Category Archives: Uncategorized

January 25, 2024 · 10:34 am

Lessons learned from Long COVID and Cancer

The last three years of my life have been an absolute roller coaster, between long COVID from a 2020 infection that destroyed my gut and caused me to lose so much weight, I actually became malnourished – to getting an invasive breast cancer diagnosis in 2022 that resulted in three extensive surgeries and a hell of a lot of pain (mentally, as well as physically). Put being a state rep on top of this and let’s just say – it has not been easy. I am not as strong as I used to be – that’s a fact I need to accept.  

I’m fortunate, I am in a stable place with both my long COVID and my cancer. Right now, we are monitoring symptoms and will treat any problems that might show up. 

I’ve entered the “waiting game” part of my illnesses. It’s kind of like watching a horror movie, waiting for the next danger to jump out at you. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is not as comfortable as you might imagine. 

I will NEVER say that I am grateful for either long COVID or for the cancer, but like many others with chronic illness, lessons have been learned. My greatest regret with all of this is that it took two pretty awful illnesses to learn these lessons. These are nuggets that everyone should embrace regardless of your health. Somehow we all have to get back to a balanced, meaningful life. 

Here’s what I’ve learned: 

Boundaries 

  1. Set boundaries – learn how to say no but also learn how to prioritize. Every day you only have so much energy to spend, use it wisely. Decide for yourself if something being asked of you is worth the energy it will take to do it. This is especially true if you are still working. Figure out what your priorities are and focus on those. 
  2. Set goals – why oh why does it take an illness for us to do this? I’ve sat down with myself and have listed day, year and 5 year goals. Some of the things are fanciful and may not come to be (live a season in Italy) but others will definitely come to pass, especially if I am reminded of them on a regular basis. 
  3. Listen to your body – when you overdo it (and you will) take care of your body. You only have so much energy to use each day, sometimes you’ll dip into your reserves, like I did when I stood outside in the snow for 7 hours at the polls. The next day was useless for me. I had to cancel meetings and I spent the day laying low, refilling my energy tank. You will learn that naps are not just for kids. Take it easy. If you dip into your energy reserves and then don’t refill them, things are not going to be bearable. Also, let’s talk about pain – you don’t need to be in pain, you just don’t. No one gets a medal for enduring pain. If you hurt talk to your doc – there are resources out there, but you have to ask.
  4. Establish a routine – sometimes it’s easy to be overwhelmed by it all. Chronic illness is a lot to take in. In order to not lose my direction, I spend the first few minutes of each morning at my desk writing that day’s “to do” list. Sometimes it says things like “wash dishes for 15 minutes” (not so much energy) other times it includes things like “prepare for a bill introduction” (a lot of energy.) My to-do list is the map of my day – it allows me to know where I am and what still needs to be done. It also allows me to push things off until tomorrow in case I don’t have the energy. 

Selfcare 

  1. Watch your diet – it goes without saying that when you have a chronic illness, your body uses a lot of energy to manage it. You are literally in a fight for your life. Feed your body “hi-test” food. Organics if you can get them, filtered water, non-processed food, plenty of fruits and vegetables, and watch the sugar and alcohol intake. Your body is incredible, give it the quality food and water it needs to thrive. 
  2. Move your body – look you don’t need to go to the gym every day (if you can, good on you), but you have to get up and use that body of yours. Go for a walk, get some fresh air into your lungs, move those large muscles. It’s not necessary to hit 10K steps every day, but it is important to gently move your body (yoga anyone?) each day. Dance to the song you hear. Do what you can – move as you can. 
  3. Sleep – you simply can’t heal if you can’t sleep. I used to have chronic insomnia – took forever to fall asleep and then I’d wake up at about 3 and that would be my sleep for the night. I was exhausted and I hurt all the time. This all ended when I entered the therapeutic cannabis program. One gummy an hour before bed allows me to sleep through the night. That’s when I started to see some healing taking place. If you don’t have access to cannabis, try nighttime tea, limit being online before bed, read something that is pleasant (Sorry Stephen King, I don’t read your work before bed.) Figure out a ritual that works for you. 
  4. Calm down – I’m not trying to be dismissive, I get it chronic illness can be terrifying. Trust me, I get it. But just like a lack of sleep will harm your body, so does holding onto stress and fear. Change the channel in your brain –  go for a walk, call a friend, spend time with your pet, do some yoga, read an inspirational book, or connect with a community. Meditation is not easy in this frantic life of ours but it is a literal life-saver, start with 5 minutes and work your way up to a regular practice. 

