Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters

I had a long day today. Reached home from the university around 6pm. and I left home 6.45am! that’s almost 12 hours away from home. But yeah. I had one class, but I spend a lot of time in the library doing my work for my assignment presentation tomorrow.

Before I went home, I made a pitstop at UBD mosque to perform my Asr prayer. It was around 5pm. So I figured there’s not going to be a lot of people around. But I was wrong, there was a lot of people. A lot of muslimah to be precise. Even a bus. So I parked my car a bit further and rushed to the mosque as it was already late and I didn’t want to delay going back home, in case it’s going to rain (1 hour drive to my home). So I was walking fast, keep my gaze down and smile to couple of muslimah. I changed my shoes to the slipper provided by the mosque and went to the ablution area. There were two muslimah just came out of the ablution area. I smiled at them and one of the muslimah greet me “Assalamualaikum”. I answered her. It makes me happy. We get a lot of smile from each other, but it’s rare that a total stranger greet you with a salaam. It was so warming to see some people still instilled manners in them.

Then it got me thinking. There’s nothing wrong for me to greet stranger. Just to say salaam to them. Be nice amongst us muslimah. It wouldn’t hurt anyone. It shows just what a good heart a muslim has.

So I left the mosque feeling happy, although by the time I left it was raining with lightning and thunders. I was all stressed out initially, and it seems to fade away just by a single greet from a dear sister.

May Allah guide us all to the righteous path and protect us from disbelievers and evil ways.

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

I have a month to go before I’ll be sitting for my exam. I have mounting works need to be done : assignment, test and my teaching practice. The migraine and vertigo isn’t helping. I keep on telling myself that this is a test from Allah. I should be thankful Allah has chosen me to be tested.

“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allah knows all that before putting them to test).”
[Surah Al Ankabut 29:2-3]

It has been raining a lot here in Brunei. It’s always sunny in the morning, but raining in the evening. With weather this fine, it makes you want to cuddle up more. Well, I accidentally overslept and missed my subuh prayer couple of time. That was no excuse though. 😦

More than always, we make big deal out of everything. Admittedly, I am a drama queen. Whenever a calamity strikes, I got all frustrated and bothered. I have learnt a better way to handle my sadness and anger though. Through reciting surah yaasin and remembering an ayah from Surah Al Baqarah

“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. “Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people.””                                                                                                                                                                      [Surah Al-Baqarah Ayah 286]

Oh well. I just want to make a brief update before focusing on psychology. I have a test next week. Eurgh. I hate psychology. I think most of the theories are absurd. Like Freud’s. Seriously man? Which clown came up with these sexual theories! sheeeeesh. Anyways, I’m off.

May Allah guide us all to the righteous path and protect us from disbelievers.

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters

I was reading this and I wept. Reflecting back on my jahil day, not that I’m saying that I am now righteous or anything. But I am in a mission, striving for the righteous path. May Allah guide us all. There are lots of things that makes me go “what was I thinking back then?”

One of the things that is a major part of my life was music. Music has always been a part of me. I do not play any musical instrument, but I love music with passion. I listen to music all the time, be it when I’m studying, driving, sleeping, relaxing, or whatever mood I’m in : sad, happy, angry.

When I was a little kid, my parents used to feed me with Islamic Nasheed. I remember songs like “A way of life, a way of life, Islam is a way of life, a complete way”, “Bismillah, Bismillah, before we eat we say Bismillah”, I remember having these songs on cassette. Then I was exposed to more music from different genre. My father hates it when I spend my money on cassette. I remember him throwing away my cassette and pop magazine! Then again, I was a rebellious teenager, I bought cassette and CDs behind his back with my weekly allowance! Yes, I would rather not eat just so I can keep my allowance to buy a $14/each cassette or $30/each CD! Crazy? I knooooowwwww.

My calling definitely was Rock and Metal genre. I found them to be comforting. It feels like these bands knows me by singing songs about me. Indirectly of course. You know how you can relate to certain songs and feels like the song is meant to be written for you. uh oh. My writing skill got worse. I was no longer writing happy teenager stories. My poems were dark and morbid. I remember writing a short story about a rebel who end up dead. I see the world as a prison. I remember trying to commit suicide couple of times whilst listening to certain songs.  I took pride in wearing all those metal bands shirt. I remember one of the shirt, it says “Odin, the God” or something and wearing a band shirt that says “Lamb of God”. I was jahil! That is for sure. I perform my prayers, but my action and persona does not refelect a muslimah.

Then I came across this video about music. Shocking? yes! Then again, we need to be shock. We can say that listening to music is permissable as long as it does not effect us. Let me tell you something, that was my thought exactly. I keep on telling myself that I can change myself and still listen to music. Mind you, I have pushed metal music out of my life for a year or so now. I guess it was just a growing up phase.  But, after watching this video, I deleted all my music from my computer and get rid of my CD. I’m not saying I am now free from music. It’s one of the hardest change ever! I still listen to tausyeh (one with duff) occassionally and nasheed from Mishary Rasyid Al-Afasy. I’m taking baby step to get rid of music from my life. 🙂 Oh I forgot, getting rid of those music has a huge impact on my life. I feel calmer. Doing ibadah is easy. It seems like, the shayateen is not much arround me like it used to.

