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Realization.

/ ᴇ ɴ ɪ ɢ ᴍ ᴀ / 131 Comments

You time is my memory.
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What is it called which hurts the most? What is that simple thing that makes you realize your gravest mistake? Why is it that, it being just in front of our eyes we want to ignore? There are a lot of questions that whisper silently yet screaming in the head. Pain ah, man’s ultimate solitude. A fortress that we build in the name of pain and its outcome. Without pain, there is no gain. Someone said it and that humble someone is probably right. But how does it fall into place? How does it know when to fall in place? Time, a morbid concept of reality, tricky yet precious, at the same time.

Let me start by first apologizing to the people who apparently think that I am not good enough for being a friend. For the past 24 odd years, I never had the liberty of having a friend, let alone a best friend. There might be a reason to it, but it doesn’t need explaining. At the end of the day, I am still the same person I was a day ago, or a decade ago. I may have grown up or old but I have done with only me, I alone. People are fascinating beings. When I have spent a major chunk of my life being in the company of myself, there comes a time when one realizes to look around and most importantly look at the people around. It is even more moving when some of these people actually look back at you and spend some of their time with you. Time, that precious chunk of one’s life that once spent could never be taken back or changed or bargained for. Don’t you think it is precious? I do.

I had the luxury of meeting some of the amazing people here on blogosphere. I agree that I am not one of the most charming people who has a way with words, or a witty one, or as a matter of fact not even normal. I am just a plain old boring soul. Having said that I have come across some of the people who are just too amazing. I know that becoming a friend needs to meet certain criteria, which I was hoping to meet over the course of time. So, it began. The conversations. Be it comments, emails or WhatsApp chat, I was aiming to meet their checklist, having already checked my only point in my checklist which read as “Time“. If they could spare some of their time for me, that in itself is such a big thing. But, I made a mistake of assuming.

I have traveled places all my childhood, not by choice but by compulsion. This should have been an added bonus, but this somehow shut be out. It is always not easy to adjust to the new environment, new people, their habits, their way of expressing. I have seen it all and have slowly adapted to each one. During all this, this coping and matching their tempo, the level of understanding, something in me snapped which made sure that I was uber cautious of the people around me, about what to say and what not to say. This dilemma slowly set to a conclusion that it is better not to speak than say something and make a fool of myself. This became quite difficult for people to adjust to me, and I to them. Eventually, I became my own company and the friendship days became just a namesake day to wish people whom I apparently knew also called as classmates, and vice versa.

Recently, I had met some new people – at work and online here through blogs. All of them are way too amazing people. Then came the first Sunday of August, which we all know what it is. So, I waited to check if anyone considered me in their list, whether I was able to cross off their check

.boxes. It was at the end of the day that I realized that I still have a long way to go. But, before this I did something. As I have already mentioned that my criteria has just one checkbox and it’s checked for most people. So, I made a post for them. It’s not one of those heart warming posts that you might think, but it is something I like to cherish by mentioning the few people who have been a part of my journey through blogging. I spent the whole night drafting and redrafting and finally rambling something. It is not a great post, but it wasn’t all that bad either. I finally posted it and waited.

The whole of Friendship Day I was on a lookout for people I may know or might have heard of me, or probably might remember me, which was rare, but hope is a pitiful thing, isn’t it? After a whole day of contemplation and exasperation, I have finally manned up a bit and decided to invade their “friend-time”, so I sent out messages to people from my office and emails to the people I have been in contact with. And boy, was I surprised to see the responses.

  1. Who said I was your friend?
    A common courtesy of thank you would have sufficed. I didn’t ask for much. I was expecting anything more either. A simple “Thank you. Same to you too” could have just made my day. But well.
  2. The courteous friend :
    Thank you to you too.Courteous
  3. Validation :
    I guess I needed to be validated as well.Validation
  4. I don’t, really!
    So, I told this generous person to kindly read the blog post in which I have mentioned them, but who really cares anyway.