Connections

  1. Family and community are huge – with chronic illness comes a host of attention both good and bad. Some people are addicted to terminal-stories and only want to hear the “gory details”. Some friends will not be able to handle your illness and they will disappear. You will discover who is on your team and who isn’t. Those who remain? Treat them like the treasures that they are. They are the ones who will cheer you on when you need it (as you would for them.) 
  2. You don’t have to share everything – this is a big one and one that I tend to blow through far too often. Share your illness details with family and friends who are open to it, but you don’t need to share your medical history with everyone. I am a storyteller, I’ve always been one. I admit, there have been times I have overshared, but I’ve gotten better about this. In the past, I felt I needed to justify why I couldn’t do something, why I wasn’t normal anymore. I have learned. While I do still share a lot (you’re reading this article after all) I now hold back on a lot of my personal information. People may need to know the big picture, but they certainly don’t need to know the details. I don’t have to justify why I can’t do something, saying “no” is sufficient. 
  3. Learn how to ask for help – with chronic illness comes incapacity. Your friends and family are there for you. You just have to ask (and yes, I know that it’s ridiculously hard for people to ask for help.) I assure you people do not think you are weak if you ask for assistance, they want to help you, they just don’t know how. At one point in my life, I was living on my own and had just gone through a tough orthopedic surgery that left me in a lot of pain, in a long leg cast and on crutches. I lived by myself and knew that if I didn’t get some help things were not going to go well. On my daily to-do list I put the task of “ask someone for help” every day. Sometimes it was something like, can you carry this bag to my car? Sometimes it was “can you drive me to the Doctor’s office?” or “can you take me to the grocery store?” No one (other than my stubborn self) thought I was being weak. We all have to look out for each other – that’s what community means. 

Mindset 

  1. Don’t sink into your illness – there are days, aren’t there? Sometimes, it’s just so overwhelming. I mean we are literally talking about life and death aren’t we? But guess what? You are so much more than your illness. You are YOU who happens to also have a chronic condition. When possible, move away from your illness and do things that matter, read a good book, have a hobby, try a new experience, talk to a friend, spend time with a pet, make memories. Write “I am not my disease” and post it on your mirror. If you can’t distance yourself from your illness, consider going to a counselor – life threatening illness is a heavy load – there are resources that can help lessen that load. 
  2. Recognize that life is a gift – I know, this is something that belongs on a Hallmark card BUT IT’S TRUE!!!! It’s too bad that it took chronic illness for me to discover this. I am in the cancer community – already there are some people who were diagnosed at the same time as I was, and in some cases, after I was diagnosed who have already passed. Do you know how incredibly fortunate I am to be able to wake up each morning? Appreciate and do what needs to be done today. There are no guarantees, we have today, no one, absolutely no one knows about tomorrow.

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January 1, 2024 · 1:22 pm

Mom’s Book Club – Security Question

Security Question – Favorite Actor 

In my mom’s book club notebook, she had included a small piece of paper with her responses to some online security questions. 

Mom tried, as did Dad, to embrace computers, but it was just too much of a leap for them. I remember the first piece of technology to enter our house. It was my dad’s calculator. Large, black and it displayed glowing red numbers that seemed to glow out of the dark depth behind. 

We were told in no uncertain terms that we “WERE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH DAD’S CALCULATOR.” It was not a toy, it was ridiculously expensive, it was a tool that allowed my Dad to balance our family checkbook and keep everything in balance. 

It was a tool, NOT A TOY!!

All I knew about it was that my brother showed me that if you entered the number 8, followed by two 0’s and then another 8 – it spelled the word “B00B.” 

This tool was clearly both magical and naughty. 

In my parents’ lifetime, they went from getting this incredible calculator tool that made their lives easier to color TV (I remember the day we got our first color TV – we watched The Red Balloon and I knew that another piece of magical technology had entered our lives). My parents got a microwave, washers and dryers became “smarter”. TVs ran with the use of impossible remotes that forever needed to be reset (lost power? Call my brother, he’ll help get the remote working again. Again and again.) Bracelets counted their steps and books could be read on a flat screen that you held in your hands. 

My parents adapted but like many of their generation, they didn’t fully “get” the internet. 

Each text message from mom began with “Dear Wendy” and ended with “love mom.” 

The same went for every voice message. 

Every. Single. One. 

Mom, you don’t need to say that, I’d tell her, it’s understood. 

But it’s the right thing to do, she’d reply. And by the way, she’d add, stop using “Thanks” and go back to using “Thank you”, it’s more respectful. 

Mom would get lost in the internet. She understood email and Facebook to some degree but ordering online was beyond what she could do. Stream a movie? Never. 

I constantly got texts from her like “how do I save my photos?” and “How do I share them?” 

That commercial where the older woman is “sharing” her photos on the wall with her friends (that’s not how it works) speaks the truth to many of our older members.  

