Seeking Authentic Voice

Time flies. I swear it was just March, with only a hint of spring in the air. In a blink of an eye - it's June. Where in the world did April and May go? We did have the most beautiful spring, days and days of glorious sun warming the earth, enabling the blooming trees and flowers to linger longer than usual. Unlike last year, when we had unseasonable warm temps in March and then a frost that took all the fruit. he harsh, unseasonably late frost and heavy rains didn't hit until the blooms were gone and the leaves had unfurled. All we lost were a few fledgling vegetables in the garden - all of our cucumbers, beans, zucchini, and basil, and many of our marigolds succumbed to the frost. The day before the rains and frost hit, (and oblivious to the weather forecast) I was determined to get my planting done before the little plants toppled over in their temporary plastic containers. So I set forth with gloves and shovel to get them in the ground. Five long hours and a major backa...

Another quiet start to one of my final days of staycation. I have a small black cat snuggled on my lap between my belly and the laptop. Another cat is comfy under the Christmas tree, her favorite spot this time of year. Two old dogs are snoring nearby while the younger dogs gulped their breakfast, did their business outside and ran back upstairs for more sleep. Bach adagios are playing softly, adding to the calm of the morning. The sun is rising but it is a cloudy day so the light outside has a blue cast do it, the ground, trees, and houses, drenched in frozen snow, a waft of smoke rising from the chimney of a house across the street. I have a fire burning in the fire place, too. And a giant mug of steaming hot coffee with cream and honey. (Yes, I put honey in my coffee....raw, unfiltered, local honey - good for the immune system and allergies, too, they say). Tonight, with little fan-fare my husband, son, and I will ring out 2012 and bring in the New Year. We'll have a meal (bee...

  Today will be a simple day for me and my family. At the moment I am nursing a sore throat, sitting by a fire in the fireplace and sipping coffee with raw honey. Our daughter will not be here, she and her boyfriend have to go back to work and time is limited. So, they will spend the day with Keith's family. My husband, son, and I will head out later this morning to cut down a fresh Christmas tree. I have already made an apple/pear/cranberry/blueberry/raspberry pie and a pumpkin pie. The onion and celery and fresh sage are ready for the stuffing. I made the cranberry relish and baked the sweet potatoes. So after we get the tree all we have to do is put the turkey in and make mashed potatoes, and dinner is ready. Later tonight we'll decorate the tree. Mostly we'll just enjoy the day. A couple of quotes and a prayer for this Thanksgiving Da y. Where ever you are may your heart be filled with gratitude and peace. Johannes A. Gaertner To speak gratitude is courteous...

A reflection on All Saints' Day, John 11:32-44, and our Stewardship In-gathering I belong to an online network of clergy women. We share stories and offer each other support and pray for one another. Most of us first met through a blog ring – an internet group of women who share stories about our lives, sermons, and prayer concerns on a blog, a personal website. For most of us Facebook and twitter have become our primary way of communicating. Over the years I have made a whole group of friends, many of whom I have never met in real life, but who I know quite well through our on-line community.   This week I’ve noticed on Facebook that a number of my friends are making comments about being thankful. It seems that each day in the month of November people will post something they are thankful for – something funny, or simple, or occasionally profound. It reminds me of a game we played years ago on our blogs – following the letters of the alphabet from A to Z, each da...

Jan, over at RevGals offers this Friday Five meme on Gratitude: A wise person once told me to make an ABC list of things I am grateful for any time I feel sad or depressed. It is a good practice when one is feeling happier than that, too. So for this Friday Five, I suggest that you use your name or nickname of about five letters and express your gratitude about something that starts with each letter. Some people have longer names, so you decide how you will go about this! (Last names, middle names, and nicknames count!) I'll have to think about this one, gratitudes that begin with T.E.R.R.I. T - Topsoil, which helps my garden and flowers grow. Tomatoes, which are growing thick in my garden - Roma, Cherry, and Big Boy. Today, a day off. Tomorrow, because I live in hope. E - Environment, I have lived in a many different environments from cold to hot, from progressive to traditional, but my current environment feels just right. I do worry about the global environment and ...

I have been thinking. Yes, I do that once in awhile.....coming to the end of the alphabet meme, and so, what can I say about Y? Y: Yellow. Not exactly my favorite color. For example, I NEVER wear yellow - I simple do not do the color justice - and it does not suit me, either. But nonetheless, I love yellow - the color of sun, of warmth, of flowers, of butter and cheese (ok, favorite foods), of paint - as in wall color. I like yellow walls, and if I stay in this house I will paint a few walls a deep yellow, desert, late summer, kind of yellow. Yellow with a little brown in it. That color, or this color, of yellow . Yes, Yup, Yesterday, Yuck, - all words I use often - grateful for that. I like to think that today will in fact become, yesterday. Gone, past. (sometimes a good thing). I like that there are times, things, circumstances, hopes, joys, loves, that I say "YES" too - or at least, "YUP." Of course there is always something I end up saying, "YUCK" to...

