regarding my Christian history. I always said, I came out of the womb believing. You couldn’t find a more active young person in the church. My husband & I were seriously planning on youth full-time ministry after his retirement. We spoke at conferences, taught seminars & attended international missions conferences. My closest friends were & still are missionaries who continue in full-time missions &/or are retired. I also briefly attended Bible college working towards a counselling degree. I lost count on the number of people I have “led” to the Lord, counselled with & ministered to in their suffering.

I strongly relate to & understand having one’s identity totally wrapped up in “Christianity/Churchianity.”It was during our years in church youth leadership that we had access to all that was going on within the church. We came to a cross roads. Follow man or follow Christ. We chose Christ. We paid dearly for it. Thankfully, a book came into my sight while browsing in a Christian bookstore. The title of which many are aware of, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, by Jeff VanVonderen & David Johnson. This book helped us survive.

Today, though I’m not sure I choose Christianity anymore, I will still recommend this book to anyone who has experienced or suspects they are being spiritually abused.Leaving Christianity is the hardest part of my journey. It is not easily done when one has very real life experiences that shout out…Yes Zoe, there really is a God!

A rebuke I received.
This is a rebuke I received. I share it here unedited. I share it here for those who fear for me & would love to share the same rebuke with me.
“leaving God is like leaving life behind you, and by doing this awful thing, you life will be awful, you dont only leave God , but you also leave joy, and peace behind, and take on fear and sorrow, for by leaving the almighty God of love, God is quoted as being love, and that is what your are leaving,love out of your life, and to replace it with hate, and remorse, rev ******* ******* kentucky evanglist”

and

“final note from kentucky from preacher, some day every word you have said about leaving God will be brought out at the judgement seat of christ, then you will answer for all the words and vile thoughts you have had toward your creator, God is not moked (what a man sowes he shall surely reap), you have sown your trust and faith in God to the wind, and my suggestion is for a confession to christ for this thing of leaving God. evanglist ******* ******* kentucky”
 

My Response:

You know what I notice makes some Christian people uncomfortable about where I am in my journey?They can’t stand, that right now, I can’t really tell them what I believe.

People are so use to hearing the black & white of people’s faith/belief systems/religions/philosophies etc. that they just don’t know what to do with someone like me.

Their first inclination is to convert me back, pull me back or another option is to hit me upside the head with a mallet, kick my butt…or simply turn & walk away from me. I understand these reactions.

I lived & worshipped in this world. I know they have no other choice, according to their belief & understanding. They must warn me. They must attempt to bring me back before it is too late. They must save me from an eternal hell here on the earth & again in the afterlife.Then there are some Christian friends that have listened, heard, accepted & still love me.

All I know is right now, I can’t jump onto any bandwagon of belief.I can’t do something like Tom Harpur (Canadian author of The Pagan Christ) has done or even Bishop Spong because it’s all, in my opinion, a reworking of Christianity & I’m not convinced that Christianity can be reworked. If for example, Christianity is all based on “myth” then why call it Christianity &/or bother with it at all?

 
Originally blogged in 2004.
Then again on this blog HERE.
For more writing from years past, check out posts in Heretic Years and Leaving Christianity.
Death, Emotions, Healing, Pain, Personal Recovery, Secular Wings, Spiritual Abuse

In God’s Name

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Has anyone seen on the news the footage of a woman who is videotaping an approaching tornado and doing spiritual warfare/rebuking prayers against it as it approaches?  It didn’t work.  The tornado hit hard and apparently her prayers were unable to turn the thing around or vanish it.  As I watched and listen to the story a rush of remembrance washed through me.  I use to buy into that kind of thing.

Here’s a small example of what spiritual warfare prayer is like:

I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ!  You will not hit our home.  I command you to turn left and not hit this community. 

And you say stuff like this over and over adding to it as you go.  The entire time  you are fighting in God’s name, the forces of evil and destruction.

You know, intellectually it is not difficult to move on from Christianity.  Emotionally it is, at least for me.  It’s not because I emotionally want or need it, it’s because emotionally I was wired for it.  And my beliefs and actions, reinforced those connections.  Emotional healing is not easy.  Laying down  and reinforcing new neurons and new connections is not easy.

I also heard a woman on the news mention that by the grace of God her home had not been destroyed.  She was helping another woman pack up what was left of her home that was hit by the tornado.  I guess God ran out of grace for those who were hit by the storm?

I only saw the rebuking prayer warrior on the news once but I’ve thought of her often.  I wonder if her faith in God and in her prayers was/is shaken?  Will this be the catalyst to get her to think outside her current mode of thinking, or will she just think that in this case, Satan was greater than God or that God used the tornado to awaken the U.S. to get back on their knees?  It may be though, that she puts it all aside and continues on reinforcing those old connections by not questioning anything at all.  Who knows?  Maybe it’s easier that way?