Still mom tried. She dutifully signed up for different apps and she kept track of the relentless security questions. 

Which brings me back to this tiny slip of paper. On it she wrote: 

Security Question – Favorite Actor 

And under this question she added Paul Newman. 

Mom!!!!!! 

I had no idea. What I knew about Paul Newman was the following: 

  • He lived in the next town over – occasionally we’d see him while shopping
  • I and just about everyone else in my class had seen Cool Hand Luke (1967) – we learned that women’s breasts were something that drove men crazy and we also learned the line (that I still use today) “what we have here is a failure to communicate.” 
  • I had to be told that Newman was the dark haired one in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid  (1969) (didn’t recognize him from Cool Hand.)
  • Recognized that Newman was funny and had great chemistry with Redford. 
  • Thoroughly enjoyed The Sting (but didn’t like that mustache) 
  • Newman did other movies, other projects. 
  • Then he created a company that made food where the proceeds went to charity. We constantly had Newman salad dressing and popcorn in the house.
  • He raced cars and drank beer. 
  • Seemed like a nice enough guy. 

But nice enough to be mom’s favorite actor? Remember this was before VHS, if mom saw Newman in a movie then she had to go to the theater or watch it on TV. She had to be ready for Paul to appear, not the other way around. 

What was it about this guy that caught mom’s attention? 

I found a short “Hourly History” of Paul Newman at a thrift store so I purchased it and settled down to read about this man who had caught my mom’s respect. 

Newman was born in 1925 (Mom was born in ‘27) in the middle of a snowstorm. Clearly, this was a being that already came to earth with a story to be told. 

He grew up in Ohio in the shadow of his father’s sporting good business. It was understood that Paul would someday take over the business. Newman had other plans. 

He went to college, followed his passion which was acting. Enrolled in the Navy and missed out on being a pilot because it turned out he was colorblind. 

Got married young, had kids and worked his way through television and movies. Found true love (while still married to someone else) got divorced, remarried, had more kids. 

Busy guy. 

For the most part, he was as handsome as they come and he was talented – a brilliant combination in Hollywood. 

But here’s the kicker that I didn’t know about, but apparently Mom knew. Newman was very involved in politics. 

AND HE WAS A DIE-HARD DEMOCRAT. 

He believed that people should have dignity at work. Kids should be fed. People (especially children) with illness should have hope and treatment. 

And joy. 

Mom was a democrat. Dad was not. 

When she was in hospice, my mother told me the story of her future brother-in-law asking to speak with her before she married my step-father. 

It was bad enough that Mom wasn’t a Catholic, but to be a democrat? Blasphemy. He asked my mother to not marry my future step-father. 

Mom pulled a bit of what I now recognize as a Newman move and basically told my now-uncle to “pound sand.” She had other plans which included not only marrying my step-father but absorbing his two kids into the marriage. 

This is the same woman who when confronted by the elementary school principal in yet another meeting of “what are we going to do about Wendy?” told them that willful children, especially girls, are the ones that go places and get scholarships. She told them that absolutely nothing needed to be done “about Wendy.” Leave her alone and let her thrive. 

I got a full scholarship to the University of Connecticut. 

Mom was right. 

These are the things you learn about your mother when you are an adult. That your mom really had your back. That she was political in a quiet but determined way. That she respected talent and drive.  

And that like we all do, your mom learned from role models –  how to fight for what is right, how to persist. 

Then she did what all good teachers do, she passed on what she learned, so that the knowledge would not be lost to others. 

***

 Hi mom.

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December 4, 2023 · 11:14 am

Mom’s Book Club – Skipping Christmas

Skipping Christmas 

This book was not on my mom’s Book Club list but I have given it an honorable mention and am including it here with her other books.

I usually don’t like action thrillers (which John Grisham is very good at), but I am a SUCKER for Christmas stories (Hallmark movies on paper). In fact, it’s a yearly tradition for me to ship the Christmas books I’ve read to one of my sisters in Texas who then shares them with her friends. 

In 2001 I couldn’t resist picking up a short book called Skipping Christmas. I sat down to read it and I honestly did not stop laughing until the last page (when I wiped a tear or two.) 

You’ve probably seen the movie “Christmas with the Kranks” (and whoever came up with that title should have been fired) which is good – excellent casting, but it’s nothing like reading the book. 

I enjoyed this book so much, that knowing my mom liked books, I sent her a copy. After reading the first chapter, she realized what a gem it was – parents trying to get free from their kids, parents trying to make their kids happy by having the perfect holiday, parents who know the importance of memories, that she and my dad decided to read alternating chapters to each other in bed. 