Ok, I have been writing this alphabet meme on gratefulness for, well, how ever many days it's taken to get to "X" - give or take a few distractions for the Friday Five and Sunday Sermons. And really, I had a very difficult time. I simply could not come up with words, things, that I was grateful for, which began with any letter, let alone "X." I mean, there is plenty I am grateful for, I just can't seem to think of them in alphabetical order on any given day. Blame it on the general state of things, these days. Yeah. Ok, so with that disclaimer, here I go: First, I meant to remember for "V" - vibraphone - as in Jazz. Love Jazz, love that instrument. So, cool.... All right, enough delaying: Xylephone: kind of like a tiny vibraphone, but for kids. really?? is that it?? I guess so. sigh.

What oh what....can one say about..."W"....? Well. Ok. Windows: I love windows, I love seeing the world outside and having the sunlight come in. World: As I said, I love seeing the world outside and bringing it in. I also love to see the world by being in it. Travelling: by car, by plane, by train, on foot, on a bike. And, I'd love to see it from space! We do live in a beautiful world! Wisconsin: I lived there twice, once as a child and once as an adult. It is a beautiful state: rolling hills, lots of green grass and fields, lakes. I once rode my bike across the southern part of the state - from Kenosha to Madison. It was awesome! Walking: I have two big dogs...walking goes without saying. I love to walk. I love to walk my dogs. Work: Ok. I really should have put this in the "V" post - I am really grateful for vocation....but with this vocation comes work. And, usually I love what I do. Usually... Worship: yeah, usually, when we leave room for the Spirit.... Win...

I can't believe that I have been writing these alphabet focused gratitude reflections long enough to come to "V"...what the heck does one say about V?.... Vestments - oh, I do love some of the beautiful attire we clergy get to wear. Back at my former parish we had a gorgeous white silk chasuble...really beautiful. And in some churches really old vestments, well made, hand embroidered. Amazing how years ago these holy men would wear such flowery finery. And, now, I get to wear them. Although generally speaking I like to be simple....an alb and a stole. But then I am considering some new albs from womenspirit . I'd like to say Vermont or Virginia - but I've never been to Vermont and the one time I drove through Virginia was in the dark of night....but I hear they are beautiful states - so I'm grateful they exist, even when I haven't seen them. Is it obvious that I am struggling here? Voice: oh yes, I am grateful for voice - that I can, that we can, speak. Fo...

Some of the "U's" I'm grateful for: Universe - I love looking up at the stars and pondering what's out there Utah - the state of my birth, and so beautiful. Love the Rocky Mountains the surround Salt Lake City, love the desert, love it all. Uncle - my mother's brother. He's been an important person in my life. Urban - I used to live right in the heart of a major city - and I loved the urban life - walking along the lake, riding my bike, easy access to restaurants, parks, no car...it was wonderful when I was single, and newly married....but never lived there with kids. USA - I do not display huge patriotism, but I am really grateful to have had the stroke of luck to be born in this country. It makes me wonder what I am meant to do with my life, what kind of pay it forward sort of thing for this luck? I'm working on it. Under - as in that which we wear under...and in particular, lace. Upside down - I used to be able to stand on my head - yoga style....

Today, at least as it is the end of Monday as I write this: my wedding anniversary. It has been a bit of a tumultuous day, some major, significant, perhaps transitional, unbloggable stuff. That part, terrible. Tragic. Making certain commitments tenuous, or may just, temporary. It has also been a terrific day: Dog walk: terrific Dog park: terrific Swim: terrific dinner out: can one spell delicious with a "T"?....telicious?!!? well, it was. Tender, some parts of this day were, tender. It was after all our anniversary, twenty-four.

So, here I am at the "S's"...what to be grateful for, s-wise...? Sunrises : the sunrise here is late because the sun has to come up over the mountains. If I lived 45 minutes north the sun would rise much earlier. Still, I love that time just before sunrise, when the air is lavender. That said, one of my favorite places to watch the sunrise is here: Sunsets : can be very awesome, very. Especially where I live... but, also here: I also love the Sun - love to sit out on the patio in the sun ...for a short while. And sitting in the sun leads me directly to: Swimming . in the aqua glory of the pool in my backyard, a refreshing break from the heat and sun ... which means I also need a swim suit. Nothing special, but I need one. And, well, grateful for the kind that comes with a low back and narrow straps. Not fond of bikini's....but otherwise, keep it slim and skinny... Now, at 52 I am not as slim and skinny as I used to be...no. Body parts have settled. Muscle tone ha...

