When I first arrived I needed a place to stay that was uber cheap and somewhat safe. As luck would have it, my friend Michelle still had a month left on her lease for the apartment she had just vacated. There was one small catch, the landlady couldn't know I was living there, so I had to sneak in and out. There was also a problem with internet access. If I sat on the floor in the far corner of the living room with my computer pointed at just the right angle to the window, I could mooch internet from the neighbors until my arms/legs cramped up and I had to move (~15 min). For someone looking for a job, this was the kiss of death. And let me tell you death is horrible kisser*. I mean seriously, hasn't he ever heard chapstick and breath mints?
*while rubbing hand sanitizer on your lips after such an interaction may seem like a good idea, don't do it. It stings like no other, believe me.
So thanks to the help of some friends, I found an apartment with a wonderful roommate. Though I was little concerned at first when every door in the place is labeled with "WARNING: this place causes cancer, birth defects, cancerous birth defects, and/or halitosis." But I've been informed that every apartment in LA has those signs because LA causes cancer.
Now that housing was under control it was time to experience LA. First up, going to a screening of Whip It at the Grove, an upscale mall that also has a concierge and a bathroom attendant (the worst job in the world). Afterwards we went to an improv comedy show on Hollywood Blvd., and then to Wendy's to get some grub for my compadres. While waiting in the drive-thru line, the door the SUV ahead of us opens up, a man steps out, turns his back to us and pees. Yep right there in the drive-thru. When we pulled up to the window, we managed to tell the cashier between fits of laughter that he may want to wash his hands since I'm fairly certain the SUV man did not.
Two days later I went to a taping for The Jeff Dunham Show for Comedy Central. He's the dude that's brought us Peanut, Achmed the Dead Terrorist, and a jalapeno on a stick. I'm a huge fan so I of course jumped at the chance to see him. For all you boys and girls out there who are just dying to be on television, here's a tip: when doing anything in Hollywood make sure you and all your friends look cute and stylish. If you do so, you can get handpicked from hundreds of people standing in line to sit on the front row for the taping of a show, therefore insuring you WILL be on television. That's what happened to me and my 4 friends. Totally awesome. I'm in episode 6 and 7 if you would like to see me. Disclaimer: The show is on Comedy Central and not ABC Family for a reason. So to all my nieces and nephews, I strictly forbid you from watching the show until you are 69 years old, okay 68 1/2 if I think you are ready. :)
And that was just my first week. Just wait until I tell you the rest of my stories.
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