I recently reread this book (thanks mom) and while still funny, it hits a little different now that we are (almost) empty nesters, definitely bittersweet. But the humor and love (I will move mountains and earth for my kid) still shines through. 

So while this one wasn’t on my mom’s official list, while reading it, I kept thinking of my mom and dad giggling together in bed while enjoying this story. 

And every time I think of that – I smile. 

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November 14, 2023 · 4:13 pm

Mom’s Book-Club 1/59 Christmas Letters

Mom’s Book-club 

This weekend, I found my Mom’s book-club notebook where she took notes on 59 books before she passed. I’m going to read and in some cases reread each of the books and see what I think about them compares to what Mom thought.

It being mid-November, I decided to start with some of the Holiday stories from my mom’s list. First up was Christmas Letters by Debbie Macomber. 

Although I do enjoy a good Hallmark Christmas movie every now and then, I have to say that Romance is not necessarily my favorite book genre. Here’s how they all seem to go: 

  • Young, independent, intelligent woman  with a job and friends is moderately happy BUT something is wrong in her life and she just can’t put her finger on it, but it’s definitely not a man missing from her life. 
  • She gets introduced/runs into someone who is initially not her type. 
  • She doesn’t like him. 
  • He doesn’t like her. 
  • There’s a little conflict. 
  • Until they are thrown together by an event (play, party, date, baseball game…) 
  • Turns out she DOES like him after all. 
  • Turns out he DOES like her!
  • They spend time together until a relationship disaster happens (complete with misunderstandings) 
  • Looks like all may be lost. 
  • But then things are seen from a different perspective and it turns out all is good again. 
  • Oh NO! Another conflict! 
  • Truly looks like all is lost. 
  • She apologizes. 
  • He apologizes. 
  • Wedding bells! 

Extra points for having this all take place during the holidays. 

Christmas Letters does not disappoint. It pretty  much follows that universal template. Easy, cute, enjoyable read. 

K.O. is looking for a job that will utilize her PR skills. In the meantime she writes Christmas Letters for others as a way to get some money. Her skill is in turning a horrible year into a good one by …. stretching the truth just a bit. 

She meets a man who is an author on Childcare. He believes children should not have boundaries and that *gasp* parents should not indulge fantasies like… Santa Claus! 

Hijinx and hilarity ensue. 

In the end, both are looking for an authentic life based on no lies. 

Predictable and cozy like a warm blanket. 

Some minor notes on the book: 

  • On their first date – a celebrity chef makes the new couple their dinner. The entree was “Grilled Scallops with wild rice and tiny Brussel sprouts with even tinier onions.” 

I must be getting older because my first thought? That’s taking quite the chance on a first date with a gassy meal like that. 

  • I appreciated the metaness of this line toward the end of the book – “This man did things to her heart – not to mention the rest of her – that even a romance novelist couldn’t describe.” 
  • And it took until quite near the end, but I found what I was looking for – “No,” she said. “Love should come first.” She stared into his eyes. “Love changes everything, Wynn.” 

And there you have it, the mantra of all Romance writers. 

When you come down to it, it’s not such a bad basket to put all of your eggs in. 

What Mom Had to Say

Funny Romantic Comedy 

Katherine O’Connor writes Christmas letters for other people

Dr. Wynn Jeffries, renowned child psychologist – “Free Child” recommends “Bury Santa under the Sleigh.” 

Argue a lot. They disagree in almost everything but still love each other. 

LeVonne – neighbor across the hall. 

Max Jefferies – Wayne’s father 

****

Mom didn’t write a lot about this book. I have some theories. 

First, I grew up in a blended family of seven (yes seven) kids. Fighting was daily but was not tolerated. If we fought about what channel to watch, she’d turn the TV off. If we fought about something, anything, we had to figure out how to resolve the issue – without her help. 

And if we couldn’t figure out how to get to peace, my dad’s threat of “the belt” always loomed large. 

Today that seems cruel and a clear example of bad parenting, but man was it effective in my day. 

If we wanted to know what was for dinner – we’d be told “food, and you’d better have your hands washe for it.” 

The premise of this story is that the child psychologist who was raised by hippies, wants no restrictions on children. They are the ones in control. The ones who decide what they want for dinner, what time they want to go to bed, etc. 

I’m quite certain that my Mom’s eyes were close to rolling out of her head when they were discussing this book. 

Nope, we had bedtimes, dinner at 6:00 pm, Sunday morning cleaned shoes, and we were allowed to play in the neighborhood, but when she rang the porch bell, we’d better find our way back home. Quickly. 

This is a cute story, but I’m sure my mom was biting her tongue at the ridiculousness of parenting a “free child.” It’s just not something you can do when the kids outnumber you (by more than double.) 