Probably, I got what I deserved. My sincere apologies for jumping into conclusions at the first sight of conversation. Hopefully, I will be more careful.

3 AM.

/ ᴇ ɴ ɪ ɢ ᴍ ᴀ / 530 Comments

Disclaimer : Reasons why you shouldn’t go ahead :
1. You are younger than 18 years.
2. You have much better things to do, like watch TV or stalk someone.
3. You are going to make fun of me !

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There is an ardent niche regarding the intuition of man. What does a man (I mean Male) think about? What does he think when he is staring at the empty roads? What does he think when he sees a girl walk down the road? What does he think when the professor is giving a serious lecture on Higgs…SEX. Did I get your attention ? Who cares about Higgs Boson anyway?

Earlier this year, I got a text from a girl, a friend whom I have not met but she was in the same school as I. But she joined after I had left the high school. And since we had mutual friends and the fact that we both were writing blogs, it didn’t take long to get the conversation started. It was just normal conversations asking how either of us were doing and about how stupid the life had been and how to solve the problem with life. The solution was agreed upon that one need a billion bucks to get a normal life. But who had a million bucks? Not me apparently.

Anyway, one night after a cold day at office I get a text from her which made me sit upright :

“I made out with him, again“. The guy she was referring to is her on-and-off–boyfriend and she had talked about how impossible he had been becoming the last couple of weeks, but never was the talk about the intimate details, though I had suspected. Let’s just say that I haven’t in such conversations before. So, imagine what my response was ?
“Oh ok“. Yes, I replied that. I had no idea how to respond to it as I never had such conversations. She went on to tell how many times it had happened. Now, this was getting awkward on my side. And the worst part was no details.

Now, lets back up a bit. This was getting intimate conversation and the good friend that I am, was lending my ear to pour all the baggage she was carrying. After all, what are friends for, right? And let me repeat, being the GOOD friend that I am, I didn’t pry on too much, I mean at all. I didn’t ask for details (which I must confess, I was really interested in). Nevertheless, no much details were shared and my “Oh okays” continued. My lame replies gave the much need suspicion.

“You a virgin, aren’t you?”  broke my monotonous replies to “That obvious, huh ?“.  This didn’t come as much of a surprise to her. I guess I have sold myself as a too decent guy, even though we haven’t met. Nevertheless, she sets up a challenge for me to lose “it” before the year ends. Apparently, I was the only guy she knew who hasn’t done the ‘good’ deed. I laughed out loud for a few seconds staring at the screen and agreed as if it was as simple as buying a chocolate. Well, whom was I kidding? My chance of … ok, let’s not make it a point to embarrass myself than I already have. 

As months passed by, no action happened on my side while the adventures continued on the other end. “We had sex in the car“, I mean come on! Tell me every detail. How did this happen and tell everything. No, I didn’t say that. This apparently is on everybody wishlist. And like the nice stupid guy I am, I didn’t pry for the details. “I made out with my boss, at office”. The point being there was never any shortage of adventures on the other end. They were so frequent that guys started to bore her and she was already in plans to move to girls. “Dude, back off. There is already so much competition among boys, now if girls also join the race, what will happen to us?“.  Okay, let’s not talk about my story. Just don’t.

Imagine my surprise when I receive a text at 3AM and she starts talking about world war and world peace, which escalated to the philosophical preachings about life – What I should do to get a better perspective at life, how I should turn my life around by doing this and not doing that, bla bla bla. Apparently, she had joined Vipassana. I think that has helped her find her calling, may be. I have to get back on this on she is doing now.

Five things at the end of the story :
a. I am still at the same place where I had started, you know what I mean?
b. Don’t pass judgments on others lifestyle choice of living.
c. Whatever that Vipassana is, it sounds life changing ! If you are too frustrated about getting nothing, just join it. It involves no Internet, no phone, no social media, no Blogging, no reading my crap. Win-Win, right? 
d. The Picture Quote has nothing to do with the post, unless you find a relation.
e. I am the 3AM friend. Like you might have observed, I don’t judge or pry. I am open for HIRE !