I must admit I have really found it a challenge to ponder that which I am grateful for, ordered by the letters of the alphabet. Mostly a challenge because I simply can't think of anything for the letter of the day. And today is "R"...sigh R - my brother. We kind of lost each other for a number of years, but now we talk regularly and, well, it's R eally great. He's a red head like my mother, his daughter has the same beautiful dark red/auburn hair. He has done some amazing things with his life and, like me, has a tendency toward optimism. We are only 14 months apart and were really close for much of our childhood. Red: I love the color red. Red Wine: enjoy a glass with dinner. Frankly, although I LOVE them too....I get tired of water, coffee, and iced tea - the other beverages I tend to drink. No cola's for me - bad bad bad for me. So, a glass of wine with dinner is delightful. Although, I must admit, it also makes me drowsy...yeah, one glass is my limit...sig...

I have grown to really appreciate the quality of silence. On the evenings when my husband works (and, well, the kids are no longer at home) I envelope myself in quietness. True, there is the gentle hum of my computer and the crick crick of crickets outside and the methodical whirl of the ceiling fan. But no television. No radio. And often no music, either. Silence. And in this quiet I either read, write, or knit. There was a time when the silence drove me batty. I had to do SOMETHING....I couldn't just be with myself and appreciate the solitude. But then I had years of kids, and husband, and TV and constant sound. Constant. And I found, while I loved having a family around and all the energy of that....I also yearned for balance, for quiet. quiet Quirky....I've never been one for the status quo , the norm, the usual. I've always felt a little outside of, well, everyone and everything. Quirky. Over time I've come to appreciate that about me. Queen, as in Dairy. It's ...

flickrfoto Pool - I give thanks every day for the pool in my backyard. In this dry hot dusty desert a pool restores life, soothes spirits, refreshes tired souls, and cools when hot. People - as much as I love being solitary, I also love people. Purple - as in the color of the Indian Hawthorn that blooms all summer. Pasta - oh, almost any and every kind. Especially with a glass of wine and a salad. Pancakes - these days, blueberry.

O : oranges (which, sadly, I can no longer eat - think mouth sores from the citric acid), olives (green or black), ontological (did I really write that?), optimist (yes, I really am), open minded (usually), oxygen (not the TV channel, the air we breathe), October (in the Midwest its the month when the leaves turn, in the desert it's the month when outdoor swimming ends)....obviously I am struggling to think of " O " things...sigh O H, so any ideas of " O 's" I might have added but couldn't think o f?

Today is my day off, so Naturally I am thinking about ways to Nurture myself. One of my favorite is, Napping. There is nothing quite like a good deep sleep in the middle of the afternoon to care for oneself and revive the spirit. There are a n umber of other ways I nurture myself: including massages, manicures, swimming, walking dogs, knitting and reading....but today is all about the " N' s"...so in that regard: Nature is high on my list...I love to be outdoors and enjoy this beautiful world. I love mountains, and water, sand, and green grass, rolling hills and a vista that goes on forever. Here in my neck of the woods, I mean desert, we have birds galore and wildlife aplenty. I have already mentioned on more than one occasion, the bobcat family living on the roof of the empty house across the street. They are awesome, but have put a damper on our daily dog walks....( naturally, I am disinclined to tempt them at an easy meal - me or my dogs.... normally they would be...

My oh my...I am so grateful today for mmmm.... M&M's - I love 'em. Especially peanut . But also plain. A handful of chocolate delight. Mocha latte's - well, I actually only drink these on cold winter mornings - but then they are such a cozy pick me up. Movies - I love to watch movies. I love to go to the theater and watch movies or stay home and watch them. I'll pretty much watch anything as long as it's not too violent and has some aspect of redemption. Money . I know. But I have had money in my life and I've not had it. I am certainly grateful for the times when I have money.

Continuing with my daily reflection, following the alphabet, on gratitude: Knitting: I am so grateful for knitting. I love to do it. For many years all I knit were simple straight line scarves. Recently I took a class on knitting socks. Basic sock technique. Since then (beginning of June) I have knit one pair and am finishing the first of a second pair. So many cool yarns for socks. I have also knit a winter hat for one of my God daughter's and will start the hat for the other twin soon. Knitting is relaxing, contemplative, peaceful. It occupies hands during meetings and while waiting. It keeps me busy at night while my husband watches TV. Kites: I love to fly a kite. Haven't in years - but love too. Kittens: I haven't had one in awhile, my two cats will be 4 and 12 in September. But kittens are so very sweet and playful.

It seems that I end up taking the weekend off from my gratitude reflections so I can work on the Sunday sermon....so, now I return to reflection on "J". But first I also want to point out that there are three others I know of who are participating in the alphabet meme: Alter Ego ; Deb ; and HotCup . Ok, now for the "J's".... Jazz. I love Jazz. Curiously I had almost no jazz on my iPod (the one I HAD before I dropped it on an airplane)...but I do love Jazz. It's fun to listen to at a club, it's fun to dance too, it's perfect music to get sappy with...I especially love the vibes - maybe I'll remember that when I get to the "V'S".... Jewelry: I don't have a lot, but I love the pearl necklace I found in a resale shop and wore on my wedding day. I have often wondered if they are real...And now in the SW I am accumulating some very nice turquoise. Oh, the choices, if I had big bucks to spend. Then, next year for our 25 wedding anniver...