As a mother of six and someone who put into action the belief that fighting among my kids was a transgression too far, who got dinner (no requests) on the table at 6:00 (and you’d better have your hands washed as well as be wearing a shirt), who had bedtimes (non-negotiable) for the kids, and yup, who called my kids home with a porch cast-iron bell, I’ve got to say, I’m on team Mom.

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August 3, 2023 · 9:34 am

Acknowledging Cancer Milestones

I’m never going to ring the Cancer bell located in treatment wards.  

Not only because I have not received chemo or radiation therapy, but because I don’t believe in tempting the fates. 

And also because I know that that’s not the way cancer works, it doesn’t care if you think it’s gone or not, it’s just there. Cancer is not well known for playing fair. 

So I will never ring the bell or say that I’m cancer-free, because I just don’t know. If I had cancer once (and I’ve actually had it twice, I’ve had a skin cancer tumor removed) it can certainly come back. There is something about my body that is unbalanced enough to let cancer grow in it. 

It could happen again.

And again and again. 

But this doesn’t mean that I can’t celebrate milestones. 

I have set up a wellness altar in my office. On it, I have inspirational tokens that friends have given me. 

I also have my strong-women celebrations for the events that I find important on this journey. 

Wonder woman – This kick-ass lady joined my altar when I was 6 months out from diagnosis. Being a Water Warrior (WW) I have long had an affinity for the other WW. Sadly there are some women that don’t even make it to the 6 month point. 

Luisa Madrigal – the strong sister in Encanto. I included her not so much for her strength but for that song where she confesses being tired at ALWAYS being the strong one. It has to be done, but geesh, sometimes it’s exhausting always being so strong. She joined Wonder Woman 6 months after my mastectomy. Again, it’s a milestone that some women never see. 

The Goddess Athena – Marc and I went to Greece and got immersed in mythology. I learned about Athena who was one of the most intelligent and wisest of the Greek gods. She was also good at war strategy and giving heroes courage. It seemed appropriate to add her at the one year after diagnosis milestone. 

Cancer management needs strategy and wisdom.

At this point, the only milestones I care about going forward will be on the year’s day of my initial diagnosis in May. 

May 19th. 

While I may not ring a bell, I do have hope of eventually running out of space on my altar of inspiring strong women. 

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July 25, 2023 · 6:45 am

General timeline of last 4 years

There is no way I can write about all of this in any kind of chronological order. Things came at lightning speed leaving me in perpetual survival mode. 

This is the general timeline of the last 4 years – the road map so you’ll have an idea of where events I may be writing about fit into the overall story. 

Husband had a quad bypass in late 2019 at age 55. 

I got Covid in November 2020 and went into (although I didn’t know it at the time) long covid. For two solid years I couldn’t taste or smell food. My gut wouldn’t accept food without pain and I had no appetite or thirst. I had to set alarms on my phone to remind me to eat SOMETHING and to drink water, if I didn’t I could go the entire day without eating or drinking and not be phased by it. I lost weight. A lot of weight – in total 85 pounds. In fact, I lost so much weight that people who had worked with me in the past, did not recognize me. 

Long covid also interrupted my thinking. For a good year and one half, I couldn’t read. I’d try to read a paragraph and it wouldn’t make sense. I didn’t recognize some words that I had seen my entire life (ex. Campbells – I read it as Camp – bells – what the heck was that?) Thankfully at about the 1.5 year point, my reading comprehension started to come back. 

Although I can now taste and smell *some* food, I still have no appetite or thirst. I have to constantly remind myself to eat. 

Kids got covid – some worse than others. 

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May ‘22. No family history, no genetic mutations – it happens. Even though I know it happens, it happened to ME. 

Panic. What do I do? Panic. Panic. 

Had a bilateral mastectomy. August ‘22 – an absolute horror show (oh you’ll be hearing about that.) 

I live in a town that is contaminated with PFAS chemicals by an industrial polluter. I’ve been fighting for clean water since 2016. In 2016 we had our private well tested and the PFAS results were so high that we could no longer use our water. We installed a whole house filtration system along with an R.O. For the last few years, we’ve used bottled water for all of our drinking and cooking. 

At the request of an Environmental advocacy agency, I had bloodwork that showed I had 12 PFAS chemicals in my blood above the toxic limit allowed for humans. High levels of PFAS chemicals associated with breast cancer and ovarian and fallopian tube cancer. (PFAS just loves those reproductive cancers.) 

I thought that by using filters and bottled water, I was keeping my family and me safe. Joke was on me. 

Oncology docs started paying attention to my PFAS results and as a result I had my ovaries and fallopian tubes removed. December ‘22. They felt that with my blood levels, it would only be a matter of time before they were affected. 