Reminder to us all, there are reasons why certain things are forbade in our deen. Allah knows best. I’m not proud of my jahil days. This is a reflection of myself. How Islam change the way I live my life.

Abu Hurayrah (RadiyAllahu`anhu) narrated that the Prophet (SallAllahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, what translated means, group of this nation will be transformed into monkeys and swine.” They said, “Do not they testify that there is no god except Allah and that Muhammed is His Messenger?” He said, “Yes. And also they fast pray and perform Hajj.” They said, “Then, what is their problem?” He said, “They use musical instruments, drums and female singers. (One day) they will go to sleep after a night of drinking and having fun, In the morning, they will be transformed (by Allah) into monkeys and swine.” [Iughathat Al-Lahfan].

The Prophet (SallAllahu `alayhi wa sallam) said (which means), “From among my followers there will be some people who will consider illegal sexual intercourse, the wearing of silk, the drinking of alcoholic drinks and the use of musical instruments, as lawful. And there will be some people who will stay near the side of a mountain and in the evening their shepherd will come to them with their sheep and ask them for something, but they will say to him, ‘Return to us tomorrow.’ Allah will destroy them during the night and will let the mountain fall on them, and He will transform the rest of them into monkeys and pigs and they will remain so till the Day of Resurrection.” [Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 69, Number 494v].

May Allah guide us all to the righteous path and to jannah and protect us from hellfire and jahannam.

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters

Have you ever feel lost that you just don’t know where to go? Have you ever feel lost that you just want to end your life? Have you ever feel like that you’re at the bottom of an abyss that you could not go out? Have you ever got the feeling that you’re all alone in this world? Have you ever have to struggle to get through the day? My answer, Yes, I have experience all of that. I was constantly in a depressed state and the doctor diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. That means, I am currently on medication and need to see the doctor. Yes, and having people seeing you differently and calling you psycho after finding out that you’re on medication isn’t helping too.

Finally, I have found something that calm me. More than any medication could ever do, or any person could ever do. That is by finding my way back to Allah. No more anger issue, no more depression (maybe minor upsets), no more suicidal thoughts. But I know there’s still something not there. My prayers, my fasting, something is still lacking. Until I’m learning manhaj salafi. At this point in my life, I just don’t care if people are labelling me as a wahhaabee. If following the Quraan and Sunnah and following the way of the Salaf Us-Saalih, makes me a wahhabee, so be it. I keep on telling myself this. In the deen, you need to be extreme. You need to follow the guidelines stated in the Quraan and Hadith. Who are we to say no to these things?

My family isn’t very happy with these changes I guess. It broke my heart. but we live to strive for jannah and Allah’s acceptance. Praying alone is not enough when we’re still doing things against the Quraan and Sunnah. The religion is complete, perfect. Why do we have to take off few things or add more few things? Are we denying what Rasulullah taught us? Are we saying that we know more from Rasulullah? It’s enough for us to follow the Quraan and Sunnah, and add nothing to the religion.

May Allah guide us all to the righteous path and protect us all from the disbelievers. May Allah grant us jannah and protect us all from jahannam.

I’m off 🙂

Assalamualaikum

I have been very busy and caught up with my assignment. Juggling between being a student at the local uni, my job as an educator, and my interest as a student of the deen is really hard. Plus I was having meltdown for the past few days that I seek advice from people.

Changing is hard, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be done. My whole life, I commited a lot of major sins. I am embarrassed of myself. Everyday, this sins haunted me. Alhamdulillah, after talking to a few people, they helped me get through this. As my mom keeps on telling me, “forget everything, stick to praying and recite the Quraan”. I know I don’t really recite the Quraan. Maybe I should try picking up the mushaf and recite them one of these days. Just to get me on track.

A friend, who was an ex colleague texted me the other night, “Dear, when Rasulullah came to spread Islam in Makkah for the first time, the Quraisy didn’t accept it. Rasulullah and his followers sticked to Islam and were doing it for the sake of Allah. Get your niah straight”. That got me thinking. Yes, we live for Allah’s redha, Allah’s acceptance, not mere human! If others could not accept these changes. Let it be.

My family has been labelling me as following the path of wahhabee. I feel like correcting them that I am not. I am trying to follow the way of the salaf.  But it is better for me to keep my mouth shut. My knowledge in the deen is limited and it is not my place to give da’wah to anyone. With my shortcomings, I am in no condition to advice people on the deen.

I was watching this video lastnight about how we sometimes forget ourselves. We love the dunya so much that there is no place for sincerity in our heart. We do ibadah for the sake of human, so that others’ could see just how pious we are. I am not trying to show off to people that I am changing or whatsoever. I am just sharing my experience and struggle to change my life. I would welcome any comments and advice from others with open heart. No one is perfect, everyday we are learning something. 🙂

May Allah guide us all to the righteous path 🙂