I’ve been at this blogging a long time now.  The old order, a lot of us, have moved on or we’re quiet.  A new wave of young doubters and deconverters have made their way to the internet.  Now they tell their stories.  I see things that they write that remind me of my past writing.  My best writing I think because I was younger then and though still very weary and tired I felt a purpose in my writing that I don’t feel now.

There is a phrase that Siriusbizinus uses below:  “ripping a bandage off” that reminded me of a few posts I wrote back in the day.  I decided to look them up and repost them.  The first two were originally written in 2004.  The last one in 2006 as a follow-up to the first.  You can see a period of two years has passed between them.

I don’t expect new readers to delve into my Archives.  It’s even an arduous task for me.  Though I’ve already been there, done that, I felt a connection here that reminded me that we are not alone, those of us on this path.  Bandages.

By Siriusbizinus at Amusing Nonsense

[…]

It takes practice to overcome these.
It feels like ripping a bandage off of a hairy patch of skin. The initial pain is not pleasant, but it dulls over time. For different people leaving Christianity, there are different tolerances of pain. Some messages cause more ruin than others.

[…]

The Bandages Of Fundamentalism

“My brain had been bound as tightly as the feet of a Chinese woman, and I had read that when the bandages were taken off, the pain was excruciating. The restraints had been removed too late and she would never walk normally again.” – Karen Armstrong, The Spiral Staircase, My Climb out of Darkness.

When I read this, I put the book down, took out a writing pad, grabbed my pen & wrote two pages of thoughts. All sparked by this one passage in Karen’s book.It jumped out at me immediately. To read the context of her comments you’ll have to read her book.

What jumped out at me such that I literally stopped reading, was what I saw as a perfect analogy of what happens to one’s mind when immersed in the culture of fundamentalism.

Whether at first, you jump in with both feet or are slowly drawn in, one foot at a time, eventually, the brain becomes so bound with the restrictive bandages of legalism born through literalism, leading to extremism…that one has just lost the ability to think or believe anything independently.

For women, it is especially difficult. Karen mentioned the binding of Chinese women’s feet. I learned recently that this practice of binding the feet of these women started when they were little girls, the age of two. The practice involved the breaking of every bone in the foot, then wrapping them tightly. Small feet were seen as noble I guess, as well as stimulating for the men. As the procedure was explained I started to cry. I turned to my husband & said, “Why were women so hated?”

How is it, we take little girls, break every bone in their foot, wrap it so tightly that when she is old, you can hardly distinguish the evidence of toes as they are now all molded together, no longer independent, forming this fleshly peg at the bottom of her leg?

This reminds me of the trampling/bandaging of women’s spirits within fundamentalism. The persistent, subtle wrappings/reminders that they are all Eve’s…deceived by the evil one…responsible for Adam’s fall, the death of Christ…and not worthy to teach, lead &/or preach…submit woman & be silent!

People who mercifully escape fundamentalism or perhaps are even rescued out of it, often find the process of unbinding their brains, very painful. Some find it so painful they fall into deep depressions, some even consider ending their lives & perhaps some do…it hurts too much. Others may not fall into deep depressions, but struggle with emotions such as, sadness, guilt, shame, fear, rejection, and anxiety, to name a few.

Taking the bandages of fundamentalism off, hurts. I’d like to think that it’s possible to “walk normally again” for those who have had the bandages of fundamentalism removed.

Originally blogged in 2004. (Repost from my Archives)

Imagine

Parents: Today is the day we take our beloved daughter’s feet in our hands in order to do what is best for her. We want to honour her and give to her all that she can possess. At this tender age we will break every bone in each foot to take away its created form. This is the time to begin. The bones are no longer the soft bones of a baby, nor the rigid bones of an adult. They are just right for breaking & malleable enough to mold into its new form by wrapping the bandages as tightly as possible.

Today, we begin to restrict her growth. It won’t be easy. It will take years of persistence to achieve our desired goal. She may complain, ask “why?”, and question the traditions…but we love her, we know what is best for her. We know this is right. There is no other way.

Me: So, the journey begins for the beloved girl. Those who love her believe that her little toddler-sized feet need to remain toddler-sized. Her feet must intentionally be repeatedly broken & bound tightly with bandages in order to keep them from growing. Tiny is best.

The little girl has no choice in the matter. She does what she’s told & believes what she’s told. Early she is broken. She doesn’t know that her life has permanently been changed. She does not know the consequences of being broken.

There are grown women who know. They remain silent though. They were broken, too.

Originally blogged in 2004. (Repost from my Archives)

Removing The Bandages

So, am I walking normally again? Depends on what you mean by normal. Are the bandages off? Yes. Did it hurt? A bit at times, more at other times, hardly at all in some cases.

When you start to unravel the bandages you don’t realize at first just how many layers there are to unravel. As well, you don’t realize how many layers there are to each layer there is. Don’t ask me to explain that.

All I know is, that with each layer of healing that comes along, one breathes a little sigh of relief & thinks, maybe it’s over only to find that it allows for another layer of healing to surface, one that couldn’t before because you weren’t ready for the impact. It’s good that it doesn’t all come at once.

Allowing fear to subside is the most difficult process of it all from my perspective. You start with fear of hell for leaving, for questioning, for doubting…but as you consider the possibility that those supposed Holy Scriptures are not the inerrant, infallible word of God, you get breathing room…a little less fear and a little more courage to keep going.

You start to realize how fear got you in there in the first place, as well as how fear is used to keep you there. As you explore it all you see just how much fear in and of itself dominated much of your life. Fear paralyzes who we are. That might come in handy if a bear is going to attack us and we need to play dead if we are to attempt to survive such an attack. But to play dead everyday, to be paralyzed everyday for every little thing in life, to be enveloped in paralyzing fear because of our faith? I can only shake my head. That kind of faith is no faith at all.

Originally blogged in 2006.  (Repost from my Archives.)