Complications from surgery #1 for a year (chronic pain, limited arm movement, seromas) led to a full revision in May ‘23. I’m still recovering from that. 

Throughout this all, I continued to work at a job and as a state rep for my town. Other than taking 6 weeks off for the original mastectomy and 1 week!! off after the other two surgeries (Lesson learned – your health is more important than any job) I continued to work through this all. 

There are other medical issues that have popped up over the last 4 years with other members of the family but it’s their stories to tell, not mine. Just trust me when I say that since 2019 it has been one wildfire after another. 

Even still, I fully grasp that we are all lucky to still be here. I am in a cancer support community and people who have been diagnosed later than I was have already passed from the disease. I am okay for now, can’t speak to tomorrow though – I have learned that cancer does not play fair. (Lesson learned – living one day at a time – it’s not just a catchy phrase, it’s a way of life.) 

But man, the broken health system, the misogyny in breast cancer treatment, the ignorance of physicians, the fear and sense of betrayal by my body, and the cost of trying to stay alive have really opened my eyes. 

Yup, I have a lot to write about. 

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July 24, 2023 · 2:35 pm

Lessons Learned from Adversity

When I first started this blog, my goal was to talk about ways to save money during the rough years that surrounded 2009. As a mom of six, I was good, very good at saving money in our household. 

I could pinch pennies so hard that they screamed. 

It meant cooking a LOT of food from scratch, visiting thrift stores, going to yard sales and figuring out what was a want and what was a need. 

I was asked to write a column about this in one of our local newspapers and this blog was born as a result of those articles. 

After a few years, times got better and my column ended. By then I had gotten chickens and realized the entire fascinating life of living with a diverse flock. A flock is a flock is a flock and I realized that not only did my chickens have lessons to teach me, but so did my flock of children. 

For years I wrote about Lessons Learned from the Flock. 

Then my chickens got wiped out by a night predator, my kids grew up and literally left the nest and I returned to the world of work. 

I didn’t really have a lot to write about. 

And then 2019 showed up. 

My husband had serious health issues. I got Covid and ended up with long covid (quite simply hell on earth) and then last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

It’s been tough, but I’m still hanging on and I find that when you struggle you learn new skills and you learn that you have inner strength you never knew you had. You also discover what is important in life and what isn’t worth wasting time on. It’s a shame that it takes something like that for people to figure this out.

All of a sudden, I find myself with a lot to write about. 

I’m not going to change the blog’s name but the focus is now on Lessons Learned from Adversity – regaining control of a life that, at times, has felt out of control. 

Fear, pain, and confusion have been my close associates for too long.

There’s a lot to share and going forward I’ll be writing about what I’ve learned. I’ve got a lot to write about. 

A big hello again to those who have followed me over the years and welcome to any new readers. 

Let’s do this and learn some new lessons.

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May 26, 2021 · 4:00 pm

How my six kids prepared me for COVID

Having six kids in an exercise in perpetual organization. 

One of the tricks I have that allows me to get so much done (kids, work, volunteer activity, writing) is that every morning I sit down with a cup of coffee and I write a to-do list for the day. 

Every single morning. 

And then I move through the list item by item. I even create little checkoff boxes near the tasks so I can see my progress throughout the day. 

I do love and live by my lists. 

But to be fair,I have always been a consummate list maker, even as a kid I’d organize items and thoughts in one of the notebooks that I always carried. But never was this superskill more helpful than when we would go on our family vacations. I’d carefully write out a list of absolutely everything we’d ever need (Toothpaste, sunscreen, Advil and bandaids. Snacks to keep kids quiet during the car ride. Enough clothing to anticipate a few spills, etc.) Each list would be subcategorized into one for the kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms, and would always include a separate list for each child (DO NOT forget the favorite blankie of child #2.) 

We’d start every vacation off with the same tired joke “well if we didn’t pack it, we don’t need it.” 

When I realized that I’d have to feed my tribe 3 meals a day for decades, my list making skills went into high gear. 

On Sundays, I’d sit down and write a menu for the week which included using anticipated leftovers the next day after certain meals. After the menu, I’d create a shopping list based on the ingredients needed for those meals. 

Breakfasts were always a choice of frozen waffles, English muffins, or cereal. 

School lunches consisted of either dinner leftovers or a sandwich with chips or crackers and a piece of fruit. 

Dinners had protein with vegetables and a salad. As the kids got older (especially the boys) I’d also have bread with butter and usually a hefty serving of potatoes – mashed, baked, or sauted.  

Snacks were fruit, cookies, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or brownies – the rule was if you wanted a snack then you had to get it yourself. Snacking because you were bored was expressly frowned upon. Food was just too precious. 

By writing all this down and having a plan on how to feed my family for the week, I ended up going to the grocery store only once a week and spent about $180 each time I shopped, organization clearly pays off. 

As my kids got older and left to live on their own, I started slacking off on the weekly organizing and shopping. I mean seriously, I had put in my time, right? My husband and I started to rely a little too much on takeout and meals at restaurants. Meals at home became a hodgepodge of whatever was available – cereal for dinner? Sure, why not? 

And then COVID came along with its enforced lockdown. I have a medical biology background. I understand how viruses and transmission works. I got that you need to protect yourself and your family. 

I got it – message received.  

I also have a son who is immunologically compromised and while he wasn’t living with us, we still had to make sure that we were “clean” the few times we met up with him to transfer gifts or supplies. 

All of the sudden, it became vitally important to go shopping as infrequently as possible. 

Once a mom, always a mom – I dusted off my dinner list making skills and sat down once again to make meal lists except that this time I wasn’t making them for a week, I was trying to see how many weeks I could get out of one trip to the grocery store.

Like before I made my meal plans and then created my shopping list. High on the supplies were pasta, sauces, frozen vegetables and eggs. Spices were also important – we have learned that quality flavorful wins over quantity.

After each shopping trip, we’d gorge on the fresh fruit and soft vegetables in the first week or two and then switch to the longer storing items like eggs, potatoes, squash, apples and oranges. Meats were divided into dinner portions and frozen. I’d buy cans of beans so that I could sprinkle them on meals in the same way one would sprinkle parsley. Just a few here and there for protein. 

Frivolous foods didn’t make the shopping cut. Items that packed a flavorful punch – sun dried tomatoes, spiced meats, feta cheese, and pesto did. 

I paid attention to serving sizes – a handful of chips, not the entire bag.  A chicken thigh or two not a full breast. One English muffin with butter for breakfast. The goal was to eat well while making the groceries last. 

During the worst of the pandemic, I ended up going to the grocery store about once every 6 weeks and while we did end up eating a little too many carbs (see reference to pasta and cookies) we did end up eating pretty well. We even managed to avoid the dreaded Covid 19 pounds that afflicted so many who were desperate for emotional and physical nourishment. 

My family was lucky. No one got really sick from COVID (although it does look like two of us actually had mild cases of it) However, thanks to the extraordinary super-mom-power skills of already running a household with 6 kids by using organizational lists, I was able to help guide my family through the worst of this global pandemic by getting the food we needed with as few trips to the outside world as possible. 

Wendy Thomas is a mom of 6, a former NH State Rep, and a protector of all things great and small.

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January 13, 2021 · 10:06 am

Mental Health During Covid and Crisis

We are living through some crazy times right now.

COVID is rampaging through our country unchecked and rioters are trying to take over our government.

Right now, it seems that up is down, and down is up – and this has been going on non-stop for a long time. We are lonely, frustrated, and angry. Some of us are losing hope that things will ever be “normal” again which is all doing a job on our mental health.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to add that it’s winter so it’s even get outside to communicate with our friends from a distance.

How do we handle this?

Years and years ago, I had an experimental bone surgery where they took bone from my hip and inserted it into my lower leg (the result of being hit by a car when I was younger.) I rejected the bone graft (even though it was mine.) When your body rejects something, it’s not like having a sore finger because you have a splinter in it, instead your entire body rejects the object. You are sick. Everything hurts.

I was in non-stop extreme chronic pain to the point where I could barely function.

I went to a pain counselor who was able to show me that I still had control over my life. She helped me create a pain plan with sequential steps on what to do when the pain was getting out of control and I couldn’t think straight.

The plan started off with “lower level” actions, “take Motrin, lie down, watch a movie, use heat” and continued with more aggressive steps “take pain meds, call the doctor.”

I suggest that everyone create a 2021 Coping plan that would include a list of things to do so that you don’t slip into darkness.

Some important things you can do include:

  • Eat well, drink water, and get exercise – every day.
  • Speaking of exercise – there are plenty of free YouTube exercise videos that you can do at home. Try to establish an exercise routine.
  • Stay on top of your medications – now is not the time to skip doses.  
  • Get out of your pajamas each day
  • Create a to-do list each morning – don’t just include work items, include things like “do laundry, pick up the living room.” If you put tasks on a list then you will remember to do them (and the joy of crossing them off when done is worth it.)
  • Talk to a friend every day – write down a list of your friends and cycle through them. Texting and email is fine but listening to a friend’s voice is important.
  • Join an online group – with the advent of zoom there are tons of online cooking groups, book clubs, and discussion groups. The good thing is that you don’t have to be there, if I want to join a book club on the Cape, all I need is the zoom link.
  • Write a letter to a friend, in this day of online everything, handwritten letters are so appreciated.
  • Write in a journal – the act of putting your thoughts on paper frees them from your mind.
  • Check in on a neighbor to see how they are doing and if they need help.
  • Tend to a plant or a pet – both need to be nurtured.
  • Watch a good movie or TV series.
  • Listen to music that makes you dance.
  • Read a book – you’ve got time and if you can find a good one you will be transported to another world.
  • Go for a walk – as crazy as things are, the world is still out there. Even in the winter there is plenty of nature to observe, just be careful of the ice.
  • Watch the alcohol, oh sure, it may feel good for now, but alcohol is never a good coping mechanism.

Lastly, if you are overwhelmed with everything that’s going on and you can’t seem to function, talk to your physician or contact a therapist. If necessary, there are some medications and techniques that could be helpful.

And sometimes just having a different set of eyes on your situation can give you a new perspective.

It’s not going to be easy getting through these turbulent times, but if we look out for ourselves as well as each other, it will certainly be that much easier to bear.

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January 12, 2021 · 10:26 am

When It’s My Family’s Turn To Get The COVID Vaccination

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My daughter – an LNA and who works in a hospital got her second COVID vaccination shot today.

With my blessings.

She has seen first-hand the damage COVID can do to patients and she knows how deadly it can be.

Not only will the vaccine keep her safe, but it will keep the rest of our family who live with her safer as well. Remember that most frontline workers come home to family members who are not frontline workers – that’s just the way it is.

Interestingly we are all on different schedules to get our shots. One son who works with children as a behavioral therapist got his first vaccine this weekend. A few of our family members will be getting their shots sooner rather than later (for medical fragility reasons) and then there are those of us who most likely will not be getting our vaccines until late spring/early summer.

Each one of us who gets vaccinated ends up protecting our entire family that much more.

When my daughter got her first shot, she reported that her arm was sore enough it was uncomfortable to hold a hanger with clothing on that side. She said that the soreness was gone the next day.

Her friends, other frontline workers, who have gotten the shots have reported that the second shot has a little bit more of a reaction. A little more arm soreness, a little bit of fatigue, a little bit of achiness. All symptoms that are gone within 24 – 48 hours.

And all signs that your immune system is gearing up to fight an enemy in order to protect your body.

My daughter’s place of work sent her home with a sheet of Frequently Asked Questions. I’ve picked out some of the questions that I keep hearing being asked from others and have included them here.

How does an mRNA vaccine work?

In human cells, messenger RNA (mRNA) provides instructions to each cell to make proteins that keep our bodies working properly.

COVID-19 mRNA vaccines give instructions to our cells to make and release something called a spike protein.

The spike protein is not active or infectious and will not cause you to get sick with COVID-19. This spike protein is found on the surface of the virus and, while it is very small, it is enough to trigger your body’s immune response. Your body will begin producing antibodies to fight COVID-19 infection. After the cell has read the mRNA instruction, it destroys the mRNA.

Essentially, the message self-destructs.

In the future, if you are exposed to the coronavirus, the antibodies can prevent it from spreading in your body and causing an infection.

Does mRNA change your genetics or DNA?

No. Your genetic material, or DNA, is not affected by the vaccine. Messenger RNA does not enter the cell nucleus where your DNA is located. Therefore, the vaccine does not interact or interfere with your DNA in any way. The mRNA is broken down by the cell after it is used.

What if I already had COVID-19?

There is evidence that some people infected with COVID-19 have been re-infected because their immunity decreased. Vaccination will improve your protection against a future infection.

Are COVID-19 vaccines made from the virus?

There are different types of vaccines. The ones available first are mRNA vaccines. Messenger RNA vaccines are not made from the virus. They introduce a synthetic portion of viral messenger RNA (mRNA) into the body. In essence, they “fool” the body into thinking you have come in contact with the virus.

Can I get COVID-19 from the vaccine?

No, you cannot get COVID-19 from the vaccine. mRNA vaccines do not use the live virus that causes COVID-19. After the vaccination, as your body is making antibodies, you may experience symptoms similar to those you would have if you were fighting an infection such as chills, fatigue, or fever.

**

Do I have some concerns about the vaccine? To be honest, yes I do, one of my kids almost died from a vaccination reaction and we do not take them lightly.

But even still, I have more concerns about my daughter or any member of my family’s health should they contract COVID or infect other family members with it. COVID has the potential to kill and it also has the potential to significantly alter your life going forward.

So even though I have concerns, when it’s my turn to be vaccinated, you can bet I will show up and will gladly roll up my sleeve for the injection in order to protect myself, my family, and my neighbors.

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